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Before, I always thought that I was a strong person inside, nothing could break me down, but I forgot that even if I don't break down, I will still be crushed and paralyzed.

The doctor told me that my mother's disease is already in the terminal stage of chronic renal failure, commonly known as "uremia".

A kidney transplant was the only way to save her.

The doctor was still explaining to me in detail, but I stared at his lips, but felt his voice was far away from me.I knew I was scared, I dug my palm with my fingertips, the pain brought me back to consciousness.

I don't have time to be sad, I have to discuss the treatment plan with the doctor, and prepare for the huge operation fee.

Kidney transplantation is the most reasonable and effective treatment for uremia patients. However, due to the lack of donors, kidney transplantation cannot play its due therapeutic role. There are only more than 5000 cases of kidney transplantation in the country every year, and about every 150 people are waiting Of the patients, only one may get a chance of kidney transplantation, and the shortage of donors has become a bottleneck restricting organ transplantation.

Therefore, the vast majority of uremia patients need long-term maintenance hemodialysis or peritoneal dialysis treatment.

Her illness is imminent, and I cannot escape.

I decided, to have a kidney transplant, to get it from me.

The doctor strongly advised me to think carefully again, because the risks of the operation and some physical health conditions after the operation are uncontrollable, and I am still very young after all.

How can I not think of what he said, but at that time, I thought about it from a very realistic perspective.

I decided to donate a kidney to my mother. First, all my indicators met the donor’s standards. Second, this is the most effective way to save her life. Furthermore, if the patient maintains long-term hemodialysis, then the medical The cost is also a small expense.

If it's the last gamble, then I'd rather be maxed out all at once, since I have no wiggle room at all anyway.

I took out all my passbooks and took out all the savings I earned from part-time jobs, but it was still not enough.

The cost of the operation is 10,000+, and long-term oral rejection drugs are required after the operation, and the annual cost is more than [-].

At that time, I knew what "a penny beats a hero" was, and I was almost exhausted.

It's not that I haven't thought about asking someone for help, at least I still have Liang Ye around.

But, I can't.

I can't tell him my choice. I'm not afraid that he will stop me from donating a kidney. What I'm afraid of is that he will be pulled into this endless vortex by me.

I decided to sell the house.

After completing the transfer procedures, I entrusted my aunt to take care of my mother, and I went back to the county to sell the house.

Although there are many residents in that small county, there are no migrants, so the house is not easy to sell, and because some real estate agents know the situation of my house, they deliberately lower the house price that can be given to me.

My mother's operation urgently needs money, and I feel distressed beyond words.

The luck in the misfortune is that when my mother woke up, all the indicators of her body were stable, and she was ready for the kidney transplant operation at any time, but I haven't made up enough money yet.

My aunt called me and asked me to go back. She said that she had discussed with my mother, and she came to pay me the money, and it was assumed that she bought the house.

I rushed to the hospital with the real estate certificate, and my aunt had already prepared the bank card. She said that the money in her hand can only pay half of the house payment, so it should be regarded as a deposit. Let us perform surgery first, and the rest of the house payment will wait for me. She'll make it up when Mom leaves the hospital.

At that time, I was very grateful, it can be said that I am very grateful.

Early the next morning, I went with her to the Property Rights Exchange Center to go through the formalities of changing the name of the property, because the operation is risky, and I can't just take other people's money for nothing.

My mother and I entered the operating room, and the rest can only be left to the doctor and luck.

The doctor performed the operation accurately and my mother and I are fine.But this time, luck abandoned me again.

In just one week after our operation and postoperative recovery, the house has been sold to someone else by my aunt. They paid in full, but she only gave me half of the cost.

Oh, by the way, I heard that she got an extra [-] yuan.

By the time I was able to get out of bed and walk around, my aunt had disappeared without a trace.

I dare not tell my mother the news. Fortunately, there is still some time before she is discharged from the hospital. I think I still have a way.

It's August, and the phone calls from the school are getting more and more urgent, but I still can't get away at all.

At that time, I had no money, or even a shelter, and I began to worry about survival, and I no longer cared about poetry and the distance.

One month after the operation, I handled the discharge procedures for my mother, but I had less than 5 yuan in cash left in my pocket.

I lied to her that my aunt had something to go back to take care of the children at home, and the reason we couldn't go back to the original home was that my aunt had already rented it out in order to repay the house loan.

That was the neighborhood near the school, she had no doubts about this statement.

At that time, I couldn't say how much the removal of a kidney would affect a person. Young people recovered quickly, and I didn't have any special reactions after I was discharged from the hospital.

But the change in mood is still obvious, I gradually become anxious, I can't bear to part with my studies and can't give up the distance.However, the plight of reality bound me to the bedside of the rented room, and I was powerless and unable to break free.

Liang Ye still calls every week, and this is the only time I look forward to.

On the phone, he repeatedly asked how my preparations for the exchange student process were going, and I faltered and ambiguously answered.

He sensed the difference in me and asked if I was not doing well?Is there a lot of competition?Should he ask someone to write another letter of recommendation for me?

Liang Ye is very positive about my going abroad, and he has been looking forward to this day.

And I was unable to answer.

I huddled in the bathroom, washing my mother's dirty clothes. My heart was filled with the pain and suffering in front of me, without a single gap.There is no room for thinking about the future.

Liang Ye is still looking forward to my arrival, and he is eloquently describing his imaginary plan.

He said that when I arrived in England, he would take me to travel around the streets and alleys, and go to his favorite restaurant for dinner. In the future, he would no longer need his father to help him buy clothes, because I would always be there in the future.

Dou Da's tears fell into the basin, and I didn't know when I had tears streaming down my face.

Hanging up the phone, I wrung out my clothes and ran out quickly, not only in a hurry to dry the clothes, but also to dry my tears.

I didn't know at the time that our conversation and my tears had been seen and remembered by her.

I submitted an application for suspension of study to the school, and my classmates and teachers were shocked.

I don't have too much explanation, just say it's my own reasons.I don't want to open up my scars for everyone to see again. It sounds pathetic that the old wounds have not healed and new ones are added.But I don't want anyone's pity, what I need is the courage to fight against fate.

I went home to take care of my mother, but she shed tears all day long.

I explained to her that I just applied for a suspension of school, not a drop-out, so she doesn't have to.

Then, she asked me: "What about going to England?"

I told her that there will be many opportunities in the future.

She continued to ask me: "Then Liang Ye is waiting for you, looking forward to your passing, what should I do?"

"No one is waiting for anyone, no one is looking forward to anyone. Besides, I am only going as an exchange student. Even if I go, I will come back one day. The road we are going to go is different after all." I said to her Listen, and I'm talking to myself.

She looked at me sadly, and for a moment I hated her expression very much.

I really don't need pity and sympathy from anyone, not even her.

I had nowhere to vent and was unable to struggle. At that time, my body would not allow me to release pressure through running as before.

I can't help myself.

I told myself that I must get through this hurdle, and I must face everything in front of me.

What's more, the beautiful future I imagined in the past is actually just my unilateral fantasy. If I tell Liang Ye what I really think in my heart, will he also look forward to my arrival or avoid fear?

I don't dare to think about it, and I don't want to think about it anymore.

I don't know where Liang Ye got the news of my suspension from school. He called over and over again and sent messages one after another. They seemed to push me into a corner, and there was no way I could retreat.

I no longer struggle, no longer fluke.

I said: "Liang Ye, I don't want to be an exchange student anymore. I don't want to go to the UK. There is no particular reason. I'm in love, my girlfriend is pregnant, and I took a break from school to prepare for the wedding. The wedding preparations were hasty. I know you didn't Time, I will not invite you to participate."

"By the way, and, I don't need you to tell me what to do in my future life. I have my own family. It's not friends, it's family."

I hung up the phone, not wanting to imagine what Liang Ye was thinking.

At first, Liang Ye's phone calls kept coming, but I ignored them all.Later, there is no later.

I know, this time, I hurt him to the core.

It's nothing, alive, life will continue.

What can I do?I can only live on my last breath.

The rent has risen, we have moved several times, and regular check-ups and medicine collection are indispensable daily routines, and these are all based on money.

As for Liang Ye, he is a luxury in my life, I don't dare to think about it anymore.

Maybe it was out of anger, maybe it was disappointment, maybe it was really heartbroken, but Liang Ye stopped calling.

We have really become the most familiar strangers at the two ends of the earth.

While taking care of my mother, I went out to find a job.

Regular companies won't want me, a person who has suspended school without a diploma, so I can only continue to work part-time.

Fortunately, I can fight hard enough.

I work three jobs a day, and I have to leave enough time to take care of my mother at home. I divide the 24 hours a day into parts and arrange them. I don’t allow myself to make a one-minute mistake in which time period I should appear.

The doctor said that my physical condition was not recovering ideally. He said that my nerves were too tense, and advised me to think about it and pay more attention to rest and recuperation.

I am grateful for the doctor's kindness, but in order to cope with life, I can only stop.