too embarrassing

"The eyes are the precursors that first announce the tender love story."

——Propacus

Early in the morning, in a ward.

After flipping through the medical records from beginning to end, Niu Keqing had an idea in his mind. He pulled out the chair and sat down, chatting with the old man on the hospital bed: "You are always energetic when I see you, why did you come in suddenly?"

The old man on the hospital bed is Niu Keqing's mentor. During his eight years in college, this teacher not only imparted medical knowledge to him, but also taught him the principles of life. He is also a teacher and a friend.

Niu Keqing had no father since he was a child. It was probably his luck to meet Mr. Deng. The old man taught him like a loving father. At the most critical point in his life, the teacher also pointed out the direction for him to move forward.

As the saying goes, being a teacher for a day is a father for life. Even after graduation for many years, Niu Keqing has always maintained close contact with the old man, treating this teacher like the most respected elder.

But now the old man is sick and has been sent to the hospital for treatment. The situation is not optimistic.

"It's normal for you to be too old to keep up with your body." The old man was quite calm, spreading his hands and thumping his knees, "Don't worry, I won't suffer."

Niu Keqing knew that the old man was lying to him. People who got this disease basically had to suffer, and the pain was so painful that they couldn't even sleep.

He looked at this teacher who was still in good spirits a few months ago for a long time, and he felt that life and death were impermanent, illnesses were tormenting, and the old man who looked like a Maitreya Buddha was boiled into dry sticks.

"You don't need to comfort me..." Niu Keqing's eyes gradually became sore, he felt something moist was about to overflow, he gritted his teeth and endured it, not letting himself show a trace of sadness.

The old man smiled lightly, and under his drooping eyelids, there was a look of seeing life and death: "If it can't be cured, it can't be cured. I'm pretty much alive, with no worries."

"Don't always say unlucky things, just focus on taking good care of your body," Niu Keqing forced himself to raise the corner of his mouth: "I'm still waiting for your [-]th birthday, when that time comes, I'll make a birthday peach cake that's bigger than a basketball , bring it to you to celebrate your birthday."

With his hand, he drew a round and big peach shape, and tried his best to pretend to be relaxed and optimistic.

Even if he knew in his heart that it would be very difficult for the old man to come out this time.

The old man is the person who knows Niu Keqing best. He can see through the sadness hidden under his smile at a glance. He sees through but doesn't reveal it. He just comforts him: "What did the teacher teach you? We who study medicine should have awe for life. You have to have the courage to accept death, have you forgotten?"

Niu Keqing was silent for a while, just continued to pretend that nothing happened, and laughed and chatted with him: "Our stomatology department has never seen too many life and death partings, and it is normal to have less courage."

The old man patted his head and said kindly: "Ke Qing, you have to learn to accept many things."

"Okay, I'll just chatter," Niu Keqing turned his back, wiped his face fiercely, and couldn't help but talk back to him, "My teacher is terminally ill, what's wrong with me being sad? I didn't accept it so quickly. …”

The two chatted for a long time in the ward, chatting like a real father and son.During this period, Niu Keqing kept avoiding mentioning the old man's illness, and told a few jokes whenever he got the chance, trying his best to make the old man happy.

However, Dr. Niu, who was pretending to be calm in the ward, started to sob as soon as he stepped out of the ward.

He stood quietly outside the ward, looking at the teacher who had fallen asleep inside, feeling tightness and pain in his chest, and his throat seemed to be choked by a sharp rock, making him unable to swallow.

Niu Keqing walked out of the hospital alone, quite distraught.

There are some big evergreen trees planted outside the hospital, and there are several benches for people to rest under the trees. He randomly found a bench and sat down.

No one passed by, so quiet that only the faint sound of the wind could be heard, Niu Keqing took off his glasses that were blurred by the mist, and pinned them to the lapel of his white coat.

He leaned against the back of the chair weakly, his chest heaving and falling violently, sucking in fresh air in big gulps, so that he could catch his breath.

"Ugh..."

The man tightly covered his hot and humid eyes with his palms, but tears still flowed from between his fingers, crossed his chin, and wet the skirt of his clothes drop by drop.

At this moment, he is like a weak person tormented by pain.

It was the lunch break, and Dr. Gu, who was tired all morning, wanted to take a breath outside. He moved his cervical spine, and as soon as he walked out of the hospital, he found Niu Keqing not far away.

Niu Keqing was sitting on a low bench in a daze, with his feet spread apart on the ground, slightly bowed, his elbows on his knees, and a burning cigarette between his fingertips.

The man lowered his head, exuding an extremely low air pressure all over his body, raising his head from time to time, exhaling a long wisp of white smoke.

He looked bored and a little tired.

Gu Yifening walked straight over, but stopped when there were still a few meters away, because he suddenly noticed Niu Keqing's eye sockets——

glowing red.

He wasn't sure if he saw it wrong, because Niu Keqing's face was covered by the swirling smoke, making it difficult for people to see clearly.

After a little hesitation, Gu Yifening approached: "Doctor Niu?"

In Niu Keqing's field of vision, a pair of familiar leather shoe tips appeared, but as soon as the recognizable voice came from above his head, he knew who it was.

Niu Keqing paused, didn't speak, and buried his head lower.

His expression was covered by the thin hair hanging from his forehead, and Guifenin couldn't see his face, but some things don't have to be conveyed through expressions, Guifenin told Guifenin intuitively——

Now Doctor Niu is like a piece of brittle glass, which will shatter into shards when touched.

"Are you... all right?" he asked.

Niu Keqing let out a "huh", bit his lower lip tightly and did not speak, but his trembling shoulders betrayed him, obviously unable to hide his sobs.

"What can I help you with?" Guifenin's voice was calm, for fear of shocking the fragile glass.

"Stay away from me." Niu Keqing said suddenly.

Gu Yverning was taken aback, "What?"

"At least for now, stay away from me." Niu Keqing's voice seemed to lift from his chest, "This is the greatest help to me."

Guifenin heard the choking in his voice, it was the hoarse tone that came from crying for a long time, probably because his throat was worn out.

Suddenly, his eardrum felt a sharp tingling sensation as if it had been pricked by a needle.

He took out a clean small square towel from his pocket and handed it to Niu Keqing, "Doctor Niu..."

However, Niu Keqing turned his head to the side, did not take the handkerchief, but said coldly: "I don't want anyone... especially you, to see me like this."

What a strong adult he is, with his own pride and self-esteem, he doesn't want others to see him as vulnerable and helpless.

Rather than comfort, what he needs at this moment is the avoidance of the other party, because he doesn't want to show even a little bit of embarrassment in front of Dr. Gu.

After a long silence, Guifenin silently took a step forward, bent down and put the handkerchief on the other side of the bench.When he straightened up, he caught a glimpse of a small drop of water falling on the ground out of the corner of his eye.

It dripped silently, it was Dr. Niu's tears.

This tear seemed to fall into Guifenin's blue eyes. The man was defenseless, and his pupils trembled uncontrollably like a lake, as if he was witnessing some tragic disaster.

But he was only stunned for a moment, and quickly looked away.

Silent, ignoring, Gu Yifening didn't say a word, even pretended not to know anything, ignoring everything that happened in front of him, ignoring the sadness that was unfolding on Niu Keqing.

Then, he turned and left alone.

Rather than casually instilling comfort, he is more inclined to give the other party a little bit of respect.

Not to disturb is the best respect.

However, the moment he turned around, he vaguely heard a sobbing sound, forbearing and sad, like a wounded animal that couldn't breathe, and was crawling in the corner panting in pain.

All of a sudden, Guifenin felt a silk thread being pulled from his heart. The silk thread was probably connected to the blood vessels in the heart wall, which caused him severe pain.

It broke with a click.

He raised his hand subconsciously and covered his left chest, but the pain was fleeting, like an illusion that never existed, and he didn't even have time to pay attention.

But what is not being cared about...is it a slight distress, or a severe illusion?