jealous tail

"Father, let's say goodbye forever."

The desolate sunset disappeared. I sat up from the bed, rubbed my trembling eyes, picked up the cup on the table, and poured the already cold water into my stomach. I was shocked by the cold and finally calmed down. .

Why did I dream again, I obviously forgot, I forgot that I had really been a murderer.

I wiped the hair wet with cold sweat to the back of my head, thankful that what I wrote in the space log was all the things I hated, and this thing was lucky enough to escape the keyboard because I classified it as a happy thing, otherwise I would really I'm afraid that the police will come to investigate, and they will cry behind bars.

At the age of 15, Xia Yun was paralyzed, or more precisely, suffered a stroke.

When the doctor mentioned the name of the disease, I almost told him back, maybe I misunderstood it, and my dad's madness has reached the late stage.

His stroke is both good and bad for me. The good thing is that he can't hit me anymore. He can only scream and I can pinch him, but I'm not interested. The bad thing is that I have to squeeze out my study every day. Push him for a walk during cooking time, so as to save his noisy old woman from throwing things.

There is a small river there, a little far from Zhuangzi, and there are usually no people there. He likes to watch the ducks there. They nest under a big willow tree by the river, and he always clamors to go there.

I don't hate him anymore, I'm probably already numb, just thinking that it would be better for him to be quiet.

He watched the mating wild ducks in the wheelchair, drooling and purring excitedly, his right fingers were trembling slightly, and his left hand was still moving, so he patted the armrest of the wheelchair vigorously.

I know what he means, he wants stones, he wants to shoot ducks.

I glanced at the duck, then at him, and became prejudiced against something beautiful. I was disgusted, and thought that rhythm was the most disgusting movement in the world.

I lowered my head to find stones for him, and I had to choose the size, because if it was too big, he couldn’t hold it, it would fall, and if it fell, the dog would bark, but if it was too small, it wouldn’t be far away, and if I couldn’t enjoy myself, I would vent my anger and refuse to go back, delaying it. I learn.

And it can't be too sharp. I don't like him, and I won't abuse him. When he throws it, he will hold the stone tightly, which will scratch his hand.

Most importantly, I want to find one for him, and he will at least give up until his arms become sore.

I was looking for stones, but the ones under my feet could not be selected. I came here every day to throw stones, and all the better ones under my feet were picked up. The second layer was stained with mud and too dirty. I felt disgusted, so I walked a little farther , looking for it, more than ten meters away from him.

I was just seeing one that was just right, and I was weighing it in my hand. He behind him suddenly yelled, and I looked up. I don’t know how he leaned forward to drive the wheels, and the wheelchair carrying him suddenly yelled. He rushed forward, there were few stones in front of him, and the sand was rare, it was just loess, the wheels were not blocked, and the wheels slid very fast.

"Dad!" I screamed, and started chasing him. The wheels had already touched the water, and his feet were submerged. When threatened by the fear of death, people will break through their limits. He is holding the back of the chair with his hands. Ah yelled, unable to stand up, turned to look at me in fright.

Seeing that the water was up to his knees, I stopped suddenly, and I didn't have any motivation to go forward. I even felt that the car was going too slowly.

He shouldn't have looked back at me. If he didn't look back, I would have rescued him. I was suffering from the biting cold, drowning my legs. No matter how tired I was, I would pull him back and bring him home, but he turned his head. .

He turned his head, looked at me with commanding, threatening, and intimidating eyes, gritted his teeth, and grinned, so that in an instant, I remembered all the humiliation and pain I had suffered.

I just don't care about it, it's not that I forgot, those scars are growing on my heart now.

Then why should I save you? I was thinking, why should I save you? Save you and beat me again?Help you go back and sue the old woman?Then come a mixed doubles, don't give me food for a few days, tear up my homework and burn my books?I'm not a masochist, nor am I crazy.

People cannot recall, no matter how tolerant a person is, if he is allowed to go through those bitter memories again, he will also get angry.

The hatred that had been suppressed in my heart for a long time suddenly reached its peak at that moment, I hope, I deeply hope, I pervert hope, my unprecedented hope, Xia Yun, his ugly face, can follow the river water, wherever he wants Facing the sunset, along with my tragic experience, along with my endless hatred, it will disappear forever.

I picked up my steps, brisk and slow, and walked slowly towards the river. It rained heavily at noon, and the tide rose in the evening. At this time, the current was very fast, and the summer wind was very stupid. Speed ​​up the speed at which you are submerged.

The river was running down to my feet and it was cool, like a funeral.

I walked into him slowly, the water was submerging me, and he turned his head to look at me fiercely again, the head was stiff because he turned back frequently for too long, I felt that he could no longer turn back, unless his neck was broken, his mouth was messed up Shouting and shouting, white saliva hung from his mouth and flowed down his neck.

I can still think of his subtext. If he could speak, he would probably say you little bastard, pull me up quickly, and wait until I get up to see if I don't kill you.

If this is the case, I still pull you up, am I sick?I walked behind him, felt the wonderful vitality of the yellow water and fine sand with my legs, put my five fingers on the side of his head, and turned his stinky face with protruding eyes hard, I even heard the sound of bones cracking.

Afraid that he would die, I lay on his shoulder and listened to his voice, um, he was still breathing, so it would not be worthwhile to die like this.

"Dad, does the sunset look good?" I put my hands on the handle of the wheelchair, and he kept twisting his body, like a white maggot in a cesspit.

"Dad, look, there is Xiaofang in the water."

He suddenly calmed down, relaxed his body, and only shrunk his shoulders to watch the water flow carefully.

"Xiaofang is in the water, Xiaofang is going to drown."

When he heard it, he yelled and looked back at me, but I just smiled at him. He was so anxious that he pinched his leg.

"Dad, Xiaofang said to save her, she is going to drown, look, can't you see that she is calling for you? Xia Yun, save me, save me."

He threw himself into the water.

"Dad, the car is very expensive. If you lose it, your mother will be angry, so..." I gently pulled the wheelchair back, "I'll take the car back, and let your mother take it as a memory."

The water had already flooded my thighs, and he couldn't see his body when he lay down on his stomach. He couldn't move his lower body. One arm was flapping back and forth, and I could only see fingertips sticking out of the water.

I counted the sleep bubbles, they were lovely, the water was deep ahead, and before long, I couldn't even see the tip of my finger.

The water flowed faster, and even the bubbles had no chance to show.

Step by step, I pulled the wheelchair back to the shore and put my arms on it to watch the sunset until there was only one top left of the sunset. I raised my neck, closed my eyes, and breathed in the afterglow of the sun like fresh air.

It's so beautiful. The sunset has never been so beautiful. In the past ten years, I have never felt that the sunset is so beautiful. It seems to be stained with blood, but it is finally not mine.

Tears slid out of my eyes, and the corners of my mouth were raised, crying loudly in this empty place.

"Come on, my father fell into the water, help him, come on..." I yelled more than a dozen times, but no one paid any attention to me. I took a brick from the ground, knocked myself unconscious, and fell on the ground. At that moment on the ground, I was as happy as those two wild ducks who had sex. It turns out that when people are happy, everything looks cute.

Xia Yun died just like that, no one could blame him, he suddenly fell ill and went to find Xiaofang in the water, and was stopped by his son and knocked him unconscious with a brick. At the funeral, the old lady cried very sadly.

But on the third day, she sold the wheelchair and exchanged the money for a few bottles of high-end skin cream.

I wiped the sweat from my face, smiled, and asked myself, what sweat are you sweating, isn't this recalling something that makes people happy?I got up and took a shower. On the first day, I was going to cheer myself up and open the door, so I wanted to eat a tea egg to celebrate in advance, so I spent two yuan more than the budget, which I think is worth it.

After breakfast, I applied for a card in the business hall at the bottom of the building. It is very comfortable to be so clean, but I have to have contact information for work, and I need the Internet to browse information. The wifi in the small broken hotel is only It can be received on the first floor, and there is only one frame.

After finishing the card, I logged on to WeChat, and I had to report to Huangshi Chen Jie that I was safe. They sent me back, but I didn't say a word, and Chen Jie was shocked when she left.

As soon as I boarded, I saw Chen Jie posting a bunch of them. Of course I wasn't interested in reading them. I just sent a sentence that I'm fine, don't worry. As soon as I sent it, Chen Jie called me.

I am a little afraid to answer her phone now, there is a shadow, this woman is poisonous.

"Master..." he shouted again in a drawn out tone, if I were Huangshi, I would kill myself.

"Stop, stop, don't cry, Ang, it's done, don't tell me that, you know my temper, don't mess with me."

"Oh, okay, then Master..." Oh, here we go again.

"Don't ask me about my current living situation. I'll tell you after I've taken care of everything. One message, I'm fine. Don't worry, understand?" "Ah, understand."

This time it was cute.

"Then I'm still busy, hang up."

"Wait a minute, master. I have to say the last one. I guess you don't go online anymore, so I don't know. Let me rest assured."

What gives me peace of mind is obviously for myself, she belongs to the type who can't speak without talking.

"Well, let's talk."

"It's just that your online reviews have suddenly changed a lot recently, your college grades, your donations to the Hope Project, your usual volunteering to send books to community primary schools, and those pictures of you working day and night And the information has been exposed, but don’t worry, you can’t find a single photo of your face, and now you are said to be Gray Prince on the Internet, and many girls are clamoring to marry you!” I sneered, which girl is willing to marry you? I, who was eating bagged instant noodles in a broken hotel, must be crazy.

However, who did this again, ah, here it is again, wishful thinking.

"Well, I see, hang up."

I wanted to talk over there, but I hung up and asked her to say that she could talk until tomorrow.

I started to look for a job, looked around the bulletin boards, looking for one nearby, preferably with a dormitory, so that I don’t have to rent a house, the salary should not be too low, but the position should not be too high-level, I am afraid of being recognized, so I will be designated to fetch water It's amazing, no job wants to apply for a low-level administrator who is being targeted on the Internet.

I made more than a dozen phone calls, but either the crowd was full or the position was not suitable and I was rejected, or it was too humiliating to my talent, I really didn't want to, at least I graduated from 985 University.

I couldn’t write down the work experience of my former employer because of the previous revelations, so my work experience is only from the original hotel, and to be honest, I only had good grades on paper since I was a child, because I was busy looking for a job to make money. The stuff is very limited.

In addition, my interpersonal skills are also average. I am a little bit embarrassed about other positions except for the familiar fields.

After choosing and choosing, there was only one position that still had something to do with what I learned. I called to confirm that I could come to the interview directly. After walking for a kilometer, I realized that I didn't have my resume, so I slapped my head and went back.

As soon as I opened the door of the hotel, the wooden box on the small horse rolled down to the ground because of the broken leg of the little horse. I hurried over to help it up. It hurts so badly, it's like being poked on your own body.

I carried the suitcase to the bed, crossed my legs and wiped it in my arms. When I touched the combination lock, I wanted to open it.

"What will Du Tingwei put in it?" Fingertips circled the lock three times, and finally made up his mind, I am not a good person, why should I be condemned by my conscience.

I directly entered my birthday, and it opened with a click. I was not without irony in my heart. Both he and I used the birthday of the person we liked as a password, but the person we liked didn't take it seriously.

When I opened the box, there were two tickets on the top. The outbound journey was from Beijing to Dunhuang, and the return journey was from our hometown to Beijing. The passenger’s name was Du Tingwei, and the time was seven years ago.

Du Tingwei actually went to our place seven years ago?I put down the ticket for the time being, and didn't lament our familiar passing by and being destined for each other.

Underneath is a pair of painting scrolls. I dismantled the gold thread on it, just like dismantling the admission notice for the college entrance examination.

The scroll was slowly opened, and when I loosened my hand, the gold thread floated to the ground.

The painting on that paper is myself crying and laughing in the sunset by the river when I was 16 years old.