Home Notes

In December after Gao Weitao’s birthday, the entire Z university students were shrouded in gloom before the final exam—even if they entered a prestigious school, many of them lost the fine tradition of hard study in high school, and students who really put their studies in their hearts all the time Pa is actually still a minority.

Li Shangshui is one of these rare students.Although law is a liberal arts subject, it is by no means a so-called liberal arts major that is generally unknown. It is impossible to understand those highly professional terms by rote memorization before the exam, and it is impossible to deal with the actual case questions given by the teacher. It is similar to mathematics. wonderful.

So when Gao Weitao and Niu Junzi were scratching their heads in the library, confused by the concept of a "target", Li Shangshui, who usually worked hard, was still leisurely working and attending classes at this moment, not in a hurry.

As for Ren Yang, he has been hanging out with Li Shangshui for a long time on weekdays, so he has been influenced by what he has seen and heard. In addition, after quitting his job in the restaurant, he doesn't doze off much in class, and he has listened to most of the lectures that should be attended.Just because of what happened that night at KTV, I couldn't help feeling anxious.

Because Li Shangshui seems to have been alienating him.

I said "it seems" because Li Shangshui still asked Ren Yang to go to and from get out of class with him as usual. When Li Shangshui was not working, the two would go to the library together, and occasionally run and exercise together in the morning.It's just that Li Shangshui, who was originally silent, talked less now, and Ren Yang didn't dare to play tricks in front of him because he said he wouldn't touch him anymore.

Therefore, Ren Yang always felt that there seemed to be an extra layer of separation between the two, and there was no longer the silent comfort and harmony before.

The closer the end of the term was, the more he could do nothing. After the winter vacation, the two of them went back to their respective homes, and they might become strangers when school starts again.

No matter how anxious you are, it won't help.Maybe this is the reason why you can't be a couple or a friend - one party can't save face and say the words of breaking up friendship, but the other party dare not make further progress due to affection.The result of this is that the two are relatively awkward, and then there will always be one party who will take the initiative to withdraw first and end these four different so-called friendships.

As for Li Shangshui, although he was calm on the surface, he was also suffering in his heart.He has never been so close to others, and he doesn't know how to deal with conflicts, not to mention this closeness exceeds his worldly understanding.

Maybe he likes Ren Yang a little bit and cares about his every move, but whether this is the so-called liking in love, he really can't figure it out.

So I can only procrastinate like this, maybe time will give him the answer.

In the blink of an eye, it was New Year's Day. Although there was a three-day holiday, the final exam was just around the corner. Many people stayed in school for revision. Even Liang Xijin went to school uncharacteristically.

The owner of the restaurant knew that it was time for Li Shangshui to take the exam, and since there were fewer students eating out in winter, the restaurant was not very busy, so he asked him to study at school during the New Year's Day instead of coming to the restaurant.

But Li Shangshui still insisted on staying in the store for a day.There were few guests at night, so Yingying pestered him to teach her math problems.Li Shangshui had no choice but to find a table in the corner and read Yingying's test paper.

Although he has graduated from high school for half a year, and the university does not offer mathematics courses, it is rare for Li Shangshui not to return the knowledge to the teacher.He looked at it for a while, pointed to the graph on the test paper, and said, "Make an auxiliary line here."

Yingying drew a straight line as she said, but after finishing the drawing, she stood there in a daze and still didn't know how to solve it.

Li Shangshui shook his head, and pointed again: "Here and here, you can find the similarity of two triangles, and then it will be easy."

Only then did Yingying suddenly realize that she lowered her head and began to write about the verification process.When doing geometry problems, as long as you find a key point, the subsequent reasoning and verification process becomes extremely simple.So she lowered her head to write and draw while chatting with Li Shangshui.

"Brother, is college fun? My dad always asks me to take the exam for Z University. You see, I'm so stupid, how could I get in?"

Li Shangshui replied casually: "As long as the method is right and you work harder, it will not be a problem to get into Z University."

"Brother, didn't anything affect your studies when you were in school? Like me, you see, my family runs a small restaurant, and my parents usually don't have time to take care of me. They throw me into cram schools during the winter and summer vacations. They can't help with basic homework."

Yingying babbled on, not seeing Li Shangshui as a confidant at all.But in Li Shangshui's view, Yingying is already happier than many people in the world. Her parents are healthy and she has no worries about food and clothing. The only thing she worries about is grades.This is the life he has been praying for all his life, and he can't understand Yingying's dissatisfaction.

He smiled wryly and said, "When I was young, I almost couldn't even eat enough. I didn't know what the cram school was for. Don't you think I also went to college?"

Yingying raised her head and stared wide-eyed, and asked, "Really? Are you making up a story?"

Li Shangshui saw that a customer wanted to pay the bill after eating, so he got up and walked to the counter: "If you don't believe me, I can't help it."

After the customer checked out and left, Yingying threw down the test paper, ran to the counter, and asked, "I only heard from my father that he was poor when he was a child and couldn't eat enough. Why didn't you have enough to eat when you were a child? The current food Isn't it cheap?"

Li Shangshui was a little impatient, he really had no intention of telling people about the past, it seemed too much like crying poor.But looking at Yingying's innocent eyes, he couldn't say the cruel words of refusing to answer.He could only perfunctorily say: "Remote rural areas are very poor, so it's not surprising that you will see more of them in the future."

"Then if you didn't go to school, wouldn't you have married a wife very early?"

Li Shangshui was stunned, and then he laughed: "It's true, people in our place get married very early. Oh no, how do you know?"

After he graduated from junior high school, his father didn't want him to continue his studies, because there were too few schools in the village, and his father didn't have that much money to let him go to school.And at that time, many middle-aged and young children went out to work, earned a few years outside, and then went home to be ordered to get married. After giving birth, they left the children at home with the elderly to take care of them. The young people continued to go out and roam around in the big cities. Lowest level.

But he got good grades and was admitted to the best high school in the county. The teachers at the school tried their best to persuade him, and even exempted him from tuition and miscellaneous fees. In addition, his grandmother also agreed, so his father let go.

If his grades were not good at that time, under the arrangement of his father, he muddle-headedly worked, married, and had children, copying the life of his father's generation, and he who had not been enlightened in his thinking might have lived in peace and numbness.

But thinking about it now, I feel a little shuddering.

"My father said that many of his former brothers got married very early, and now some of them have grandchildren." Yingying played with Li Shangshui's mobile phone on the counter and asked, "Then do you have a girlfriend now? "

Li Shangshui restrained his face and said, "No."

"Really? Isn't it true that college students can fall in love as they want?"

Li Shangshui really didn't want to deal with her anymore, so he took the phone from her hand and said coldly, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Then do you have someone you like?" Yingying still asked unconsciously.

"No."

"I don't believe it." Yingying folded her arms and said confidently: "You used to not like to talk, but your eyebrows were stretched, and you knew how to smile when you saw people. Recently you always frown, you can see that it is like this now, and Always distracted, and ignores me. I think you must have someone you like, but the other person doesn't like you."

Li Shangshui laughed back angrily: "You're only old enough to know whether you like it or not? Or do you also have someone you like?"

Yingying: "I like you, and I'm thirteen, and I can get married even in ancient times." She said this without blushing.

Li Shangshui was blocked by her words and didn't know how to respond. After a while, he reached out and patted her on the head, and said, "Have you read too many novels? You should study hard and try to be admitted to Z University in a few years. There is no one in the store, so I will Go back first, wait for your father to come back and tell him that I have finished the exam before coming back."

"Oh." Yingying looked at him packing her schoolbag, and couldn't help telling her again: "To be honest, brother, if you don't want to fall in love, just wait for me for a few years..."

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving first." Li Shang interrupted her with a big head, wrapped his scarf and rushed out of the store, and ran away without looking back.

It was only after eight o'clock when I returned to the dormitory, and no one was there. I think they all went to the library to review.Li Shangshui was upset by Yingying's questions, and didn't want to read or review at the moment, so he washed up early, sat at the table and wrote a diary to think about things.

He has read Kafka's diary, and the genius novelist who studied law even writes his diary like a novel. He can understand the sensitivity and suspicion in Kafka's pen, but he can't imitate the sage and write a majestic novel that will be left to future generations.And Kafka was engaged three times, divorced three times, and remained unmarried until his death, but this does not mean that he had no love.

But love did not allow Kafka to abandon his worries and enter the city of marriage.So what exactly is "love"?

Li Shangshui still didn't understand.

What made him even more depressed was that Ren Yang didn't seem to be as lively as before—it should be said that he spent less time with Ren Yang.

Or maybe it was because the exam was about to come, and he was still working part-time. Ren Yang spent more time acting alone, and would not wait for him to go to class and go to the library together after part-time work.

He suddenly felt that he was cheap - he couldn't respond to Ren Yang, but he still expected Ren Yang to be by his side all the time.He closed the diary angrily, only feeling that there was an unknown fire in his heart that had nowhere to vent.

It was still early, it would be too shameful to sleep now, not to mention he couldn't fall asleep either.I wanted to go downstairs for a walk, but felt it was cold outside.After walking around the dormitory for a few times, Li Shangshui climbed into bed helplessly, intending to go to bed and read for a while.

The Chinese teacher in high school recommended many books to them. At that time, he had no chance or time to read them. When he arrived at university, he almost had to fill them up slowly.I remember when the teacher said that in contemporary Chinese literature, there are not many well-written characters. Apart from Lu Xun, there is no second one in mainland China, but there are a few in Taiwan.

Although this was said wildly, he still knew that these must be excellent writers.So after seeing Lu Xun, I began to read the works of Taiwanese writers, and Zhu Tianwen was one of them.

Li Shangshui borrowed a copy of Zhu Tianwen's work from the library. He just finished reading "Witch Words" some time ago, and he felt dizzy and incomprehensible. The writing is really good as the teacher said, but what he learned is too Shallow, can't understand the deep meaning at all.

This time I borrowed "Notes of a Desolate Man", and I was stunned after reading a few pages—this book seems to be about homosexuality.