Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 35 News Programs Should Rhyme
The scale of the final of this crosstalk competition is incomparable to the first two rounds. Not only is there a professional jury composed of crosstalk actors, comedians, other artists and CCTV leaders, but also hundreds of media from all over the country are called in to participate in the scoring.

The judges are professional and include many big names in the crosstalk world.

The director of the Chinese Folk Songs Association Jiang Kun, the deputy director Feng Hao and his partner Niu Jun, as well as the directors of Chinese Folk Songs Associations from all over the country gathered together.

In this world, there is no rift between Mr. Feng and Mr. Niu, so the "Old Songs New Singing" that Qi Long had seen did not appear in this world.

If a crosstalk student were to learn this, he would probably be so nervous that he would be unable to continue just by seeing these people's faces.

Qi Long was fine, as he basically knew everyone above him, either having met him with his master when he was a child or having met him at a crosstalk exchange meeting.

Gao Dongqiang was a little nervous because his master Mr. Shi Fukuan was also there.

No matter how old you are or how good your skills are, it will still seem a little empty when you perform crosstalk in front of your master.

"Think positively. Mr. Shi is sitting there. Many people who have some grievances against my senior brother can't give us a low score even if they give us a low score. They are here to support us!" Qi Long comforted him.

Gao Dongqiang took a deep breath and said, "That makes sense!"

Qi Long turned his head and began to recite the words. Gao Dongqiang glanced at him and sighed softly.

He still has his master to protect him, but Qi Long is different. When the two of them went to a crosstalk exchange meeting together two years ago, many of the amiable elders who met Qi Long when they were young either didn't recognize them or put on airs and looked at them in a sour manner.

When people leave, the tea gets cold.

If Uncle Hou, who is known for protecting his protégés, were still around, would they dare to do this?
As the clerk hit the board, the recording of the finals officially began. Qi Long and his team drew number four, and Gao Dongqiang's luck was still good.

The first to appear were Chen Yinquan and Hou Zhenpeng. The two brothers changed a traditional joke about rules into one about routines, named "Talk on Routines"!
We talked about a lot of topics such as the current private enterprise bosses, where you talk to them about money and they talk to you about dreams and empty promises, which aroused resonance and made for a good start.

The second performer was Gao Xiaopan Youxianchao, who chose a traditional folk art singing performance, avoiding the shortcoming of their jokes being unfunny and winning everyone's recognition and applause with his solid traditional skills.

The third one is Jin Fei and Chen Xi. These two brothers also went all out in this show, and they also put out a comedy program: "Rhymed Poetry", using the thirteen major rhymes of Chinese to write poems, with every sentence rhyming. Chen Xi wrote poems honestly, while Jin Fei wrote poems crookedly.

Every time Jin Fei writes a poem, it can cause laughter: [A grasshopper jumps down, jumps to Shennongjia, and sees your grandparents, the White Bone Demon and the Black Bear Monster.]

Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang, who were waiting on the side stage to watch their performance, were also happy. All the poems were not old pieces, but newly conceived ones, and sounded very novel.

"Next, please enjoy the crosstalk, "I Want to Change the Program", performed by Qi Long and Gao Dongqiang!"

As soon as the two brothers came on stage, they based their performance on the previous one, saying that Sa Beining actually wanted to separate the two of them, but they would not separate and would advance and retreat together.

After that, the two of them came up with a simple joke: "I want to play a hero," "I'll play a role model," "I want to play a gangster," "I'll play a bastard." A short joke was thrown out as an opening punchline, and then they began to talk about changing the program.

Qi Long smiled and said, "Dongqiang, we performed very well last time. The leaders of CCTV took a liking to us and said that we are very innovative. They said that the TV station needs to come up with many new programs and asked us to give some ideas. This is our chance!"

"That's right, so what program should we change to?"

"Let's start with 'Focus Together'. Let me tell you, 'Focus Together' is too boring. It's just Zhu Guangquan talking alone. How boring is that? We should make it more interesting."

"'Follow Us'? How can we make a news channel program more interesting?"

"Hey, just now Jin and Chen used thirteen major rhymes to write a poem, and they rhymed well, which made the audience excited. Let's make the news rhyme too, wouldn't it be more interesting for the audience? When the time comes, I will replace Zhu Guangquan, and I will rhyme every sentence, and the audience will definitely like it!"

"Try it yourself!"

"Let's give it a try!" Qi Long raised his head and chest and faced the microphone: "What do you want to do?"

Gao Dongqiang pretended to think for a moment: "Recently, global warming has been happening, and the summers are getting hotter and hotter. I remember your family was so hot that it was about to explode, so I came here to report the hot weather and remind everyone to pay attention to sun protection!"

"Shai? Okay, Huailai rhyme. Actually, although ai and an are not the same rhyme, they rhyme well with each other. How about I add some yanqian rhyme?"

"No problem, come on!"

It just so happened that Jin Fei and the others had explained what the thirteen major rhymes were. Simply put, they were rhyming vowels. Qi Long and Dong Qiang didn't need to explain too much. The original explanation was skipped by the two of them. It would be a bit lengthy to repeat it again. Qi Long cleared his throat and put on the serious face of a news anchor, with a slight smile:
"If you sweat when you get a little sunshine, then this hot weather will definitely make you feel dizzy. You will also have beautiful women like Chen Yu and Luo Yan to keep you company in this world!
There is a steamer on top and charcoal underneath. You can make steamed buns without a lid, and you can make egg yolk pie without making dough. You don't need to chop, slice, shred, or mince. Your sweat can even bring out the saltiness of the flavor.

You are a walking traditional delicacy, crispy on the outside and tender on the inside, just like a takeaway, but the taste is a bit strange. I would like to remind everyone to be careful of heat stroke, keep cool and avoid the sun. "

The audience applauded and laughed.

Qi Long pointed to the audience and said, "Look, everyone loves to watch this kind of broadcast, clapping and giving me thumbs up. If there are more viewers for the show, everyone will always be smiling!"

Still in custody, the audience applauded again.

Gao Dongqiang took out Qi Long's fan and asked, "Then the question is, what should I do?"

"You, get out!"

"Ah?" Gao Dongqiang widened his eyes.

Qi Long came back to his senses and said quickly: "Uh, where is Guang Quan? He can leave smoothly. I will do "Follow Together"!"

"What about me? We agreed to do a show together!"

"Oh, yes." Qi Long looked surprised. "Yes, we have it. In addition to Mr. Zhu Guangquan, there is also a sign language teacher who will be on the program. I will be on the air and you will sign for me, so that the hearing-impaired can also watch this interesting program!"

"Sign language?"

"Why, you don't know how to do it? Crosstalk performers say that those who learn to sing and make jokes can only do so by using hand gestures. Your master is here, and you don't know how to do it?"

Gao Dongqiang immediately stopped him and said, "Can you do it? Come on!"

"Okay, let's do another one, and use it when we interview with CCTV leaders."

Qi Long also saw this kind of rhyming news broadcast when watching a video from another world. At first he thought it was a spoof by netizens, but he didn't expect it to be a real news broadcast. The other Mr. Zhu, who looked very similar to Zhu Guangquan in this world but with a little more white hair, rhymed every sentence.

The biggest laugh in the video is actually the sign language teacher in the lower left corner, who is confused by the impromptu rhyme and either stops or speeds up his sign language to start making seals.

Qi Long thought that this could be combined with "Learning Sign Language". I read the rhymes seriously and he was busy making seals on the spot. Isn't this a funny thing?

"What are we going to do this time?" Qi Long asked.

"The students' summer vacation is almost over, so why don't we have a broadcast to announce the start of the new semester!" Gao Dongqiang suggested.

"it is good!"

The two men were ready, Qi Long cleared his throat and Gao Dongqiang raised his hands.

"Classmates, after two months of long vacation, you are now unable to learn Chinese, frustrated by math, useless in biology, heartbroken by physics, have not memorized history, are sluggish in English, and are very confused about chemistry. The only thing you are okay with is physical education, but your martial arts skills are useless. This kind of pain goes straight through your heart and lungs and makes you want to cry without tears. It makes you more clearly realize that time is tight and opportunities are precious. Cherish your time, otherwise you will fall behind!"

At the beginning, Qi Long's speech was not fast, and Gao Dongqiang could still keep up a little. Later, Qi Long's speech became faster and faster, and Gao Dongqiang's hands began to gesture in the air. He was so busy that he had to take time to glare at Qi Long.

The audience laughed at his funny appearance.

Qi Long did not mean to stop, and continued: "Have the students finished their summer homework? I wonder if the new semester will feature an inspirational drama "Finishing All Homework in One Night", a suspense drama "Where Can I Borrow My Homework", a heartwarming drama "Everything the Class Representative Did for Me", a martial arts drama "Mixed Doubles Are So Intense", a science fiction drama "Homework Not Finished, Earth Not Destroyed", or a large-scale disaster family ethics drama "I Hope Everyone Learns from This". In short, if you haven't finished your homework, it's definitely not a comedy "I've Finished It for You, Take It, No Thanks"!"

This time Gao Dongqiang just played it badly, put his hands on the spot, waited for Qi Long to finish speaking, and pushed him: "This won't work!"

"Why doesn't it work?"

"You're rhyming over there, and I'm doing hand seals over here. I can't keep up. It's too fast! Switch one, switch another, let's change the program!"

(End of this chapter)