Can't hold hands

In the last month of the first semester of my sophomore year, I lived in a muddle. It wasn't chaos in my life. In fact, my life was so organized that it was lifeless. The root of this blur came from mental and emotional chaos. I was like Like every college student, he completes the papers, homework, and final review at the end of the semester, but his heart is always in a state of disorder.

My head is not clear.

In the final analysis, all my eagerness to move came from Lin Jue.His hints are clear enough that I even suspect that his attitude is to wait, because he knows that I haven't made up my mind yet.

I don't know where I read it, liking someone makes people timid.I didn't even have the courage to meet him this month.

"Bo Yi, when are you going home?"

During the exam week, the lights in our dormitory were never turned off before one o'clock. After going to bed, Xu Ming asked me that he was my neighbor.

"Only the second day after the exam, how about you?"

"I have to stay here for another week after the exam! I'm not in such a hurry as you."

"Are you okay? You are a local. My home is thousands of miles away from here. My mother has been talking about it for a long time, saying that I didn't go back for a semester."

"That's right... good night!"

"Good night."

I lay down and thought of my parents, if they knew that I went to college and fell in love with a man, would they slap me back into my mother's stomach?

My heart was heavy for a moment, and I couldn't think of anything other than troubles, so I simply covered my head and fell asleep.

After finishing the last class, I finally felt a sense of relaxation. I took out my notebook. The news in QQ was a bit explosive. I checked it out. Lin Jue greeted me a few times, and Han Hui recommended me a movie the day before yesterday.

Spring shines.

My eyelids twitched. At the beginning, this guy asked me not to be with Lin Jue, but now...he meant to match up?

All in all, except for handing in homework this month, I didn't see Han Hui at all. Thinking of her being less clear-headed about dating than me, I was a little worried.

It's only seven o'clock in the evening, and there's nothing to do anyway. I have a day to pack my luggage tomorrow, so I simply turned on the movie.

The train home was on the evening of the second day. I was carrying a big bag and squeezed into the subway with others. I remembered in a trance that my college life was almost halfway through.

Time is really fast, so fast that it makes people panic.

What have I been doing all this time?Have I changed?

In this city without four seasons, my time seems to be very chaotic. What happened yesterday seems to be far away. I can’t even remember what I ate yesterday, but some things that have passed for a long time seem to be Just experienced it in the last second.

Lin Jue's face appeared in my mind again, and the subway approached the station, making me dizzy.

I think, I am still such a hesitant person.

The next morning, when I got off the train, I felt like I walked into the refrigerator. I was a little dazed by the cold. After a while, I put on a thin down jacket in my bag. As soon as I got out of the station, I saw my dad. He was wearing a A small dark blue woolen suit, with a straight belly, looks a bit coquettish.

"dad!"

He caught sight of me and grinned,

"Hurry up, get in the car, your mother talked about it all night last night!"

I rolled my eyes. My parents love each other. After being with them for a long time, I always feel that I am superfluous. Big light bulb. When I went to other places to study in college, my dad laughed happily. Phone calls are almost always on the way to travel.

"Ouch~" My mother stood at the door of the car, and when I walked in front of her, she hugged me exaggeratedly, "An An, I haven't seen you for a semester, I miss you so much!"

I gently hugged her back, my mother is always easy to express her emotions, my father patted me,

"Get in the car and experience your mother's driving skills."

My mom only got her driver's license last year, and I drove like a turtle once in her car.

"How is this semester? Did you fail a class? Have you talked about a girlfriend?"

My dad fastened his seat belt and looked back at me. He didn't go to college, and he didn't know where he learned to "fail".

"No."

"Is there no front or no back?"

"nothing!"

"Tsk," his eyes turned contemptuous for a moment, "Don't you have a girlfriend yet? Don't you have a lot of girls in your school? Is it my son! I used to..."

suddenly fell silent again,

"What happened to you back then? Come on, tell me in detail!"

My mother moved the car slower than a tortoise, and glanced at him with a smile, and my father quickly apologized.

"No no no..."

I laughed, feeling a little bitter in my heart, one wife and one son, happy and harmonious, such a family is the best.

There was nothing to do during the winter vacation. I didn’t get used to the weather when I came back. I wore a thin coat every day, but I didn’t feel cold. As a result, I caught a cold very quickly. I lay on the bed for three days, and my bones became soft.

I just caught a cold, so I asked a few friends from high school to go out to play for a few days. I watched the mountains and waters. In winter, there was some snow in the mountains, and the branches were like silver crystals, very beautiful.

After I came back, I calmed down and began to think about various things this semester.

First comes studies, then school activities, relationships...

In fact, these are all pretense, I just don't know how to deal with my relationship with Lin Jue, I want to get close to him so much, what's more...even in my dream it's him.

but……

why?

Why can't you follow your heart?I suddenly couldn't understand that suppressing myself has no other effect except to deepen my obsession.

"Eat more meat!"

When I was 29, I went to my grandma's house for dinner. When she came up, she picked up a big chopsticks for me, half of which was fat.

"I'll just do it myself."

I poked the fat helplessly and complained.

"Got it, got it."

Grandma is still smiling.

Our family always celebrates the New Year casually. Because we support national policies, we have been an only child since the previous generation. The population is thin, and we can't even get a few red envelopes.

But it's better if there are fewer people, the relationship is not that complicated.

On New Year's Eve, our whole family was leaning on the sofa to watch TV. There was a bunch of food on the table, the most spicy ones. I took a halva and tore open the package bit by bit.

The countdown began on the TV, and there was crackling in the yard downstairs.

"Give some!"

Mom leaned in my dad's arms, and after I took it apart, she stretched out her hand in front of me. I glanced at her and gave her a new one.

"mean!"

As a result, I only took a bite when the phone rang, and my parents came to see me, it was Chinese New Year.

Lin Jue.

My cold sweat came down.

The phone rang like a reminder.

I bit the bullet and took it.

"Hello, Lin Jue."

"happy New Year!"

He was smiling over there, I felt my ears were red, facing the eyes of my parents, I felt a little unable to hold on, so I looked up at the clock.

"Happy New Year."

I stood up, ignoring what my parents thought, and walked back to my room.

"Didn't sleep?"

"No, it's Shou Sui."

"Well, me too." We were all silent for a while, and I seemed to hear his breathing.

"You can also blow up firecrackers there!"

He heard voices from my side.

"Well, small cities are always fine."

"I haven't heard the sound of fireworks in a long time."

I went to the window, and the explosion grew brighter, almost flushing my face.

"Then listen," I smiled involuntarily. At this moment, when the New Year's bell rang, Lin Jue seemed to be beside me, and there was an indescribable satisfaction in my heart. Some words hovered around my mouth, but in the end I still didn't speak out,

"I can still listen to it for a long time..."

There are still ten days left in the year-end holiday, and I have downloaded more than a dozen movies, intending to watch one every day.

Lin Jue never called me again, he only sent me messages occasionally, such as doing coolies at home, cheating on children, and their relatives dragging him to impromptu performances. To, I will have a very shallow sense of satisfaction.Usually he sends it to me at night, and I respond to him in the morning.

I want to see Lin Jue, this feeling gradually became stronger in the last few days of the winter vacation, and I couldn't help thinking about him.

I think he is obviously not a sunny person, but he looks so good when he walks in the sun.

"Yan Baiyi, did you listen to me?"

"Ah... ah?"

I looked at my mother's annoyed face, woke up suddenly, and smiled apologetically.

"A little distracted, you say, you say..."

"Are you..." My mother looked at me suspiciously, "Are you really in love?"

"No, no, really!"

I sweated profusely and said, since the phone call at [-] o'clock in the new year, my mother has given full play to her gossip spirit and asked me from time to time.

"If you really have a girlfriend, you really like her. Remember to bring her back and show us that girl. We're not unreasonable, and we definitely won't beat each other..."

"Where did you go..."

I interrupted her with a wry smile, and said helplessly,

"No, not really."

"Then don't be distracted, clear your things quickly, and leave tomorrow!"

I shrunk my neck and stopped talking.

As a result of my mother clearing things out for me, when I went back, I carried a suitcase in addition to a backpack.

[I'm going to school]

The first thing to do when getting on the train is to send a message to Lin Jue.

The world I see from the train window is quite different from the world I live in. There are few tall buildings outside the train, and there are more fields, bungalows, landscapes, and blue sky.

The time for my ticket is in the afternoon. After the sky darkened, I climbed into bed and clicked on an hour and a half movie, a literary film, with a dark and depressing tone. I put the bag on my back and put on my headphones.

May I have your name?I know your name...you will dream of me tonight...

Days of being hooligan.

1 minute friend, 2 minute friend...

I heard Maggie Cheung say, because of you, I will remember that 1 minute.

A good movie often does not have a good ending.

I lay on the bed and heard the sound of the train "clang" and "clang" and couldn't fall asleep for a long time.

The phone vibrated, I picked it up, and Lin Jue replied to my message.

[When will it arrive? ]

I stared blankly for a few seconds.

What a coward I am!It's just because of timidity...why not be brave?

I dialed the phone.

"Hey?"

"Lin Jue, I'm Yan Baiyi."

"Ok, I know."

We are all silent, why should I make this call?Because of the movie?On impulse?

"You... didn't sleep, did you?"

"No, when will you arrive tomorrow?"

"Morning, around ten o'clock in the morning."

"I'll pick you up? I'm fine tomorrow. Shall I pick you up at the train station?"

I slowly raised the corners of my lips,

"……OK!"

Why not indulge for a while?

The author has something to say: This chapter goes back to college