Donggong: If Li Chengyin remembered first

I expected Xiaofeng's liking for me, but I never thought that hearing her love me personally would be mixed with almost unbearable sadness and bitterness.

Memories can be forgotten, but the dead cannot be brought back to life.If I knew today, why bother?But even if I do it again... Is there any way out for me who went on an expedition to Xiliang?

I suddenly realized that I was never willing, only I should, that's all.

Since I was a child, I only wanted to follow the shadows of the dead. Until this moment, I have to admit that perhaps none of the steps I have been on in the difficult journey of life came from my heart.As a result of the entanglement of fate, after every compromise, tolerance, and choice, the footsteps are messy, and the origin has long been unclear, and it has come to this situation.

After that day, Xiaofeng calmed down like never before.I stay in my own small yard every day, planting some flowers and plants when I am bored, sometimes my clothes and skirts are wet, and sometimes my hands are covered with mud.Don't mention these troublesome things, and don't sneak out of the palace with A'Du.

Between me and me, it's too cold.I often go to her small yard to stay.She never kicked me out, she just went about her own business, or when she got bored, she would rather read those troublesome books than talk to me more.I even miss the days when we quarreled as soon as we met.At least at that time, Xiaofeng was alive.Everything she does is what she really is.

But I also just miss.Naturally, there is no going back.People can only always look forward.

In this way, for several months, from spring to summer, the days passed very peacefully, as if the rest of my life could be wasted in such days.

If so, it is a kind of luck.

But my heart is not always very peaceful.It was like sneaking into a misty jungle, and at some point, he was surrounded by ferocious beasts.

The cherry blossoms were all gone. In late spring, Pei Zhao's father, Pei Kuang, went on an expedition to Korea and captured many spoils. Among them was a snow-white cat with two eyes, one blue and the other blue.As soon as I saw it, I thought that Xiao Feng would definitely like it, so I ordered someone to send it to her. Then I thought about our "respect like ice" relationship, so I had no choice but to call Pei Zhao, and said, "Let's just say you sent it."

He took the basket and went.I stood outside the courtyard and watched the figure disappear into the end of the corridor in Xiaofeng's courtyard. I felt a lot of feelings in my heart, and when I calmed down, there was only a soft and long bitterness left.

The cat was very naughty, but it relieved her loneliness in the palace a bit.

In a few days, the wedding date of Pei Zhao and Luo Xi arrived.I deliberately took Xiaofeng to watch the ceremony.She wasn't unhappy, but she wasn't as happy as she appeared on the surface. She looked lazy and bored.

Seeing that she was not interested, I sat down for a while and then left.

Coming out of Pei's house, as soon as she got into the carriage, the smile on her face subsided, she leaned slightly, closed her eyes and rested.

"Would you like to go for a walk in the street?"

She opened her eyes and glanced at me, shook her head and said, "Forget about this outfit."

"I ordered someone to bring some homely clothes, and you can change into them."

After hearing this, she didn't jump up as expected and immediately went to change clothes in high spirits. Instead, she was still bored, and after a while, she lazily said, "Forget it, there's nothing to go shopping."

I sat down and got close to her.He reached out and took off the heavy jewels on her head.She ignored me and let me pick it.A phoenix hairpin adorned with pearls and emeralds entangled a few strands of hair, and I couldn't take them off no matter what. I was still slowly smoothing those messy strands, for fear of hurting her.She was in a hurry, so she raised her hand and pulled it off, and a small lock of broken hair fell in her hand, and I held it tightly.

She was probably used to taking it off, and there was nothing left on her head, even the wig was removed, and the long hair hung down, still a bit messy.The onion-like fingers shuttled through the cloud-like black hair, and they were quickly fixed, only tied with a hair tie.

She is so pretty.

I don't want to take her into the street again.

Unexpectedly, she raised her hand and pulled the hairband again, tied it up like a man, and said, "Where are the clothes?"

When I brought the bag of clothes, she picked and picked, and frowned, "Why are they all skirts...?"

"Then you can only wear mine." I turned out a men's suit, which was my clothes.

She was silent for a while when she saw it, and said, "Too big?" However, she still took it out, put it on her arm, and said, "Let me change it up and have a look." Seeing that I didn't move, she urged, "What are you doing?" Still not going down?"

I smiled slightly, and then I put down the curtain and jumped out of the car.

A'Du and Yong Niang were waiting outside, looking confused.

I ordered A'Du to help her change clothes, and I asked Yong Niang to fetch water to wash off her makeup, she had already changed.

It is a little big, and the extra clothes are all tucked in the waist, so you can't see the baby in the belly.

She came out of the carriage and said after washing her makeup, "Let's go."

The two of us walked and stopped in the streets of Shanghai, big and small, aimlessly. She only picked up unfamiliar neighborhoods, and seemed unwilling to set foot in familiar places in the past.There are people coming and going on the street, and it is already a bit hot in late spring, but after a while, they lose interest and refuse to go shopping.Randomly picked a roadside teahouse, sat down and drank tea silently.

This tea house is located in a remote place, there are not many customers in the shop, only a few people who look like scholars sitting and drinking tea in twos and threes.Occasionally, there are a few sounds of hawking on the street, mixed with the lingering tea fragrance, which seems to lull you to sleep.

She only sat for a while, then said: "Li Chengyin, shall we go back?"

"Actually, wherever you want to go, whether it's Miro's wine shop or Mandarin duck roast, I will accompany you there."

She was silent for a while, then said: "Li Chengyin, have you ever drunk flower wine?"

I was taken aback and said, "No."

"I used to be in a bad mood, so I went to Mingyufang to listen to Yueniang playing the pipa and singing. The first time I went there, she recognized me as a man in disguise, because I didn't show any frivolity to her." She finished, Rarely smiled slightly, and then seemed to think of something, the smile suddenly disappeared, and the voice was cut off.

After a while, he stroked the rim of the teacup and said softly, "I heard... Yueniang is gone, did you... kill her?"

Her tone was exceptionally calm, as if whether I said yes or no, she had already determined the result.

Yueniang got involved in the big case of Zhao Gao's family, first dragged Gao's into the water with the Chen family's old case, and then bit back, leaving Zhao Kun completely speechless.After everything is over, can it end well?

Of course... no.

That day I went to see her with a notice stating that Gao’s family was beheaded. People who have been imprisoned all the time, and people who have “accidents” from time to time, read the notice and became radiant.

She bowed to me three times and said, "Thank you."

I took out a jug of wine and said, "It seems to be too early to thank you."

When she saw the jug of wine, she smiled, "It's not early, it's really late after drinking."

After that, he raised his hand and poured himself a small cup.The posture is extraordinarily elegant, like saying goodbye, but also like the fulfillment of a big wish, and the heart is satisfied.

She drank the glass of wine slowly, as if drinking tea.

Putting down the cup, he said again: "Your Highness, treat her well."

I froze for a moment, before I realized it was Xiaofeng.I nodded, and saw that after Yueniang finished speaking, a trace of blood spilled from the corner of her mouth, I slowly closed my eyes and fell down.

There was even a little expectation on her face.

I was silent for a moment and called for someone to come in.

The story of Yueniang committing suicide by giving wine is not widely spread.But those who should know should know it.Maybe some people are greatly relieved, and only a few people will feel sad about it.

For example, Xiao Feng.

Seeing that I didn't speak, she said again: "Li Chengyin, Shangjing is not the previous Shangjing."

When she said this, she looked out the window and turned her head slightly to listen carefully to the sound of hawking on the street.Like a bird in a cage, watching the outside world for a long time, focused and timid, if you pursue it further, your heart will be ashamed.

"Xiaofeng, Shangjing is not the former Shangjing, just like Xiliang is not the former Xiliang, but people's likes and misses will never change."

I paid for the tea, but she was still in the same place.I held her hand and helped her up, walked out of the store, and said, "Xiaofeng, do you believe me?"

She froze for a moment, changed her face, and looked at me suspiciously.

"You probably don't believe it. But it doesn't matter, after all... I am indeed not a good person." I smiled slightly, and my heart was full of bitterness.Said: "It's just... people always look forward to the trust of others. Like mothers and elder brothers, no matter what happens, they will always believe in me and keep goodness in their hearts, pity me and love me. It's just... now, I'm afraid even I don't believe it myself. gone."

I took her hand and walked slowly forward.It was a more secluded alley, and after walking to the end and turning around several narrow alleys, I finally heard a few faint sounds of books.

After hearing the sound, it was a courtyard.After entering the yard, I could hear the clear and clear sound of reading on the attic.

There is a seal script hanging in the attic, saying: "There is no distinction between teaching."

Xiaofeng probably couldn't understand it, so he looked at it several times before saying: "What is written here, it twists and turns like a little snake."

I chuckled lightly, causing her to roll her eyes, and said: "There is no distinction between teaching and learning."

She probably didn't understand, so I said again: "It's a sentence in "The Analects of Confucius", which means that no matter what kind of person, they should be educated."

We were talking, when a woman came out of the courtyard and said, "Are you two here to look for Mrs. Chen?"

The woman was black and strong, and the calluses could still be seen in the hands clasped around her waist, so she could tell she was a peasant woman at a glance.

I nodded and said, "Yes."

The woman laughed, poured tea for us, pointed upstairs and said: "Master is teaching, I don't like people to disturb you, please sit down for a while." Then she left, thinking that she was busy with something.

After the man had gone far away, Xiaofeng said: "Do you want to invite your master?"

"Yes."

"Is there still a shortage of teachers in the palace?"

"Not lacking." I took a sip of tea, the taste was very bad, so I put it down.

"then you……?"

I laughed: "I heard that Master Chen was born with a beautiful face, so..."

She was taken aback for a moment, and then said after a while: "You you you...do you still have this habit...?"

I leaned on the table and my stomach hurt from laughing.Her expression became worse and worse, so I said, "Why don't you go upstairs and help me see if the rumors are true?"

As soon as she heard it, she really got up and went upstairs.

The sound of books upstairs still didn't stop.A camphor tree in the courtyard exudes a delicate fragrance from time to time. This is really a good place.

I also got up and went up, only to see Xiaofeng standing outside the windows on the upper and lower corridors of the attic. Through the gaps, I could see several young girls sitting in the room, their clothes were rough and even patched, but their expressions Stare at the handwriting carefully and intently.The leading adult woman is dressed in a plain dress, her hair is tied with wooden hairpins, her face is calm and gentle.It was Yueniang, she was listening to the children reading, she seemed to be engrossed in listening, and she didn't notice us outside the window at all.

The sound of reading just now stopped, and a woman's voice sounded softly, explaining the words and sentences, and the explanation was extremely detailed.

Xiaofeng was already in tears.Neither of us spoke, and went downstairs quietly again.After leaving the hospital, the woman's voice could no longer be heard.I took a handkerchief to help her wipe her tears, she grabbed the handkerchief, wiped it herself, and said: "You lied to me again."

"Xiaofeng, I never lied to you. I just have a lot of things that I didn't tell you. But... none of the things I said to you was a lie to you. It was like this in Xiliang. You have been in Beijing all these years, Still."

The tears she had just wiped away suddenly fell again.

The author has something to say:

I feel that I was not very satisfied with what I wrote yesterday, so I didn’t update it. I wrote it again today