street people

Since Zhuo Li reappeared two days ago, Lang Song has been a little distracted, and he almost cut the vegetables several times.

There was some free time in the afternoon, he and Xiao He each took a low stool and sat in the alley in front of the back kitchen.

Xiao He tapped Dao Lang Song's elbow, and asked, "Brother Song, have you been on your mind lately?"

In fact, he was only born two months later than Lang Song, but he felt that Lang Song was much calmer than him, so he always called Lang Song his elder brother. Even his uncle said that Lang Song was stable and restrained, and asked him to learn more.

Lang Song didn't say a word, but the silence itself was an answer.

Xiao He took out the cigarette case and smoked one and handed it out: "Try it? It's so easy when you spit out the cigarette."

Lang Song had never smoked a cigarette before, so he took it after hesitation, and took a deep breath following Sun Yanshi's example. A smell of grass and wood ash rushed into his throat, choking him and coughing profusely.

Xiao He laughed loudly: "It was like this at the beginning, just take two more puffs."

Lang Song nodded silently, he had already mastered the technique by burning a cigarette to ashes.

Xiao He handed over the cigarette case again: "Another one?"

Lang Song waved his hand: "No." After a long silence, he suddenly asked, "Will you like someone older than you?"

"Ahem——" Xiaohe choked for a moment, and said in surprise, "Brother, are you really in love?"

"No." Lang Song said concisely.

Xiaohe recalled how his brother Song was out of his mind these days, and suddenly understood, he slapped his chest and said: "Whether you like it or not, it has nothing to do with age, it doesn't matter if you are 20 years older than me, as long as you like it, I will go after it. "

Lang Song smiled, this is indeed a "Xiaohe style" answer.Xiaohe's personality is a bit reckless, and he seldom thinks about the consequences, but he is just the opposite. He always thinks about everything before he does anything, and only takes three steps before taking one step.

"Tell me, what's going on?" Xiaohe felt itchy in his heart, and couldn't pretend anymore, "I'm dying of curiosity, who do you like? Much older than you? Is it a customer who often comes to our store? You are so distressed, maybe she is already married?"

Xiaohe asked a series of questions like beans poured out of a bamboo tube, Lang Song shook his head helplessly: "Neither." In case the other party got entangled, he got up and patted Xiaohe on the shoulder, "It's time to be busy."

In the evening, Lang Song had just finished frying a plate of shredded potatoes and put it on a plate. Uncle Xiaohe came over and handed him a note, saying, "Xiao Lang, you can fry these dishes and send them over, and then go home directly."

There are several dishes and an address written on the note.

The store does not do takeaway business, but some old customers can't come to the store to eat for various reasons, so they will call the store to order food, and let them deliver it when it is ready.This kind of order is usually picked up, and the people in the store just send it off.

Lang Song put away the list, looked at the time, and said, "It's not until seven o'clock, I'll come back after delivering it."

Uncle Xiaohe smiled: "Don't come back, we're not busy today, we should have a rest when you come back."

"That's fine." Lang Song nodded, and quickly washed the pot to prepare the dishes on the note.

Although he hadn't studied seriously before, he was quite talented. Uncle Xiaohe asked him to start stir-frying vegetables after he entered the shop and chopped vegetables for a week.

After the fried dishes were packed in fast food boxes and thermal insulation bags, Lang Song rode a small electric donkey to the destination to deliver the food. The location was in Lanying Lane, not far away, and it was convenient to drop by to go home.

After successfully delivering the meal, Lang Song didn't take the usual way home. He rode a small e-donkey through a small park and suddenly pressed the brakes to stop, almost jumping out.

Before he had time to stabilize his body, Lang Song squinted his eyes and saw two familiar figures walking towards a pavilion in the park with their backs turned to him in the middle of his sight—it was Sun Yanshi and Zhuo Li.

Reason told Lang Song that he should pretend not to see and leave quietly now, but his legs were fixed to the ground like stakes and he couldn't move a bit.

Over there, Sun Yanshi and Zhuo Li have already walked into the Chinese pavilion.

Zhuo Li habitually stroked the dust on the stone bench with his hands, and said, "It's a bit cold, can I put my clothes on for you?"

Seeing Zhuo Li cleaning the stool for himself countless times as usual, Sun Yanshi closed his eyes, lowered his eyes to avoid his gaze before Zhuo Li turned his head, and said, "No, it's not cold."

Zhuo Li withdrew his hand awkwardly: "Then sit down."

Sun Yanshi glanced at the stone bench, sat down, and turned around to look around.

It is a bit of a stretch to say that this is a park, because there is a big banyan tree that covers the sky and the sun and only three people can hug it, so a pavilion was built under the tree, and some flowers were planted around it, which is barely a green space.In summer, some people come to enjoy the shade, but after autumn, few people come here, so it is very quiet here now.

Sun Yanshi slowly turned his eyes to the opposite side of the road. Across the road is the downturned commercial street, and at the end of the street is the bar that he and Zhuo Li started.

Originally, Zhuo Li wanted to find a coffee shop or a tea room to sit and chat, but he refused, and chose this place instead.It's good here, the air is fresh and quiet, it's very close to the bar, and it's barely where it starts and ends.

Sun Yanshi withdrew his thoughts and gaze, and looked at Zhuo Li: "Is there any smoke?"

Zhuo Li's gaze stayed greedily on Sun Yanshi's face all the time. Hearing Sun Yanshi's question, he hurriedly took out his cigarette and lighter.

Today he got a trim, cut his hair, shaved his beard, and put on the trench coat that Sun Yanshi gave him on his birthday five years ago.

Sun Yanshi's eyes didn't stay on Zhuo Li even for a moment, he lit a cigarette and took a deep breath: "Don't you have something to say?" Just as he put Lang Yue to sleep, he received a call from Zhuo Li. For the phone call, I can only ask Aunt Hua to go to his house to help guard it, but it is not good to let Aunt Hua stay for too long, and Lang Song is going home soon.

Sun Yanzhi was distracted thinking about other things, but Zhuo Li suddenly grabbed his hand. He looked down at Zhuo Li's trembling hand, and let the other hold it without breaking free.

Zhuo Li tightly held the hands that he had been thinking about for two years, and tremblingly said: "Xiaoyan, I'm sorry."

Sun Yanshi swallowed hard at his sore Adam's apple, and waited for Zhuo Li to speak without making a sound or moving.

Zhuo Li took a deep breath, and said for a while: "There are many things I haven't told you, and I don't know how to tell you. Two years ago I——the reason why I want to get married is because I really have no other choice. My mother is sick, and she threatened me with her body. If I don’t break up with you, get married and have children, she won’t have surgery. I didn’t have a father since I was a child, and she raised me alone. There are only you and her in this world Let me have no power to resist, she is threatening to die, I can only compromise..." He paused, seeing Sun Yanzhi's calm expression, he was not happy, his heart was getting heavier and heavier, but he could only be firm. Scalp continued, "I don't like the girl I married, and she doesn't like me either. It's a deal between us. If I marry her, my mother will be willing to perform the operation. If we have a child, we can give me Let me explain to you, so that I can find a reasonable reason for a smooth divorce, so that I can come to you. "

Sun Yanshi was calm at first, because he actually knew a little bit about what Zhuo Li was talking about.Although he didn't fully understand what happened, he had guessed a long time ago that Zhuo Li's sudden breakup had something to do with Zhuo's mother.

During the time when we just broke up, he was in a daze and didn't have the energy to think about it. It was a long time after he returned to Jiangcheng that he remembered it belatedly.Before they broke up, Zhuo Li went back to Jiangcheng, and after that he was often absent-minded. He asked several times, but Zhuo Li only said that there was something wrong with the cooperation project with a certain company.The division of work between him and Zhuo Li is relatively clear, this is a common occurrence, so he didn't ask too much.

After returning to Jiangcheng for a while, he accidentally learned that Zhuo Li had taken Zhuo's mother to Province A, and he suddenly realized what he had guessed.

Therefore, when Zhuo Li said that Zhuo Ma used her body as a threat, he was not very surprised.But what he never expected was that Zhuo Li lied to everyone and found a girl to marry him!

Sun Yanshi's hands and feet were cold, and his heart was sinking like weightless. He said with difficulty: "You——a fake marriage?"

Zhuo Li opened his mouth but did not make a sound, so he nodded.

Sun Yanshi slowly pulled his hand from Zhuo Li's, and asked after a while, "Actually, your mother didn't know about our relationship from the beginning to the end, did she?"

Zhuo Li was taken aback for a moment, and was dully aware of the loopholes in his words. With trembling lips, he hurriedly explained: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you. At that time, you just came out of the precept room, and your mood was very unstable, and you often had hallucinations. You thought I was imprisoned by my mother, and you asked me over and over again, "Will Zhuo's mother agree with us?" "Will you allow us to be together." In order to stabilize your emotions, I can only lie to you that she I knew it a long time ago, and she didn't object. I really don't want to lie to you. I wanted to be honest with you countless times, but seeing you happily hugging my mother and calling her auntie, I really couldn't say it! Years ago, I wanted to propose to you, and I wanted to marry you abroad, so I went home and told my mother about it, but she was sick at this time, and I messed up everything..."

Sun Yan suddenly took two deep breaths like a convulsion.

In fact, Zhuo Li has been hiding it very well, and he never found out before the breakup.After leaving the abstinence center, his father no longer allowed him to go home, so Zhuo Li took him to his home every New Year's Eve.Zhuo's mother was very kind to him, but she was always estranged in her politeness.

At that time, he really thought that Zhuo's mother knew about his relationship with Zhuo Li, but she couldn't accept it for a while, so she was a little indifferent to him.Because Zhuo Li told him: "My mother can't accept it completely, and it takes time to digest it slowly." After the breakup, he slowly came to his senses, that kind of politeness and alienation is the face of a person who doesn't go back to his home for the New Year and follows him. Normal attitude for guests coming home from their son.

If Zhuo's mother wanted to force Zhuo Li to break up with him, why didn't she force Zhuo Li at the beginning, but waited until Zhuo Li had been with him for many years and the relationship became deeper and stronger?The only explanation is that she didn't know the real relationship between Zhuo Li and him before.

Sun Yanshi frowned, even though he already knew the answer, hearing it with his own ears still made him feel so heartbroken that he almost curled up.

A cigarette burned out unconsciously, and a burnt smell was blown by the wind before Sun Yanshi realized that it burned his hand. He moved his numb right hand, threw the cigarette butt on the ground, and then stood up quickly.

Zhuo Li also stood up in a hurry, he took Sun Yanshi's shoulders, let the other party face him, and asked without confidence: "Xiaoyan, can you understand me?"

Sun Yanshi's mind was as confused as a screen of snowflakes. He looked at Zhuo Li blankly, not knowing what aspect the other party meant by "understanding".

Marriage by agreement?Or lie to yourself?or something else?

He thought about it seriously, but didn't answer, and asked instead: "So getting married and having children is your plan? First use marriage to convince your mother to have an operation, and then use children to convince your mother to accept us?"

"Yes." Zhuo Li's eyes were red, and he let out a sad voice from his throat, "I gave her a lot of money, and she was very happy. I should have done these things in a shorter time, and then came to find You, but the plan is always disrupted." He recalled all the things that happened in the past year, frowned tightly, and then relaxed, "But now everything is over, it's over, the company moved back After leaving Jiangcheng, my mother also agreed, and we will not encounter any obstacles in the future."

Sun Yanshi's heart throbbed, he closed his eyes and asked again: "You came to me after getting divorced, you want to start over with me, don't you?"

Zhuo Li nodded heavily, and spoke quickly and authentically: "My mother is most worried about the child's problem. Now that I have a son, she let go and said she agrees with us being together, really! Xiaoyan, your parents are worried This is also the problem, my son is your son, as long as we have children, your father will not object to us being together."

Sun Yanshi's mind buzzed, and he stumbled back a few steps, staring blankly at the strange man in front of him.In the past, Zhuo Li was confident, optimistic, open-minded, and decisive. He was a man who could not help but rely on and trust him. Who is this selfish, cowardly, and crazy person in front of him?

"Zhuoli!" Sun Yanshi roared suddenly, unable to control his emotions anymore, "Ten years ago, you led me on this road. Six years ago, I called you after I escaped from the preceptor's office." Call, I asked you if we want to give up? You told me, don’t give up, you said that as long as we grit our teeth and persist, one day we will get the approval of our parents, and you said that we will always be with me forever. But want to leave, You were the one who left first, you created all the beautiful love fantasies for me, and then destroyed them with your own hands, you made me lose the most basic trust in people, you made me lose the courage to love someone again, you made me Half-dead depends on regret, which makes me full of hostility to this world and the people around me. How dare you tell me that you want to do it again? Do you think you can do it again!"

Zhuo Li froze on the spot as if he had been splashed with cold water.

But Sun Yanshi refused to give up, gritted his teeth and asked Zhuo Li: "Do you know how my mother died?"

Zhuo Li nodded mechanically. He knew that Sun's mother died of a sudden cerebral hemorrhage, and it was on the day Sun Yanshi returned to Jiangcheng.During the breakup period, he didn't dare to hear any words about Sun Yanshi, so he didn't know these things until they broke up for a long time.On the day he found out about this, he rushed back to Jiangcheng from Province A. He hid in the dark and stared blankly at Sun's small shop for a day, but he didn't have the courage to meet Sun Yanshi.

Sun Yanshi looked at Zhuo Li, his eyes turned red, and some memories suddenly came to his mind.

On the night when he agreed to break up with Zhuo Li, he ran out alone and drank a lot of alcohol. Driven by the alcohol, he couldn't help calling his mother, and said in confusion that he wanted to go home.

What he didn't know was that his father and his mother had quarreled several times because of this phone call.Just the day before he returned to Jiangcheng, his father left home in anger and stayed in a hotel.And that night his mother fainted in the room and never woke up again.

He could have returned to Jiangcheng a few days earlier, but at that time Zhuo Li encountered a little trouble and entrusted him to help attend an important meeting.He had been following up on that project in the first place, and he agreed to it because he couldn't see his months of hard work go to waste. As a result, he delayed his return to Jiangcheng.When he returned to Jiangcheng, what awaited him was his mother's cold and stiff corpse.

Some mistakes caused irreversible results, but who can he blame?

Blame his father for leaving in a fit of anger?But his father lost his first wife, and the grief will only be more than him, not less than him.If he hadn't made that phone call, his parents wouldn't have quarreled, and his dad wouldn't have left home.

Is it Zhuo Li?But Zhuo Li did not force him, he stayed willingly.

Therefore, he can only blame himself and hate himself.

Blame myself for making that phone call, which became the fuse of his parents' quarrel.

Blame myself for being soft-spoken and soft-hearted, for not being able to get rid of everything cleanly and go home early.

After all, I blame myself for being gay!Let parents be ashamed, let parents be criticized!Let the mother die alone, helpless!

Two tears fell from his eyes overwhelmed, and Sun Yanzhi's voice became low, he said: "Zhuo Li, I won't say it's all because of you. I stayed here to help you at the beginning. I voluntarily. Blame you. But if I really start over with you, then I'm sorry for my mother, I'm sorry for myself, do you think we can really be together again?"

Zhuo Li could no longer control the turbulent emotions, leaned over and hugged Sun Yanshi, and murmured choked up: "I'm sorry, I don't know these things, why didn't you tell me? No, that's not the case, we can do all these things overcome."

Sun Yanzhi closed his eyes tiredly, and gave Zhuo Li a fatal blow: "You asked me if I could understand you, and I will answer you now. I understand that you chose to compromise for your mother, because if my mother used her life If you come to threaten me, I may choose to give in. I also understand that you lied to me and your mother knew about our relationship. At that time, you really had no choice but to face me who couldn’t even take care of myself. But I understand your premise is At the beginning, I said 'I can't go on' and wanting to break up is your deliberate and willing choice, not your plan. Your mother and I, since you have chosen, we have to grit our teeth and stick to it. At least your mother is happy, Your son has a complete family, and our ten-year relationship is still sincere and flawless. But look now, who is the real happy person around you? Your mother was deceived by lies, your son has no mother, You may have harmed a young girl's life. You have made me a perpetrator, is this what you want? Can I bear such feelings? Dare I bear it!"

Sun Yanzhi's breathing was heavy and rapid, and his chest heaved violently.When he learned about Zhuo Li's divorce, he was angry, sad, and resentful. What he hated was that Zhuo Li exchanged their ten-year relationship for only two years of short marriage, making their ten-year relationship look pitiful and insignificant.But today, Zhuo Li cruelly turned their ten-year relationship and persistence into a ridiculous joke,

"Zhuo Li." Sun Yanshi felt that this was the most clear-headed moment in his life, he slowly but decisively broke away from Zhuo Li's hands, "Let's go here..."

After speaking, he walked out of the gazebo with heavy steps.However, just after walking a certain distance, Zhuo Li was hit hard on the back, Zhuo Li hugged him from behind, buried his face in his neck, and wept uncontrollably.

Zhuo Li said incoherently: "Xiaoyan, but I love you. If it wasn't because I couldn't let you go, I wouldn't choose to do this. I really tried hard, I knelt down, I begged, but I completely took my Mom has no choice, I can only admit defeat to her and compromise with her. Why am I so stupid, so stupid, why can’t I come up with a good way to make everyone happy. Why did we become like this, what did we do wrong, we What did you do wrong?"

Sun Yanshi bit his lower lip desperately to avoid crying, he straightened his back in silence, and let Zhuo Li's tears flow down his neck and into his collar.

After a long time, when Zhuo Li's mood gradually calmed down, he answered Zhuo Li weakly: "Our mistake is that we did not bow to reality in a timely and rational way. Life is lived in the forward direction, but it is understood backwards. In the past two years I have thought a lot, and I understand it. So, I have to bow my head to reality. A Zhuo——" Sun Yanshi's mouth trembled, and he called out a familiar nickname, and said with difficulty, "It's still too late to make amends, let go... ..."

Zhuo Li moved his hand, and finally let go reluctantly after a long time.

Sun Yanzhi took a deep breath, and walked the way he came from without looking back.He knew that Zhuo Li was a hundred times, a thousand times more uncomfortable than him. He heard gasps and sobs behind him, but he still walked forward with firm eyes.

His legs were extremely heavy, and every step he took took a huge amount of strength, and his heart throbbed with every step he took.

After all, it is someone who has been in love for ten years. Letting go of this person is like digging out a large piece of meat from the body.But in fact, it was okay, and the pain was not unbearable.Because in the past two years, he has been parting with each other every day, and stabbed his body every day, but now he just swung the heaviest and most ruthless knife.

In addition to the pain, there is also an unprecedented sense of relief, and -- a sense of emptiness.It was as if his chest had been completely hollowed out, and the whistling cold wind poured into the hollow of his chest, making a painful whine.

Sun Yanshi walked slowly, and when he reached a convenience store, he suddenly remembered an incident a long time ago.

Once he had a cold for a week, Zhuo Li strictly controlled his diet, and he was not allowed to eat or drink.He couldn't stand the clear soup with little water for a week, so he went to the convenience store alone to make a bucket of instant noodles on the pretext of taking a walk.As soon as he sat down and took two bites, he bumped into Zhuo Li's warning sight outside the glass window.

The two sat in front of a table in the convenience store, and he said guiltily, "A Zhuo, I was wrong, and I will never lie to you in the future."

Zhuo Li looked at him, smiled and said, "That's too harsh, I'll give you three chances to lie to me, you can tell three outrageous lies, and I will forgive you."

I didn't have a chance to use it before, but today I used it all at once. He lied three times.

I do not blame you.

I understand you.

I'm also bowing to reality.

The author has something to say:

Life is lived forward, but it is understood backwards. ——Søren Kierkegaard (Danish philosopher of religion, psychologist and poet)

PS: Fanwai may write a little bit of Zhuo Li's perspective