i have a crush on you

Chapter 13: There is a poem

I think I am very bad, I left quietly, and no one from Hu Hao or He Shu knew about it.

Later Hu Hao told me that He Shu had been looking for me for two days and two nights.He saw that the things in my cabinet were empty and almost killed me. He cursed and sent out all the dirty words.His girlfriend was so frightened that she cried, thinking that He Shu had gone crazy.

I don't believe it, He Shu is an extremely mature and stable person, I can't believe how he could be full of dirty words when he speaks loudly.

"You just want to scare me, how could he do this."

"Brother, I didn't think it would be good. You look at him like a lunatic! I want to tell you what happened to you. You ran so far away without saying a word. Do you still treat us as a fool?" Brother!" Hu Hao said very excitedly, I knew he was angry.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to say goodbye to you, so I left without saying goodbye. You know I can't stand such a nasty scene. I won't do it next time."

"There's another time!?" Hu Hao said angrily, "We almost toppled the land in City F!"

"I'm sorry." I said, "He Shu...how is he now?"

"Mom!!" Hu Hao was startled, "Did you call He Shu back?"

"Not yet, your call came as soon as you turned on the phone." My heart tightened.

"Damn, this guy doesn't know where the fuck is going crazy now, you should call him quickly—is it Xiao Tang?"

He Shu's voice came from a distance.

My heart beat faster.

"Yes, answer the phone quickly. ——Xiao Tang, I'm He Shu."

As soon as I heard his voice so close, my tears came out all at once.

"Xiao Tang, where are you going?" His voice was trembling.

"France." That was Hu Hao's voice.

I covered my mouth and tried to restrain myself. I didn't want him to hear my helpless crying. I knew he would be distressed. I didn't want him to show too much concern for me.

"Hu Hao, go out first."

Then I heard the slight sound of closing the door from the phone, and He Shu's breathing sounded again, "Are you going on a trip?"

I was silent.

"Are you going to play for a long time? Why is the cabinet empty, Xiao Tang, you scared me to death, I thought you lost it."

"If you've been traveling in France for a long time, I'll go find you. It just so happens that I haven't been to France."

"Which hotel is good, you have to recommend it to me."

"Hey, can you say something, how can you be a dumb person today after knowing each other for so many years?"

"Little Tang, what are you doing? Are you listening...?"

"He Shu, I'm going to study in France for two years." I sorted out my emotions and finally spoke.

After a long silence over there, he slowly opened his mouth: "Then...why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

"I... don't want to... say goodbye..."

"You lied," he said.

"No... there is—" I resisted.

"You said goodbye, you said never see you again." He Shu seemed to be talking to himself, "You don't know anything at all, you don't understand anything at all—uh—"

"He Shu, are you okay? Have you been drinking?"

"You still know how to care about me." He said, "Is it only after I die that you will remember me as a good friend again——"

"He Shu, what are you talking about!" I don't know why I feel very scared, every word he said doesn't seem like a joke, but every word he said can only be regarded as a joke.

"I said you're a bastard!" he scolded me for the first time, "—where are you going in France?"

"Paris." I said weakly, "Don't come to me."

"Fuck you, I hate you!—beep—"

The first time broke up.

I had too many firsts with him, only this one is the last one I want to recall.

In France I don't seem to be super-inspired by the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, the banks of the Seine...Instead, I could no longer take good-looking works, and the teacher said that I was restricted.

I asked him what was limiting me.

He replied, yourself.

After I stayed in France for thirteen months, one day the teacher suddenly said to me: "Art is emotional, you are sad and melancholy, every work is actually not bad, but this does not belong to you. You never let go Open yourself, you are hiding in a transparent box."

"What do you mean?"

"France suits you well, but one thing is missing."

"what?"

"Then you have to ask yourself, maybe it's feelings, maybe it's a person who accompanies you."

"Teacher, you made me dizzy."

"You are not dizzy, art will never have truth."

In order to find such things, I decided to go back to China, as if there was no explanation when I left, and no one knew when I came.

I first went to the cemetery to see my mother and father. I found that there were still fresh flowers on it, and I knew he had been there.

Then I went to the door of He Shu's house. He Shu rented a room outside, which was very close to my studio, but it was a pity that I left.

I stood at the door for a long time but didn't dare to knock on the door. I was afraid that it might be his girlfriend, I was afraid that he would not want to see me, and I was even more afraid that he would drive me away.

But in fact, there was no one in the house, and it was three o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday. I couldn't think of where else he could go, so I could only wait by the stairs.

Waiting and waiting until night, I still remember his surprised expression when he saw me, not only surprise but also resentment.

"Why are you here?" His complexion was a bit ugly, his lips were pale and bloodless.

"I... just... came back." I scratched my head trying to hide the unease between me and him.

"Come in," he said, "it's very cold."

"Hmm." I changed some, looked around, and there seemed to be no feminine products.

"I broke up with her." He said on the soft couch, then took out an eye from his pocket and put it in his mouth, and said vaguely, "Do you want it?"

"Yeah." I took it, stretched my head over, and he ordered it for me.Just as he was about to move away, he suddenly grabbed the back of my head and stared at me with his dark eyes.

He let go of me in just a few seconds, and I looked at his tightly closed eyes, at a loss.

I can only find something to say: "When did you start smoking?"

"After you left." He opened his eyes and lit a little in the ashtray, "I finally know why you and Hu Hao like this thing, it's so fucking addictive."

The tone, the words... are not like his style.

"Isn't Paris fun? Why are you back?" He asked me.

"Paris is fine." I said, "It's just that the teacher said I was missing one thing."

"Well, what?"

"Hmm..." I laughed, "I don't know."

"Why do you still look stupid after going abroad?" He said with a smile.

The breath I was holding on my chest was suddenly released, and this kind of tone was just like him.

"How long will you be back this time?"

"Maybe two weeks," I said. "Next month, I'm going to an exhibition."

"Yeah." He nodded, "Any arrangements for coming back?"

"No, I just want to come back and relax...see you guys."

"Let's go on a trip," he said, "tomorrow."

"Ah—?" I was a little confused, "Why so suddenly."

"I just feel that life and death are impermanent." He smiled, "I'm a little scared."

I looked at his earthy face and panicked, "He Shu, are you sick? Tell me if you are sick."

"I'm sick and have a fever." He turned sideways and looked at me tenderly, "Can you take care of me?"

My heart was twisted into a ball, what happened to him in the past year or so?Sad, happy... I wasn't involved at all.

If you give me another chance, I will definitely not choose to leave. What a wonderful thing in life to be with you.

He held my hand, looked very tired, looked into my eyes and said with his lips, "Are you okay?"

"it is good."

I wiped his body and gave him medicine.I held him to sleep all night, that was the first time I held him to sleep, I couldn't find a better adjective except hot.

Because it was a working day, the two of us got on the plane to Yunnan early the next morning.

The clouds are really blue and the wind is really strong.

The first stop is Dali.

He sent me a poem:

It is a lake named after Er,

They said it was the Erhai Lake.

I look at Cangshan Mountain with you,

The beauty of the lock is ideal.

Stepping on the stone steps of the road ahead, it is long;

Through the Yixing cableway, slowly;

The back of the time, warm and warm.

From water to mountains,

From mountain to cloud,

From cloud to water,

from water to you,

from you to me,

From me to you.

If you look back, whose voice will you hear?

There is a long road, a sea of ​​clouds, and there is no life.

The second stop is Lijiang.

He sent me another poem:

The first step is to pray, don't look back;

The second step is blessing, you don't need to be silent;

The third step is to kowtow, you don't want to miss;

The fourth step is to stand on the ground, why should you care about it;

The fifth step is to lean on your body, you have nothing to do with getting together.

It is a snow mountain that cannot be climbed to the top,

It was an indescribable determination.

It was white,

That is lack of missing.

It's windy,

That is Rili.

that is you,

that's me.

when I go back to France.

He gave me the third poem:

Ten days, 220 four hours.

Thirteen months, nine thousand five hundred and four hours.

Thirteen hours from Jade Dragon Snow Mountain to Eiffel Tower.

The isolated sea of ​​clouds is an endless time.

If we can meet again, maybe we will not be frivolous.

If we don't see each other again, maybe we can forget about that lunatic.

If we met, no wonder why we lost.

If it's gone, it's bad if it's broken.

If you can't see it, meeting you is a bitter experience.

Miss you, lest I love you.

On the plane, I held these three handwritten poems and wept uncontrollably.

We didn't go to the top of Jade Dragon Snow Mountain, we didn't leave any reluctance for each other, we didn't go to the end, we didn't give up and let go.

I remember before boarding the plane, he asked me: "If we could meet each other, would you choose to miss each other?"

I nodded.

miss each other, fall in love.