[Net King] Take away my heart

If we meet again in the future, after many years, how should I greet with silence and tears. —George Gordon Byron

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the eve of entering the fifth grade of elementary school, the illness suddenly left me without warning.

Sudden illness for no reason, and sudden recovery for no reason, although it is good to be healthy, I don't feel so excited when my parents and others are happy about it.

Even in modern times where science and technology are so advanced, there are still many difficult problems in medicine that cannot be overcome.Although it was "inferred" that my illness came from the nervous system, after several years, no doctor was able to give an accurate answer and judge what illness I had.

Sometimes, the four words of unknown cause are even more difficult than simply declaring a terminal illness.

Where is the problem, whether the real root of the disease can be found, and whether it is possible to cure it? With these thoughts, we circle back and forth between hope and despair again and again, which makes the whole family physically and mentally exhausted.

"Why are you unhappy when you recover?" Someone asked me this way.

If you can recover from this, stay away from the serious illness, and never have to go back to that hospital, it is of course something to be happy about.But just like when the disease came, no one could figure out its essence until it went away.Just because it left for a while, it is said to be cured, so what kind of expression should I face if it suddenly comes back one day——

I never told my parents about these concerns.

The greatest happiness that my recovery can bring is the renewed radiance and smile on the faces of my parents who are worried and vicissitudes.Just let this long-lost smile be maintained a little longer, as long as this long-lost happiness stays a little longer, for this reason, I am willing to suppress all my troubles and worries, and tell myself that I have recovered my health.

Everything will be back on track.

There are so many things I want to do, as many as three days and three nights are too many to count.As soon as I came out of the hospital, I started to implement the plan I had written in the morning without stopping.I went back to school and studied hard to make up for all the progress I missed. I actively participated in various social activities, made friends, chatted, ate, and tried my best to make up for the life I lost during the years of being ill.

I also joined the Junior Tennis Club, where I met a fellow student named Genichiro Sanada.Sanada and I are like-minded. Although he seems much older than his peers, I like his calm and enthusiastic personality. We quickly became inseparable friends.

"Yukimura, do you have any dreams?" Sanada once asked me.

If it was a few years ago, I thought I would die at any moment, and I would probably say without hesitation that there is no need to think about that kind of thing.But now it’s different. When Sanada and I stood in front of the school gate of the High School Affiliated to Lihai University, facing the wind and couldn’t help fantasizing about the future, I said to him: “Sanada, let’s enter Lihai together!”

I've finally reached what I've never dared to dream about.

I am used to never thinking too much about everything, because I know that the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.Even now, I still carry this cautiousness, but behind this cautiousness, I already have a heart that I can no longer hold back, and I want to fly.

I want to do all the things I want to do while I can still do it. I want to embark on the journey of youth and glory with Sanada and all known or unknown people without hesitation.

In the year when Sanada and I agreed to be admitted to Lihai together, my parents told me an important decision: they wanted to bring my younger sister back to Kanagawa from the countryside.

"In this way, you brothers and sisters can finally be reunited. From now on, you should get along well with your sister."

Father and mother full of happy smiles.The seeds of hope germinated in my heart, and then grew rapidly out of control.The ones who keep watering and fertilizing this seed are my friend Sanada and sister Jiayin.

I'm about to see Good News.

I practice tennis tirelessly with Sanada every day, sweat and dream.Shuttle between various cram schools, study hard with the goal of being admitted to Lihai, and fill every minute and every second of my time to the fullest.All these efforts are just to appear in front of Jiayin with the best posture.

What I don't want her to see is the sick and unachievable self in the hospital, what I want her to see is the current self.I have a dream, a struggle, a goal, a confident and strong me - only this kind of me can make Jiayin proud and impressive.

I silently look forward to, wait silently, hope that I will grow up soon, and hope that one day I can become someone worthy of her dependence.

The days of working hard and working hard passed by day by day, and the uneasy mood seemed to return to the situation when we first talked on the phone.

And then...that day finally came.

"Jingshi, come and meet my sister."

Walking out slowly from behind her father was a little girl whom she had never met before.

Pale skin, thin body, light-colored hair and transparent eyes - this girl with a little anxiety in the depths of her eyes is my twin sister.

"Jiayin, don't you want to say hello to your brother?"

Dad took my sister's hand and walked forward, wanting to shorten the distance between her and me.But the younger sister stood there without moving, and never let go of her father's hand.

From her tight grip on Dad's hand, I seem to be able to feel the trembling she tried to suppress.

It was a very strange feeling.I looked at Jiayin, and she also looked at me. The first meeting that I should have felt extremely excited was inexplicably mixed with fear.Jiayin was afraid of something, and I was afraid of something, but neither of us knew what it was.We watched each other quietly, not feeling strange because we had never met each other, and the fear did not come from strangeness. On the contrary, I had a feeling as if I had seen her a long time ago, and we seemed to be just parting. I have known old acquaintances for a long time, and this accumulated nostalgia even made me want to cry from the bottom of my heart——

"Hello...I'm Jingshi, please take care of me."

Even so, I put away that impulse without a trace, and said to her with a smile.

"Hello……"

The distant voice that can only be heard on the phone finally came to me at this moment.

slim.

Thin and transparent.

Transparent as fragile as glass.

I gazed at her as if I gazed at myself on the other side of a mirror through my own eyes.

She finally smiled at me too.However, even if Mom and Dad looked at us with relief, they would never expect the sadness hidden behind this peaceful smile.

That's right... because of that agreement...

Jiayin understands this, and so do I.No one will know, it only belongs to the agreement between the two of us.

From that day on, we started a family of four together.Everything is getting better, everything is returning to the normal track, and Jiayin and I seem to have realized the ordinary life we ​​longed for since we were young——

However, that was the beginning of my drifting away from her.