double struggle

When Chu Wendao came to M City, it happened to be the day when Xu Qingzhou's grandma was buried.When he got off the high-speed rail, he asked Sun Hai to borrow a car, and traveled all the way to the funeral parlor, but he could only stand in the park square outside.He was not related to him, so he couldn't do anything when he came, but he didn't worry so much when he bought the ticket.

In the past few days, he always thought of Xu Qingzhou's thin and lonely back sitting beside the hospital bed - he couldn't feel relieved.

Chu Wendao was sitting under the shade of a tree. Looking from a distance, the crowds of black people were like eerie ghosts, coming from here and disappearing at the end.Under the hot summer sun, he felt cold behind him for no reason, so he quickly stood up and walked around in place.He had participated in the same funeral ceremony, and he should have gotten used to it, but the feeling of chills all over his body could not go away no matter what.

He heard the rustling footsteps behind him, bit by bit, as if the stone spring road he stepped on was also empty.

"Teacher, have you been waiting for a long time?" Xu Qingzhou stood one step away from him.

Chu Wendao turned around, and Xu Qingzhou was also dressed in black, as if he had become a member of the ghost just now.A certain absurd idea flashed in his mind, he subconsciously wanted to hold him in his arms, but the outstretched hand was gently avoided.

He looked at Xu Qingzhou, and Xu Qingzhou also looked at him, his indifferent eyes made him startled.

"Unlucky." Xu Qingzhou avoided Chu Wendao's gaze and explained calmly.

Chu Wendao didn't believe in these illusory things, but he still didn't move on after all.He just took a step closer and looked down at his pale face.From this angle, Xu Qingzhou's fleshy cheeks are obviously sunken, and the cheekbones on both sides are unusually prominent.

If he could, he really wanted to hug him tightly right now, and it would be fine if he didn't say anything, at least it would be to help him within his ability.

"Light boat..."

"elder brother!"

Chu Wendao was interrupted abruptly, and he glared at the intruder with a slightly sad face.

Xu Yunzhou, who was rushed by his parents to urge him, was stared inexplicably, and the steps he stepped out unconsciously retracted.He quickly recognized Chu Wendao, smacked his lips, and stared back unconvinced.

Hearing the call, Xu Qingzhou didn't feel the slightest embarrassment of being exposed. He glanced at Xu Yunzhou and said to Chu Wendao: "Teacher, can you go back first? I...I still have something to do."

Chu Wendao nodded knowingly, and he looked at Xu Qingzhou's expression quietly for a while, and finally couldn't help raising his hand to brush away the broken hair blown away by the wind.

"I'll wait for you at home." He said.

Xu Qingzhou's shoulders trembled slightly, and the concealment on his face gradually disintegrated.

"I may not go back tonight." He said with difficulty.

"It's okay." Chu Wendao smiled, and repeated that sentence under Xu Qingzhou's surprised gaze, "I'll wait for you."

Chu Wendao returned to a familiar place, the house was cold and unoccupied for a long time, it is estimated that Xu Qingzhou seldom came back here after the accident.He walked into the living room, and there was Xu Qingzhou's mug on the table in front of the sofa, which was half filled with water.He picked it up, the water had been cold for a long time, as cold as the surrounding temperature.

After simply cleaning the house, the sun is shining outside the window.He stood in the middle of the quiet living room, inexplicably feeling that he had gone back to a long time ago, and he was alone, standing in the living room where no one was thinking about today's dinner.He picked up his phone and ordered a takeaway, and decided to spend the night decadently.

There were a lot of new books in the study, Chu Wendao stood in front of the bookcase and skipped one by one.He really didn't expect that Xu Qingzhou really had the ability to fill up all the bookcases here, and there were two storage boxes underneath, which were still filled with books.

He casually picked some poems he hadn't read before, and lay down on the single sofa next to him.After reading it for a while, he realized that the author was an old professor he knew. He suddenly felt that his interest was waning, and his attention gradually drifted away.

In a daze, Chu Wendao seemed to hear the door closing sound from afar.He thought it was time to wake up, but his body couldn't listen.

When he opened his eyes again, Chu Wendao found that he was still alone in the study.He looked at his watch and realized that he had slept for three hours.He straightened up, a thin quilt slipped from his shoulders to his knees.

Chu Wendao pinched the thin quilt with residual temperature thoughtfully, and smiled slightly at the corner of his mouth.Then, he heard noises outside.He approached the sound source lightly, and stood by the door watching Xu Qingzhou's busy back.

There is nothing more heartwarming than waking up and seeing your lover cooking for you.

He walked into the kitchen, put his arms around Xu Qingzhou's waist weakly, and rested his chin on his shoulders.Finally got what he wanted, he sighed softly.

"Are you done?" Chu Wendao asked.

Xu Qingzhou turned off the fire and put the hot food on the plate.After washing his hands, he turned around and hugged Chu Wendao's neck.

"Forget it, I'm just a junior, so I can't help you." He rubbed Chu Wendao's face, with imperceptible disappointment hidden in his tone.

Chu Wendao stroked Xu Qingzhou's soft hair, and said no more after answering.This person clearly said that he would not be able to come tonight, but in the end he still came, probably because he made an excuse halfway through.Xu Qingzhou is always changing for him, but at this moment he can't even say a word of comfort.

The dead are dead, this is an indisputable fact, no amount of comfort will only add to the sadness.

"The takeaway was already cold when I came, so I re-cooked it, maybe the taste is not so good." The two cuddled each other for a long time, Xu Qingzhou broke the silence first.

Chu Wendao kissed Xu Qingzhou's forehead: "It's okay, thank you."

Xu Qingzhou turned his face to look at him, and for a long while, slightly twitched the corners of his mouth.He leaned his face against Chu Wendao's chest, and said with relief: "I should be the one thanking you."

Xu Qingzhou's grandma is ninety years old, and now she is considered to be dead.A few days ago, the old lady was very energetic, she could talk and laugh, and her appetite was bigger than before.Everyone said it was a flashback, but Xu Qingzhou knew it was not.Probably because of such psychological preparation, Xu Qingzhou was never calm when he got the news after class.

Grandma's funeral is almost handled by the elders in the family, and Xu Qingzhou has nothing else to do except to run errands occasionally.More often, he would go to the suite of his grandmother in the nursing home and sit for a whole day.He didn't go back until he checked out the room.

He watched grandma's things being taken away one by one, leaving nothing left, only then realized that the person who loved him the most was no longer there.The fire was still in front of my eyes, hot and red, burning the last memory to ashes.

Chu Wendao went down and patted Xu Qingzhou's back. From his angle, he could only see the top of the other's head, but he knew that Xu Qingzhou hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"They're coming." Suddenly, a dreamlike voice came from his chest.

Chu Wendao was stunned for a while, but didn't make a sound.

Xu Qingzhou continued to murmur: "They came and took her away, and I will never see her again."

Chu Wendao felt that the atrium was pierced by a needle, and the pain was so painful that his breathing became lighter.He still didn't say a word, tightening the strength of his arms, trying to give insignificant warmth.

After a long time, so long that he thought the person in his arms had fallen asleep, the shoulders under his palms were trembling slightly.Then, his skirt was gradually soaked and sticky to his skin.

Chu Wendao gently stroked his thin back, and cast his eyes on the gap between the window screens.The cold moonlight came quietly, depicting dots of silver light on the floor, like teardrops falling from the sky.

"Qingzhou, come to G City." He said slowly, "I told my parents and they agreed."

He raised Xu Qingzhou's face and said, "Come here, I'll accompany you."