chasing light

"What are you afraid of? Lu Shen, what are you afraid of?" Song Jinhang wanted to ask him countless times but retreated under Lu Shen's restless eyes.This time, he finally asked.

Song Jinhang grabbed Lu Shen's shoulder, forcing him to look at him.The deer looked at him sadly, his eyes were innocent and stubborn, his lips were tightly pressed, and he didn't say a word.

"Speak up, Lu Shen, speak up."

Song Jinhang said: "Why don't you talk? I've said it, I've said it many times, Lu Shen, you can trust me, I won't hurt you. Do you understand?"

"You can tell me that, I will not dislike you or hate you, nor will I leave you. Lu Shen, I love you, we can solve it together."

"Lu Shen, say something."

Lu Shen clutched his sleeve tightly, shook his head desperately, and then looked at Song Jinhang with his usual restless eyes, which showed a hint of pleading, humble, pitiful, helpless, and weak pleading.

It was the first time that Song Jinhang ignored his eyes. It was the first time that Song Jinhang felt exhausted with such eyes.

Song Jinhang let go of his hand as if he was exhausted, he felt very tired, he was very tired, and he was about to be unable to hold on any longer.

Why don't you trust me?

I know your anxiety, I understand your helplessness, why don't you speak out?

You say, I and you, we, we face together, I can help you share.

Deer deep, deer deep...

I love you.

But why don't you believe it?

Why do you just not believe it?

Song Jinhang was very tired. He glanced at Lu Shen, then turned around and left.

The deer looked deeply at his back until he could no longer see it, then lowered his head, deeply, revealing a fragile neck.

A voice whispered maliciously in his ear.

Lu Shen, Song Jinhang doesn't want you anymore.

Ah.

Song Jinhang found that Lu Shen was gone, and hurried back to look for him.

What if such an easily injured person is lost?So what if I can't find such a meek and fragile person?

Song Jinhang finally found him in a corner.

The dark alley, the teenager curled up in a ball, sad and helpless, everything seems to coincide with the scene that day.

The only difference is that the first time the youth's sadness was given by others, but this time, Song Jinhang imposed it.

Song Jinhang walked over and squatted down, "Lu Shen."

Lu Shen flinched and buried his head deeper.

Song Jinhang called again, "Lu Shen."

He stroked that head, "Come home with me."

Lu Shen said nothing.

"If you don't speak, I will take it as your acquiescence."

Song Jinhang bent down to hug him, only to find that Lu Shen's hands and feet were cold, and his whole body was shaking violently.

Song Jinhang panicked, forcibly opened his arms, and supported Lu Shen's face. Lu Shen's face was terribly pale, and his eyes were a little dull. When he saw him, a line of tears flowed down the corners of his eyes.

The deer smiled deeply, with an ugly curve at the corner of his mouth, stretched out his arms to wrap his arms around his neck, and rubbed against him flatteringly, his voice was weak and hoarse, "Do you still want me?"

Lu Shen's tears fell on his shoulders and also on his heart.Song Jinhang hugged him tightly, feeling pain in his heart, pressed Lu Shen's head to his chest, and said, "Yes, why not?"

Patting Lu Shen on the back lightly, he said: "Lu Shen, I love you."

Lu Shen trembled slightly in his arms, and Song Jinhang said, "Lu Shen, I love you."

"Lu Shen, I will not abandon you."

"Lu Shen, I will not leave you."

"Lu Shen, I won't hate you."

"Lu Shen, come home with me."

This afternoon, Song Jinhang had a junior high school classmate celebrating his birthday. He couldn't push it away, and he didn't want to leave Lu Shen alone at home, so he asked, "Lu Shen, there is a birthday party this afternoon, do you want to go with me?"

Lu Shen hesitated for a moment, then nodded.

The party was held in a private room, and the sound of the music played and the sound of people drinking and yelling mixed together was extremely noisy. Song Jinhang's seat was not conspicuous, and he didn't like this kind of place.

Lu Shen has been sitting quietly beside him, watching everything silently with his beautiful eyes open.

Song Jinhang squeezed his hand and asked him: "Are you okay? If you don't want to stay here, we can leave."

Lu Shen smiled obediently at him, shook his head, and gently held Song Jinhang's hand.

Everything was fine until one of the boys started laughing.

The boy said: "What's the matter! You don't know that when I was in elementary school, my neighbor's house was considered awesome! He married a widow and brought a bottle of oil, and it didn't take long for the widow to cheat on me." The man was drunk and beat her half to death, and then the widow took all the money and ran away while the man was not at home!"

Someone came up and asked, "And then what?"

The boy went on to say: "Then that man drank heavily every day, and when he was half drunk, he beat and scolded the oil bottle when he got home. I have seen it a few times, and it scared me so much that I didn't sleep well at night."

"That child is so poor."

The boy said disdainfully: "What's so pitiful! No one in that family is normal, the father is a drunkard, the mother stole someone and ran away, and the child looks gloomy and half-dead all day long, like a dumb person who doesn't speak every day. You can tell it's a brain disease!"

A group of people burst into laughter, and quickly changed the subject.

This is just a trivial episode, but Lu Shen's reaction says it all.

Song Jinhang called him, and Lu Shen turned his head, showing that emotion called sadness again, and he leaned into Song Jinhang's ear and whispered, "I want to go, can I?"

Song Jinhang nodded and led him to a nearby park. The park was very quiet and there were not many people there.

Lu Shen still sat beside him quietly, still not saying a word.

After a long time, Song Jinhang asked, "Lu Shen, is that... is that you?"

The deer raised its head in deep panic and looked at him innocently, like a frightened little animal.

Seeing his reaction, Song Jinhang didn't understand anything, he hugged Lu Shen into his arms, trying to comfort him.Lu Shen pushed him away, took a few steps back, and stared at him nervously.

"Lu Shen, you..." Song Jinhang wanted to step forward, but Lu Shen took a few steps back, panicked and uneasy.

Lu Shen turned pale, became more and more flustered, turned around and ran away.

Song Jinhang was afraid that something would happen to him, so he chased after him, and then?Then there is the above.

Song Jinhang knew that Lu Shen was very insecure, and he also knew that he didn't want him to know about the past, why?

Song Jinhang could probably guess.

Lu Shen was afraid that he would hate him if he found out, and that Song Jinhang would give up on him because of that miserable past that was treated as a joke.

Lu Shen was abandoned by his mother and stepfather as a tool to vent his anger, but just like this, he still stayed in that broken place called "home", enduring those insults and beatings day after day. Accompanied by scars.

It's just because Lu Shen is afraid of being abandoned.

Song Jinhang said many times that he would not abandon him, but Lu Shen listened to it, but he didn't want to believe it. He was too unconfident and uneasy.

Song Jinhang put his arms around his thin body and said, "Lu Shen, I won't leave you because of these. I love the person named Lu Shen, not anything else, just you."

Lu Shen didn't speak, but nodded slightly.

Song Jinhang kissed his eyes, "Go to sleep."

At that time, Song Jinhang thought, a lifetime is very long, and it doesn't matter whether Lu believes it or not, because that person named Song Jinhang will spend the rest of his life fulfilling his promise, until he dies.

However, Song Jinhang never thought that a lifetime could be short.