i have a crush on you

Chapter 7: Youth Paradise (1)

If I had chosen one time, I definitely would not have deliberately separated the relationship. After all, He Shu has never been a person who discriminates against others casually. If he really discriminates against homosexuals, I am sure that he will not hurt me with bad words.

"Tch, fags are disgusting." That's what I said.

Hurting countless struggling gay men, myself included.

That summer, the cicadas chirped with tactful sadness, just like me, there was incomparable sadness hidden in the joke-like words.

I saw that He Shu's mouth that was about to speak turned into a smile. I couldn't give a definite answer to what that smile meant.

In the end, I ran away in panic. As a gay and secretly in love with He Shu, I really had no strength left.

I still didn't go to school, I asked Bai Chen for leave, went to the extremely expensive park at that time, and did a roller coaster ride.

Extreme speed can make me forget my worries, so whenever I feel depressed, I will do some extreme sports.

The college entrance examination in 2002 came and went without a trace. I just sat at home for two days and it was as easy as spending a weekend in the first year of high school.It's just that after this sacred day of the college entrance examination, everything that is the same seems to be different again.

That night in July, when I was about to go to sleep, there was continuous knocking on the window. I was so scared that I fell back, but I still walked over with a Xinhua dictionary.

"Jiang Tang..." There was a slight but powerful shout.

It's He Shu.

I hurriedly opened the window and looked down. Through the moonlight and the faint light, I saw bright red blood on his face.

I ran down like crazy, and even lost one of my slippers.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"It's Xie Ziqian... a bit annoying." He scratched his head.

"What happened to him?" I took off my T-shirt and wiped the blood on his face.

"Hey, have you eaten well? You've become as thin as ribs." He said to himself, "Your waist is too thin, it's scary."

I flicked his forehead with my fingers, "Answer the question."

"He and his father are staying at my house today." He concealed, "Xie Ziqian and I share a room."

"Oh, you don't want to?"

"Of course I don't, I've never slept with you, and he's gay."

I can only laugh: "Then why did you fight?"

He looked at me but said nothing.

I had an evil thought in my mind, could it be that Xie Ziqian likes... God, this is completely beyond the moral concepts I was familiar with at the time, how can I say that Xie Ziqian may become brothers with He Shu in the future.

"Then you stay away."

"Didn't I hide here from you?" He Shu was helpless, "I don't want to go back."

"Go, go to my house."

After I got him a piece of clothing and took a bath, I gave him the medicine.Xie Ziqian doesn't look like a violent person, he is shorter than me and He Shu, so he looks much more refined - He Shu and I are not very easy to see - but he slapped He Shu's cheek It was blue, and there was a nosebleed from the tip of the nose.

After all, he is a man who has already gone to work, so how to strike is not serious or serious...

"He hit too hard!" I said angrily.

He Shu looked at me and laughed, "Then you hate him?"

Of course I hate him, I'm a little jealous of anyone who likes you so blatantly.At least he dared to say it while I shut myself in a closet.

"I don't like it anyway."

He smiled more happily, why didn't I realize at that time, maybe there are different emotions in that smile...

We slept back to back for a night, we were still very pure even though we were puberty at that time, and two big men were too flirtatious and a little too indecent-for me at the time.I fell asleep quickly without even having a slightly erotic dream.

The next morning, my mother panicked when she saw He Shu appearing in the toilet. Now that I think about it, it's really funny.

I ate the dried noodles that my mother insisted on ordering herself, and took the hot milk that my mother insisted on giving us to go to school together.At that time, I thought that this kind of thing would be too common in the days to come, but I didn't expect that this time would become the happiest day in the few days I lived with him.

He didn't even bring a schoolbag, so we didn't listen carefully to two of our classes all day long-although this is not a reason.

Before school, he suddenly said to me: "Let's go to the movies this weekend."

"Huh?" I froze for a moment, it was too sudden.

"Birthday gift for you," he said.

He still has a conscience, I smiled and nodded, "Then thank you Mr. He for your kindness."

On the weekend morning, the two of us took the bus for more than an hour to get to the cinema, because the journey was too bumpy. He Shu vomited as soon as he got out of the car, but he didn’t eat the sour water he vomited for breakfast. He said that it made him sick to death .

I sat on the bench at the bus station and rested for about 10 minutes before going back on the road. His complexion was very ugly. It was the first time I realized that He Shu was not that strong.

Both of our homes and schools are in the suburbs, and this is the busiest place in the city.I rarely come here, and I am a little excited to see this scene.The same goes for He Shu, all of this is so attractive to us.

What we were watching was a horror movie, I have no memory of its name at all, but occasionally there were screams and haunting background music playing in time.

After the whole movie, I didn't spend more than 10 minutes watching the screen, because I kept staring at He Shu.

To be honest, I really want to know what kind of expression he will show when he sees a scary scene, so I thought that when I saw a scary scene, I would pretend to glance over it inadvertently, but he supported his jaw with half of his hand, and his face was indifferent throughout the whole process. The horrible scene seemed to him like a farce.

Sitting next to me was a single boy who was watching a movie by himself. He was just looking for something to talk to me the whole time. ..." blah blah blah...

Can you imagine how tired I am?At the same time, we must observe He Shu.

My brother cried when the movie was over. He grabbed my arm and expressed his miss for his ex-girlfriend...

I persuaded him for a long time, talking about what can be said and what should not be said mechanically. In the end, he said loudly that he would not forget it, and then quickly fled the movie theater to find his ex-girlfriend.

In the end, He Shu and I were the only ones left in the whole movie theater. I looked at each other and smiled, thinking that the world of adults is very interesting.

Thinking about it now, I still admire that little brother.For him, love is love.

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Like most adolescent boys, He Shu and I also had fantasies and curiosity about sex.

Although we always love to say hello, but it is still relatively subtle.I am not interested in the matter of men and women, and He Shu is because of shyness, every time he says something, his face turns red quickly, and the blush can extend to his neck.

But with Hu Hao, the standard has directly changed from licking oranges to eating oranges (forgive my lame description), he is outspoken and excited, I think I have a thick skin, but every time I hear him say it, I am very embarrassed , When I heard him comment on the figure of his previous girlfriends, I would throw something out and say angrily instead of these beautiful girls: "Scumbag."

But he laughed at me and He Shu, he said: "A man who is almost eighteen is still a virgin."

I honestly don't understand what's so funny about it, and I don't understand how it's showing that the more you sleep with girls, the better you get.

Of course, Hu Hao is not such a person, otherwise I would have kicked him out of the Gang of Three long ago. Every time he mentioned his ex-girlfriend, he would seriously say with a serious expression: "I have loved seriously, and love is also It’s just that when the love goes deep, it’s a matter of course.”

I didn't understand it at the time, and I didn't quite agree with it.It may be that my thinking is relatively old-fashioned, I feel that I am too young, even if the love is deep, it will not be a matter of course.

But now I do understand.Some people are really in love when they love, and some things come that you can't refuse at all.

Even if you know you are wrong, you still want to do your best.

My love for He Shu is not open enough or unrestrained enough, I have confined my love for him and myself.The outcome of a person's life is actually chosen by himself. I chose silence, so what is the result of my silence with him?Now 34 years old, I can't give myself an accurate answer.

High school was very dull but very happy, no separation, no farewell.Because of SARS, the school was closed for a long time, and the three of us, He Shu and Hu Hao, ate, drank and had fun with the so-called review textbooks.

Every day is too similar to each other so that I can't get used to a different life.But like I said some things come your way and you just can't say no.

One hundred days before the college entrance examination, He Shu seriously asked me what university I wanted to study.

My grades were mediocre, coupled with the limitation of the geographical location where I was born, I was more than 20 points behind the key points of science and engineering, while He Shumeng exceeded 80 points.Bai Chen recommended He Shu in the self-enrollment policy implemented at that time, but he actually refused.You have to think about what a precious opportunity this is for ordinary people.

"A major." This is an ordinary science and engineering undergraduate, and I never like to admit that I think I can't do it.

For learning, for He Shu, exactly the same.

"No." He said harshly for the first time, "Let's go to F University together."

"No way!" I said in a strict tone, "With your grades, you can only get into F major!"

"Leave me alone, can you get into F University? Or G University?"

"It's F big." I felt that I was looked down upon.

"Okay." He smiled again.

Even though we were friends, we did things like only couples do, so I think my life was a crush but worth it.

After all, I broke my promise. The math problems that year were so rare that I almost cried. I hate why the new college entrance examination system moved the college entrance examination to June.The shadow brought to me is that every time on June 6th, I will think of that afternoon, a broken teenager yelled at the examiner who gave the test.

As soon as I left the examination room, as I guessed, everyone’s complexion was not very good, even the first year old had a face that was unloved. I quickly went down to the second floor, and saw He Shu waiting for me at the top of the stairs. His complexion is not very good either.

Before I could speak, he asked me first, "How much have you written?"

"I wrote less than [-]% of the question." I was helpless, "What about you?"

"It's okay." He replied flatly.

The two of us walked out of the teaching building together, forgetting the desperate cries all over the sky, the smell of 84 disinfectant, the past, and time behind us.

There were those who dropped out of the exam because of mathematics that year, and there were also many people who committed suicide because of the college entrance examination that year. There were countless people who were as confused and at a loss about the future as He Shu and I were.

The end result is that He Shu got into F University with a higher grade, and I used the lowest math score of 65 in history to prove that a student with mediocre grades like me can't even get into G University.

He stayed in the city and I left.