Three thousand congratulations

【0】

"Repeat the same thing every day, follow the same routine as yesterday. If you can avoid violent pleasure, naturally you will not have great sorrow to visit."

But people are such short-sighted creatures, accustomed to ignoring the words of experience, instinctively chasing intense emotions, worshiping bliss as heaven, and enjoying climbing the peak all their lives, but they often slack off because of excessive expectations on the way to the climb, and are eventually followed by them. The grief that came seized the ankles and fell into the abyss of pain to be smashed.

Even more puzzling are those who, after falling into the abyss, dragged their crippled bodies and an exposed heart, and still climbed up with their bloody fingers.

You obviously have nothing, and you have been abandoned, so why continue?Is there anything else that can be gained?

"People who are overly afraid of people, on the contrary, want to see more terrifying monsters with their own eyes. The more nervous people are timid about things, the more they want the storm to come more violently."

Just like the vast white snow covers the earth, only footprints can show the traces of people walking.

The reason is that I want to find the feeling of existence, my eyes lost the real focus, my powerless hands loosened, only with fear and destruction can I hold my heart tightly, the blood rushes up from the diaphragm, I can feel It's beating.

That's why I use falling down again and again and intertwined suffering and painful stimulation to prove the existence of the heart.

【1】

The chirping of cicadas gradually sounded outside the window, the slightly sultry air and the atmosphere that had been settled overnight in the room could not be circulated, so I could feel it the moment I opened my eyes.

"Huh~" He let out a big breath, full of helplessness.

Just opening your eyes and taking a look at this world is already very difficult, not to mention this kind of world full of traps and taboos.

Don't want to get up, don't want to talk, don't want to think, don't want to go on living.

Every time I fall into the memory and wake up, I will be so decadent.

But when she caught sight of the neatly folded blankets from the corner of her eye, she sat up abruptly.

Has anyone ever entered my room... and folded the blanket that was left at the foot of the bed since winter... Is it me?Absolutely impossible. I left it aside for several months when I was sober. Could it be that the heart of housekeeping broke out after being drunk?I looked at the drawer where the socks were placed, um, not myself...

Could it be the snail girl?

Wait...drunk? whenwhere whywho

Last night...in Uncle's wine shop...I remembered that guy...with Gui and Yinshi...

bad feeling.

【2】

"Dong dong dong," someone knocked on the door of the room.

Who should I ask at this time?But he still said "come in".

"Mr. Gui?!" Mr. Gui actually saw his unkempt appearance now? !Subconsciously, she picked up the quilt to cover half of her face, only revealing a pair of eyes.

Gui subconsciously said "yes", looking at those still blurred eyes, Gui remembered last night.

Hesitant to speak.

Last night...from the time she said that name, many things, such as smiles, tenderness, care, and tolerance, have been properly explained, but there is no doubt that she will break with herself and now.

Gui, who did not give up and continued to search in those eyes, only got doubts, panic and bewilderment.

It would be great if that crystal-clear and fragile tenderness that can easily melt the heart can be shown for myself again.

Even if I saw it, I was shaken severely, and I was willing to capture it...

There is not even a trace of that tenderness and love that belongs to me...

【3】

"Last night, Lord Guren was drunk, and I will take you home..."

"Really, it turned out that Mr. Gui sent me back, thank you very much."

"Master Guren said..."

"Ok?"

"Say something..."

"Talk? Did I talk nonsense when I was drunk?! Did I offend Mr. Gui?"

"No offense," Gui lowered his head, his voice trembling slightly, "it's... something that has nothing to do with me...".

"?"

"The reason Guren-sama... cares about me..."

"There's no reason to sit idly by..."

"Is it Lord Huayu?"

【4】

That person's name was actually spoken from this mouth at this moment.

The two lines meandering forward in different time and space unexpectedly converge at this point.

His name is the same as his own name, a secret that has been painstakingly hidden, thinking that he will be extremely safe after being taken to the grave, thinking that as long as he does not admit it, he will not be discovered.

Too careless.

Maybe before that even I didn't realize the complete connection between the two.

I just stretched out my hand to grab the illusory thread of my feeling, but I didn't expect to be completely bound. I saw it by accident under the moonlight that night, and I was holding the thread in my hand thinking that I might let go of it at any time. The weak thread will become entangled with the thread that is tightly entangled on the body, embedded in the skin with bleeding marks, and once cut off.

It's so tight and embedded so deeply, it's the bone a little further down, isn't it?

It was still found.

【5】

It was because at that time I did not choose to die and survived.

That's why I'm tormented by this fear and pain now.

If you can give up everything.

Or pretend like nothing happened.

smile.Lying.

Will things like this get easier if you live on?

【6】

"Baizi's mother said it before, and uncle said it yesterday. I look like someone I know."

"The person who is similar to me is..." Gui's voice became difficult, "No, it should be said that the person who is very similar to Lord Huayu is me, right?"

I want answers, I used to want answers.

But now he is desperately denying it, wanting to hear the opposite with his own mouth, speaking in an indifferent or even unpleasant tone.

Similar to "No", "Are you kidding", "No", "Big mistake".

Either one is fine.

As long as you can prove the following is wrong.

"I think there may be some misunderstanding, Guren-sama must be..."

【7】

My chest hurts again.

enough.

Don't say anything.

【8】

"I'm not feeling well. Mr. Gui, can you go out first...can you leave me alone for a while?"

It was the first time in memory that he said such words to this person in such a tone.Maybe for the last time.

Compared with the laborious concealment, pushing it away is so easy.

If I knew it was so easy, I might as well...

"Then I will take my leave first," Gui stood up and bowed. "excuse me."

【9】

The last words the man left were "I'm leaving".

Not "goodbye" nor "take care".

Just left like this, leaving no reason, no way out.

He left with the key, and the door has been locked ever since.

It wasn't until that night that the cannonball slammed the door open that I was able to glimpse the outside world.

The reason why the door exists is to hope that someone will come in, right?

And now the person standing at the door is closing the door carefully.

This man, even knowing the truth, is still so polite.

Instead of carefully confirming the truth of the incident, you who hoped that I would not do such a thing.

The one who should leave and apologize is me who allowed this to continue in the first place.

It was me who embraced too many taboos and secrets, couldn't open my heart to anyone, and couldn't be forgiven.

It's me who should say "excuse me".

【10】

Sorry to bother you.

I'm sorry for doing such a thing.

I thought I could catch something, sorry.

Sorry for confusing you.

Sorry to disappoint you.

Once got your stop, heard your voice, saw your smile, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for treating you as a special existence.

Didn't choose to end it at that time, sorry.

I see the future in you, sorry.

That's me, sorry.

Born human, sorry.

The author has something to say:

Why is it always locked, obviously there is nothing!