God said I would meet you

Bad people don't start out with "I'm bad" written on their foreheads.

It was a sunny autumn day when Shao Rong met Zhao Wujie. The ginkgo leaves on the road leading to the playground were golden, and when they rustled down, they were like a field of dazzling gold.

At that time, he was just a rustic country boy who had just stepped into the ivory tower from a remote area in Guizhou. He barely relied on the college entrance examination to change his fate of raising pigs at home or moving bricks on the construction site. I know what Gucci is, and even the western restaurant is the first time I enter it when the freshman class organizes a dinner.

He is not good-looking, and his clothes are very rustic, but he is timid, unconfident, socially afraid, afraid to talk to his classmates, and looks like an invisible person in class.

When the student ID card was issued in the new semester, the class monitor smoothly distributed everyone else's, but when it was his turn, he mistook the person, so he had to whisper to the people around him who was the one named "Shao Rong" in their class... The class monitor was very embarrassed, Shao Rong was embarrassed.

And he has a shameful, unspoken secret—he likes men.

Shao Rong never confided this secret to anyone, his cowardly mother, rude father, and classmates who used to ignore him.

When puberty comes, when he just starts to have nocturnal emission, he will secretly save the money for breakfast to buy those gaudy magazines, such as muscular men with bare upper body, sports stars in jerseys, more revealing anime pictures, those flat pictures The painting became the enlightenment of his sexuality... He would look at it many times, and then burn it, turning those beautiful fantasies into a field of snow-white ashes, to ensure that no one would discover his secret.

"Homosexuality" is an unheard of term in his native family, it is dirty and a monster, and he himself thinks so.

Shao Rong has never really fallen in love with a real person. He doesn't even dare to look into other people's eyes. It makes him feel panic and discomfort. His intimacy only exists in flat pictures and imagination when he masturbates in the middle of the night. .

Until that autumn, the sky was blue, the sun was shining, and the ginkgo branches were as bright as golden fish scales.

Shao Rong, as always, wore nerd-like glasses, carried an overstuffed schoolbag, looked down at no one, and hurried back to the dormitory from that road. The withered and yellow leaves were broken on the soles of his 50-yuan canvas shoes. Make a monotonous sound of "click click".

The schoolbag was very heavy, and he was very dazed. Occasionally, some classmates passing by on the road would cast strange glances at him—because it was really strange, the schoolbag full of books was so huge that it made Shao Rong lean forward slightly , He is rustic and doesn't know how to dress up, walking forward with his chest bowed like a high school student.

Shao Rong always felt that every passer-by was looking at him with a strange look. He was like a light on his back, eager to walk faster, to a certain space where he was alone, but he was surrounded by a bag of books. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't walk fast.

Blessings and misfortunes never come singly, but at this time, an embarrassing thing happened to him. The schoolbag was too heavy and kept falling backwards. The bag was fixed on his back, but the rag schoolbag used from high school to college looked like a haggard old man, and the shoulder straps that had been mended gave out groans that could not be heard by human ears. When I tried to lift it up my back, it suddenly broke.

The bulging schoolbag and tome were scattered all over the ground like pig feed out of the frame under the eyes of everyone. It scared the people around and blocked half of the road. Many students and teachers were attracted by the noise. , turned to look at him.

Shao Rong's social phobia suddenly became more serious. He felt very embarrassed and wished he could find a hole to get in immediately, but it happened that the visibility was very good on this day, the wind was clear and there were no clouds in the sky, and all shadows under the sun could not be hidden. .

Just when his ears were red to the point of bleeding, and he was picking up books in a hurry, a group of boys who had made an appointment to play came to the entrance of the playground, and a pair of handsome sky blue sneakers with fluorescent bottoms suddenly broke into him. Sight.

A wheat-colored hand picked up Maugham's "The Veil" on the ground and handed it to Shao Rong.

"Student, do you need help?"

Shao Rong raised his head in embarrassment, and saw Zhao Wujie's warm and friendly face. The smile on that face was as bright as the first ray of sunshine in the morning.

"You broke the bag, didn't you?" Zhao Wujie didn't cast a strange look at his crumpled schoolbag that looked like an old lady, but helped him pack up the scattered books, piled them into a pile, and said very simply: "Go Where, see you off."

Shao Rong stammered: "No...no need..."

A teammate over there called Zhao Wujie's name and told him to stop dawdling and enter the arena quickly, but Zhao Wujie loudly told them to fight first, picked up Shao Rong's book by himself, and said enthusiastically: "It's no big deal, it's no big deal. It's a classmate."

Shao Rong faltered and couldn't say a complete sentence, he would not refuse others, no matter what someone said, he always subconsciously followed suit, so Zhao Wujie couldn't help but help him move the book, and while going back to the dormitory with him, Chat with him one after another.

Zhao Wujie is very good at finding topics and speaking in comfortable situations. When walking with him on the road, he will never have to worry about being left alone. Shao Rong keeps his head down, and Zhao Wujie's boy's smell surrounds him. When they walk side by side, their arms sometimes rub lightly together.

It was the first time that Shao Rong walked such a long distance with people in a reserved but not uncomfortable state. When Zhao Wujie smiled and handed the book back to him, autumn seemed to suddenly turn into spring .

Maybe it was the drawbridge effect kicking in or some other mess, Shao Rong never realized it so clearly - his first and only love began.

Zhao Wujie said goodbye to him wearing the mask of "Sunshine and Healthy College Student", and Shao Rong began to secretly watch him play on the playground every day.

The sports student almost satisfied all his fantasies during adolescence, muscles, cut hair, dark skin, athletic, healthy... He went there many times, sometimes Zhao Wujie would greet him when he saw him, saying, "Oh, you are the one who moved that day." Book's"...

Over time, they gradually became familiar with each other. Shao Rong would bring him drinks, and Zhao Wujie would treat him to a meal. Every day, he felt that he liked that person more.

A few months later, on Zhao Wujie's birthday, he unexpectedly invited him to his birthday party. Except for Shao Rong, everyone present was gay who had dated him.

A few games, three or two for nothing, a group of people can't tell the difference between east, west, north, south, north, and others, only Zhao Wujie, who is half drunk, is left with his arms around his shoulders, and staggered back to school with him.

The snack street was full of people, and the stalls were filled with warm air. Shao Rong and Zhao Wujie walked through the deep night with their arms around each other.

When he got to the downstairs of his dormitory, Shao Rong didn't go up, but continued to go forward and sent Zhao Wujie back to the dormitory.Zhao Wujie put his arms around him and asked drunkenly, "Why don't you go up when we get there?" He said, "You take me back, haha."

Shao Rong answered yes, Zhao Wujie leaned closer and casually said: "Baby, you are so kind, I love you to death."

He was not very sober after drinking, maybe he was used to doing such things, casually teasing Shao Rong, or maybe he recognized him as a little girl who had a fling with him... No one knows what happened, but Shao Rong was overflowing Of course, her love burst out of this unconscious sentence.

He stopped suddenly, let go of Zhao Wujie at the place where countless big X couples confessed by the side of the flower bed, and went all out, stammering and stammering, saying that he likes him, that kind of liking that is kind of disgusting, and very...very liking .

Shao Rong, this man who didn't dare to make eye contact with passers-by before he walked didn't even know whether Zhao Wujie was as perverted gay as he was, but he still said it... that was the first time in his life that he mustered up the courage.

The wind in early spring brought a chilly chill. Shao Rong lowered his head, not noticing that the signature heartiness and enthusiasm on Zhao Wujie's face slowly faded away, and instead revealed a kind of snake-like gloomy eyes that he was very unfamiliar with.

"You... like me?" Zhao Wujie laughed as if he heard some joke: "Do you know me and you just say you like me?"

He likes to act in front of the public, carefully playing an optimistic, motivated, helpful and athletic male college student. He protects the face behind the mask well and does not allow anyone to pry.

"I like it..." Shao Rong was ignorant, but whispered firmly: "No matter what it is... I like it."

Zhao Wujie still laughed, he was not interested in someone with Shao Rong's appearance, and helping him pick up books was just a whim and acted to help his classmates, but maybe it was because of drunkenness, or maybe it was because of the intoxicating evening breeze, he looked at Shao Rong's ordinary appearance And the dress, as well as the reddish ear tips, suddenly felt amused.

He hooked Shao Rong's neck, leaned in front of him, and said ambiguously and mockingly: "Whatever it is?"

Zhao Wujie said: "I'm a terrible person...beyond your imagination."

……

Autumn turned into spring, it was so short, and then came the depths of winter.

Zhao Wujie didn't fall in love with him, and didn't touch him at first, saying that he was not interested in him. They never had a real sexual relationship, but Shao Rong always stayed with him.

He watched Zhao Wujie gradually shed his camouflage shell, like a person like this, watching him getting worse day by day, gradually revealing his true nature, Zhao Wujie never concealed his private life, he thought that this dumb-faced, ignorant nerd was very Soon he would be scared out of his wits and run away without looking back, but he didn't.

Shao Rong learned all about intimacy from a cowardly mother who succumbed to his father's majesty, and he learned the existence of love from self-sacrifice.

Zhao Wujie sometimes treats him badly, humiliating him with words or using violence, telling him not to be timid all the time, cowardly people are useless to bore him.

But sometimes he would call him "Baby" affectionately, hug him, give him money, treat him to dinner, occasionally hold him and cry when he was drunk, praise him when Shao Rong got his way, and give him expensive gifts at will. Clothes, shoes.

Shao Rong has never experienced any other benign intimate relationship. When a person occasionally gives a little tenderness to you in the interval between being very bad and very bad, the warmth mixed in it will be magnified, and the Stockholm plot will evolve from this.

Zhao Wujie was bored and wanted to have some fun, so he deliberately humiliated him: "Little bastard, you love me, then go and change the ID on your school forum, let everyone come and see how flirty you are."

He knew that this was impossible, but Shao Rong flinched and swallowed his saliva. After several rounds, he really changed the forum ID from "Snail with low self-esteem" to "Mr.0".

When Shao Rong's father wanted to take away his scholarship and Shao Rong had no money to eat, Zhao Wujie casually gave him hundreds of thousands of living expenses and deliberately asked someone to 419 when he was in the house. He hurt Shao Rong viciously and happily, I want to see him leave one day.

But Shao Rong never left.

He is inferior and cowardly, dare not, and does not want to resist.This distorted relationship continued until one day, Zhao Wujie came back from playing and told him about someone he met today.

That was the first time Shao Rong saw him talking about someone so excitedly, talking about the time he played with that person. In the past, when Zhao Wujie talked about his "brilliant record" to him, he always seemed to tell some boring stories , there are no people in the story, some are just a bunch of toys...but that person is not.

The frivolity and contempt in Zhao Wujie's eyes when he treated the object disappeared. He kept talking about everything related to Zhang Xinli and his own desires without knowing it. When Lin Jinyu appeared, he seemed very disappointed... Shao Rong Never seen him feel down because of someone.

For the first time, he experienced what "jealousy" is.

"His little boyfriend is really an eyesore," Zhao Wujie said, "It's very happy and amazing, isn't it? He's still demonstrating, bastard...I really want to see him being abandoned, crying with snot and tears."

Ever since he came back from the stadium, he almost didn't think about food or tea... Somehow, Shao Rong looked at Zhao Wujie's sinister eyes, and then at the missing jersey he gave to Zhao Wujie, with a bit of hesitation. Ask: "Do you... want that?"

"Thinking so hard," Zhao Wujie almost gritted his teeth: "What's the use of thinking, fuck it."

Shao Rong was silent, and after a while, he said amidst Zhao Wujie's continuous scolding: "Also...maybe."

"Huh?" Zhao Wujie frowned and looked at him, thinking that this guy was playing with him.

Shao Rong's eyes under the lens were hesitant and restless, as if he was not very firm, but there was also the same desire for destruction and revenge as Zhao Wujie.

He said, "Then...will you love me a little bit?"

……

He asked Zhao Wujie to find out the period of surveillance retention, edited all the posts with one hand, and roughly wrote the lines, and told Zhao Wujie to call Lin Jinyu, telling him to pause for half a second to one second between each sentence, so convenient Editing; he told Zhao Wujie to be careful not to leave any real ground when answering the phone, unless he was at home, he had to play a full set at any time; he deliberately provoked Lin Jinyu, and asked Zhao Wujie to take a mobile phone to take pictures of Lin Jinyu beating him, and Zhao Wujie made up stories together, and the weaving of the jersey belonged to him... All kinds of things, he was instigating Zhao Wujie.

When Lin Jinyu was going back and forth between the school and the hospital and was restless, Shao Rong handed in a simple stop-frame clay work about snails and snakes that he had carefully completed as a final homework. In the story, the snail likes Mr. Snake, but the snake is sinister. Cunning and grumpy, he wanted the most majestic mane on the lion's body, but he was afraid of being bitten to death, so the snail coated the shell with snake venom, and crawled into the lion's mouth while it was sleeping. wants a nice mane, and it wants to kill a lion.

The "Veil", which was picked up by Zhao Wujie and handed back to him, and intercepted by Lin Jinyu, has been lying on his desktop. Shao Rong has read the book on loyalty and betrayal many times.

Maugham, who is of the same orientation as him, said through the mouth of the character in the book: "I have never had illusions about you, I know you are stupid, frivolous, and empty-headed, but I love you, I know your intentions, your ideals , you are snobbish and vulgar, but... I love you."