On the Scary Things of Social APP

"Su Yang, do you want to go to the dinner party?"

As the off-duty time approached, colleagues who were empty and lonely in the office began to meet for a trip to the Wu Zang Temple.

"Ah, me? I won't go." Su Yang watched the time jump to five o'clock in the lower right corner of the computer, and quickly pressed the off button to pack his things: "I have something to do tonight."

After saying goodbye to his slightly disappointed colleagues, Su Yang sneaked towards the cake shop.

The sunshine hours in K City in May are very long, and it was still very bright when I got off work. Su Yang was a little embarrassed to walk into a cake shop full of sweet fruit and cream flavors, surrounded by girls and children.

As a 27-year-old older man, I went to a cake shop alone to buy a birthday cake or something...

Yes, today happens to be his 27th birthday.And Comrade Su Yang, our dead house, resolutely chose to buy a small cake and take it home for himself.

There are quite a lot of people in the cake shop.Maybe it was because he felt uncomfortable not eating cake on his birthday, or maybe it was some kind of nerve convulsion. Su Yang, who usually doesn't have much obsession with sweets, stood in line for an hour before the cashier.

"A four-inch cake." He said as he took out his wallet to pay.

The cashier girl smiled shyly: "I'm sorry, there is an event in the store today, and all the small sizes are sold out, and now there are only eight inches left."

Eight inches!Su Yang immediately frowned.Eight inches is enough for at least three people, how can he eat it all by himself?

But all the small ones were sold out, and there were no other cake shops nearby, and he waited patiently in line for an hour before...

"Sir, do you want to buy it?" The cashier girl blinked innocently.

"...Buy." Su Yang gritted his teeth and responded.If you can't eat it, put it in the refrigerator, and you can always solve the problem of stuffing two or three meals.

Ten minutes later, Su Yang, holding an eight-inch cake in each of his left and right hands, was messed up in the spring breeze.

The huge buy-one-get-one advertising signboard of the bakery behind him was shining brightly, as if mocking his innocence.

Why don't you read the event advertisement clearly before entering the door! ! !

Until Su Yang returned to the small apartment he rented with the heavy fruits, he still wanted to scold himself.

Shame on waste! ! !

Well, it seems that we can only call the only buddy to share the food, and ask the neighbors if they want to eat.

While putting the cake in the refrigerator, he called his buddy Mao Zirui.The moment he connected, the panting sound from the other end of the phone made him almost throw the cake out of the window.

"Yeah~ Brother, take it easy~"

"..." Su Yang froze in place, not knowing whether to speak or not.

On the other hand, Mao Zirui looked at the caller ID distractedly, and asked pantingly, "Yangyang? Is there something wrong?"

wipe!This sounds like an improper relationship between men and men, how can people ask!

Hi, would you like a birthday cake after you fucked up?

Su Yang refused in his heart.

"Um...it's nothing..."

Before the words were finished, the other side had already started to moan: "Ah~ don't hit there~"

Su Yang hung up the phone in a second without any hesitation.

So, he looked at the eight-inch birthday cake in the refrigerator and the eight-inch birthday cake on the dining table, lost in thought.

Is there anything more sad than buying two 27-inch birthday cakes alone on your [-]th birthday and not being able to find anyone to share with, the only best friend who doesn't even remember just having sex happily?

That is probably, at the age of 27, he is still a virgin.

Maybe it was because he was abused too deeply by his unforgettable first love. After breaking up for five years, Su Yang couldn't even bring up the interest in looking for him again.What's more, he himself likes to stay at home very much. At home, he follows dramas, plays games, browses Weibo and watches videos. There are countless things waiting for him to be happy.

But today, he was stimulated by his best friend again, and he really wanted, really wanted to do something to get out of the cabinet.

such as……

He turned on his phone and downloaded an app.

Don't fuck up.

Official introduction: An interest social software based on geographic location, discover friends around you, and perform multi-dimensional matching according to your interests and hobbies, so that you and the person you like can meet, know each other, and love each other here.

User profile: The artifact of dating.

Comrade Mao Zirui, an experienced user, recommended it countless times, and asked a strong man to show off countless times. Finally, on this special day, Su Yang ate this Amway.

After eating Amway, Su Yang scooped the cake with a spoon in his left hand, and poked it into Jiri with his right hand, and began to wander the world of sensuality accompanied by sweets.

First you need to introduce yourself.Well, the honest man Su Yang filled in all the real information.Height 170, weight 50, attributes... He hesitated for a moment, and filled in 0.5 without shame.

Age 27, relationship single, race...? ……Humanity?

Also have to choose the self tag.Su Yang frowned and chose a well-proportioned one out of conscience, and then a warm-hearted one.

Why do you want to do this thing! ! !

Self-deception is very stressful! ! !

Yes, bear with it.Underneath, you have to choose the ideal label.Then choose well-proportioned, and then tick the sun.Sunshine little wolf dog or something, it sounds very fierce.

With goosebumps shaking, Su Yang chose all these messy ones, and finally got stuck on the nickname.

He looked at the things at hand and tried to think of a nickname.Yang Yang eating cake?No, no, it sounds like an X hint.Yang Yang is lonely?No, no, it sounds like there is a hint of X.Yangyang bored?No, no, it sounds like there is a hint of X!

Pooh!Su Yang spat, and typed a few words viciously.

Let's make a fuss.

right!that's all!If you want X to hint, make it more obvious!Anyway, everyone knows why this software is used!

Drop, the nickname you entered already exists.

Mom sells batches, who is the first to show off on the Internet? !How shameless!

Su Yang deleted the nickname in pain and re-entered it.

Yang Yang chirp big big big.

Drop, the registration is successful.

Fuck, is this all right?Can it be changed?Lying will be struck by lightning!

Su Yang fantasized about the scene where he would take off each other's pants when they went out for a date in the future, and the other party saw him.

fraud!You big liar!

It's just a headache.

All in all, the first registration was completed, and Su Yang happily went in to watch all kinds of fancy bodies.

The app itself is based on geographic location to find nearby people, so when Su Yang saw 0.10, 178, 65, 180, 70, 183 within 75KM, it seemed to open the door to a new world.

So there are so many top products around?

Wait, there is another 0.02KM?Isn't that within 20 meters?

Su Yang swallowed, a little nervous. Within 20 meters are all neighbors, maybe they know each other.who is it?Click to see.

Wow eight-pack abs!Wow, the arms are so strong!Wow, it's such a big bag!Wow, who is this special code!

Su Yang was speechless in front of that pockmarked face.Such a good figure, as long as the face is a little bit passable, she is definitely a stunner.But this looks even more than the surface of the moon, how can it not make people feel embarrassed.

No wonder someone commented below: The better the figure, the more hopeless the face...

Then there are several pages of mutual spraying.

Su Yang couldn't help but reflect on himself.It's wrong to judge people by their appearance, maybe they have an interesting soul?

Thinking about it, there was a popular saying on the Internet before: if you weigh less than a hundred, you are either flat chested or short.That time he lay down the gun inexplicably.Sister Wu in the office teased him every time she passed by, winking and looking him up and down.After doing this three times, he couldn't help but stand up: "I'm a man, I have flat chest, okay!"

Sister Wu teased, "It's not just flat."

"One, 1.7 meters is not short!" Su Yang was so angry that he stuttered.

So around Sister Wu——

Luo Weiwei, who is 1.7 meters tall and wears high heels, has a big chest.

Jiang Xiaona, who is 1.7 meters tall and wears flat shoes, shows off her long legs with her hips on her hips.

Su Yang, a 1.7-meter-tall homeboy wearing sneakers, shrank his neck and dared not say a word.

Therefore, Su Yang, who was deeply persecuted for judging people by their appearance, was particularly sympathetic to the surface of the moon. He simply followed and left a message of praise.

——Yang Yang Chi Ba Da Da: Great figure!

After boasting about the surface of the moon, Su Yang thought about whether he should also put a photo on it, and do as the Romans do.But he didn't really want to post a high-definition frontal photo. After looking through the album for a long time, he found a photo, which touched his heart.

This photo is from the time when I just broke up with my first love. Every day I was depressed, drunk and dreaming, and I wanted to starve myself to death without eating or drinking.In the end, Mao Zirui dragged him to change his image, bid farewell to the past and look forward to the future. As a result, he was dyed a color like a cockscomb, and with a thin face, he was despised by everyone as an opium-smoking old bustard.

Fortunately, he was already in college at that time, and fortunately, he was studying in the art department, so there were a lot of strange people, so there were no tragic incidents of onlookers.

Since then, he has carried this photo with him, and the first thing he does when he gets a new phone is to copy it into it.The purpose is to remind myself not to be as stupid as before.

I have reminded myself for five years, and I have also successfully been single for five years.The photos have been gradually forgotten in the mobile phone.

Well, it's very suitable to be put on the foundation.One is to remind myself that this app is just a hook-up, not a distraction.The second is that it is not easy to expose, so I don't believe that anyone can compare with real people through this photo.

As a result, Yang Yang Chi Ba greatly increased his profile picture—a fiery red cockscomb head, plus a half cheek that was as thin as a senior drug addict.

Su Yang was very satisfied.

A few minutes later, he received the first reply from his in-laws.

- Lunar Surface: Thank you, and your... hairstyle is great too.

Oh, business blows.

Su Yang flicked his bangs disdainfully.

I don't believe that someone can appreciate the fiery red cockscomb head!