too embarrassing

"I have always resisted love arrogantly, but this time I have been a prisoner of love for a long time."

- "Feder"

It was snowing outside on Saturday.

Although the snow was heavy, it fell very gently, like a graceful girl kissing a silk handkerchief embroidered with red plums.

There was soothing music playing in the room, and Niu Keqing nestled lazily on the soft beanbag sofa, drinking a cup of warm Ovaltine.

The man looked sideways at the white snow outside the window.

The sky had been gloomy for a few days, but this heavy snowfall was long overdue, like a surprise planned by the heavens for a long time.

After admiring the snow scene for a while, Niu Keqing took out the stack of medical records that Gu Yifening gave him, flipped through a page, and read it quietly.

Seeing this, he was first surprised, then trembling.

Every word and sentence was written by that person during the insomnia night, like monologues full of sorrow and joy.

"Dear Doctor Niu:

This is my 250th fourth night of insomnia.

I can't sleep, so I always want to use a pen to talk nonsense to you.

Today I passed by the newly opened flower shop at the entrance of the community, and I saw roses blooming in full bloom. This kind of flower, which I didn't like so much in the past, seems to be quite beautiful now.

It was pure red, like blood.

I wanted to buy a bunch, but thinking about it, there was no one to give away, so I just bought one and gave it to an old woman who played erhu on the street.

She played really well, but the sound of the erhu was so sad that I could always think of our past.

No no no, our past is not sad.

Every minute and every second I spend with you is wonderful, even the time when we quarrel and hate each other, I think it is very precious.

Sometimes I think, if there is a box to store memories, I can give it to you, and it is full of our memories.

If you really find someone else in the future, when you are old, you accidentally open this box, and the memories inside will flow out like fragments, forcing you to think of me.

Well, in fact, I think half of them can't pass the trial, because they are too erotic.

I was talking nonsense again, like a madman.

In fact, being crazy is good, and talking crazy on paper is the least sad moment of my day.

When you come back, I must show you all my crazy words, and let you see how embarrassed and incomprehensible you have made me.

Sorry, I'm blaming you again.

The weather has been very bad recently, wet and cold, and I always feel that it is going to rain dirty.

I attribute my bad mood to the bad weather, so that I can deceive myself, and finally I am not in a bad mood because I miss you too much.

Although the weather forecast said that the sun will be very good in the near future, Director Liang and Nurse Li also said the same, and asked me if I would like to go to the team building with the whole department.

But I still feel that the weather is not good, and I even start to worry about the weather in Tibet.No matter how I write about the weather, I can write so many words, probably because I always have endless things to say to you.

A few days ago, my forehead was injured, and I bled a lot. The pain was not very painful, but it almost disfigured me. Fortunately, the wound was small.

The reason for the injury is really funny to say. That day I looked through the bookcase and took out Fran’s painting collection. As soon as I opened it, the bookmark you gave me fell out of it.

I was so happy that I accidentally knocked my head on the glass door of the bookcase. I thought I had lost this bookmark, but after looking for it for a whole month, I didn't expect it to be in Fran's painting collection.

This reminds me that it should be one night when I drank too much wine at home, and when I got drunk, I started thinking about you and what I wanted to do with you.

I thought of the art show, I thought of Fran's drawing book, I thought of the precious bookmark you gave me, and I, a stupid drunk, put the bookmark in the picture book and then thought I lost it.

Fortunately, fortunately, I have already lost you, and I can't lose the bookmark you gave me.

I was so happy to get it back. That day was the happiest day in my half year. A bookmark can temporarily erase my mania and pain.

Last week, a colleague in our department left the order. I heard that he fell in love with a female doctor in the Department of Stomatology. They are very sweet and often show their affection in the circle of friends.

I am very envious, envious to death.

I asked him how he caught up, so that he could learn from it, and he said that he caught up by writing love letters. The more poetic the writing, the better, and the more romantic the better.

Tsk, what year is it, and you still write such old-fashioned things, and there are still people who like this?Childish or not.

I'm so sour.

I also want to write a love letter to you.

But my writing ability is too bad, I don’t know what to write. I have read Shakespeare’s sonnets, but why is my ability to write love letters so poor.

If only writing a love letter was as easy as getting mad at you.

I slapped myself.

How to write something as literary as a love letter.I seem to be clumsy with words, forgetting words when I pick up a pen, obviously full of emotions in my head and heart.

I thought about it for several days, and finally I still feel that emotion is a difficult thing to write. It has no form, only temperature, and only feelings. How should temperature and feelings be expressed?

God, it's so difficult.

Although love is an indescribable thing, I am afraid that if I do not write it, you will not know it.Then write a few words, don't laugh at me.

I'm your dog, your pig, your grandson.You are my heart, my breath, my soul.

It was you who let me know that love is a fruit worth savoring day after day, sweet, round, big and big.

I am willing to sing for you, willing to live for you, willing to die for you, and willing to read all the poems in this world for you.

I want you to touch me, touch my fingertips, touch my lips, it's the most beautiful thing I can think of.

After you left, one of the core parts of my life was missing, just like a car without an engine, a compass without a magnet, and an eye without eyeballs.

I'm useless without you.

I wrote a lot of sentences, and the writing was so bad that I even laughed, but at least I used the parallelism and metaphors taught by the Chinese teacher. I hope you don’t feel disgusted after reading it.

In the past, I probably couldn’t write these love words. Since I knew what love is, I have been inspired continuously, even the wind in my ears, the street lamps on the street, the young leaves on the branches, and the night sky. The crescent moon has become the nasty words I want to say to you,

It's a pity that you are not here, no one listens to me.

I, a selfish person, will blame you again.

There is a good thing to tell you, I am about to be officially promoted to be the deputy chief physician, very good, the salary has increased a bit, so I donated half a year's salary to some poor areas in Tibet.

Donating money, I would never do this kind of thing before, after all, I am not a selfless person, of course, I am not now.I just feel that I have to do something to be worthy of the person I like.

I have changed a lot, if I could have changed earlier, would you not have left?Keqing, I'm so sorry.

I used to think of love as worthless, who would have thought that?Even Cupid in the clouds would never have imagined it, even the old moon in the sky would never have imagined it...Love has become my hope, comfort and dream in life, and it has also become something I can't ask for.

Ugh.

I suddenly feel drowsy, probably because the sleeping pills have taken effect, then I, a lunatic, will go and close my eyes first, and I will talk to you tomorrow.

Good night, my beloved Keqing.

--antiquity."

Niu Keqing sat leaning against the floor-to-ceiling window, his black eyes shrouded in water, which were brightly reflected by the pale yellow light. After reading the letter, the little Wang Qianshui in the corner of the man's eyes seemed to be brewing enough.

He raised his head and glanced out of the window, the snowflakes were flying all over the sky, and there was a feeling of warmth flying out.

The phone vibrated suddenly, and when he saw the words "Doctor Gu" on the screen, his heart beat a little faster.

Niu Keqing pressed the answer button, "Hello?"

He heard Gu Yifening's voice on the phone, and suddenly said: "Doctor Niu, I am standing on the bridge now, and there is a lot of snow here."

Niu Keqing was stunned for a while, feeling that the other party's long-winded words were somewhat familiar, and after thinking for a long time, he remembered where this familiarity came from.

He gave a soft "tsk" and asked, "Isn't it cold?"

Gu Yifenen didn't answer him, and continued to say what he wanted to say: "I really want to become snow, so that I can quietly fall on Doctor Niu."

Niu Keqing was silent for a while, but finally couldn't help laughing out loud, he heard the other party laughing too.

The numb feeling tickled his heart, Niu Keqing snorted and teased him: "The snow will melt eventually. It's cold on the bridge, go home quickly."

Guy Ifnin on the other end of the phone didn't speak.

Although Niu Keqing treats him very easy-going now, and always jokes constantly, he can feel that after returning, Niu Keqing is no longer as dependent and longing for himself as he was a year ago, and seems to be haunted by a sense of alienation and distance. It made him feel uneasy.

The two sides were silent for a while, and Guifenin said, "Don't hang up on me."

"Dog, you make fun of me with the past, and still don't let me hang up on your phone, you are so overbearing, Doctor Gu."

"I don't, I really miss you."

Dr. Niu buried his hot face in the collar of his thick sweater, "Tsk, Dr. Gu, you've become hypocritical."

"People who are in love are always hypocritical, aren't they?" Guifenin said softly.

He heard the soft and gentle breathing of the cow on the phone, accompanied by a thin smile, which made people want to hug him across the phone.

"I thought Dr. Gu was always cool and chic."

"I've been lost by Dr. Niu for that kind of me."

Although he didn't want to admit it, Niu Keqing was indeed teased by the other party, and he pretended to be cold: "You called me to say this?"

"Yeah, it's snowing heavily, I miss you very much, and I'm afraid to ask you out, you will be afraid of the cold, so think about it and let it go."

It was very natural for the man to sell miserably, and Niu Keqing felt a little distressed when he heard it, "Then...you just watch the snow alone?"

"Not really, there is an old tree to accompany me," Guy Ifoning turned his head, looked at the bare old locust tree by the river, and said to the person on the phone, "Every snowflake that falls on the river, I miss you just one more time."

While Niu Keqing had goosebumps all over the ground, he actually felt that his heart was sweeter than the Ovaltine in the cup.

Sure enough, Doctor Gu has practiced for a year, and his rank has risen again!

"Doctor Niu, what I gave you... did you read it?" He was referring to the thick stack of medical records.

Niu Keqing lied to him: "No, I've said it all, I don't watch nasty stuff."

Gu Yifenen sighed artificially, "It's okay not to read it, I write very badly, it's all unsightly stuff, I'm afraid it will disgust Dr. Niu."

Hearing this mournful and self-pitying tone, even through the phone, Niu Keqing could hear that Gu Meiren's glass heart was about to be broken. After all, he couldn't bear it, and comforted him: "Actually... it's not too bad. .”

"Didn't you say you didn't watch it?"

"..."

Gu Yifenen kicked the snow under his feet happily, "Then I will write more in the future, write as much meaty as possible, and try to be disgusting and disgusting Doctor Niu."

"abnormal."

"It's also only perverted to you."

I'm good, I'm bad, I'm pure, I'm perverted, I'm filthy, I'm loyal, all for you alone.