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"How are you doing today?" The doctor came in, wearing an ordinary white coat, and sat down opposite Zhou Buyi casually.

"It's okay." Zhou Buyi said.

"Okay? That's not a good answer. It's too selfish." The doctor said.

Zhou Yi was taken aback, feeling a little guessed, he lowered his head.

"So what are you really feeling right now? Just say it," the doctor said.

Zhou Buyi took a few deep breaths and said, "It's the same feeling as usual, uneasy, anxious, and more fear and loss than usual."

"Why are you afraid, why are you anxious?" asked the doctor.

Zhou Yi didn't understand. He said yesterday that he... was bored because of his cowardice and selfishness, and hated himself.

But since it's a doctor's request, let's say it again: "Because I'm... selfish and cowardly... I hate myself."

"Any other reasons?" asked the doctor.

"other reasons?"

"Well. Think about it for yourself, jump out of your current mindset, and look at it more objectively."

Zhou Buyi listened to the doctor's words and tried to find it. It's true that he was so anxious not only because he hated himself.He thought for a while, and said with some uncertainty: "Because I am afraid that my cowardice and selfishness will be discovered, so no one will be willing to stay by my side."

The doctor snapped his fingers and said, "Great."

"So if you think about it, the essence of your fear may not be that you are afraid of your own cowardice and selfishness, but that you are afraid that no one is by your side, right?"

Zhou Buyi was a little confused, he didn't know, he felt like he could say that, but saying it like this made him feel a little uncomfortable.

The doctor saw through Zhou Buyi's thoughts and said, "Don't feel it yet. Just assume now that your soul has split into two parts, and one part has come out of your body. He is a rational and objective existence. Not responsible for your primary feelings. You are now, using the eyes of this split soul, to answer my question. Can it be done?"

Zhou Buyi imagined for a while, then nodded.Strip away the sensibility and look deeply at yourself.

"Okay, do you agree with what I just said? Your inner appeal?"

"agree."

"That is to say, deep down in your heart, what you lack is love."

"Yes……"

"And the reason why you are so eager for love and so cautious is actually rooted in your family. Your parents didn't give you enough care, and you lacked this love when you were growing up."

"Yes……"

"We know that family life is a very important scene for ignorant children to learn social experience, and the behavior of parents plays an important role in precepts and deeds. Many concepts and ways of thinking of children have basically formed a pattern in family life, which affects them. Later behavior and choices, and this is why it is important in many psychological problems."

"Generally speaking, a child who lacks love will choose two behavior patterns. One is extroverted. Because of the lack of love, he will become mean, selfish, and have no compassion, so when interacting with others, he will always hurt Don't care about other people's feelings."

"The second type is an inward-looking behavior like yours. You choose not to hurt others, but aim the blade at yourself. You attribute the reason why you are not loved to your own personality flaws, and become You become more and more inferior, more and more timid, and unsuccessful relationships once again magnify your perception of your own character flaws, thus convincing you that you are not loved because you are not good.”

Zhou Yi held Fang Weizhuang's hand tightly, opening his heart was a more painful thing than accountability: "Yes..."

"Okay, let's change the subject first. You know that people's instinct is to protect themselves. When people have to face unbearable trauma, people's psychology will activate the defense mechanism. There is a book "Fang Siqi's First Love Paradise", Do you know why the protagonist of this book, after being sexually assaulted, deceives herself into falling in love with the person who sexually assaulted her?"

Zhou Yi shook his head.

"Because if she doesn't think so, she will not be able to live. The victim has her own self-esteem and principles, but the perpetrator destroys her principles, her self-esteem is trampled, her principles are shattered, and she will deeply hate herself, Falling into a vortex of pain. But if she thinks that she loves the perpetrator, everything he does to her, and the principle and self-esteem she breaks through for him is because of love for him, then she will feel better in her heart A lot, and she won't be in so much pain."

"Survival is the core desire of all creatures, so in fact, in order to survive, people have many defense mechanisms hidden in their bodies. Psychological pain is often more difficult than physical pain. Psychological protection mechanisms are the last line of defense for people."

Zhou Yi tried hard to understand his words, thought for a while, and asked, "What about me? What is my defense mechanism? I don't understand."

"The fact that you have become like this now is that you have broken your own psychological defense mechanism. If you have a psychological defense mechanism, it should be indifference. You will not care about other people's emotions, so that you will not be aware of your inner self. hollow. But you are not indifferent."

"Then why did I break my defense mechanism?"

"Because you are too kind. In other words, your moral standards are too high. Freud divided the human spirit into three parts: the id, the ego and the superego. The superego is the ideal self of a person. The id I am myself driven entirely by desires, or in other words, human nature. The human ego is manifested in the conflict between the id and the superego. When the id wants to act according to its desires, the superego It will restrict the self. This is like the relationship between legal ethics and human nature. Under the constraints of legal morality, people will not commit illegal and criminal behaviors, and they will become a person who abides by his duty."

"I've said so much, you need to summarize for yourself why your ego has become what it is. You try it." The doctor said.

Zhou Buyi's rationality was working hard. He thought for a long time, but no one interrupted his thoughts. After he sorted out his thoughts, he said: "My superego is my constraint on myself, and My id is despicable. The superego is too restrictive for the id, and the ego is out of balance."

The doctor was surprised and said, "Yes! It's very good that you can understand the level. So do you know what the solution is?"

Zhou Yi said: "Relax the constraints of the superego, and become a person whose moral standards are not so strong."

"Yes, in other words, be a good person who is not so good." The doctor stood up and said, "I have said so much, you still need time to sort out your thoughts. When you fall into it again When you are in an emotional situation that is difficult to break free, learn to use your own rationality to think about problems, and it is a good thing to be able to feel pain, but don’t stay too long in the emotional whirlpool.”

After finishing speaking, the doctor was about to leave. When he walked to the door, he seemed to remember something again, turned his head, and said to Zhou Yi, "Also, most of the human beings are the same."

Zhou Buyi was a little dazed, as he sat there, he felt that his brain began to function normally for the first time.Although the process of stripping away his sensibility is painful and tormenting, his brain keeps giving him negative reminders, but he is trying, he is trying to think about his own problems rationally, and look deeply at the reasons for his behavior .

Seeing that Zhou Buyi was lost in thought at this moment, Fang Weizhuang didn't dare to disturb him.It has to be said that a professional is a professional, and he was taken aback for a while.He couldn't say anything about it, but it was good anyway.

Fang Weizhuang retreated silently to make lunch for Zhou Buyi.After the doctor said this, he had a deeper understanding of Zhou Buyi.It turned out that he longed for others to love him.So now that he loves him, can he always be by his side?

When returning to the ward, Zhou Buyi still maintained the same posture as when he went out just now, Fang Weizhuang silently put the lunch box aside and looked at him.

"I want to ask you a question." Zhou Buyi said suddenly.

Fang Weizhuang immediately replied: "What's the question?"

"I'm on the sidelines, am I doing it right?"

Fang Weizhuang knew that what he said was the two things he said before, he thought about it seriously, and replied: "Maybe I am selfish in saying this, but I hope you can be happy. At least you didn't do anything harmful. As the doctor said, you just need to be a good person. There is no need to demand so much from yourself.”

"But I always feel that I can't get over it." Zhou Buyi said, "I know that I don't have to be a good person, and I also know that I can't be a good person, but every time I think about it, it tortures me and makes me feel You don’t deserve nice things at all.”

Fang Weizhuang was actually very pleased to hear what he said, at least he was willing to express his thoughts.

"But people have to be happy before they can bring happiness to others. Emotions can be contagious. If you are always suffering and thinking about problems with negative thinking, then you will not be able to make positive choices when facing others. .You are happy, which is good for everyone."

Fang Weizhuang went on to say: "Besides, a person is not born without fear of anything. Every remorse will become the strength for the next action. You can be selfish and cowardly, but one day, you can muster up the courage, Do what you dare not do."

"Really..." Zhou Buyi lacked confidence.

"Yes." Fang Weizhuang grabbed his hand and said, "Sometimes I am not brave and I will shrink back, but we can all do it. The premise is that you must first get rid of the pain, get rid of this endless loop that plagues you. Only in this way, you to move forward.”

Zhou Buyi looked at him and asked, "Then will you stay with me?"

Fang Weizhuang was stunned, he wasn't sure if he could be with him all the time, but at least, he would be with him until he could find happiness.

"meeting."

"Am I worth it?"

"It's worth it. You also have to believe in yourself, you are worthy of the beauty in this world."