He had a crush on him for 12 years and divorced

The winter when the university was approaching graduation was the time when Ren Zhaoyuan reacted the most to snow.

Everything related to snow in the past, the good and the bad are blurred, only the fear and pain will return, and the memory fragments that have been worked hard to get through are magnified and cohesive, irresistible.

After his parents left again, the snow fell a few times in S city, and he got sick a few times.

He knows that everything has nothing to do with whether it snows or not, even if he hides in a place where the sun is shining all year round, what should happen will still happen.

Those who lost will still be lost, and those who left will still leave.

But no matter how clearly he thought about it, he couldn't control it.

I don't know how to explain my resistance to the innocent weather, and I can't describe the discomfort gushing from the bones of my heart from the moment I felt the first snow.

Hypocritical and ridiculous.

What's more, Ren Zhaoyuan has never been good at talking.

Later, the teacher taught him many times, Ren Zhaoyuan thought, it was just a hurdle, and he had to get over it.

Before going abroad, he got a tattoo of an eagle rushing out of the snow and clouds on his back. It hurt for several hours, and he convinced himself to take the tattoo as a dividing point.

The future is the future, the past is the past.

Later, I stayed in Florence for a few years. Although the winter there was cold and seldom snowed, Ren Zhaoyuan devoted himself to studying design, and other things gradually faded away.

After returning to China, there was no obvious reaction when he met heavy snow. After a few years, the snow had already changed back to an ordinary weather that he didn't like very much.

But it happened to be in pain again in the snow.

A relapse of an old disease is worse than a new injury.

Snow was something he hated again, even more than before.

It happened in the spring of the year before last, and it has been two years now. Do you have to toss yourself like you did when you didn't graduate from college to get over the hurdle of snow?

Have you lived in vain for so many years?

Ren Zhaoyuan twisted the cigarette in his hand, poured himself another glass of wine, and when he brought it to his lips, he suddenly thought of something, and put it down after a few seconds of pause.

If you agree, it's not bad.

Although it seems that I have not paid attention to it once just now, and it will not be necessary in the future.

I can't tell where it feels uncomfortable, it seems that everything is blocked and uncomfortable.

The curtains on the side were closed tightly, and the time passed by. Ren Zhaoyuan sat for a long time, and finally got up to press the control switch of the curtains.

It's just snowing.

It's nothing to be sad about.

There is nothing to escape.

You can't always let your emotions be affected, you have to overcome it, step by step, first——

Ren Zhaoyuan's pupils trembled suddenly, and he pushed open the window and leaned out.

"Tan.."

Tan Zheng!

Ren Zhaoyuan's mind was completely blank for two seconds, and the scene that came into his eyes was like being pulled very close and then pushed into the abyss through a large piece of special-shaped glass.

The similar scene of childhood overlaps with this moment.

Same night, same snow.

It was snowing heavily, and the ground was pale, and the person he cared about the most was lying in it.

not moving at all.

Ren Zhaoyuan tried his best but couldn't make a sound, so he hurriedly turned and ran down.

I don't know how I went downstairs and how I pushed the door out, I don't know how long or short it took me, and I'm not even sure if I'm having a nightmare again for a while.

When there were still a few meters away, Ren Zhaoyuan slowed down his steps, every step he took, he seemed to be in a trance and weightless.

He opened his mouth, but he couldn't make a sound, and even struggled to breathe, until he fell to his knees and fell to the ground before he yelled, "Tan Zheng..."

Tan Zheng thought he was suffering from paranoia when he heard it.

"Brother Zhaoyuan?" When he opened his eyes and saw Ren Zhaoyuan and Tan Zheng, he really broke away from his thoughts, and sat up with his body propped up, "Why do you..."

It was inappropriate enough not to leave the other party downstairs in the middle of the night, not to mention lying down on the ground under the covers.

Tan Zheng didn't know where to put his hands and feet, and soon realized that Ren Zhaoyuan was wrong.

"What's the matter?" The coat on his body was soaked, but it could somewhat block the wind. Tan Zheng quickly took it off and wrapped Ren Zhaoyuan up first, "Why didn't you put on more and came down, go back to the house."

"what happened to you?"

Tan Zheng was taken aback: "I'm fine."

Ren Zhaoyuan looked back from his face and landed on the marks where he had been lying down. Tan Zheng reacted and explained with some embarrassment: "That's right, I suddenly want to lie down for a while."

As soon as he finished speaking, he was pushed violently. Tan Zheng almost fell back for a while, and the heels of his palms slid more than ten centimeters on the snow surface to support his body.

Tan Zheng was stunned by his sudden push, and while blinking, he straightened up and asked uncertainly, "Why..."

Before he finished speaking, Ren Zhaoyuan pushed him hard again: "You are sick!"

This time Tan Zheng couldn't hold on, and fell directly into the snow. Hearing the hoarse voice seemed to be crying, he hurried up, and was hit by a handful of snow again: "Tan Zheng, are you sick?"

"You..." Tan Zheng wiped off the snow and panicked when he saw Ren Zhaoyuan's face covered with tears at some point, "What's wrong? Why are you crying..."

Ren Zhaoyuan kept him away like a child with an outburst, and kept grabbing the snow at hand and throwing him: "Isn't it fun to lie in the snow! Is it fun!"

The coat on his body fell off due to violent movements, and Tan Zheng realized that Ren Zhaoyuan was actually barefoot.

"Why don't you wear shoes?"

Tan Zheng got up in a hurry and wanted to take Ren Zhaoyuan in, but Ren Zhaoyuan didn't listen at all.

It's freezing cold outside, bare feet are sure to suffer from frostbite.

Tan Zheng immediately ignored Ren Zhaoyuan's struggle and forced him into his arms. Taking advantage of the second gap when he could not resist, he quickly put out his hand to grab him in the crook of his leg and carried him into the house.

"Okay, okay, don't struggle, don't move," Tan Zheng said in a low voice while striding forward, "I'm sick, it's all my fault, hit me later, ah, go back and hit, vent your anger..."

After struggling for a short distance, Ren Zhaoyuan gradually lost his strength, but his whole body was shaking more and more violently, as if he couldn't help it despite trying his best, a whimpering sound came out of his throat.

Tan Zheng had never seen Ren Zhaoyuan cry.

Usually Ren Zhaoyuan frowned and couldn't help but panic.

Tan Zheng was so confused by his crying, he wished he could slap himself with two more hands: "I was wrong, it's all my fault, did you scare me in the middle of the night?"

Ren Zhaoyuan ignored him, while Tan Zheng coaxed him with an apology, without stopping.When he came to Ren Zhaoyuan's house, he was once born and secondly familiar, so he carried him straight to the cloakroom and put him on the sofa.

"It's okay, ah, it's okay."

Ren Zhaoyuan buried himself in his chest and did not raise his head, so Tan Zheng leaned down in front of the sofa, retracted his knee-bending hand and patted Ren Zhaoyuan's back: "Change your clothes first, okay? Otherwise, you should be sick, and you'll be sick again." I don't like going to the hospital."

Tan Zheng still hugged him, didn't move, just continued to whisper: "I have to change too, can you lend me a suit to wear?"

"I know I'm wrong, and I won't do it again, can you justify me?"

"Teacher Ren?"

"Brother Zhaoyuan?"

"Brother?"

Ren Zhaoyuan let go of Tan Zheng's clothes, retreated a little into the sofa, and sat up without making a sound.

"I'm looking for some clothes, I'll see you right away."

Tan Zheng took the suit from the closet on the other side of the home clothes, walked back and put it in Ren Zhaoyuan's hand, and squatted down in front of him: "You change the clothes first, and I will change inside. When you change, call me?"

Ren Zhaoyuan didn't want to talk to him, and Tan Zheng couldn't force him to answer, so he just took out the hanger from the home clothes, and took the clothes to Ren Zhaoyuan's hand.

When changing clothes, Tan Zheng paid attention to the noise, heard no sound, guessed that Ren Zhaoyuan should not have changed, tried to call out twice and walked out from inside, Ren Zhaoyuan was still sitting on the sofa as before.

Ren Zhaoyuan's home clothes were only a layer of cotton fabric, the top was okay, but the home pants were damp from top to bottom after being in the snow.

Tan Zheng squatted in front of him and tried to persuade him for a while, but Ren Zhaoyuan remained silent, and Tan Zheng had no choice.

If you don't want to change it, you can find a thick blanket to cover it. Tan Zheng looked around and suddenly remembered that he had left the door open after he came in. No wonder the room wasn't so warm.

Tan Zheng went to the closet inside and took a cotton coat and put it on Ren Zhaoyuan's lap. He planned to go out and close the door, but he didn't want Ren Zhaoyuan to grab his hand after taking two steps outside.

"Don't go."

"I'm going..." The uneasiness in Ren Zhaoyuan's eyes was too obvious, Tan Zheng took his hand, walked back to him and squatted down, and said to him, "I won't go, I just wanted to close the door, if I don't go, I'll be here here."

The gauze on his hand disappeared for some reason, and the burnt red was exposed from the cuff to the back of his hand. Tan Zheng moved his hand a little away, and only held Ren Zhaoyuan's four fingers.

"Does it still hurt?"

He didn't hear the answer, Tan Zheng raised his head to look at him, but saw that the water mist in Ren Zhaoyuan's eyes was getting heavier and heavier, and finally couldn't bear it and fell down, hitting the tiger's mouth where Tan Zheng was holding Ren Zhaoyuan's hand.

Tan Zheng was so distressed that he didn't know what to do. He took his hand and hit him on the face. Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't react in time, his hand shook with a sound as if it was being burned, and he broke away suddenly, frowning and cursing again. He: "You are sick..."

With a sobbing voice and a hoarse sound, it sounded grievous.

Tan Zheng raised his hand to wipe his tears, Ren Zhaoyuan dodged and refused to wipe, Tan Zheng knelt on one knee and stood up straight, raised his arms to wrap his arms around him.

"I'm sick, I'm not good, it's all my fault, don't cry, okay? Hit me twice when you get angry, okay?"

Ren Zhaoyuan rested his forehead on Tan Zheng's neck, grabbed the hem of his waist with his hands, and said after a while: "You scared me to death..."

Tan Zheng hugged him tightly, and raised his hand from top to bottom to comfort him back and forth: "Don't be afraid, I'm fine, I'm fine here, right?"

"What about in the future?"

"It will be there in the future, as long as you don't push it away, it will always be there."

Ren Zhaoyuan closed his eyes and said, "I don't believe it."

"real."

Ren Zhaoyuan still said, "I don't believe it."

"Ah..." Tan Zheng turned his head sideways, and rubbed his chin between Ren Zhaoyuan's hair, "What should I do..."

Ren Zhaoyuan didn't speak.

"I especially want to show you the results, and let you know that as long as you agree, it will never be a false proposition."

"But to get the answer, you can only solve it step by step. I can only prove it by going through it year by year."

Tan Zheng stroked his hands from the root of his hair to the end of his neck, and then covered the back of his neck and gently rubbed him to discuss with him: "Teacher Ren, give me a chance to answer the question and let me prove it to you, okay?"

After a long time, Ren Zhaoyuan let go of the hem of Tan Zheng's waist, stretched forward and grabbed a piece of fabric on his back, and said in a low voice, "Yes."

The author says:

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!