Mountain rain

2.

Mr. Tang just dropped the things that should be dropped and shouldn't be dropped, and knocked on my door with his luggage.

We haven't stopped discussing from the moment we left the house.The whole discussion is nothing more than the question of whether it is worthwhile or not, whether to be or not to be.Later, I fell asleep from exhaustion, and was woken up by Tang Feixing's slap. He looked at me and said simply, "Here we are."

I stood up in a daze, and he helped me with my luggage. The moment I stepped out of the high-speed rail, the mountains were covered with greenery.In the afternoon, the sun was hot, I raised my hat, lowered it again, and belatedly asked him, "Where are we going?"

Tang Feixing also looked around in a little confusion. The private car owners who surrounded him frowned, turned his head slightly and asked me, "If you arrive in a city that is very different from the place you used to be, Do you firmly believe that every place in this world is beautiful?"

"I don't think that every place in the world is beautiful." I said honestly.

"That's fine."

Before I could understand his ulterior motives in revealing this corner, I was taken to a deep mountain village.

The sound insulation effect of the wooden hotel is extremely terrible.The bed was rickety and the hot water was in jeopardy. Needless to say, I turned on the tap and washed my hands, feeling the icy cold.The heat from getting off the high-speed rail dissipated completely. Tang Feixing took off his scarf and wrapped it around me tightly. He smiled brightly, "Welcome to experience life."

I gave him a blank look, "Don't you think I'm so vulgar, okay? What's wrong with mountain villages? People like me like mountain villages. Don't say it like you've been spoiled and humiliated. Why don't you be surprised?"

Mr. Tang only meant meaningfully, "My ability to adapt is better than yours."

However, it turns out that adaptability is useless. As night fell, the two of us sat on the terrace, opening our laptops to the sound of water gurgling outside the window, and tossing about our respective affairs.

I can't let go of the company's affairs, Tang Feixing is only busier than me.

Fortunately, the scenic spots are now refined.Food, clothing, housing and transportation are not very important, but wifi is very fast.

Tang Feixing suddenly laughed out loud, and said with great interest that he would read a passage to me. It was a passage of lyrics, Yanchi's "Half Body": I am far away from the exuberance of life, and I don't ask about the future... We cross mountains and mountains, and we have no disputes. Stop, the wind candle will die, and the good times will not last long.

He said, "It's more like us. The good times don't last long."

There was no moonlight, and there was silence.The good times didn't last long, he said.

inexplicably.

I didn't speak.Not long after he answered the phone, in order to avoid me, he went downstairs to talk in the yard.I sat on the terrace and felt cold. I poured myself a cup of steaming oolong tea and woke up.

It was only then that I remembered that this song was probably a new song, so I put on my headphones.

The passage he didn't read at the end sounded more like us: I am a dead vine and an old tree, waiting for you to clear the ground.But the tunnel is long, longer than you.

I put down my phone, feeling a little sad.

——Sure enough, the good times don't last long.

Tang Feixing struggled with his work problems for several days and decided to go back first.When we arrived at the high-speed rail station, he looked worried, but didn't say anything more.

I took the initiative to raise my hands to reassure him, "Mo BB, I'm an adult now."

"Well, I didn't see it." Tang Feixing said, "Don't play around and try to be brave, remember to call me."

I hurriedly said, "Go, go! Don't worry!"

We were seven years old when we met.He is used to taking care of me at an age that I don't understand, but I have become more used to not having him in these years.

Tang Feixing made a wish on his 20th birthday, saying that he hopes to become good friends with Shen Yu for a lifetime.At that time, how I wish I was not "depressed".

Anyway, I will let go of what I said, I can't just treat him as a good friend, and travel is still my own travel.

I took the car and traveled to several cities.

The bus was driving along the winding mountain road, surrounded by thick white fog, and nothing could be seen clearly.Suddenly the weather cleared up, and a small river meandered out of the lush valley, which was breathtakingly beautiful.

For a moment, a thought popped into my mind: dying here might be regarded as good Feng Shui.

It's just that everyone wants to go home.Going to different places to see different scenery, and finally thinking about the city that I finally escaped from, it is too much for Stockholm.I was a little dazed and uneasy, so I sent a text message to Tang Feixing to say hello.

He hasn't returned for a long time, probably really busy.

I went home early, and my annual leave was not over, so I simply lived in a slum, but one day I had nothing to do, and when I saw an interesting post while browsing Moments, I asked a friend to take a star for me.

My life is not very good, and the result is not very optimistic.

"Um... what do you mean?" I asked.

"It is that in the future you will collapse because of something, the pressure will reach the peak, and you will go to extremes." My friend analyzed the card pattern for me, "Look at you, you are very idle now, but this is only temporary. When things happen Don’t try to escape and don’t be in a hurry. You have to analyze the situation carefully and avoid risks.”

"Oh." I smiled and agreed.

The friend finished talking about the cards intermittently and asked me, "Will you regret divination?"

"will not."

"why?"

"Because I don't believe it."

It was midnight, I stood on the side of the road and drank the bottle of wine in my hand, and called Sun Rang, "Some people said that my future will be miserable, and that I will go to extremes!"

Sun Rang, whom I met by chance after working, is a psychiatrist.He is an excellent person with a sense of humor. When you get along with him, you always feel that time passes quickly, but you are only limited to the role of "friend". Once you switch to a doctor, the situation will take a turn for the worse.

It sounded like he was at work, and the crackling of the keyboard stopped. "Isn't that obvious?"

When he asked me that, I had nothing to say.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Why else? Because you never believed it."

"Ha!" I laughed, "That's really interesting. I answered him the same way today. I said I don't regret divination because I don't believe it."

"You and I can both see this result, so why is fate talking about it?"

"Nonsense." I refuted him with a smile, "Come out for a drink? I'll wait for you."

How interesting.

That's right.The overwhelm of most people seeing their own destiny prospects is foreboding. There are not many such omens, and they can be easily seen by you.All I can foresee is the suppressed nature in my heart.And no matter how accurate divination is, it can only see through one's nature and expose the lies one has given oneself.

But anyway, it still makes me uncomfortable to talk about how miserable my future is.

There is a big mirror in the shower room, I put my hands on it, looked at myself in the mirror and asked repeatedly: Why are you depressed?

What about you?

At worst, you get married too.

If it's a big deal, move away and go to another city, out of sight is out of mind.

What about you?

……

Because of Sun Rang, some unexpected friends always approach me recently, some say they want to ask me for help, some say they want to ask me to complain.

I agreed to each one, and the rest of the time I was busy in the company, as if I was a robot, and work was the only thing that made my destiny worthwhile.

I still haven't contacted Tang Feixing.To be exact, it has not been a few days, but it has been a long, long time ago, but he is still in my life, and he is inseparable.

A college friend who lived not far away asked me to help out at her house.She got married, bought a three-bedroom, two-living house near the school district, and lived a very fulfilling life.As soon as you enter the door, you can see two huge floor-to-ceiling windows, and you can see the balcony when you go out. It is really interesting to see the situation in the elementary school classroom opposite.

"As you can see, this is my life now." My friend sighed, "I have a lot of things I have kept in my heart that I haven't said for a long time, thank you for listening to me."

I told her it wasn't a matter of willingness or not.It's just that I have a bad memory, and I forget it when I hear it. Maybe people think it's safer. It's not that I am so considerate.Then again, I'm still not very good at saying no.

She smiled at me, "You're still the same, you haven't changed at all."

I shrugged, "Maybe it's a bad thing now."

It was past eight o'clock after the chat, and it was raining outside.I held up the umbrella to say goodbye to her, and planned to walk home whimsically.I don't go out for a long time, and I don't exercise much, so my health is always bad.

I don't wear much, but I don't feel much about the cold wind. I just breath out white air, simply thinking it's fun.I was wondering what Tang Feixing was doing.

I guess I was probably a luminous person, but no one ever got a ray of light from me.

It may be that my disgust is not so obvious. In short, people will always have inexplicable illusions when they meet me, thinking that I am interesting and talkative, probably because of a good life and a happy family.Not at all.

Some people will only tell you what they want you to know, and the rest will be silent, hidden under the shell, and live according to the scriptures expected by the world.

Just like me, 24 years, never dare to say "like".

After returning home, I swiped through Moments, and the friend I met today posted a long paragraph, lamenting that some people are worth meeting.Can't help laughing, who is not worth it, and who is not worth it, can someone make it clear?

I let out a long breath with the night wind.

I really miss it.My heart, liver and lungs hurt when I think about it.

Just dare not.

Two days ago, I answered the phone at home. Although it didn't make me burnt out, it was enough to keep me up at night.

I have a little problem at home.This kind of problem is like an accident that everyone will encounter in life, breaking your established goals and awakening your comfortable and desireless soul.

It's just fortunate that this accident only involved money.Although I am not very young, I still have some avant-garde ideas about going abroad to study.But now that my mother has mentioned this to me, it seems that the degree to which the plan has been stalled is increasing.Even, I may have to give up some current things and go to a step-by-step life.

Probably affected by these uncontrollable factors again, before I go to bed every night, I always wonder: Why am I still alive like this?This led to the rapid deterioration of my insomnia, and I could see the two black wheels hanging on me every day. It really has changed a lot.So I struggled for a while, went to the nearest hospital, prescribed medicine, and after taking it for two days, I still felt a little relief.

If Sun Rang was here, he might have ridiculed Jia and popularized all kinds of medical "common sense" that I didn't understand.I would just pretend I didn't hear it and do what I should do, but Tang Feixing is different.

I listen to everything he says, like a fool.

It's just that I haven't seen each other for a few days, and I don't even remember how I lived before I met Tang Feixing.

But to be honest, I used to think that Tang Feixing was the reason for my life.

When I was in college, I wasn’t as excited as I was in high school, and we couldn’t chat for a few days. As time went on, we were both a little tired.After all, no one is interested in doing psychological intervention for you. I am bored with everything and don't want to talk.This situation continues to make me very tired, and there is no way to solve it.How difficult it is to heal the heart!I stared at the world map left by my senior sister on the wall, my heart was stagnant, and a sentence flashed in my mind: the prosperity and glamor are nothing in the past. For 50 years, it has always been a dream.

I don't like to hear people ask me: what's wrong; why; are you in a bad mood?

Whenever I hear this, I am very upset.I don't need anyone to ask me what's wrong.What's wrong with me, what does it have to do with you?Stay away from me, preferably at the ends of the earth, and never see each other again.

Tang Feixing never asked me these things, he treated me very well, he was more like an elder than a friend.But compared to the elders, it seems that there is not so much sense of distance.

Although I went to the same school as him, we have different majors.He majored in finance, and I majored in history. Even the teaching buildings were far away from each other. But suddenly one day Tang Feixing called me, and his first words were, I dreamed of you last night.

I was a little dazed and asked him, "What?"

He paused, and said, "When people are in trouble, they always think of someone, don't they?"

Later, I even missed Max in the afternoon, and ran out of breath to find him to see what happened to him.Tang Feixing was not in the dormitory. I asked some details from his roommate. It was probably because he broke up with that girlfriend named Jiang who was a flower girl.

Hi, it's just a breakup, I thought it was a big deal.

I raised my sleeve and wiped the sweat from my forehead, then shrugged my shoulders at Tang Feixing and his roommate, "This kid is really dissatisfied, the school flower is gone after the department flower is gone!"

His roommate also came to agree with me, "Yes! He is so handsome! Why don't you have a girlfriend!"

I patted him on the shoulder, "Don't forget to ask him to introduce you too!"

"That's for sure! Brother, you too!"

I shook my head like a rattle, "No, no, no! I have someone I like!"

Then it was like making a movie, just as I finished speaking, Tang Feixing appeared at the door of the dormitory in a mysterious way, with gloomy eyes and voice, "Slump, come out for me."

...It's a bit embarrassing to think about it now, because all my heart-warming speculations at that time were just self-indulgent.

Since I was a child, I have always been so self-sufficient, and my heart was about to pop out, and then I was immediately poured a bucket of cold water——Tang Feixing asked me why I didn’t pass the English level four, and finally asked me to copy half of the book word.

I don't know if anyone is interested in the specific content of Comrade Tang Feixing's blind date, you can leave a message to see.

But it's useless to be interested, because he didn't tell me either.After saying that sentence, and getting my panicked reaction, he seemed to accept everything with great calm.Naturally, he can afford it all.

After bringing me a bunch of books about computers, the two of us went out to find a restaurant for dinner as usual.During this process, he always looked absent-minded. It was the first time for someone who never liked holding a mobile phone to hold the mobile phone in his hand all the time, and for the first time, he went out to answer a call while eating.It made me lose my appetite completely, poking at the salad in the bowl, sighing and sighing, thinking about asking him when he came back.

The matter probably cannot be avoided.I think that after these years, I can't easily get used to life without him, and I have thought several times about what kind of relationship I have with him.But in the final analysis, it is far-fetched to speculate because of gender, it is still too overestimating the two of us.In the big world, when you meet your confidant and old friend, there will always be tears in your eyes and a hug, not to mention that we are both alone.

"Is that Miss Wu?" Seeing Tang Feixing come back and take a seat, I asked.

He nodded.

Mostly, I only know the first and last name of this blind date girl, and I shouldn't ask about her background, it's more important how she is.So I asked him, "How is Miss Wu?"

"it is good."

"How good is it?"

"Docile and quiet, knowledgeable and reasonable."

"How does that compare to the one that is a flower?"

Tang Feixing raised his eyes and asked me, "What are flowers?"

"The one in college...the one that you called me after we broke up." I reminded him.

"forget."

"The fourth-level one!"

He seems to have remembered this time, "What's none of your business?"

I was so angry that I said, "You are willing to take care of you as an old man?! Tang Feixing, please be careful what you say."

Tang Feixing smiled, "Auntie is right, you have become more and more irritable these years."

Depend on!My mom is talking bad about me again!

I put down the spoon and didn't want to talk.

Tang Feixing didn't have the time to pay attention to me. He might think I was being unreasonable, but he finally put his phone back in his pocket, concentrated on dealing with the pile of food on the table, and looked at me again, "I don't know who kept shouting hungry this morning , are you fed up with me now?"

I glanced at him unwillingly, "It's better for you to spend more time with that Miss Wu in the future, otherwise people will know that you have a handsome friend like me, and they don't know who to choose."

Tang Feixing didn't answer me, but just nodded.

After so many years, I'm just a little bit reconciled.

I know next to nothing about love.I didn't understand the cause and effect, and I was confused from the beginning, without the feeling of crazy secretion of dopamine.I was mentally prepared when I knew I fell in love with Tang Feixing, but I still thought highly of myself. I could bear Tang Feixing's girlfriend who was a flower in college, but I might not be able to bear this Ms. Wu .Will she take his last name?What about their children?If there are two, will one be named after his mother?

As long as I think about these things, I will go crazy with jealousy. It doesn't mean that I am unwilling to be unwilling after being used to it for so many years. I will take him for granted because of my 17-year relationship with Tang Feixing.It's unlikely to be my style, but I'm not sure if I'm going crazy.

Robbery, the one who was robbed still doesn't like me, it's embarrassing.

I must, not go to his wedding.

"When are you two getting married, remember to tell me in advance."

He seemed not full, propping up the table with one hand, flipping through the menu, nodded, and answered me casually, "Okay."

It was a matter of course that he agreed, but I was a little caught off guard.

When I think back to that moment now, I always feel like the end of a period of time, and my heart is as calm as water, and I am calm about it.I just said to myself in my head: this day will come.We parted ways, and one day we will be strangers like passers-by, returning to the life when we first came to this city.This place is not too big, as long as you have the heart, you can never pass by.

The sun rarely appeared on this day.