mean love

In this way, he knows that you can't let him go, so he accepts it.You see, haven't you guys had a good time these years? "

"So don't talk about love. It's enough to live this life."

11

Yan Nuo was lying on the bed, staring at the top of his head with his eyes open, the white ceiling was above the white mosquito net, the old electric fan on the top of the dormitory was covered with a layer of dust, and the cold wind whimpered in from the window crack in the morning.He listened to the wind all night and stayed in a daze all night, but he still couldn't sort out the thoughts in his head.

His new roommate, Cheng Boyuan, didn't seem to have slept well either. As he turned over, the bed made creaking noises.

The text message Li Xiaoran sent in the early morning lay quietly in the inbox, and there were only five words on it: Let's break up.

Ten hours ago, it was time for him to meet Li Xiaoran, but Li Xiaoran didn't show up as promised. He dialed the phone, and there was a man and a woman gasping on the other end of the phone.

The call was cut off, and after that, the busy tone continued.

He made ten phone calls, sent eight text messages, and finally received a breakup text message from the other party at two o'clock in the morning.

There was no warning, no reason, and this derailment and breakup was caught off guard.Yan Nuo thought about it all night on the bed, but still didn't understand why.

He decided to meet Li Xiaoran.

It was only six o'clock in the morning, and there was silence outside the window. A bird in early winter sang alone. Just as the doorknob was turned, another person's voice sounded in the dormitory.

"Yan Nuo, what time is it?"

Cheng Boyuan asked.

"Five past six."

"Are you leaving so early?"

"Well, go for a morning run."

Cheng Boyuan scratched his head, the room was a little dark, and his expression could not be seen clearly through a mosquito net. He heard Cheng Boyuan say, "Then wait for me, I will go with you."

Yan Nuo didn't see Li Xiaoran that night either, and since then, that breakup text message was their last contact.

Cheng Boyuan somehow saw his loss, and asked Yan Nuo to go drinking together.As a result, Yan Nuo poured himself two glasses of beer before he even had a bite of food when he arrived at the restaurant, and the memory after that became dizzy and uncoordinated.

He only remembered holding the wine glass and calling Li Xiaoran's name, and then Cheng Boyuan sat next to him from the opposite side, and whispered something to himself.

What are you talking about...

It seems to be, "I can treat you well, don't think about Li Xiaoran anymore, okay?"

Or, "I will take good care of you and won't let you suffer any more."

Or, "Don't go looking for him again, okay?"

Memories are mixed with messy memories, Yan Nuo really can't remember the details of that night. In the past so many years, he only regarded the drunken gaffe that night as the end of his relationship with Li Xiaoran, and buried them in the depths of his memory .

Now that I think about it, there seems to be such a picture.

They sat in a corner of the restaurant, the back of the sofa blocked the view from the outside world, and Cheng Boyuan sat beside him, looking at him with burning eyes.

The dishes on the table were already cold, and one or two of Yan Nuo's favorite dishes beside the empty wine bottle, of course, he was not in this mood today, and he basically didn't move his chopsticks much.

Alcohol made Yan Nuo completely relaxed, and some words that he would never say normally rushed out of his mouth without his brain.He turned his head and looked at Cheng Boyuan with a half-smile, "Do you like me?"

"Yes."

Cheng Boyuan's expression was very serious, completely different from his usual playful and playful appearance. When he was not smiling, he would appear very serious, with a rare bit of shyness in his coldness.

There was a smile on the corner of Yan Nuo's mouth, and he tilted his head, feeling that his head was heavy and sleepy, so he had no choice but to support his forehead with his palms.

"Even if I can't forget Li Xiaoran, you still like me?"

Yan Nuo arrived at the airport in city A. The temperature in city A was much higher than that in country C. Most passengers stuffed their down jackets into their carry-on suitcases when they got off the plane.

Cheng Boyuan, who arrived at the entrance, stood out from the crowd, among a group of pedestrians wearing thin coats, he was the only one wearing a thick down jacket.

It was the one Yan Nuo bought for him.

Cheng Boyuan beckoned when he saw Yan Nuo, trotted up to take the suitcase, Yan Nuo noticed that his nose was already sweating.

This man is flattering himself, Yan Nuo knows.

Whether it's being careful, or chasing after country C clumsily, all the reasons stem from the "yes" that Cheng Boyuan said eight years ago.

It's just because Cheng Boyuan loves him and cares about him, so he puts so much effort into it.

When he got home, Yan Nuo went straight into the study, rummaging through boxes and cabinets.

I just searched for half an hour and couldn't find what I was looking for.

"What are you looking for?"

Cheng Boyuan asked from behind.

"Looking for evidence."

Yan Nuo tried his best to make his voice appear calm.

"What evidence?"

He turned around and looked up at Cheng Boyuan.

"Evidence that makes you think until now that I never forget Li Xiaoran."

Then he easily captured the surprise and panic in Cheng Boyuan's eyes.Cheng Boyuan lowered his eyes, pursed his lips, and walked to a row of bookcases.

The second row, the fifth book from the left, "Data Structure", was a textbook that Yan Nuo used when he was a graduate student. Because he thought it was still useful, he kept it at home.

On page 153, there is a photo, which shows Yan Nuo and Li Xiaoran in white short-sleeves. Yan Nuo recalled that this was taken once when he and Li Xiaoran were in a forest park not far from the school.

After the photo was developed, he put it in the book without even remembering that there was such a photo hidden deep in the bookcase.

"You're looking for this?"

Cheng Boyuan's voice was a little soft, but it hit Yan Nuo's heart hard.

"anything else?"

Yan Nuo took a deep breath, and quickly added, "What else can make you think that I will never forget my ex?"

You Ye said that at the graduation dinner a few years ago, Cheng Boyuan got drunk and kept muttering, I regret, I regret.

You Ye leaned closer and asked, what did Cheng Boyuan regret?

Cheng Boyuan said, I regret that I came late.

Where is it late?

In Yan Nuo's heart, I was late, and there was already someone living there.

Later, Cheng Boyuan didn't answer any questions You Ye asked. He worked hard and was envied by countless people, but he looked like he was about to cry after getting drunk at the dinner.

Yan Nuo couldn't imagine it.

In his eyes, Cheng Boyuan has always been sunny, gentle, and always at ease.

On the day when he received his first month's salary, Cheng Boyuan went to the jewelry store on his way home from get off work, and when he got home, he calmly took out the pair of rings and said to Yan Nuo, "Willyoumarryme?"

How can Cheng Boyuan, who is so strategizing, live in a sense of insecurity all the time?How could it be possible to mistakenly think that Yan Nuo never let go of his ex?

There is only one reason why Cheng Boyuan, who is always at the top, has such a low self-esteem.

That is he loves him more than anything else.

"What else can make you think that I can't forget my ex?"

Cheng Boyuan lowered his eyes, his down jacket was still hanging on his body ridiculously, his forehead was covered with sweat, his bangs covered his eyes, Yan Nuo stared at him closely, and did not miss the self-deprecating smile on the corner of his mouth.

"Don't you, Yan Nuo? Then why keep this photo?"

"Just relying on a photo, you can conclude that?"

"The day I confessed my love to you, you said you couldn't forget him."

"After we got together, your social network has not deleted Li Xiaoran."

"And... the first time, you didn't want to call me by my name."

"You bastard!"

Yan Nuo was sitting on Cheng Boyuan, and the time seemed to go back to two weeks ago. He was packing his luggage in the bedroom, and Cheng Boyuan appeared. neckline, trembling all over.

Tears fell on Cheng Boyuan's face, neck, and expensive down jacket.

Cheng Boyuan froze in place, Ren Yannuo suddenly pushed himself down on the bed, opened his mouth but didn't know what to say.

"Damn... crying again..."

Yan Nuo didn't want to cry either, it was too unmanly.

But he was so distressed.

It's as if someone took a rusty chain and slowly rubbed it on his heart, those old bad debts unknowingly grew into a big pustule, the lesion was on Cheng Boyuan's body, but the pain was on Yan Nuo's heart .

"I don't remember this photo at all, I only vaguely know that there seems to be such a thing."

"The day you confessed to me, I just broke up in love, drank too much wine, and said all nonsense! You remember the nonsense so well!"

"I didn't delete Li Xiaoran deliberately because I thought it was unnecessary. In these years, let alone contact, I haven't even checked a single circle of his friends. If you don't tell me, I don't remember that I didn't delete him."

"A while ago, I only met Li Xiaoran by chance. He was married in the United States a long time ago, and I only had a working relationship with him."

"As for, as for the first time..."

Yan Nuo choked up, couldn't continue, bit his lips tightly to keep from crying, Cheng Boyuan's surprise at the beginning gradually turned into shock, his expression was complicated, and finally Cheng Boyuan sat up, wrapped his arms around Yan Nuo and patted him on the back.

"I see, Nuonuo, it's all my fault if I don't cry."

Gentle palms fell on Yan Nuo's trembling back, Yan Nuo gritted his teeth and scolded, "It's your fault, you bastard, how could you think like that? After so many years, how could you think like that?"

"I'm sorry, Nuonuo."

Cheng Boyuan said softly, his throat felt a little astringent.

He still didn't say it, but what Yan Nuo understood was that Cheng Boyuan just cared too much and was too afraid of losing.

as punishment