He had a crush on him for 12 years and divorced

There are bonfire parties and freshly roasted whole sheep at night on the horse farm, but in summer, although it is cool at night on the back of the mountain, it is also hot next to the fire source.

In addition, Ren Zhaoyuan didn't like to eat mutton, so they sat side by side on a low slope in the distance, and didn't join in the crowd.

Someone was beating drums and playing the zither by the campfire, and the people who had been sitting got up and danced in a big circle holding hands.

Amidst the singing and laughter, Ren Zhaoyuan straightened one leg and fell back, with one hand behind his head and the other patted Tan Zheng, motioning him to look at the sky: "The stars are so bright tonight."

"It really is."

Tan Zheng looked up for a while, then turned back to look at Ren Zhaoyuan, Ren Zhaoyuan noticed that his gaze was slightly tilted: "Huh?"

"You are so pretty."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing, and just as he was about to speak, Tan Zheng leaned down and kissed him: "It looks better when you smile."

"It's outside." Ren Zhaoyuan raised his hand and patted his waist, "Restrain yourself."

Tan Zheng turned over and imitated Ren Zhaoyuan to lie down, resting his head in the hollow of his shoulder, holding his free hand: "The stars are not as beautiful as you."

"Okay," Ren Zhaoyuan said with a smile, "If there is an award for the best compliment, I will give you one."

"No exaggeration, this is a statement of facts."

"Okay," Ren Zhaoyuan fiddled with his left hand like a plaything, and the sound at the end of the sentence was slightly drawn out, "You are right."

Tan Zheng agreed with satisfaction: "I think so too."

"The stars are not as bright now as when I was a child."

"Well, I remember when I was a child, my dad took me to climb a mountain and spent the night on the top of the mountain. The stars were so bright that they seemed to fall. At that time, I thought Li Bai's saying "the stars can be picked by hand" was not an exaggeration, but I never saw it again. "

As soon as Tan Zheng talked about his childhood, Ren Zhaoyuan thought of the crying child in the alley, and couldn't help feeling weak: "How young?"

"Forget, anyway, at most six years old."

Tan Xuqing was born when she was seven years old.

Tan Zheng's childhood ended at that year.

In the past, when Tan Zheng used all the lucky money to buy back a sack of fireworks, I heard him casually say once, "At that time, there was no Tan Qing, and I was still favored."

At that time, I thought it was interesting for such a mature and steady person like Tan Zheng, but now that I know more, my mentality has changed, and I feel distressed when I think about it.

"What are you thinking about?" Tan Zheng stood up and looked at him, "Don't talk."

Ren Zhaoyuan looked at him in the night, with a gentleness in his voice that he didn't even notice, as if Tan Zheng was a dandelion that couldn't stand the wind, and he was afraid that his breath would blow away: "I miss you when you were young, like a poor little boy."

"I feel sorry for me," Tan Zheng squeezed Ren Zhaoyuan's hand and smiled softly, "Don't feel bad, it's all over long ago, it's nothing."

Distressed, not just distressed.

Although it was hard for Ren Zhaoyuan to suffer the disappointment and disappointment from his parents, he is an adult with a mature personality, understands reason, and knows right from wrong.

But Tan Zheng was not.

He is at an age where he may even need to be guided to learn how to share, because of the birth of another child, he lost almost all his favor overnight, and all attempts to regain attention failed, even when he was bullied. To the most basic maintenance of parents.

The influence of the family on a child during childhood can be overwhelming.

And Tan Zheng is not only not crooked, but also better than most people.

"Our Tan Zheng is really good."

Tan Zheng was taken aback.

It was night, and the bonfire and most of the lights were in the distance. Tan Zheng's face-down posture made his face hidden in darker shadows. He could only distinguish his facial features, but he couldn't see subtle changes in his expression.

But the flash of water in his eyes was highlighted by the darkness around him.

Ren Zhaoyuan raised his hand to touch his eyes: "Are you crying?"

"No," Tan Zheng lowered his head to let him touch it, "how can a big man cry so much, you make it sound like a crying bag."

Ren Zhaoyuan still rubbed his eyelashes with his fingertips when he encountered it was dry: "A big man can cry too, without being in front of others. I also like small crying bags."

Tan Zheng kissed his fingertips, and then bit down lightly.

"I just put my hands on the ground."

"Not dirty."

Seeing that he wanted to kiss, Ren Zhaoyuan hid his hands aside: "Lie down beside me."

"Well," Tan Zheng lay down beside Ren Zhaoyuan while holding Ren Zhaoyuan's hand, and turned his face to look at him, "What's wrong?"

"I can't see you that way."

Tan Zheng smiled, looked at him for a while, and said, "I'll tell you a secret."

"what?"

"Actually," Tan Zheng opened and closed Ren Zhaoyuan's fingers, "it's already over, and I've been feeling overwhelmed."

Ren Zhaoyuan didn't show any surprise or surprise, but only responded softly: "Yes."

Tan Zheng changed his hand to hold Ren Zhaoyuan, folded the middle arm and turned to face him: "Tan Qing was not in good health when she was born. If she is not careful, she may not be able to support her. Parents will definitely focus on the little ones." Body. Boys are not pampered like girls. At my age, I know how to eat, wear, and learn. It’s not surprising that they don’t think it’s too much of a concern.”

Ren Zhaoyuan looked at him without making a sound, listening to him quietly.

"When I was called a parent in junior high school, Tan Qing was in the hospital, and my dad was in a hurry. He is the kind of person who doesn't take care of himself when he is outside, and he has a kind of trust and respect for the school and teachers. When he arrived, he mistakenly thought that I was causing trouble and fighting. Even if you don’t even want to give him a slap in the face, you can understand.”

"I was stubborn at the time, and I didn't want to explain again when I had the chance. They just didn't know what happened."

I hated and complained too, but when I grow up and look back, it's not that my parents really don't care about him.

So for a long time afterwards, Tan Zheng kept enlightening himself in this way.

"I understand, but I still can't get through."

Tan Zheng looked at Ren Zhaoyuan, spread out those things that he had said lightly in another way, and told him the things in his heart that he thought were worthless: "Sometimes I also think about the past. It’s been so many years, it’s not a big deal, I’m not missing an arm or a leg, so why worry about it.”

"But even if I have made myself clear sometimes, I still get stabbed every time I think about it."

Ren Zhaoyuan squeezed his hand a little harder: "This is normal, it's not your problem."

Tan Zheng looked at him, Ren Zhaoyuan smiled, and turned to face him: "I'm so old, I still feel uncomfortable when it snows."

He teased himself and used himself as an analogy, and Tan Zheng's heart suddenly relaxed.

Ren Zhaoyuan is absolutely right with him.

There is nothing unreasonable about Ren Zhaoyuan.

So he has been struggling, not making a big deal out of a molehill, not having any problems.

Tan Zheng's tone became much lighter in an instant: "You are only a few years older than me at any age, just keep saying you are older."

"Isn't it too much to count on one hand?"

"Not much, and you don't show your age at all. If you walk outside and don't say anything, people will think you are younger than me."

Ren Zhaoyuan smiled: "How is it possible."

"Really, I won't lie to you, it's because you don't have a clear understanding of yourself at all."

"I can't tell you."

"That's because I was right."

"Okay," Ren Zhaoyuan said with a smile again, "You are right."

The song in the distance stopped, and the sound of drums and pianos became louder. People beat the beat of the drums, and in the occasional quiet intervals, the "cracking" sound of burning wood could be faintly heard.

Ren Zhaoyuan heard a girl calling "Brother" loudly, and suddenly thought that it is really rare for Tan Zheng to be so close to Tan Xuqing now.

"Do you have a good relationship with your parents at home?"

"It's pretty good," Tan Zheng said, "I'm not like Tan Qing who is clingy and coquettish or talks about family affairs, but I'm a man, so it's strange to be like her."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing: "I didn't mean that."

"Well, I know what you're worried about," Tan Zheng curled up his fingers and scratched his palm, "They didn't know about those things all the time, and they didn't want to talk about them at the time. It’s not strange, it’s not because I have grudges against anyone, it’s really uncomfortable when I think about it, um...how should I put it..."

Ren Zhaoyuan said, "I understand."

"Ok?"

"Things are just the things themselves, and what is difficult is only the situation at that time."

It's like he was sad because he heard the quarrel between his uncle and aunt, and wiped out what he believed to be "his own home" in "other people's children" one by one.

The scene at that time is still boring in retrospect, but it does not conflict with the close relationship now. His uncle and aunt have always been very kind to him.

Tan Zheng held Ren Zhaoyuan's hand on his heart, and said, "You seem to have grown from here."

Ren Zhaoyuan touched Tan Zheng's heartbeat, thinking, it wasn't that he grew out of Tan Zheng's heart, but Tan Zheng took out the whole heart, showed it to him, and let him touch it.

"I always feel that I am getting less and less image with you."

Ren Zhaoyuan came back to his senses: "Huh?"

"It was already naive enough, but adding this now makes me appear narrow-minded."

"No way," Ren Zhaoyuan curled up his hand and only stretched out one index finger to poke him, "What does this have to do with narrow-mindedness?"

"Anyway, it's not airy, and it doesn't feel bad at all."

Ren Zhaoyuan couldn't help laughing at his childish statement, saying that Tan Zheng was better than him, at least he didn't have "sequelae" like him.

Tan Zheng was silent for a while, and then said, it was not.

"When Anyu was first established, the project was placed in a mess. Hundreds of thousands were exchanged for a mess. Putting money in my hands was a bottomless pit of throwing money. Jin Shiyan advised me to give up Anyu first, declare bankruptcy, and get rid of that hot potato and live a new life. It will take a year and a half to re-register the company.”

"That's the most sensible way to minimize losses."

Tan Zheng smiled and said, "But I can't accept it."

"It was then that I realized that I hadn't actually made it through. I could not have it, but I couldn't get it and never have it."

"At that time, I was heavily in debt to keep An Yu, but by chance, I took advantage of the wind again. Uncle Jin said later that he always thought that I was naturally suitable for business, and he almost thought it was wrong at the time."

"He really misjudged. I didn't weigh the pros and cons at all, nor did I think it through, but I just didn't want to let go."

"I can pay countless times, but what already belongs to me must always be mine."

Ren Zhaoyuan met Tan Zheng's gaze, feeling the heat and strength in it.

"You didn't want to give up An Yu at the time, is there part of the reason..."

Tan Zheng said, "Yes."

He only said half of the reason just now.

But Ren Zhaoyuan didn't even need to listen to them all.

The other half is because he has put his feelings for Ren Zhaoyuan on An Yu, the name is the obscurity and obscurity, and the original intention is the unspeakable private heart.

He knew that his feelings were doomed to have no repercussions, so he couldn't give up on An Yu who was carrying these things.

In fact, the truth is clear, if An Yu fails, there can be An Yu, An Yu, An Yu. The object of his affection has no knowledge, and it is his self-movement from the beginning to the end. Obviously there is a better choice, but he still has to make it It would be foolish to lose one's wealth and life.

But when one is in it, it is useless to understand the truth, and a symbolic reference that is meaningless in the eyes of others may be all that the person concerned is worth giving out at that time.

"I don't dare to say it," Tan Zheng propped himself up, leaned over Ren Zhaoyuan again, held his side face with one hand, lowered his head and touched the tip of his nose very lightly, "I'm afraid I'll scare you."

This is still the case for An Yu who pins on his emotions.

Not to mention Ren Zhaoyuan himself.

"You often feel sorry for me and I have loved you silently for many years. In fact, it is not difficult for me, it is just a natural thing."

"Ren Zhaoyuan, I can live without you from the beginning to the end."

"But absolutely, absolutely, you can't have it and then lose it."

The author says:

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!