double struggle

Xu Qingzhou was not surprised at Chu Wendao's arrival, holding a bottle of wine in his hand, he filled it up for Chu Wendao himself.

Chu Wendao stared at him silently, his dark eyes could not see other emotions.

Xu Qingzhou lowered her eyelashes, not daring to let Chu Wendao see her anxiety.He didn't know what Chu Wendao was thinking at this moment, and he didn't know how he was going to respond.Those well-thought-out lines were long forgotten when they met Chu Wendao's gaze.

"Are you short of money?" He heard Chu Wendao ask.

Xu Qingzhou was still wearing the bartender's clothes, the black vest outlined the curve of the waist, and the black trousers wrapped the slender and straight legs.

One word, Sao.

If Chu Wendao wasn't 100% sure that Xu Qingzhou didn't have a twin brother, he certainly wouldn't think this was the student he had taught.

Xu Qingzhou blinked and said softly: "No."

"If you don't lack money, then you are very free? Do you work part-time here?" Chu Wen laughed angrily.Is a PhD candidate not studying hard at home and working as a bartender in a bar for fun?

Xu Qingzhou glanced at him twice, and said even more quietly: "I only come here occasionally."

What Chu Wendao cared about was not the number of times at all, but subconsciously felt that Xu Qingzhou should not come to these places, he was not suitable.

He raised his chin to the glass of wine on the table and raised his eyebrows: "I didn't order any wine."

Xu Qingzhou glanced away subconsciously, but didn't speak.Chu Wendao looked in the direction, and saw his best friend and Boss Wu, who had left him halfway, laughing at Yan Yan.

"You know each other?" He snorted coldly, and made a note on Sun Hai's head.

Xu Qingzhou said: "I met before..." After a pause, he added: "The last time I sent materials to the teacher."

Chu Wendao leaned his head back on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.Xu is drunk, and the memories in his head are all in pieces. He seems to have a little impression of what Xu Qingzhou said, but he doesn't seem to have any.However, he believed in Xu Qingzhou's words.

Thinking of it this way, it is estimated that Sun Hai knew Xu Qingzhou's part-time job here earlier than himself, but he didn't tell him.There is a feeling of being deceived, a little heartwarming.

Seeing Xu Qingzhou standing there straight, he felt even more depressed for no reason, looking left and right as if he was bullying others.

"Sit down and talk." He took the wine glass and slowly turned it in the palm of his hand, "Or you can leave first if you are busy."

Xu Qingzhou hesitated for a moment, looked back a few times, and finally chose to sit beside Chu Wendao.However, there is half a position between the two of them.

The sound of music slowly filled the air, or there was the sound of toasting and drinking, mixed with some chatter and laughter.

Chu Wendao didn't speak, and Xu Qingzhou naturally wouldn't take the initiative to provoke the topic. This corner seemed out of tune with the bustle of the bar.

Maybe he drank too much tonight, Chu Wendao gradually felt restless.He originally thought that Xu Qingzhou had something to say to himself, but he didn't expect that he could not pry people's mouth open when he gave him a chance.He's really tired of covering up like this.

On the stage, even my favorite lead singer has changed.Chu Wendao raised his wine glass in a muffled voice, and the strong wine entered his throat, burning his blood.

He stood up and raised his chin towards Sun Hai's back: "The wine is on that guy, I'll go first." After finishing speaking, before Xu Qingzhou could react, he lifted his feet and left the place that upset him. place.

It wasn't until the glass door was pushed open and the late night wind gradually blew away the smell of alcohol on his body that he didn't feel so bad.

This is very inappropriate, Chu Wendao thought, he should not be an impetuous person.

Thinking of Xu Qingzhou who was left behind by him, guilt slowly came to his heart again.

Chu Wendao took two steps forward, and hurried footsteps came from behind him.He subconsciously turned his head back, a pair of eyes that seemed to be hiding streamers were close at hand, and the next second, his arms were pulled hard.

It's so cold outside, and Xu Qingzhou wears so little, his fingers turn red from the cold in an instant.

Chu Wendao frowned, not understanding why Xu Qingzhou always didn't cherish herself so much.When he goes to City G, who will take care of him?

He raised his eyes and stared at Xu Qingzhou quietly.

"Teacher, I..." Xu Qingzhou's eyelashes kept trembling, his mouth opened and closed, hesitant to speak several times.He didn't seem to be fully recovered from his cold, he covered his mouth and suppressed the cough in his throat.

After all, Chu Wendao couldn't see it, so he untied the scarf and wrapped it around Xu Qingzhou's neck, held both ends and pulled.

"I won't take too much care of your part-time job here. After all, you will meet a lot of the same kind here, and you should be happier." He said softly, "It's cold outside, you go back."

Xu Qingzhou still held onto Chu Wendao's sleeve, refusing to let go.

Chu Wendao originally wanted to persuade him to say something, but he choked back in an instant.Xu Qingzhou's eyes were covered with red threads, as if he was about to cry in the next second.

Xu Qingzhou closed his eyes and shook his head, and said in a low voice, "Teacher, I already know about you."

Chu Wendao was not surprised. He had vaguely known Xu Qingzhou's thoughts for him since a long time.The matter between him and Zhang Zhiyuan has never been hidden. Xu Qingzhou has been with him for so long, so it is not surprising to know.

As for the recent troubles, since Sun Hai can call people over, he will naturally explain the reason.His buddy was particularly zealous in this respect.

"Teacher...can you give me a chance?" Xu Qingzhou gritted his teeth as if he had made up his mind, and stared at him intently.

There are a lot of expectations there.

Chu Wendao quickly averted his gaze, feeling very uncomfortable.Such Xu Qingzhou reminded him of himself.He also has no hesitation towards love, holds a passion, and thinks that is all.

How could he be qualified to give Xu Qingzhou a chance?Even himself, he longed for a chance.

Chu Wendao slowly pushed aside Xu Qingzhou's fingers holding onto the sleeves, and wrapped them in his palms one by one.If possible, he would like to let this child get a little warmth in the last night.

"Qingzhou, I never thought about finding someone to live on..." he said, "I'm sorry, I'm really tired. I probably can't give you what you want."

The thumb wiped away the teardrops from the corners of Xu Qingzhou's eyes, only for a moment, but more and more moisture fell on the fingers.

This is the first time Chu Wendao saw Xu Qingzhou like this.Strings of tears followed, as if smashing into every tendon.

"Teacher, I don't need you to give it." Xu Qingzhou said hoarsely, "It doesn't matter if you are tired, as long as I continue to like you, okay?"

Chu Wendao moved his thumb and said softly, "It's not worth it."

"It's worth it." Xu Qingzhou's lips were pale under the moonlight.

It was getting later and later, and more and more people were coming in and out of the bar.They seem ordinary when they come and go, but they seem out of place.

Chu Wendao lowered his arms, his eyes flashed across the crystal tears under the night light.

"I thought you should understand after all these years." He withdrew his gaze and stuffed his palms into his pockets. "No matter how hard you try, I won't accept it. It's not because of you, but because of myself."

Chu Wendao continued to say calmly: "Hurry up and go back, you haven't recovered from your cold yet."

He took a few steps back, barely brushing Xu Qingzhou's outstretched fingers.

"No one will take pains to accompany you to the hospital anymore." Chu Wendao couldn't bear to see Xu Qingzhou's expression at this time, he was afraid that he would soften his heart, "I'll go first, you take good care of yourself."

He seemed to turn around mercilessly, stepping on the long shadow cast by the street lamp, seeing the starlight shattered and crushed into the ends of his hair.

If Chu Wendao turned around at this time, he would see Xu Qingzhou's almost desperate expression, his eyes were dark in the middle of the night.But he couldn't see it, maybe, he would never know that at this moment, someone behind him was sad because of him.

Chu Wendao had lived Zhang Zhiyuan in his own life for more than ten years. He thought that he was the only one who was so dull.But he never knew that someone put him in his heart and accompanied him carefully every day.

When he got to the street, he realized that he was not driving. He cursed Sun Hai secretly from the beginning to the end, and took out a cigarette from his pocket and drank it.He didn't light it either, just nibbled at the end and tossed the cigarette away.

This is a busy section of the road, so it is difficult to hail a car, so Chu Wendao walked directly to the bus station.Fortunately, it is not far from his home, and there is a bus that goes directly to his door.

Chu Wendao hadn't taken a bus for a long time, and he was still not used to sitting in the window seat.There are only a few sparse people in the carriage, and the surroundings are very quiet, only the electronic sound of the arrival echoes.

He rested his chin and looked out the window. The lights were bright, illuminating the city bit by bit.A car drove by, a person walked by, and the thousands of spaces seemed to be silent.

Man is born to be lonely, he delusional to have someone to accompany him, but in vain spent the best time of more than ten years.Someone wants to spend time with him, and he puts the pain he has suffered on the shoulders of others.They should have been alone, coming and leaving alone.

Chu Wendao saw his own reflection on the glass surface, looked into his eyes, and suddenly remembered Zhang Zhiyuan's eyes that night.Slowly, those eyes seemed to have changed again, full of longing and loss, and the corners of the eyes were the red color of Manzhushahua.Chu Wendao couldn't figure out who he looked like and who he didn't.

The phone seemed to vibrate, but he ignored it. After getting out of the car, he walked towards the entrance of the community.

The uncle guard and Chu Wendao had known each other for a long time, and it was novel to see him walking back by himself. Chu Wendao used to drive in and out.

Chu Wendao explained it like this: "Walk after eating to eliminate food."

The doorman was convinced, and felt that Chu Wendao was a person who paid attention to health preservation.Chu Wendao was happy and didn't intend to explain. It's better that few people know about the scandal that he was abandoned by his friends and could only come back by bus.

Chu Wendao returned to the door of the house, and as soon as he stepped in, he was shivered by the coldness inside.He turned on the light and quickly closed the French windows of the balcony.

I don't know why, but when I got home, I felt sore all over and was very tired. Obviously he slept until the afternoon today.

He sighed, took off his clothes and threw them into the washing machine, and then walked to the bathroom.It was cold outside all night, and the hot water warmed his limbs, and he felt that his whole body was alive.

After coming out of the bathroom, Chu Wendao didn't bother to get his coat again, so he simply wrapped a thin blanket around his body, kicked on his slippers and went to the refrigerator to get a can of beer.After playing leisurely for a while, he sat on the sofa drinking beer and watching TV.

It seems that there is nothing else to think about in my mind.

Subconsciously, Chu Wendao reached out to touch the side, but it was empty.He froze for a while, remembering that his mobile phone was stuffed into his coat pocket, and he was lying in the washing machine at the moment.

"Stupid." He got up to find his phone.

Fortunately, he didn't turn on the washing machine, otherwise the phone probably wouldn't have survived.

Chu Wendao sat back on the sofa, glanced at the variety show that was playing on the TV, and turned his gaze back to the phone screen.

An unread text message popped up on the interface. There were very few people sending text messages this year, so Chu Wendao clicked on it before he had time to check the sender.

——"You asked me if it's worth loving you. In fact, you should know that love doesn't ask if it's worth it."

Chu Wendao's fingers hung stiffly in the air, stopping at the end of the period for a long while.Now he hates himself for reading so many books, he can't even pretend to be stupid.

This sentence comes from Zhang Ailing's "Half Life", a book about the love-hate entanglement of several couples in old Shanghai.

The memory was pulled far away. It was a very good morning. He used to go to the classroom with the lesson plans. When he opened the door of the classroom, he found that someone had arrived earlier than him.

It was the first class in the afternoon, and students rarely came to the classroom so early in the scorching sun at noon.Chu Wendao secretly had a good impression of this student, and just met those eyes raised from the book, with a bit of astonishment no less than him.

The sunlight was just right, softening the handsome outline of this young man, his eyes were bright and dark, and seemed to be rippling.

It's very beautiful, this is Chu Wendao's first impression of Xu Qingzhou.But at that time, he didn't know Xu Qingzhou's name, nor did he know that this boy would affect him so much in the future.

Chu Wendao noticed that the book in the student's hand was a bit old, and it should be borrowed from the library.When he saw the name clearly, Chu Wendao couldn't help laughing.

He never thought that any boy would like Zhang Ailing's "Half Life", that kind of tedious love story.He himself doesn't like it, and if it wasn't for the request of his former mentor, he might not even look at it.

"What do you think of this story?" That was his first sentence to Xu Qingzhou.

The boy blushed suddenly, and quickly closed the book, a little nervous and hesitant.

"Very good." After holding back for a long time, he whispered these words.

Chu Wendao curled his lips without making any comments.What was he thinking at that time?Chu Wendao recalled it for a long time. At that time, he seemed to be thinking, this boy is really shy, and it should be fun to tease him.

It wasn't until later that he knew that Xu Qingzhou not only liked Zhang Ailing's works, but also Zhu Ziqing, San Mao, Bai Xianyong and so on.This boy's hobbies are just like himself, soft and soft, with the most beautiful warmth in the world, like peach blossoms in March and Tianchi in August.

Chu Wendao stared at the text message for a long time and sighed.

If, just if.If he had met Xu Qingzhou earlier, maybe everything would have been different.But now, no matter how much warmth there is, it just adds to his troubles.

There are so many people in this life, I met you, you met me, it is already a fate, so why ask for more?Why can't he or Xu Qingzhou understand this truth?

Chu Wendao slid his fingertips and deleted the text message.

At least, he understands now.