Cheng Wei'an

Ok, let's not play this. "

I was covering my eyes so I couldn't see his expression, but I could hear the obvious panic in his tone.

But I didn't think much about why he was panicking.

On Saturday night, we went to a hot pot restaurant on Donglin Street for dinner.Yang Shuo and Gao Yu were chatting and laughing, but I could see the gloomy and puzzled look in his eyes.

I had never drank alcohol, nor had I ever thought of trying it.But watching Yang Shuo drink one cup after another, I suddenly wanted to try it.

I poured myself half a glass, and the wine ran down my throat, bringing a burning pain.I roared with a hoarse throat, and when Yi Ran saw it, he laughed.

After dinner, Gao Yu proposed to sing again.My head is already a little dizzy, and it hurts sharply from the cold wind.

Yi Ran also drank, holding Gao Yu in one hand and pulling Yang Shuo in the other, his whole body was insanely high.

I nestled in the corner of the sofa, dizzy, thirsty, and took a sip from the glass, only to realize that it was wine.

I clicked my tongue angrily, and as if giving up on myself, I squeezed the wine glass and poured it incessantly, coughing so hot that I burst into tears.

The deafening music finally died down, Yi Ran's eyes were blurred, his cheeks were flushed, and he wobbled in Gao Yu's arm.Gao Yu was obviously not so drunk that he lost consciousness, when he dragged Yi Ran away, he remembered that there were still two people here.

"Uh...then what... Cheng, Cheng Wei'an, we have to go, you... hiccup... can you do it?..."

In fact, my head hurt so much that I couldn't hear what he said clearly, only the sound kept ringing, which was very annoying.He couldn't stop shaking his head, wanting them to be quieter, and then the voice really stopped.

My stomach was extremely uncomfortable, and my eyes were shaking.There was another figure swaying in front of me, I muttered and waved my hand, trying to scatter the figure away.The figure got closer, and a familiar smell rushed into the tip of his nose.

I suddenly felt a pang of sadness, which was so strong that I couldn't help crying.

I hugged the person in front of me, using all my strength.I wailed loudly and vomited out all the words in my heart.

At that time, I didn't care whether I should say this, or that I didn't know what I was talking about, I just felt that I felt a lot happier when I said these words.

Because of this joy, I became more reckless, and even my movements became bolder.

To me, this should just be a drunken recklessness.After waking up, all these will be volatilized with the wine, whether it is love or life, it will continue as before.

But it was this drunkenness that changed my life drastically.

The ambiguity without words may be just right for his curiosity and exploration of this kind of emotion. Once he crosses the boundary, he will be full of disgust and fear like encountering the plague, and he can't wait to stay away.

Yang Shuo started to alienate me again, but he didn't explain the reason.Yi Ran was implicated inexplicably, and came to ask me what happened.I was at a loss, really confused.When I plucked up the courage to ask Yang Shuo why, I saw him hugging Zhan Yu's shoulder.I was immediately discouraged, like a lost dog, and slipped away in disgrace.

He has a girlfriend.

Then what should I do...

I started skipping classes and staying out at night.I dare not go back to school, dare not see Yang Shuo.I am afraid, afraid to see him.I have been cowardly for a long time, but if I saw him at this moment, I would definitely rush up and question him like a leopard, but why should I question him?What right do I have to ask?

After half a month like this, I finally calmed down, I can force myself not to think about Yang Shuo, and I can force myself to smile when I meet him.I go to class, but I still don't go back to the dormitory.

Yi Ran asked about the two of us during the period, I didn't tell him, but he already guessed almost the same.

I told Yi Ran that no matter what happened between me and Yang Shuo, don't let him take care of it.My own business, I will solve it myself.

It was already very hot in June. When I was walking on the road, I could see the thighs of those girls everywhere. They were white and slender, which almost dazzled my dog's eyes.

The phone rang frantically, and I picked it up, with a carefree air: "Hey Yi Ran, don't rush me, I'm already at the school gate, I won't be late, remember to leave me a seat, bye. "

"Who cares if you're late or not!" Yi Ran raised her voice, "Listen to me, go back to me right now, don't come to school these days, I've already asked for leave for you."

"No, I don't want to come to the school." When I said this, I had stepped on the only way from the school to Class A. I raised my head slightly, and I was sensitive to the fact that the people around me were looking at me intentionally or unintentionally. .I paused slightly, turned my head back, and the students behind me all looked away in a panic.I suddenly felt bad, and asked Yi Ran in a deep voice, "I'm already in school, tell me, what happened?"

Yi Ran let out an extremely angry scolding voice: "Fuck, that bitch Zhan Yu posted a video on the school's post, and now almost everyone in the school knows that you are gay!"

This incident made a lot of noise, not only alarmed the school but also alarmed my parents far away.My parents came here in a hurry when they heard about it.My mother's eyes were red, and she cried and scolded me while grabbing me. My father thought my mother was too gentle, so he beat me up in person.I endured it silently, but my mother couldn't bear it.She stopped my dad and asked me: "What will you do in the future if something like this happens to you? Have you thought about it?"

I said: "Mom and Dad, I don't study anymore."

My dad said: "If you don't study, what can you do if you don't study? If you don't have a diploma, who wants you?"

I insisted: "No matter who wants me, this is the path I choose, and I will walk by myself."

My dad was so angry that he wanted to reach out and hit me again. He said: "Do you want to continue to go on when you are so despised by others as a homosexual? See for yourself what the people around you think of you? After this story spreads, the neighbors What will the neighbors think of us!"

"I'm sorry for you, but you like my mother. You should know that liking someone is such an uncontrollable thing. I can't help it. Besides, this thing has already happened and it is irreparable. I can't Continue to stay at this school."

"Wei An, is there really no way to change the fact that you like men?"

"Mom, I can't help it."

My mother closed her eyes fiercely, and she took a deep breath, as if she had made a decision.She said, "OK."

My dad was taken aback, and wanted to say something, but was dragged away by my mother. My dad always listened to my mother the most. When my mother stared at him, he didn't dare to say anything.

So I went through the withdrawal procedure.My mother asked me to go home with her, but I didn't agree, I wanted to go to another city.

I deleted all the contact information of Yang Shuo, and only told Yi Ran.

I went south to a third-tier city, and found a job as a hotel waiter in two days.

After I got off work, I returned to the small house I shared with others, collapsed on the sofa, and let out a long sigh of relief.This kind of life is tiring, but also very comfortable.

Yi Ran kept in touch with me. He asked me how I was doing recently, and I replied that everything was fine.He stammered and said that Yang Shuo was asking him about me.

"Don't mention him to me, and don't tell him about me." I replied to Yi Ran like this.

I still have a deep memory of Yang Shuo's evasive eyes at that time, and every time I think of it, my heart hurts.

He is not worthy of my love.I said to myself more than once.

Yi Ran stopped her mouth.

I have lived in this city for five years, and I have a deeper understanding of this city, and even have a sense of belonging.

I opened a bookstore in partnership with a friend who used to live with me, and the business was pretty good, so I lived a happy life.My friend is Liu Yan, who is one year younger than me and is 23 years old this year.I was talking about a beautiful girlfriend, and the young couple was tired of being together all day, so I was alone in the bookstore most of the time.

The relationship between Yi Ran and his boyfriend Gao Yu continued, and reached the point of starting a family.

Yi Ran sent me a message saying that he is going to marry Gao Yu and is abroad, and he hopes that I can attend and take this opportunity to get together.

He complained to me that I didn't consider him a friend, that I didn't tell him my address or visit him for so many years.

I laughed, but suddenly remembered something, and asked him: "Is he going?"

Yi Ran hesitated for a moment: "He...he has been blaming himself since you left..."

"Don't talk about Yi Ran."

"Well, well, I won't say, but Wei An, I really hope you can come. After all, this is a major event in my life. I hope you can be there."

"Yi Ran, you haven't answered me yet."

"Don't tell me you won't come when he comes?" Yi Ran yelled at me in a rough voice, because I was angry.

Of course it's impossible, I would like to participate in such a big event as Yi Ran.But I don't want to see Yang Shuo either.I was silent for a while, then agreed: "Send me the time and place, and I will come."

Yi Ran cheered, and said to someone: "Wei An agrees!"

I asked him: "Are you talking to Gao Yu?"

Yi Ran seemed nervous for a moment, and said, "Mmm, yes, it's Gao Yu."

Me: "Oh, okay."

I called Liu Shan and asked him what was going on, hoping that he could temporarily put aside his time of wandering around and come to help me guard the shop.

Liu Shan readily agreed.

I packed my luggage and took the plane to the country where Yi Ran got married.Before boarding the plane, Yi Ran said that he would pick me up.I declined, because he is busy with various matters of the wedding these two days, and I don't want to cause him any more trouble.

But Yi Ran still came to pick me up at the airport, accompanied by Gao Yu and Yang Shuo.

This is the first time I have seen Yang Shuo in so many years.He was wearing a well-fitting suit, his facial contours became mature, with some cold edges and corners, and there were unfamiliar emotions that I was familiar with in his eyebrows and eyes.

But he smiled at me very naturally, like an old friend who has been away for many years.

None of us mentioned the past, nor asked about the words of the Passover.

I didn't twitch when he picked up my luggage. Only then did I feel that I was much more relaxed than I thought.

Gao Yu took us back to the hotel, it was time for dinner, so we got together and went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner.

I ordered some wine, Yi Ran said: "You boy, I haven't seen you for a few years, do you like wine?"

I laughed: "I haven't seen my old friend for so many years, it's time to drink. Come."

This just caused Yi Ran to complain. He took a sip of wine and complained to me: "I've never seen a friend like you. You haven't come to see me for so many years. You didn't tell me your address. Come on." , drink, let me tell you, this time you come here, just play for a few more days..."

"I don't want to interrupt your honeymoon," I teased.

Yi Ran blushed and pushed me.Said: "What's the matter, you and Yang Shuo, just come here for a trip."

Yang Shuo?forget it.I tactfully said: "I came here on leave, and I have to go back to work."

I caught a glimpse of Yang Shuo's smile froze for a moment, but he didn't say anything.My head was a little dizzy after drinking, so I went out of the room to get some fresh air in the back garden of the hotel.

Hesitant footsteps came from behind me, I sat up straight, turned my head and looked back, sure enough, it was Yang Shuo.

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

"Can I sit here? There is something I want to tell you."

I moved to the side and let him sit down.

He lowered his head, his whole face was plunged into a shadow.

"In the beginning..."

"It's all over, really." I interrupted him, "I'm fine now, how about you?"

"I'm fine...not so good..." He looked at me hesitantly, but decided to finish what he wanted to say, "I was wrong back then, I just didn't know what to do, and when I found out that you were right After my relationship, I ran away in a panic, and even made a girlfriend to resist this horrifying relationship..."

Oh you bastard.I thought blankly.

"I didn't expect her to do such a thing. I've been looking for you for a long time, and Yi Ran was determined not to tell me about you, so I tortured him. I know he must have contact with you." He smiled , proudly like a child who has guessed a riddle, "Sure enough, I found you."

Oh, that's really congratulations.

Yang Shuo sat up straight, holding my face with both hands, completely ignoring the fact that the flesh on my cheek was squeezed into a pile, and my lips were puckered up ridiculously.He looked me straight in the eyes, and told me solemnly: "I was an asshole at the time, and I only understood my heart after you left. When it's your turn, don't even think about running away, I want to pursue you, you must agree."

"Let go, scumbag." I pouted, trying to spit on him.

He curled his lips aggrieved and accused me: "You call me a scumbag? How can you say anything about me? I'm so sad, so sad." After speaking, he cried a few times symbolically.

I rolled my eyes blankly, and complained wildly: "Fuck your mother's maturity, fuck your mother's coldness, I am really blind during the day, are you a three-year-old child? You are so childish!"

He cried even louder: "I don't care, you scold me, you have to be responsible to me, you have to be my boyfriend, woo woo woo."

Where did Ma Dan, a mentally retarded man, come from? What has he experienced in these years to become so shameless.In an instant, I made a joke about the deformed loving father, and lovingly stroked his dog's head: "It's pitiful, but I already have a boyfriend. He opened a bookstore with me, and we're already living together." He Immediately showed a smug smile, more like a mentally handicapped child: "Haha, you still want to lie to me, he has a girlfriend and is about to get married haha, can you take some time to deceive people?"

Oh shit. "how do you know?"

"Yi Ran."

really.So I racked my brains to make up a lie.

"Hey, hey, don't have such a vivid expression when you're deceiving, okay? The words I'm deceiving are clearly written on your face, dear!"

"Oh." Immediately with no expression on my face, I threw the first depth charge at him, "What about the Zhan language?"

"Oh, oh, her." Yang Shuo's eyes fluttered with guilt, "We broke up long ago, and I don't have any feelings for her...I like you!" He expressed his loyalty.

I huh him: "You're a scumbag, I'm not enough, you're a scumbag girl, a scumbag boy."

"..."

"How about it, you are guilty, you scumbag, hehe."

He hummed twice, and suddenly looked at me shyly like a little daughter-in-law.I felt bad for a moment, and the next moment I was kissed firmly by him.

……

I stared at him expressionlessly, reached out and touched my lips, and there was indeed a bloodstain on my hand.

"...I was wrong!" He yelled, kissed me again with the intention of concealing it, and quietly licked the blood from my wound with the tip of his tongue.

"Hehe." I slapped his teacher, and walked away ruthlessly.

Then, the next day, I calmly finished my breakfast under Yi Ran and Gao Yu's ambiguous gazes.

In fact, I was so ashamed that I tortured Yang Shuo in one hundred and eight ways in my heart.

After Yi Ran's wedding, I went back to China and continued to work.Gao Yu persevered in following me all the way, chasing me in various ways that he thought were romantic but naive.I shamefully agreed.

Probably a big reason is because he is the first person I like, and this prerequisite makes him still hold a heavy weight in my heart even after five years have passed.

Under Yang Shuo's stalking, I moved out of the house I shared with Liu Shan and moved into his house.

We have been together for less than half a year, my parents noticed the clue from the occasional male voice or two when I was with them in the video, my mother asked me: "Wei An, are you talking about a boyfriend?"

So I was forced to take Yang Shuo back to meet my parents.

My parents have accepted my orientation in the past few years and expressed their desire to arrange a blind date for me. When they suddenly knew that I had a boyfriend, they couldn't wait to meet this daughter-in-law.Along the way, Yang Shuo was so nervous that he kept grabbing my hand and rubbing it. He said, "Now I can understand how nervous you were when you met my parents."

I refuted him: "You're talking nonsense, I wasn't nervous at all at the time."

"You were trembling all over nervously at that moment, I kept kissing you and you calmed down a little bit, okay?"

"...I don't want to kiss you." I reacted quickly, and tried to smear his face, but he pressed me down and kissed me carefully.

I was a little angry, so when I met my parents, I inadvertently revealed that he was the strictly coded actor in the video back then, and then I slipped into the room and played with my mobile phone.

About half an hour later, Yang Shuo came in, clutching his left ear, begging for comfort.

"Baby, look at my ear, it hurts so much, I want you to kiss it."

He let go of his hands and showed me that his ears were red after being pulled, which I am familiar with.It is my mother's masterpiece.However, it is too light to start.

"I promised my uncle and aunt for half an hour, and my uncle and aunt let me go." He bent down, pressed me on the bed, and kissed me with a smile, "You are my baby, I will love you all my life." Holding it."

I looked at him, my face was clearly reflected in his brown pupils, it was a face with eyes bent with a smile.

He said: "Not only do I see you in my eyes, but I also see you in my heart."

"What a coincidence, me too."