jealous tail

"Xiao Zhu, look at me, what's the matter, what's the matter with you, what's wrong with you, there's no window in the kitchen, I don't know it's raining, are you scared? Or woke up from a nightmare? I'll get it for you..." "No, don't go, listen to me."

I was in a hurry to interrupt him, I dare not listen to him anymore, his kindness, his gentleness, his face, these eyes, none of them will indulge me to hurt him non-stop, and call him As sweet as it is, he will be sucked dry by me and die with a smile on his face.

I don’t want to be a devil, I don’t want to be a villain, I’m afraid, I’m afraid that people will point at me and call me a villain, I’m afraid that people will cry and say I’ve ruined them, I’ve been a victim, I don’t want others to be harmed by me again.

It can still be recovered, it can still be recovered, I want to get everything back on track, and even if I can't go back to the past, I will stop the loss in time, right now, I have to start now.

"Du Tingwei."

I grabbed his hand, my nails pierced his skin unconsciously, but he wanted to pull me into his arms.

I dodged, "Du Tingwei."

He didn't pull me anymore, just waiting for me to speak, I saw his little finger curled up, it was his expression of nervousness and fear, and I felt a sudden pain in my heart.

"Let's go back to the past, shall we?" He looked up at me, and I couldn't bear his helpless look.

"Xiaozhu..." His voice began to become mournful, and I could hear from the slightly trembling tone that he was actually begging, the proud son of heaven was showing weakness to me, and he was giving in to me, so I turned my head away Don't look at him anymore.

"Let's stop, brother, it's not good for us."

"Xiaozhu..." He didn't answer anything, just called me like that, each sound more and more sad.

"I like the golden leaf elm."

This sentence seemed to drain his strength, he didn't call me, but just stared into my eyes for a long time, then asked me in a calm voice: "Then where am I? Xiaozhu, where am I?" I was speechless. I couldn't give him an answer because I didn't know myself.

"I like the golden leaf elm."

I can only repeat this sentence, because I am not sure about everything else.

But he still asked stubbornly: "Then where am I?" "I..." "Since I like him, what are these few days?" How many tails of jealousy are hidden, where do they come from, and who nourishes them.

At this moment, I was cremated countless times by Du Tingwei's Guangda, and I couldn't even pick up the ashes.

So I understood better, I shouldn't be with Du Tingwei.

Standing together is defiled, as long as my heart is not clean, I shouldn't be with him, I will imperceptibly stain him, and swallow him bit by bit with my hypocritical innocence in his eyes , and then abandon him for ridiculous justice and morality.

And the only way out of this predicament is the golden leaf elm.

Jin Yeyu and I are equal, we were unclean once, one was in the body, the other was in the heart, we bit each other, and licked each other's wounds, we knew each other's past full of scars, we knew each other's ridiculous and terrible thoughts .

So we are people in the same world, we either rot together in the dark past, or we support each other towards a better future.

But none of this has anything to do with Du Tingwei.

What Jin Yeyu said is right, he is not our type, I can't drag him into our mess just because of his simple compassion, the relationship between us is already messed up, the three of us have all the thoughts Being exposed, we cannot go back to the past, and no one wants to go back to the past.

These thoughts made my mind very messy, I couldn't figure out the logic and word order, but I had a clear thought, that is to kick Du Tingwei, who I have persecuted so far, out of this place of right and wrong as soon as possible.

"These days, forget about it."

I spoke in such a low voice that I was afraid that he would hear me, but I was also afraid that he would not be able to hear me.

He accepted it in silence for a few seconds, the light seemed to be unable to shine on him, I don't know where the impulse came from, I actually wanted to hug him, and then told him, I was joking.

But he laughed softly, there were a few breakdowns in that laughter, and there were also a few tears, obviously not long ago he was still smiling so happily, like a carefree child.

My heart hurts, I really can't continue this short-lived joy, and I really can't make up for and restore the harm I caused him.

I can't wait to plug my ears and be a heartless and rotten person with peace of mind.

"You, will you still need me?" His voice became hoarse for a moment, which sounded like the sob of the heart. I remembered the words he said in the hospital, still in my ears.

"Mom will give you time. You should think about it carefully. Both things are the same. Next time we meet, give Mom an answer."

"No need for next time, just give it now. The first thing is that I like him and I won't change it. The second thing is that I will go back when he doesn't need me any more."

I clearly realize that as long as I say that answer today, I will never see him again.

My hand is shaking, I put it behind my back, I have to admit until now, what a mistake I made, I will personally send the person who loves me the most away from myself.

"Would it be?" He no longer looked at me, but just looked at the shadow of the two of us on the floor, the angles were too beautiful, and we in the shadow kissed so hard that we refused to separate.

I cracked the nails of the hand behind me until they were separated from the flesh, and spit out the courage that I had been transporting for a long time.

"will not."

His eyelashes blinked, as if the soul had abandoned the body.

And I was discouraged, like the rain thinning outside the window.

He raised his hand to wipe his face, didn't look at me again, got up and turned his head away, I couldn't see his eyes.

"Let's go eat first, I've made the noodles, and I'll... go after eating."

As if my heart had been hollowed out, I was like a puppet stuffed with grass cores, watching him go out, following him in a panic, but not daring to follow closely.

There's only one meal left, I tell myself, that's all the time between us.

I suddenly felt huge regrets, why did I touch my phone, why did I have to talk to Jin Yeyu, obviously I don’t have to do this, I can close my eyes and stay with him regardless, I can turn a deaf ear and be a bad person, only satisfying myself, Just be happy with yourself.

But when I put my right foot on the ground, I found that what I regret most is sending myself to Du Tingwei.

He wouldn't be so disappointed if he hadn't gotten a little hope.

I sat down in the living room, my calves were trembling, and I didn't know where to put my hands.

He picked up the noodles from the pot, with slender arms, but he couldn't even hold a plate of noodles. It took him 3 minutes to put them in front of me.

He picked up the fork again and habitually wanted to feed me, only to realize it when he saw my eyes, and could only silently put it aside.

It seems neither of us is used to it yet.

"Hurry up and eat, it's getting cold."

The juicy tomato evenly coats each noodle, and the tender white shrimp sticks to a few grains of black pepper. I put my unbleeded hand up, pick up a cold metal fork, wrap a noodle, and place it in my mouth side, but could not open a mouthful of teeth.

"You continue to go to the gallery. There's no need to... get rid of this point. You have done a good job in that career, and I quit your hotel on my own initiative. You can work with peace of mind. I and the gallery have nothing but funds. There is no special relationship on the other hand, although it is under my name, it is all under the care of Sister Yu, I will not go there, so, if we don't run into each other, you don't have to worry. "

Transparent teardrops fell to the tail of the shrimp, I lowered my head into my stomach, stuffed the noodle into my mouth, and lost my taste buds at that moment.

"At home, I don't have anything left, so I won't go back, you...you can deal with it as you like."

The tomato taste in my mouth was mixed with blood, and I bit the inner wall of the mouth in seven places when I ate that noodle.

"The milk is warmed for you, go to bed early after eating and drinking, don't worry here, sleep peacefully, at noon, I will ask Jin Yeyu to pick you up, or if you want to sleep for a while, you can stay at any time, If you want to go back, call him yourself, don't take too long, don't be too late, I don't... he doesn't worry. "

There was a sound of about to cry in my throat, I hurriedly hummed and swallowed back the tears.

"Then, it's nothing, I'll go first."

It was cold and rainy at four o'clock in the morning, and it was almost snowing outside. Where was he going?

But I'm not qualified to ask, because it's me, and I posed a problem to him at this time and this place.

"I am leaving."

I didn't even have the courage to raise my head. I was afraid that I would feel sad when I saw his sad eyes, and I was also afraid that he would give up when he saw my cowardly eyes.

"Ah."

He turned and left, and the lonely footsteps sounded in this empty room, one foot after another, gradually drifting away, becoming more and more blurred.

The door lock was unlocked, I suddenly overturned the plate and stood up, red tomatoes were all over my skirt, I chased out like that time.

He stopped at the door when he heard the voice, and at the last second, with hope in his eyes, he begged me to stay.

I suddenly didn't know what was the use of chasing him, I couldn't even say a word he wanted to hear.

"You, do you have an umbrella? It's raining."

His eyes darkened again, I wanted to get rid of my stubbornness of stabbing myself.

"Small candle."

"Ah."

"Are you happy these days?" I bit my lip, unable to deceive people who traveled far away, I nodded, my neck was stiff as if I was going to push my head out in a second.

"Then what is it that makes you happy?" I used to think that the word "criticism" was a bluff, but now I feel that it is not enough to explain the sadness in this world.

He gave a wry smile, didn't say anything, and slowly closed the door. I've seen that scene before. Last time I used mud to turn back the time and open the closed door, but this time, I ran out of magic. , Even luck has come to an end.

There is nothing I can do.

The door lock clicked softly, and this person was erased from my sight.

He said, "No more."

"I left the umbrella to the past."