[Net King] Take away my heart

To Erina:

I am sorry.

Maybe the three most empty words I can say so far are sorry, but I don't know what else to say.

When you read this letter, I am no longer by your side.From this moment on, I will not be by your side for all the days to come.

Erina, I want to leave here to atone for my sins.

I don't know if the so-called redemption really exists, maybe I can't pay off my sins in my whole life, so the deadline for me to leave will be forever.

I have a lot of worries about you.Since you were very young, I have been worrying about you, worrying that you will not eat well, wear well, sleep well, worry that you will cry, worry that you will make trouble, worry that you will be lonely.If possible, I really hope to stay with Erina for the rest of my life, watching you grow up, become an adult, get married, have children, and live a happy life as an ordinary person.

I'm sorry, brother can't do it anymore.

After I leave, you are bound to encounter many unimaginable difficulties, the first of which is the terrible media.

Since Dad died, we've been hounded by tabloid reporters.They blocked people at the door of the house, and whenever they saw someone coming out, they would chase and beat them fiercely. They even followed me to school and kept harassing my classmates and teachers.

No one knows the truth, and the rumors just get more and more outrageous from one boring population after another.

While flipping through gossip magazines, everyone pointed at me after dinner, looked at me with contempt and embarrassment, and said, "Look, this is the son of the barrister who has sex with female middle school students. He usually looks serious. , who knows if he is like his father, wearing the skin of a hypocritical and fake gentleman, but is actually a mess of obscenity.

——It doesn't matter, at first, I told myself, I can bear all this.

Because people have the habit of blindly following the crowd, especially those who already know a thing or two about me.Because they don't know me, because they don't know me, because I'm just a dispensable person who can be used as a joke at will, so they wantonly slander me.

I understand, so I will be patient.

As usual, I went to and from school normally, participated in ministry activities, and participated in cram schools. I lived the same life like a walking dead.Don't look, don't listen, don't think, I thought it was enough to just treat myself as an invisible person who didn't exist.Let them speculate, let them slander, let them despise me with cold hostility, drive me away—if I don't, what can I do.

The so-called truth in people's mouths is that my father and my female classmate (yuan) were dating, and the two of them encountered a car accident on the way to the hotel, and the father who was driving the car died just like that.

That's not how it works, you'd love to hear me say that.But what I want to tell you is not to deny those people's malicious speculations, but what kind of person the real father is.

Dad has left this family since you were born.He barely hugged you, and he didn't fulfill any responsibilities as a father to you, so your memory of Dad should be very little.

Before you were born, our family also had a complete form.Dad is a very smart person. He is young and promising, and he is better than many lawyers of the same age or even older. He has made a lot of money and allowed my mother and I to live a prosperous life without worrying about food and clothing.Our family has a big house and a beautiful car, and my father has always spent money generously. That is a happy life that other people can't match.

My mother stopped working as soon as she got married. She can cook good dishes, and her folded clothes have the best fragrance in the world.At that time, my parents were still in love with each other. My father would teach me how to play golf, and would urge me to study hard, hoping that I would grow up to be successful.My mother would take a look in front of the mirror while tidying up the closet. She liked to buy beautiful dresses, and she also liked to buy me cute clothes.

"If Bilushi has a younger sister, we can dress her up as a little princess."

Mom used to say the same thing.I still remember the gentle smile on her face at that time.

Erina, do you hate mom?I asked you such a question.You are too young, unlike me, to be very aware of the feeling of "hate".

I hate my father because the brokenness of this family stems from his infidelity. He ruined my mother and everything that is happy and beautiful. I can't forgive him.I also hate my mother, because she has nothing but father in her eyes. She tortured you, tortured me, and made the already broken family worse.

But the difference between Mom and Dad is that she is both the perpetrator and the victim.She gave birth to you and me, and then she was abandoned by her father.Erina, the reason why you, like me, cannot hate your mother is that we all know the kind and loving side behind her madness.Weak mother, poor mother, helpless mother, who gave birth to us.I don't know if your abusive mom is dirtier than your messy dad, or he is.I only know that my mother has never betrayed this family. My mother has always been a weak person, and protecting my mother can arouse my stronger hatred for my father. I have come to this day.

Yes, I would love to kill Dad.I've always thought that if Dad died one day, the root of the evil in this family would be removed, and maybe we could all be born again.

But as you know, I never really had a plan or a plan for it, I never really did it... because I knew I couldn't do it.

Dad always gives us a lot of money, maybe we should be thankful that he still gave us so much money even though he and mom are separated, but I always think this is just an excuse for dad to separate the relationship, and the money is already supporting you for nothing , There are food, drinks and flowers, so just shut up and stay for me-he must think so.

In addition to regularly sending checks to the family, my father also secretly wanted to send money to me.It was just money to send us. When I thought about it, I felt that no matter how much money my father gave, it would only increase my hatred.However, when I refused to accept the money from my father, my father frowned, showing a hurt look.

It was at that moment that I realized that the reason I couldn't kill Dad was because I still loved him.

After Dad left, Mom threw away everything he had left at home.But there's only one thing I've kept, and that's my dad's golf clubs.I've been using this club since my dad taught me how to play golf.

I secretly hid my clubs under my bed.Despite quitting the golf club and never even touching the club again, it's always been there like a dusty memento.

Hate cannot cut off the blood, and the strong connection of blood is beyond our imagination.I hate my father, I love my father, I hate my mother, I love my mother, love and hate are always intertwined and cannot be separated for a moment.This is family affection, ridiculous and miserable family affection.

It is because of the good memories of the past and the inseparable affection for the family that I firmly believe that our family will not come to an end.There must be a way to go back, there must be a possibility to return to the happy past, there must be hope, there must be...

I am too naive.

My strength alone is too small, I can't protect my mother, I can't protect you, and I can't protect this family.

When I was questioned and treated coldly by my classmates, when I found that my only paradise had become a lonely and desolate place, I completely lost the meaning of maintaining everything.

I don't want to go into details about the truth, you will have your own balance in your heart, and what other people think of it is their own business.

After I left, my mother must have been forcibly sent to the hospital for treatment soon.I don't know how they will arrange you. If possible, I hope you can go to a place where no one knows you, and try to avoid being harassed by those media again.

From now on, you will be alone. If you want to face this world alone, you will definitely encounter many difficulties, and there will definitely be times when you will feel lonely and unable to survive.But there is one thing I want you to know no matter what, my departure is not your fault, neither father nor mother, their departure is not your fault.Your birth is the best thing that happened to me in my life, maybe you don't want to believe it, but I know that mom and dad always love us.

In your bag along with this letter is a valid will, the last thing dead dad can do for you.

Hui Rina, promise to my brother, to grow up healthy, to be strong, to be a good person, and to live well even if I am gone.Remember I love you, I just don't want you to become like me.

Birus

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In the early morning, under a ray of soft light, quietly put the envelope and will into Erina's schoolbag.

Go to school as usual, attend class and study as usual, and leave school as usual.Nobody noticed it, only I knew it was all meant to be the last time.

Take the subway to the police station, and walk slowly on the street like an ordinary person for the last time.

There is no goodbye, no nostalgia, nothing that can be called emotion, my purpose is just to walk towards the solemn and sacred police station building in front of me.

One step, one step, another step.I don't know where the road will extend from now on, and how my destiny will change from now on.

When I came to the door, I stopped, closed my eyes and began to breathe slowly.Breathe, breathe, breathe deeply.Everything is last, even breathing this air is last.

As soon as I step through that door, what awaits me is another world beyond the end.

I'll be judged there, annihilated, or reborn, it doesn't matter what happens.I just inexplicably felt nostalgia for the ordinary world, the sun, the air, the trees, the flowers, the strangers passing by.All the things that I didn't pay attention to were gradually enlarged at this moment, which made me see the preciousness and beauty of those small things.

The last deep breath is over.

I opened my eyes and made up my mind to move my legs.

——"Senior Yagyu!"

Just as I was about to go in, a voice stopped me.

Turning around in confusion, I saw Akaya and Liu who came with their schoolbags on their backs.The two hurried here together, with mixed expressions on their faces.

"Willow—"

"Senior Yagyu...!"

I was a little surprised by their appearance.But then I thought about it, with the existence of insiders, this matter would not be a secret sooner or later.I calmly looked at the two who hesitated to speak and said, "I don't have anything to say."

Yes, I have nothing to say and no one to say goodbye to.Whether it is sending off or criticizing, nothing is meaningful anymore.

Just one more small step and I could be judged.Looking away from them, I decided to walk towards the door again.

"and many more!"

Chi also stopped me.

"I have a question that I must ask Senior."

I could clearly feel Chiya's hand shaking slightly while holding my arm.If it was Chi Ye who was usually on the field, his eyes might already be red now, but he didn't have an attack, but was trying to restrain his excitement.

"……why?"

After only saying three words, Chi also choked up.There was a lot of pain and struggle that I could feel in his questioning, and even if he didn't make it clear, I seemed to understand what he was trying to ask.

"Why do you do that... Don't you like her? Since you like her, why do you want to hurt her!"

I slowly recalled one thing.

I, Akaya, Miyake and the others are students of the same cram school.Chi also always liked to come to our class immediately after class. At that time, Miyake often made fun of him. I think he might do that because he likes someone in the class.

Is that so, it turns out that the person Chi Ye likes is her.

A bitter feeling crept into my heart in an instant, and Chiya stared straight at me, his eyes began to turn red, he was waiting for my answer...but what can I say.

It is irreparable.

Everything in the past, everything... is no longer something I am qualified to mention.

That person, the most important person to me, I can't even mention her name now.

It is already the last.

Everything should end here, everything should end here.

"I've forgotten her."

Yes, only in this way is the best.

Chi also stared at me with wide eyes, as if he couldn't believe that I would say such a thing.His gradually bloodshot eyes finally began to burst out uncontrollably at this moment, Liu also noticed this, but just as he was about to reach out and grab Chi Ye, Chi Ye had already yelled "bastard" and rushed towards me.

"Bastard!!...I'll kill you!!"

Chi also grabbed my collar and punched me hard in the face.The burning pain spread instantly, the corners of my mouth were torn, and a faint smell of blood seeped into my mouth immediately.

"Chiya! Stop!"

Liu held Chi Ye, desperately trying to stop him from punching me again.While being suppressed by Liu, Chi Ye was still struggling and roaring, his eyes were blood red that I had never seen before.

Chi also was questioned by many people at the beginning of joining the club, because his special physique and unique playing style are frightening.But I am very aware of the powerful potential contained in his body. That touch of blood red is his distinctive and unique style, the purest and original power that no one can imitate.

A single cell with a poor brain and always failing to make troubles, Akaya made both Sanada and Yukimura worry a lot.He is such a good boy who is simple and straightforward.Everything is on the face, not knowing how to hide, not being tactful, trusting others easily, all actions are dictated by intuition.

...I like such juniors.

With the appearance of Akaya, many faces from the tennis club came to my mind one by one.Liu, who always taught Akaya to calm down when he ran away, seemed to be strict with everyone, but in fact he only treated Sanada who he could not forgive. Marui, who is not serious and hardworking enough, can always blow bubbles and bring everyone a sense of relaxation and laughter.

And Nioh.

Nioh is both a friend and an enemy.

Nioh who understands me better than anyone else and resembles himself more than anyone else.Up to this moment, Nioh might still be watching that rainbow somewhere.

"Thank you, Akaya. ... And, I'm sorry."

Wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth, he spoke his last words.

I am so fond of the tennis club that once brought me light, everyone there, every inch of land there, every racket and tennis ball there.

That is the best memory in my life.The most transparent, the least mixed with a trace of impurities, really belong to my youth.

I have decided not to say the word goodbye, because I know this is meaningless words, we will never see each other again.

ended.

No more memories are needed.

I just walk,

Walked to the other end of the world behind the heavy door.

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There is a garden beyond the boundaries of right and wrong, and I will wait for you there. —Molana Jalaluddin Rumi

The author has something to say: Note: Molana Jalaluddin Rumi, Sufi scholar, poet.

This is the end of Yagyu's perspective~

The next chapter begins to enter the last perspective of the main article ~CHAPTER10. Yukimura Seichi~