street people

Sun Yanshi lived in Zhang Wu's house. Every morning, before Lang Song went to work, he went to Lanying Lane, sent Lang Yue to the kindergarten, and then stayed in the store. In the afternoon, he took Lang Yue to the rehabilitation center, and waited until Lang Song returned home in the evening. He went back to Zhang Wu.

The two of them seemed to be handing over tasks, and they only spoke a few words when handing over to Lang Yue every day.

On the fourth day, when Lang Song came back from get off work, Sun Yanshi routinely asked him if he was tired or hungry.

Lang Song shook his head and said, "Not tired, not hungry."

The relationship between the two has been so peaceful these days, Sun Yanshi scratched his hair uncomfortably: "Then you go to rest early, I'll go first."

As soon as one foot stepped out of the door, Lang Song's low voice sounded behind him: "When... shall we talk?"

Sun Yanshi stopped in his tracks, a little dazed.

Although he took the initiative to say that he wanted to talk, seeing that Lang Song was no longer so depressed these days, he himself flinched, and suddenly he didn't know how to speak the words he had typed out countless times.He even secretly hoped that Lang Song could figure it out by himself in the past few days, so he wouldn't have to say this.

Obviously, this is impossible.

Standing at the door for two seconds, Sun Yanshi turned around and said, "Go to the room and talk, is that okay?"

The two went upstairs one after the other, and entered the room. Sun Yanshi asked, "Do you have any cigarettes?"

Lang Song walked in front, his back couldn't help stiffening, he hesitated before whispering "yes", then he took out the cigarettes and lighter in his pocket, and handed them over.

Sun Yanshi looked at the only three cigarettes left in the cigarette case and sighed silently. He smoked one and held it in his mouth, then handed the other to Lang Song.

Lang Song didn't light it, and it was held between his fingers a little strangely. He sat on the bed and stared down at the filter of the cigarette.

Sun Yanshi pulled out the chair under the table and sat down facing Lang Song, with a distance of about two meters between them.

Neither of them said a word, Sun Yanshi smoked one puff after another, and then exhaled the milky white smoke heavily, trying to exhale all the emotions that were blocking him from his chest, but it was useless. On the contrary, it made his heart more mixed.

After a cigarette was burned out, Sun Yanshi gently cleared his throat.

The light cough was like a signal, Lang Song suddenly grasped the cigarette in his fingertips, clenched into a fist, and raised his head.

Sun Yanshi looked at Lang Song and said with a smile, "I never asked you, have you ever been in love before?"

Lang Song shook his head.

Sun Yanshi asked again: "Then—have you ever liked anyone?"

Lang Song shook his head again: "No."

Sun Yanzhi nodded thoughtfully, and then got to the point: "Xiao Song, although you can tell that your liking for me is not the kind of liking your brother has for your elder brother, but I still think it's because you haven't met him yet. The person who really likes has never tasted what real like is, so he misunderstood his feelings for me. I don’t know which aspect of me made you feel good, but I guess it was because of gratitude at first, and then you misunderstood the feeling of indebtedness as liked it, and—”

"I am grateful that you have helped me so much, but I have never been confused." Lang Song interrupted Sun Yanshi, "If it is just gratitude, I have many ways to repay you. What kind of repayment is liking you? I like it." You just love you."

The stubbornness and firmness in Lang Song's eyes made Sun Yanshi feel intimidated. He turned his head to avoid seeing him, picked up the last cigarette on the table and lit it.He did not refute. After taking a long puff of smoke, he continued with the words just now: "Moreover, you should first determine whether you really like men, and only men. Some non-homosexuals will have sexual desires for the same sex under certain circumstances, Same-sex sexual behavior, this phenomenon is called 'situational homosexuality'. The environment that causes situational homosexuality is generally a small environment that is completely isolated from the opposite sex. Although there are not completely no opposite sexes around you, there are very few and almost none You are about the same age as you. I think you should try to get in touch with some little girls who are about your age, maybe soon you will suddenly realize that what you really like is soft little girls, not me A man who puts his age and accomplishes nothing."

Lang Song stared at Sun Yanshi closely, and after a long time, he said in a hoarse voice, "You want to persuade me to like women?"

Sun Yanzhi smiled helplessly, and he shook his head: "No, I'm not telling you to like women, I just hope that at a more mature age, you can discern more rationally whether you really only like men, and go and have a good time." Think about whether you can withstand a series of setbacks you will encounter in the future, and then decide whether to fall in love with a man. Homosexuals have always been a minority group. With the progress of the times, the living conditions of homosexuals have improved compared to the past. But in the eyes of some people who are deeply influenced by traditional concepts and have extreme thinking, "homosexuality" is a kind of mental illness, which is not tolerated by the world. You have also seen my situation. This road is not easy, and your parents are also I definitely don't want you to narrow your own path... I look at you now, as if I was looking at myself when I was eighteen or nineteen years old. If I could go back in time, I would not fall in love with a man. I want to walk a long way The way people walk. Of course," Sun Yanshi shrugged, gritted his teeth and said something against his will, "It's still too late, you know, I liked women at first."

Lang Song looked at Sun Yanshi with a dazed look in his eyes, because what happened in front of him was completely different from what he expected.

In fact, after calming down for a few days, he figured out a lot of things, and realized that he was too nervous and extreme that night, and misunderstood Sun Yanshi.

Before Xie Shuangyu was injured and called, Sun Yanshi had only met her twice, one of which was to look at the car.If Sun Yanshi really likes Xie Shuangyu, it is impossible not to contact and meet him.Moreover, if Sun Yanshi could get over Zhuo Li's hurt so quickly and accept a new relationship, it would be impossible for him to be depressed for two years.

After figuring this out, he felt much more relaxed and his mentality changed.He didn't want to accept his fate so quickly, he wanted to fight for it again.

He knew that Sun Yanshi wanted to talk to him just to completely reject him and dispel his thoughts. In his mind, he imagined countless reasons Sun Yanshi would use to reject him. Maybe it would be "our age gap is too big. ", maybe it will be "I only regard you as a younger brother", or it may be "You may have confused your feelings for me".He rehearsed it thousands of times in his mind, if Sun Yanshi really said that, how should he answer and what kind of expression should he make.

He wanted Sun Yanshi to understand that although the confession was impulsive, this feeling was finally confirmed after a lot of deliberation, and it was not a whim, let alone a whim.

As long as Sun Yanshi didn't associate with Xie Shuangyu or with anyone else, then he didn't want to give up.The worst result is nothing more than that he seals up his feelings in his heart again, and just quietly likes this person.

However, all this deviated greatly from his expectations.

Like a complete outsider, Sun Yanshi rationally analyzed his sexual orientation and sexual phenomena in professional terms, and then helped him analyze the cold reception and setbacks he would encounter as a homosexual, and finally persuaded him to let him go more. Meet women, try to date women.

Sun Yanshi's words did not say "rejection", but every sentence expressed "rejection".

He realized very clearly that Sun Yanshi really didn't like him at all, and the little hope that had just been ignited like sparks was completely extinguished by the wind.

But what made him feel desperate was not that Sun Yanshi didn't like him, but that he understood the implication of Sun Yanshi's persuasive words of advice, and what Sun Yanshi said in front of Zhuo Li, "I want you too What does "bow to reality" mean—Sun Yanshi will no longer like men, he wants to get back on the right track of life.

Lang Song took a deep breath, even though he tried his best to hold back, his eyes were still red.He had rehearsed those words thousands of times in his heart, but he could not utter them.No one knows better than him how much Sun Yanshi has suffered on this rough road. Now that Sun Yanshi wants to get back on track, how dare he become a stumbling block on his road.

Lang Song's eyes flickered, but he still didn't give up and asked: "If I have thought about it rationally, tried it, and finally confirmed that I am gay, that means I like you?"

Sun Yanshi tried his best to maintain the smile on his lips, and said, "Then I will support you, bless you, and be happy for you, but the person with you will not be me."

With a "click", something dripped on the back of his hand, and Lang Song suddenly realized that his vision was blurred, and what dripped just now were his tears.He hurriedly lowered his head, trying to hold back, but this posture made the tears flow out of his eyes more quickly, as if the gates had been opened, rolling down continuously, and he finally sobbed uncontrollably.

Sun Yanshi felt a stabbing pain in his heart, his throat tightened from the pain, and his eyes were hot.

This was the second time he saw Lang Song cry. The first time Lang Song was buried in his palm, weeping silently.Obviously such a strong child, no matter how hard and tiring life is, he can straighten his waist, and he can't bear to cry, but now he is crying violently, he must be very sad in his heart.

Sun Yanzhi frowned deeply, feeling extremely guilty in his heart. He thought for a long time how to cut off Lang Song's thoughts once and for all, and finally chose the cruelest and most effective method - cunningly using Lang Song's Sensible and kind.

But the moment he saw Lang Song's tears dripping, he was shaken and his heart softened. He began to doubt whether his determination and actions were correct, but reason soon prevailed. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes and walked to the Beside Lang Song.

He wanted to hug Lang Song, but he hesitated for a long time when he stretched out his hand, finally he just put his palm on the back of Lang Song's head, and stroked it gently...

The author has something to say:

"Some non-homosexuals will have sexual desire and conduct same-sex sexual behavior towards the same sex in specific situations. This phenomenon is called 'situational homosexuality'. The environment that causes situational homosexuality is generally a small environment that is completely isolated from the opposite sex." This paragraph is quoted from Baidu.