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Fang Weizhuang had no place to live in the hospital, so he planned to make do with a chair for the night.Zhou Buyi didn't want Fang Weizhuang to work so hard, he patted the seat next to him and let him sleep.

The bed in the ward was so small, Fang Weizhuang felt that it was too crowded for two people to sleep together, and said, "It's okay, I can sleep anywhere when I'm sleepy."

Zhou Buyi didn't listen, he turned his body sideways, with his back facing him, sleeping on the side, leaving half of the seat.His back is telling him stubbornly: go to sleep.

Fang Weizhuang wanted to say something, but Zhou Buyi's back made him choke up, his back was so firm, yet revealed a kind of bone-chilling indifference.It was as if he had closed his heart, leaving only a hard shell for him.

Fang Weizhuang sighed in his heart, climbed onto the bed silently, and lay down on his side with his back to him.

The backs of the two were close together, like two hard rocks.

Fang Weizhuang probably won't be able to sleep tonight, and until now, his mind hasn't felt any drowsiness.His thoughts were very confused, he seemed to have noticed something, but he didn't dare to imagine too much.

Zhou Yi is suddenly like this, is it because of himself?Because I am deliberately avoiding him these days...

In fact, he always thought that he was a brave person, but only now did he realize that he was actually very cowardly.

He avoided Zhou Buyi not because of anything else, but because he was afraid.Zhou Yi is an accident in his life, an accident that he has never counted and verified.

Others will think that the road to study is easy, because everyone says, study hard, get into a good university, find a good job, and live a good life.In fact, these words are very general.He can't see where he will go after he is admitted to university, and he is not a material for studying. Compared with studying, he feels that hard work is more clear to him. He knows what he likes to do and what he can do. , he has a clear plan for the future.

On this clear path, he can defy conventional wisdom because he knows how to walk.But in fact, after walking on this clear road for a long time, he got used to the planned life like a pattern, which made him afraid to face new challenges and didn't know how to deal with the obstacles that appeared in his life. New accident.

Zhou Yi is the new accident.Falling in love with men was something he never thought about, he couldn't see their future, he didn't dare to face him, and he didn't know how to solve it.So he chose to escape, he thought, as long as he left him slowly, maybe it would be fine.

For the first time, Fang Weizhuang realized how selfish he was. He actually loved himself more than Zhou Yi.

He can endure a life without hardships, but he dare not face unrequited love and the social difficulties that he must face as a homosexual.

He originally planned to pull away, originally planned to leave.

But when he followed Zhou Buyi's footsteps out of the hotel and saw him collapsed on the street, he was really terrified.He didn't understand why he was more worried about him than himself when they had nothing to do with each other.

He didn't want anything to happen to Zhou Yi.Even if he left his life, he still hoped that Zhou Buyi could live a better life than him, instead of suffering like a walking dead as he is now.

He could bear not having Zhou Yi in his life, but he couldn't bear Zhou Yi still suffering.

It seems that he still can't just leave like this.At least, wait until he gets better, when he can love himself well, stop putting other people's feelings first, and leave when he can laugh freely.

The ward was dark and quiet at night, Fang Weizhuang turned over, his chest pressed against Zhou Buyi's back.

The doctor said: For patients with depression, the most important thing is to accompany them.

Fang Weizhuang stretched out his hand, hesitated for a moment, hugged Zhou Buyi, and held him in his arms.

Zhou Buyi's body seemed to be very cold and heavy.

Fang Weizhuang felt a suffocating despair just by sticking to him.

Fang Weizhuang suspects that he has the ability to perceive Zhou Buyi's pain, he always makes him experience all kinds of complex and heavy emotions, emotions that he himself can't figure out.

"What are you holding back in your heart? Tell me when you can speak." Fang Weizhuang said.

The body in his arms didn't respond, like a stiff puppet.

Fang Weizhuang's heart was tightly blocked. In the past, when he hugged Zhou Buyi, he would vent his emotions even if he didn't say anything.But now, he didn't react at all, as if he had no emotions.

This made Fang Weizhuang even more worried. He hugged the person in his arms tighter, trying to transmit his body temperature to him.

He knew that Zhou Yi didn't want to talk, and he definitely didn't want to listen to what he had to say, so he stopped talking and just hugged him silently.

Zhou Buyi fell asleep at dawn, and he was always the most sleepy at this time.When I woke up, the blood in my body seemed to flow again. I don't know if it was the effect of the medicine.

The feeling of being hugged tightly by Fang Weizhuang still remained on his body, but he didn't know where he went.Zhou Buyi curled up, smelled the smell on his clothes, and felt Fang Weizhuang's past existence.

He heard what he said last night, but he was so tired, so tired, he didn't want to say anything, he didn't want to move, the blood in his whole body seemed to be sealed with cement, unable to flow, think, or feel.

I don't know how long he was curled up in a daze, Fang Weizhuang approached, he saw Zhou Yi woke up, a bright smile bloomed on his face, but Zhou Yi knew that the smile looked very tough, it must be faked.

"I cooked by myself, I'm afraid you won't be used to the food in the cafeteria." Fang Weizhuang raised the lunch box in his hand, and went to open the small table in front of the hospital bed. After the food was set, he helped Zhou Buyi break open the chopsticks.

He originally wanted to hand over the chopsticks to Zhou Buyi, but as if he had thought of something, he asked, "Do you want me to feed you?"

"No, thank you." Zhou Buyi said, his voice was weak and hoarse after he hadn't spoken for a day.

"You can talk!" Fang Weizhuang was very excited.

"En." Zhou Buyi nodded.He didn't want to trouble Fang Weizhuang all the time, he hoped to get well soon.

"That's great." Fang Weizhuang sat aside and looked at him with a smile.

"Have you eaten?" Zhou Yi asked softly.

"Well, I bought some casually." Fang Weizhuang said.I don't know why, but I always feel very cute when I hear Zhou Yi talk. Is this the beauty in the eye of the beholder?

"I can talk now, can I be discharged from the hospital?" Zhou Yi asked while eating in small bites.

"This depends on the doctor's judgment, don't worry." Fang Weizhuang smiled.

However, Fang Weizhuang still has to go to school, so he shouldn't stay here all the time.

"Then you, go back to school." Zhou Buyi said.

"But I want to be with you." Fang Weizhuang said.

Zhou Buyi was taken aback, for a moment, he didn't understand what Fang Weizhuang was thinking.

She was avoiding him before, so why do she do it now?He just accidentally bumped into himself and committed suicide, so there is no need to take so much responsibility for him.

"Let's eat, the doctor will come and do some consultation after eating." Fang Weizhuang said.

"it is good."

……

When the doctor came in, Zhou Yi was very nervous.He didn't know what questions the doctor would ask him, would he ask about privacy?What do you want to say?He is afraid, will he see through himself?

The doctor sat down in front of Zhou Buyi, his eyes just met his, and Zhou Buyi moved his eyes reflexively.The doctor's eyes are terrible, like a detector, which seems to be able to detect all the secrets and embarrassments in people's hearts.

He was seen like that by a doctor who asked him to tell his worst experiences, and then looked at him with indifferent eyes, as if his pain was not worth mentioning, and his soul was so despicable that it could not be saved medicine.

Fang Weizhuang noticed Zhou Buyi's reaction, sat next to him, and put his arms around his shoulders: "It's okay, take it easy, I will be with you."

Fang Weizhuang's voice and body temperature eased his anxiety, and he felt a sense of security inexplicably.

Zhou Buyi raised his head to meet Wei Zhuang's eyes, and Fang Wei Zhuang smiled at him.It seemed to be saying to him: It's okay, I will be with you.

Really?Will you stay with me all the time?

Zhou Buyi took a deep breath in his heart, calmed down his chaotic mood, and looked at the doctor again, but he still didn't dare to look at him, his eyes fell on the door of the ward through the doctor's shoulder.

"Okay, if you're ready, can you tell me something that bothers you recently?" The doctor said, his voice was not as indifferent and impatient as the previous doctor's, this doctor's voice was warm and delicate, not like Questioning like God, but caring and asking like a friend.

This eased Zhou Buyi's sense of tension and anxiety, he thought about it, the things that bothered him recently...he seemed to be unclear.

Speaking of it, it seems to be because of Fang Weizhuang's affairs, no, in the final analysis, it should be my own affairs, because I have no value and are not worthy of being loved.

Zhou Yi was looking for a suitable way to say it, but he didn't know how to say it.

The doctor said: "Don't try to talk, just say what you are thinking at the moment, it doesn't matter if you speak slowly or intermittently. You can regard me as the interlocutor in your heart, the person you often talk to in your heart. "

The person you often talk to in your heart?Many of his thoughts can't be told to others, but he can always tell the person in his heart.

"Do I need to go out?" After all, it was from the heart. If he was here, Zhou Yi might not be able to say it.

The doctor pondered for a moment and said, "You stay."

"Okay." Fang Weizhuang then continued to sit beside Zhou Buyi.

"Okay, go ahead, it's okay," said the doctor.

Zhou Buyi took a deep breath, he wants to get better, he can't let Fang Weizhuang sacrifice so much for him, he has to actively cooperate with the doctor's treatment.

"I... I'm a worthless person." Zhou Buyi choked up as he spoke, the next words seemed to be difficult, but the doctor didn't urge him, but just looked at him, expressing that he would always be there and listen.

Zhou Buyi took another deep breath and said, "I'm really cowardly, useless, and selfish. I always make others trouble. I don't deserve to be friends with anyone, and I don't deserve to be happy...No one Will be willing to stay with me forever, and they will all leave when they find out who I really am. I have never been around... and there will be no one... sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about."

Zhou Buyi was a little flustered.

"It's fine, fine," the doctor said. "Can you tell me about the specific incident? The specific incident that made you feel cowardly, useless, and selfish."

Zhou Buyi's body trembled. This was what he feared the most. He couldn't escape the process of peeling his own flesh and blood for others to see.

Fang Weizhuang noticed Zhou Buyi's uneasiness, and reached out to hold Zhou Buyi's hand.

"I know this topic is difficult for many people, but you need to speak up so I can judge. Come on, you can do it," the doctor added.

Zhou Yi held Fang Weizhuang's hand tightly, as if he was afraid that he would slip away, he took a few deep breaths, and said: "My mother, when I was very young, was beaten by my father, but I just stood aside and cried. When I grow up a bit, I should be able to help..." Zhou Buyi nervously and subconsciously grabbed Fang Weizhuang's hand.

"But I stood aside because I was afraid, and I didn't dare to do anything."

After speaking, there was a moment of silence in the ward, which was terrifying.Zhou Buyi lowered his head, waiting for God's verdict.

"Can you tell me anything else?" the doctor asked.

"I... always stand by and watch. In the previous school, someone bullied a girl. I saw it, but I didn't do anything..."

Zhou Buyi didn't dare to talk anymore, there were still many such things, big or small, he didn't know how to continue.

He must have been judged, must have been labeled as a sinner.

Look, he is so selfish and cowardly, what is there to love?

Even Fang Weizhuang, who was sitting next to him, now... must have hated himself to the core.

He sucks.What is the value of such a life?

The doctor thought in silence for a while, and after a while, he said: "But you are not the only one who stands by and watches this kind of thing, why do they still live so happily?"

It wasn't the imaginary trial, Zhou Buyi didn't expect it, he looked up at the doctor, and the doctor looked at him, asking this question seriously.

He doesn't know, he hasn't thought about it, he's just thinking about himself.

The doctor thought for a while, changed the subject, and asked, "What kind of person is your father?"

"...He is a hypocrite." Zhou Buyi said: "He always looks perfect in front of outsiders, but when he gets home, he always has a cold face. As long as I can remember, my mother was beaten by him A couple of times, then mum fought back and I thought they were going to get a divorce, but no, I don't know why."

"How's your relationship with your father? Did he hit you?"

"No. He never hit me. My father and I are not very close. My father often uses his mask to me. If I hadn't seen him beating my mother, I might have always thought that he was just a man who couldn't see me. The perfect father."

The doctor paused for a while, Zhou Yi was not as nervous as before, he didn't open up about his own affairs directly, it would make him feel more at ease.

"What about you and your mother? Are you on good terms?"

Speaking of his mother, Zhou Buyi was stunned for a moment, he was obviously more lost.

"Mom doesn't seem to like me very much. Before junior high school, she would still talk to me. But after junior high school, that is, after she rebelled against her father, she didn't even talk to me."

The doctor observed Zhou Buyi's reaction, and tapped the pen in his hand lightly.After a while, he said: "Today's conversation was very good. We will continue tomorrow. You can rest well today."

"Aren't you going to continue?" Zhou Yi asked.Today's conversation made him feel a little different, subconsciously, Zhou Buyi felt that this doctor could help him.

"Well, see you tomorrow." The doctor smiled at him, opened the door and backed out.

When the door closed, the ward fell into silence again, Fang Weizhuang still held Zhou Buyi's hand and did not let go.Zhou Buyi didn't dare to face Fang Weizhuang, he said everything, and he also witnessed how selfish and cowardly he is.He will despise himself.

Yes, even he despises himself.Such a good person as Fang Weizhuang must have hated himself to the core.

Zhou Buyi withdrew his hand and turned away from facing Fang Weizhuang.

That's it, leave now.He couldn't stand the torture anymore.

Zhou Yi closed his eyes, he knew that Fang Weizhuang would leave, he would definitely leave, he knew that he was not worth what he had paid, he would go far away.

But without the expected sound of Zhongyuan's walking footsteps, Fang Weizhuang leaned over and hugged him from behind, although he didn't say a word, Zhou Buyi couldn't help it anymore, tears poured down, and the crying continued.