Can't hold hands

Han Hui didn't want me to go back. I thought of Lin Jue, and I really didn't want to go back. I got off the train in the evening, so I went to the hotel and got a room.

It just so happened that I still had a hotel discount coupon that didn't work.

I took a shower and read Weibo while lying on the hotel bed. I have this habit because of Lin Jue. It is easier to see his news on this platform.

"Sun Xue is back! The god-level band Awaken is reuniting again?"

I looked at this title and couldn't get back to my senses for a long time.

Sun Xue.

That woman will come back one day?

But it's impossible to fit together. Back then, she was banned by the authorities before flying solo.

The bone in my hand was hurting from the phone. I looked at myself in the phone for a long time, and suddenly woke up. Thinking of Han Hui, how sad would she be?After all, Sun Xue and I don't have any direct grievances. Han Hui was the one who was completely hurt back then.

I turned on the phone again and found Han Hui's phone number. It's not even nine o'clock yet.

The phone rang for a long time before it was connected.

"Han Hui?"

"Hmm... what?"

Her voice was muffled, as if she had just woken up.

"Do you want to come out and have a sit? I'm back, um, listen to you, I didn't go home."

After a few seconds of silence, she seemed to laugh,

"I just got off work, where are you? I'll go find you."

"I'll send you the location."

My house is quite far from here. I lay on the bed for a while before I slowly got up and dressed, and then checked the nearby places where I could sit and chat.

Han Hui arrived at 09:30. I went downstairs and saw her sitting in the lobby of the hotel. She looked up at me and frowned.

"How did you come to live so far away?"

"I happen to have a discount coupon."

I saw her disdainful expression, and smiled wryly,

"Save money, miss, there is a teahouse next to it, do you want to go and sit?"

We seldom come here. I followed the navigation for about ten minutes before I found the deserted teahouse.

On the first floor, the decoration is a small bridge and flowing water, but it may be because it is almost ten o'clock, and there are not many people.

The two of us, a cup of scented tea, a cup of fruit tea, a stack of fried spring rolls, and a cage of beef buns.

"You definitely want me to gain weight."

Han Hui looked at the table resentfully, and finally couldn't help pinching a meat bun.

"You've lost weight, trust me."

"Skinny fart! No matter how fat you are, you won't be able to marry!"

marry?

I noticed her choice of words.

"Who are you going to marry?"

Han Hui glanced at the flowers in the cup.

"My family is urging me to get married."

The cubicle became quiet, and I took a sip of tea silently. I wasn't too surprised by the drama of urging the marriage, and Han Hui certainly wasn't.

"Why so early? You are only 26."

"26 is not early, okay! They are all old people!"

"Health care?"

Han Hui made a cut and was silent for a while. I waited for her to continue,

"Actually, it's nothing. I've had trouble with my family many times."

I know this. Once she was locked up at home, and I was the one who rescued her.

"But this time they are very serious. I think it may be because of Sun Xue."

"Sun Xue...has she really come to look for you?"

How dare she come to you?

"Well, she said she wanted to get back together with me."

I was shocked.

"She wants to get back together," Han Hui bit her lip, "I gave her three words, crazy!"

"Then?"

"She's gone! She didn't say a word," Han Hui shrugged, "but my family is afraid that I'll get mixed up with her again."

The condition of Han Hui's family is that it is a big family and a family with property. Although it is not as expensive as Hong, it is more than enough to know about Sun Xue.

"Actually, whether there is Sun Xue or not, there will be such a day sooner or later. My parents will never accept that I bring a woman back."

I sighed for her, understanding her very well.

"Actually, I went home once yesterday, my hometown, and saw my parents..."

"Your father won't beat you anymore?"

Han Hui teased.

I shook my head, knowing that she was actually a little envious of my family. Even if I didn't get the support of my family, they couldn't make substantial constraints on me. After all, my family is just an ordinary "working class" family.

But everything has two sides, at least I can't, and I dare not be like Han Hui, who can resign because of interest at the age of 26 and work as a waiter in a cafe.

"Did Sun Xue pester you?"

"How could she pester me? There are many people who play group P with her, but you, I think Lin Jue's appearance seems to be the rhythm of pestering."

I smiled bleakly,

"We love each other."

This is where Lin Jue and I differ from Sun Xue and her.

"But Lin Jue loves rock and roll more, or in other words, he can't give up that spirit."

This is also true.

I once asked Lin Jue not to make himself delirious, but he never did, half the time every month he didn't even know who he was.

He says it's necessary to write good music, it's his "source of inspiration", and he's still playing rock and even heavy metal, even if it can't be released on a high note.

"My mother told me the day before yesterday that I should find someone to settle down with, and I think what she said made sense." I stirred the tea bag in the cup, "I didn't have such a strong feeling before, but in the past two years, I really want to settle down."

"Haha, old man?"

I laughed, although it was a joke, but I suddenly had a little understanding in my heart.

Is it because of age?Maybe, I'm already 28, let alone Lin Jue, 30 years old.

They have all reached the age of starting a family.

what is homeI thought of my parents. After all, it wasn’t two people who only met once every few months. One of them was still drinking and taking drugs, and was often unconscious. He didn’t even know if he had sex with someone.

"You should settle down as soon as possible, anyway, you are still a girl."

I pushed the spring rolls in front of Han Hui, and she gave me a glare.

There was a meeting early in the morning the next day, and I started to feel sleepy while listening to their presentations.

I went to bed late last night and suffered from insomnia. I got up at [-] o'clock this morning to avoid being late. Fortunately, I don't have to speak today.

"Hey, teacher!"

When he walked to the door of the laboratory, he was stopped by several students.

"You are……?"

"I'm Chen Shixin."

The leader was a boy who looked very sunny. I thought about it, remembered the text message before New Year's Day, and smiled slightly.

"Are you asking me to be your tutor? A sophomore classmate?"

Several people nodded, and I put the lab key back in my pocket.

"Tell me to the office."

I had two classes in the afternoon, and stayed in the laboratory for two hours after dinner. Sitting on the subway, I felt my eyelids were shaking.

It was past nine o'clock when I got home.

"one hundred!"

As soon as I opened the door, I heard someone calling me, the lighting on our floor was broken, and I couldn’t see anyone, I was frightened, and I regained my energy, thinking whether to hit the face or the stomach, and turned around quickly looking for the sound , saw a group of black figures.

Lin Jue can be seen clearly in the blur.

My head was muddled, I was confused, and I wanted to sleep again. He walked towards me step by step, and I couldn't hold it anymore, so I hurried into the house.

The door was blocked by Lin Jue,

"release!"

Lin Jue didn't move.

I was in a stalemate with him for a while, and suddenly felt childish, so I instantly relaxed.

Lin Jue pushed the door open suddenly, I saw him staggered a bit, and took a step back, not letting him touch me.

He closed the door behind him.

"You... broke up with me?"

I opened my mouth and didn't speak, the room was pitch black, I couldn't see his expression clearly.

"Why did you break up with me?"

His voice seemed to come from my own soul, why break up?Yan Baiyi?Why not break up?Lin Jue is uncomfortable, I know, seven years, how could it not be uncomfortable?I am also in pain, and my heart is so painful that it is numb, but what can I do?

"Yan Baiyi!"

He roared, the grief in his voice could not be faked, I suddenly wanted to see his expression, but unfortunately the light switch was by the door.

I took a deep breath, I was too tired, I really didn't have the energy to fight with him,

"You can't get rid of the spirit you pursue, so I can only get rid of you, which is unsolvable."

"One hundred..." Lin Jue moaned as if mourning, his eyes were still bright in such darkness, I didn't dare to look at him anymore, turned my head,

"You don't have to do this. The spirit you choose is equally great. It brings freedom to this world. You are the carrier, but because of this, you are not suitable for the world."

I thought of the moon and sixpence, not without sadness, and murmured,

"If he leaves you for an ideal, there is nothing you can do."

"But," Lin Jue put his hand on my face, "but all my love songs are written for you, you can't leave me."

He wanted to kiss me, and I felt his breath, turned my head away, and his wet kiss fell on my face.

"It's the same as seven years ago." He distanced himself slightly, held my face in his hands, and seemed to smile, "Seven years ago, the first time I wanted to kiss you, you turned your head away like today."

I pushed him away with a cold voice, it turned out that I had already realized myself eight years ago.

"If my existence is only for you to write one or two love songs, why do you think I should continue to be with you? Lin Jue, do you think we are together now? Eight years... eight years , have we ever lived together? Well, maybe you think cohabitation is just living together, and I did live with you, but you, your messy house every day... I don’t want to go home every day and have to Seeing messes all over the house, lying on the floor with people I don't know, and taking drugs! You don't even know if you're sleeping with someone!"

I wanted to laugh, and I did,

"Lin Jue, we see each other once in a few months, have a bed, have a meal, are we really a couple? What I want is a lover, a lifetime, a relatively comfortable home, don't worry about whether he will be there today Taking drugs, have you cheated... Forget it, we are not from the same world, and it would be good for everyone to separate..."

With a bang, the light came on suddenly, which hurt my eyes, I raised my hand to cover my face, Lin Jue came over, hugged me tightly, and said nothing.

I know that he can't make promises, he is just a carrier of the spirit now, and it is the spirit that controls him, and this spirit comes from the world, and he spreads it to a wider world, and I, Yan Baiyi, can not grasp it.

The sad thing is, I love that spirit too, the great freedom, the crazy rebellion, the hopeless decadence, I love them dearly.

Lin Jue's embrace is so warm, but I still feel cold.

"Sorry……"