too embarrassing

"All action is selfish, all service selfish, and all love selfish."

- "When Nietzsche Cried"

Gu Yifening persistently called Niu Keqing's phone number again, but this time, the other party turned off the phone directly.

Feng Shui always takes turns.

For a long period of time before, Niu Keqing used his hot face to touch Gu Yifening's cold butt. Even though the cold butt was disdainful and avoided in every possible way, he gradually got used to the temperature given by that hot face.

But this day, Hot Face hung up a call from Cold Butt.

It was just a phone call, but Leng Bass had a premonition that a catastrophe was coming. He was uneasy and even panicked.

At this time, Niu Keqing was accompanying his teacher in the hospital, and he didn't want to answer anyone's calls.

He just wants to leave time for his mentor.

In the middle of the night, after visiting his seriously ill teacher, Niu Keqing went to the river again.

He has been in this city for a while, and many places have not left him with much emotion, but this river, he likes it very much.

He felt that this was a river for him to vent his emotions. The never-ending water in it seemed to be able to take away some of his negative emotions, and finally flowed into the vast ocean.

So Niu Keqing is here again.

Emotions brought him a sense of suffocation, life and death brought him a sense of despair, and all aspects of life were unsatisfactory. He hoped that Jiang Shui could take away some of these pains.

The man's eyes were wet with the wind blowing, and then he walked home slowly.

As soon as Niu Keqing entered the corridor of the apartment, when he turned a corner, he saw a faint black figure in front of him, which frightened him into a daze.

"Who?" He raised his heart in his throat.

Because of his voice, the voice-activated light above his head lit up in an instant, and the faint dark yellow filled the entire corridor, making people haggard.

"it's me."

The "black shadow" saw him, walked over slowly, and walked under the small voice-activated light, only then was the white face with blue pupils reflected by the light.

It was Guifenin.

He had been waiting for Niu Keqing all night.

Niu Keqing was speechless for a while, smelling a faint smell of alcohol in the air, and asked him, "Have you been drinking?"

The lights in the corridor were dim, and Gu Yifening didn't notice the red and swollen eyes of the other party. He stepped forward, took Niu Keqing's hand, and said, "I regret it."

"Regret what?"

"I regret ending this relationship with you."

Niu Keqing didn't know what to say. For the past few days, his heart had been tortured to the point of exhaustion, and he was on the verge of collapse. He never wanted to be trapped in such an entanglement again: "Go find someone else, I'm very tired."

A bad day is like walking on muddy ground, one foot is deep and the other is shallow, and every time you pull it out, you have to use your whole body.

His heart is really tired recently, work, life, relationship, nothing is easy.

However, Gu Yifenen entangled him and hugged the other party recklessly, "Keqing, I only want you."

He's starting to lose control.

Craving badly, wanting possessively and obsessingly, wanting more, wanting the only one.

Niu Keqing's back was pressed against the wall, causing his bones to hurt. He was so uncomfortable that he pushed him away, "What are you doing?!"

The moment Dr. Gu was pushed away, he entangled him again, holding Niu Keqing's chin with both hands, and pressing his forehead against him.

Like an addiction, he sniffed Niu Keqing's scent vigorously, and rubbed his lips between the eyebrows and the tip of the nose of the other party over and over again.

People are always going crazy step by step.

He has suppressed it for too many days, and once the cracks in his reason are torn, it will burst like a flood.

Niu Keqing didn't wear perfume today, but he liked it very much, because what he liked was not the scent of "cows eating grass" at all, but Niu Keqing's breath.

As soon as he smells Niu Keqing's body, the restless factor will jump wildly in his body.

Niu Keqing struggled in his arms, "You are enough, Gu Yifening!"

"Not enough, not enough..." the light-haired man murmured and repeated, as pious as chanting, "Not enough, it's your words, no matter how many times it is enough, it will never be enough."

He is indeed addicted. There is no way to lack a substance called "Keqing" in his body, and he wants to absorb it infinitely.

Selfishly and greedily, he wanted to privatize Niu Keqing and completely possess him, branding his ancient Ifoning logo on both body and soul.

No one can get close to him except him.

Niu Keqing lost his temper when he was disturbed. He pushed the person away again with all his strength, punched the person hard, and roared: "Get out!"

His fist hit the man's high bridge of the nose, Guifenin was knocked to the ground, his head buzzed, and he couldn't regain consciousness for a long time.

This punch consumed most of Niu Keqing's strength, and he leaned weakly against the wall behind him, like a piece of softened paper, slowly slid and sat by the wall.

The two men gasped and stared at each other with pain in their eyes.

The filthy outer skin was torn off, and each other's true colors were completely exposed.

Perhaps they are all living too rationally, so that when emotions strike and their rationality collapses, they will feel that everything in their minds is shattered, and they will feel dizzy crazily and want to destroy everything.

Guifenin's voice seemed to have been ground by sandpaper, and he spoke slowly: "Can we restore our previous relationship?"

Niu Keqing leaned his head against the wall behind, breathed in a vain manner: "I don't want to be your friend with benefits anymore, not even for a moment."

He is no longer loved, so he can no longer be sober, since he can't be truly loved, then let's get out.

"Keqing, I need you." Gu Yifening still ignored the other party's feelings for his own selfish desires, and stubbornly wanted to drag the other party into the water.

He is a victim who was abandoned in the desert, waiting for Niu Keqing to give him some nourishment, not Niu Keqing, no one else.

However, Niu Keqing only thought it was ridiculous, "You just need me, not love me, right?"

"I..." Guifenin hesitated.

How should he answer this question, as long as he looks at Niu Keqing's teary eyes, he can't lie.

Say love?

But he...shouldn't be in love, right?

He has never loved anyone, and he doesn't even know what love is.

Is that mean to lie?

He can't say it, he's not good at deceiving.

So, instead of making up a good-sounding lie, at this moment, Guifenin remained silent.

This second of silence is the sharpest knife, mercilessly piercing into Niu Keqing's heart.

Look, how simple it is, just ask "Do you love me?", and the other person will immediately calm down and be as quiet as a chicken.

Probably because I really don't love her, that's why I keep silent.

"Then why are we tossing around here for so long?" Niu Keqing rubbed his swollen hands. The punch just now was heavy, and his finger bones were hurt by the violent impact.

He closed his eyes tiredly, then opened them a little, "Doctor Gu, don't torture me anymore, I have dignity too."

Guifenin remained silent.

He was like a dog that was abandoned by that person. He should have been held high above the clouds by that person, but now that person doesn't want him anymore, turning him into a stray dog ​​that no one loves.

As that person once gave him the title——

"damn thing".

Suddenly, he became angry and barked like a mad dog, "Niu Keqing! You tried your best to attract me, irresponsibly occupied my whole heart, all my thoughts, and all my desires , do you want to leave now that you pat your ass?!"

The man who has always been decent has lost all his manners at this moment, and is even more unreasonable than a shrew. He blames all the faults on the other party, and uses all his strength to bite the other party back.

He doesn't mind using moral kidnapping and attacking each other with ugly words.He can use all despicable means, make a fool of himself, and show all his ugly faces, just to pull the other party back to him.

"I'm telling you Niu Keqing, there is nothing so easy to take advantage of in this world! Don't try to get rid of me easily!" The handsome man's face was ferocious at the moment, tearing his face.

Compared with him, Niu Keqing was much calmer, because he had no energy to argue with him, and just looked at him blankly: "Can you reason?"

"What do you do with reason?!" Gu Ifoning's eyes were horribly red, he inserted his fingers into his light hair, and scratched his scalp, "Will you come back to me if you are reasonable?"

Niu Keqing stared at his ugliness and couldn't bear it: "You are drunk."

An educated and gentle person like Dr. Gu may not be able to quarrel so fiercely with others, but as long as there is a hint of alcohol as a catalyst, or an excuse, he can release the dark side of his heart.

Alcohol can make people hysterical, and even directly poke each other's heart with a knife.

But is he really drunk?

Just pretend to be drunk, even if it's just a fake.

Only when he is drunk can he be so presumptuous, disregarding decency and image, like a beast that wants to kill each other to the death.

"Alas..." Niu Keqing sighed sadly.

A cold liquid slid across his face, Guifenin touched his face, and it turned out to be a tear.

"I don't know what's wrong with me." He wiped the moisture from the corners of his eyes, even his chin was trembling slightly, "Ke Qing, I can't seem to leave you... It's been almost a month since we separated, and all I think about every day are You, then endlessly sad..."

"Are you sad? You are just greedy." Niu Keqing stood up from the ground and looked down at him, "You only want to get, but you are stingy with giving, and you never gave me even a little bit of respect."

Guifenin shook his head indifferently, like a fragile and helpless child, like a drug addict who was forced to recover, slumped against the corner of the wall, curled up in a ball with his knees bent.

"Everything you said to me was just to remind me..." Niu Keqing choked up for a long time before gritting his teeth and finishing the sentence: "I am an unloved person."

In an instant, a piece of Guifenin's heart was empty, like ashes falling from the wall, it was dilapidated and broken everywhere, and no one would come to clean it for him.

He lifted up those clear blue eyes, with sparkling water lines in them, and no one who saw them could not help feeling compassionate.

Shaking with compassion, Niu Keqing took half a step forward, pointing the tip of his leather shoe towards the man, wanting to hold the glassy beauty that was about to break into his arms.

But he can't, he must ruthlessly snub the other party's desires, and he must also ruthlessly imprison his own love.

He knows how stupid he is.From the beginning to the end, he was the only one who took a relationship that was out of his mind but not in his heart seriously.

Stupid or not?It's just silly.

He looked into those blue eyes, as if looking into an endless abyss, which was the beginning of his desire, the source of his haunting dreams.

He can't wait to destroy it, so that all this pain can be ended!

Niu Keqing conjectured distortedly.

He was about to go crazy, he wanted to blind Guifenin, he wanted to pick out those eyeballs, step on the ground and grind them hard, to destroy them completely!

let it go let it go!Let this endless pain and struggle go away!

—a fleeting moment of dreadful thought.

Niu Keqing was surprised that he had such a crazy idea. As a doctor who saved lives and healed the wounded, his mentality developed in such an ugly direction.

Is this still him?

He almost didn't know himself.

"No..." Niu Keqing shook his head in pain, stepped back in confusion and fear, turned and ran away.