Little Zombie's Apocalypse Survival Manual

October 8, the first year of zombies

cloudy weather

After a day and a night, the zombie finally woke up from the wine.However, he never believed that his drinking capacity would be so low that he would get drunk after just one drink.

"Impossible. If I really got drunk as soon as I drank this wine, why did I bury it in the first place?" The zombie retorted.

(▔皮▔) How do I know why this guy buried the wine he drank to get drunk?But it is an indisputable fact that he drank too much the night before yesterday.

Alas, it's a pity that Chen Fei and the others went back early yesterday morning, otherwise they could have given me a personal ID.

"Okay, you said you weren't drunk. Do you remember what you did after drinking the night before?" I asked.

"Of course I remember." The zombie said, but he couldn't explain why, "It seems that I did something by the lake... and then came back... and then..."

Sure enough, as I expected, this guy has the legendary alcohol amnesia syndrome.

It's strange to say that no matter it's a TV series, it seems that all high-quality men with both talents and virtues have this symptom, and they are very easy to be used by vicious female partners.At this time, most cannon fodder characters are like Dionysus possessed, no matter how much they drink, they will never get drunk, remember everything clearly, for example, I...

QAQ From the perspective of character design, am I doomed not to be the rhythm of the protagonist?

"Would you like me to recall it for you?" I thought of the old zombie's drunken appearance, and I suddenly thought of joking, "I sent Fade Chen and the others to the cave to rest, and when I came back, I saw fires igniting on the lake. When I walked in, I realized that it was all the leaf boats you folded... Tsk tsk tsk, you are so hardworking, you must be secretly in love with me, right?"

"Am I that boring?" Zombie said he didn't believe it.

╮(╯▽╰)╭ It's a pity, he was so boring the night before yesterday, and there are still evidences floating on the lake.

"You really didn't make it?" Even after seeing the evidence, the zombie still struggled to get rid of the blame, "According to what you said, I drank too much the night before yesterday. Have you seen any alcoholic who is not noisy after drinking too much?" Don't sleep, but silently fold leaves to play?"

It makes sense. Before this, I have never seen someone who drank too much stacked leaves, nor did I see someone who drank too much ancient Chinese. The zombie made me gain some insight this time.

"Then do you think I have the ability to fold such an exquisite leaf boat?" I asked back.

After saying this, I suddenly felt something was wrong.

Why should I belittle myself so much? !Nothing is difficult in the world, as long as there is a heart, if I fold it seriously, I may be able to fold it better than this!

The old zombie glanced at me, fell silent, and said after a while, "Maybe it's Xiao Ming?"

"It's you." I sighed, pretending to be sad, "The night before yesterday I was standing here to confess my love to someone, but when I woke up, I turned my face and refused to recognize anyone."

In order to appear realistic, I also pretended to wipe away tears that did not exist.

Maybe it's because my acting skills are so good, I just said the confession or something casually, but I didn't expect the zombie to take it seriously, and asked a little at a loss: "I, what did I say?"

In fact, at this time, I should tell him the truth, saying that I was joking, and let him not take it seriously.But for some reason, my head twitched, and I didn't do that. Instead, I followed his words and continued to act.

"Who can understand what you're talking about when you're rambling on ancient prose over there?" I said.

"Then how do you know... that... I'm expressing my admiration for you?" The zombie stammered and turned his head to the side shyly after speaking.

(⊙o⊙) Is this guy so thin-skinned?Obviously, I ran naked in front of him before, and he didn't respond...

But having said that, what are the poems that the ancients expressed their love for?

"Uh... the mountains have trees and trees have branches, and you don't know if you are happy with the king?" I said tentatively.

"Did I really say that?" Zombie asked back with a serious face.

What should I do with QAQ? I’m inexplicably scared. Did I memorize the wrong poem?Does this sentence actually have other meanings in relation to the context in the original text?

"It seems...isn't it." I bite the bullet and said.

"And then?" Zombie asked suddenly after being silent for a moment.

Then?what then?Do you want me to recite the full text?But I only know these two sentences...

"After saying this, did I do anything...cough...meng lang?" Zombie asked in a low voice, his expression becoming more shy.For example, if there is a crack in the rock that can accommodate him now, he will definitely get in without hesitation, and then seal the hole tightly.

Am I exaggerating a bit?After all, the ancients should be quite conservative in this regard...

But after thinking about it, the opportunity is not to be missed, and it will never come again. If I miss this time, I'm afraid I won't have the chance to tease him like this again in the future!Just keep doing nothing, and see where the psychological limit he can bear is.

Zombie is still quite fun, and if he apologizes well afterwards, he should forgive me after a few days of anger.

"Do you... really want to listen?" I asked, and at the same time frantically recalled the little pornography I had seen and the plots in the little pornography in my mind.

There are a lot of themes about drinking and promiscuous sex, but there are only a few routines in summary.

(*/ω＼*) After substituting myself in, the sense of the picture is too strong, what should I do if I start to feel shy before I start molesting zombies?

"Listen." The zombie said as if he had made up his mind, "Don't worry, I will take responsibility for you."

"Then you have to promise me one thing first." To be on the safe side, I decided to leave a way out for myself, "First, no matter what I say, you can't beat me; second, no matter what I do, you can't beat me." You can’t ignore me; third, you can do whatever you want with the rest of the punishment except the above two points.”

The old zombie was stunned for a moment, obviously he didn't understand why I said that, but he still nodded and said: "Okay, it's all up to you."

With his assurance, I finally had some peace of mind.

Next, it’s time for my literary creation o(^▽^)o

I modified the plot that I could think of, and told the old zombie vividly, from touching to kissing, I was about to start the part of the foreplay, but the old zombie suddenly interrupted me.

"That... was wonderful. But don't you find it awkward?" the old zombie said.

"Huh?" I didn't respond for a while.

"I don't know what's going on with you, but I haven't sweated in hundreds of years, let alone..." He stopped talking and glanced down.

OTZ I actually forgot he can't get hard!

"Uh...have you always been like this? Before you were alive?" I accidentally blurted out what was on my mind.

QAQ is over, Zombie must be angry this time!

"Naturally, I didn't have any problems before I was alive!" said the zombie, with a displeased expression on his face, "So tell the truth, what happened the night before yesterday?"

Although I knew it was done by myself, it was the first time that the zombie treated me so fiercely, which made me feel a little overwhelmed.

"Okay, I just changed your clothes for you, and then fell asleep with my arms around you for a while." I said while raising three fingers, "I swear, I never teased you this time, everything is true."

"Why are you taking off my clothes?" The zombie asked again.

"You said you couldn't get used to our clothes, so you wanted to change them back, but in the end you couldn't wear them properly, and you wrapped yourself up like a real rice dumpling... What can I do, I have to choose to save you." I muttered, " I don't know what's so good about your clothes, it's so heavy and hard to wear."

"The clothes that are buried with you are all like this. But I have been used to wearing them for so many years. If I really change to that kind of light and fluffy fabric, I won't be used to it." The zombie said, "Also, what's the matter with sleeping with your arms around?"

QAQ Wasn't it him who acted like a baby back then and wanted me to sleep with him?Now that you're sober, have you turned your back on it?

I admit that I wanted to make fun of the old zombie at first, but he interrogated me like a thief, and it was a lie to say that I didn't feel uncomfortable at all.

"Believe it or not, anyway, I'm telling the truth." I said angrily.

"Of course I believe what you're telling is the truth." Zombie raised his hand, patted my head, and said, "But your previous... how should I put it, there are too many loopholes, I want to ignore them all. Disaster."

Oh=￣ω￣=So in the final analysis, I still blame my poor level of storytelling.

But fortunately the zombie was not really angry, otherwise I really don't know how to end it.

"Not angry?" Zombie asked.

"I'm not angry..." I whispered, "What about you?"

"I wasn't angry with you in the first place." The old zombie said, "Although I knew that you might be planning something wrong again, I didn't expect... Cough, I want to return that sentence as it is. You are so hardworking, you should You can't have a crush on me, can you?"

"Get lost!" I became furious, and slapped his hand on my head away, "If you saw it earlier, don't tell me earlier, isn't it fun to watch me play a one-man show foolishly by myself?"

"Didn't you just say you're not angry?" Zombie said, with a bit of aggrieved tone, "And I only noticed it in the middle of it. Seeing that you are in such a good mood, wouldn't it be too uninteresting for me to spoil the fun?"

All right, all right, it's all my fault (▔皮▔) Blame me for being overwhelmed, playing tricks in front of a big family's house fighting master.

"When did you find out?" I asked.

"Actually, I felt something was wrong at the beginning, but I didn't suspect that you were lying until you said the disclaimer." The zombie said, "You have said it so clearly, if I still can't find out that you are talking to me Just kidding, isn't it a bit unreasonable?"

I hummed, but didn't speak.

"By the way, there is one more thing I'm curious about." A shy expression appeared on Zombie's face again, "That...you seem to know a lot about bed matters, and you talked so vividly, don't you... "

"No!" I replied decisively, "I know it from the information, I have never had sex with anyone, and I can solve all my needs by myself."

"Oh." Zombie nodded blankly.

I dare not say anything else, but my information on this aspect must be much richer than his ╮(╯▽╰)╭Who told me to be born in the information age?

"What about you?" I asked curiously, "Have you ever had sex with someone?"

"No..." the zombie said.

"Tsk tsk tsk, it seems that we are the same, we all solve the problem by ourselves." I patted the zombie on the shoulder and said.

However, unexpectedly, he didn't respond to me, and his expression was a little embarrassed.

A bold guess appeared in my mind.

"You haven't masturbated yourself, have you?" I asked.

"Essence is the essence of life, how can it be easily leaked out." Zombie said solemnly.

So, this guy is a complete chicken?I didn't masturbate myself before I was alive, so I can't get hard after death.

Hahahahaha, although it's not good to do this, I still can't help laughing out loud.