as if poisoned

Sometimes I really want to shout from the air

let your heart express

but really lucky

endured for a long time

What you get in exchange is just someone to vent your anger on

really tired

==================================

The atmosphere among the four of us has been oppressive and silent these days.I don't know if it's because of me, if it's really because of me, then I really want to say sorry to them.

Even Yuzhi, who was sitting next to me, has been very quiet. He who is usually noisy, can be so quiet at this time.

Maybe I really don't fit here.

Roll roll as usual, class as usual, and class as usual... end of get out of class.

In fact, I can't say it's normal, at least I'm the one who doesn't fit in.After all, it is my fault to make them depressed, even if they want to suppress their meals, then I am really outrageous.

At least I think it's best for everyone that I walk away.

In the past few days, as always, I went to the library, rented a book, and found a place to sit and read.Although I work in a bookstore, I still like facing books very much.

The book I took was a book called "If You Give Me Three Days of Light", the author is Helen Keller, and I was shocked by every word and phrase in it.There is a sentence in it that can express my current mood.

Maybe this is the tragedy of human beings. We don't cherish what we have, but we always yearn for what we can't get.

I am in such a state now, I obviously want to be content with the status quo and be friends, but I have a vague desire to break through the status quo.

It made me feel so miserable that I almost didn't even know what I was thinking.What else can I do now?

Return the book to the caretaker, then walk to the toilet and close the door.Tears flowed down like this.

Although I am cowardly, I seldom cry. I didn’t even cry when my father left, because I didn’t even know how old it was.

After I became sensible, although I complained every time, I seldom cried. Maybe it was the effect of the sentence my mother said, "A man does not cry easily"?

However, I am crying now, is it that I have no room for choosing feelings?

In fact, it's not that there is no room, but that what I like is a person of the same gender as me.So all that leeway becomes a luxury.

I figured it was time for class, so I wiped away my tears with my sleeve, and went out to wash my hands and face.When I was about to go out, the door opened, and the two people who came in were two people I knew very well.Lin Yuzhi, Huang Shengjia

They walked over talking and laughing, and were taken aback when they saw me, and I made a gesture with them and walked out.

"Yu Yan..." Yu Zhi called me from behind my back, hearing his voice, it felt like he was pampering a wayward child.Don't know if he meant that or what, but that's what I think.

I said: "It's about time for class, hurry up." I turned around and opened the door, and went out.

Disappointed tears were about to fall again, but I took them all back forcefully, and walked towards the classroom abruptly.

Obviously I excluded myself, why do I want to cry again, I am really humiliating myself.Rubbish.

In many cases, the choice I made may not be right, but this time it was too wrong. What do I really want now?

When school was over, I wanted to go home alone, but Yu Zhi suddenly called me: "Yu Yan...are you free?"

"...I want to work part-time." He picked up his schoolbag and left.Now that you're in a mess, don't stay here any longer and make people laugh.

"Ding Yuzhen, are you sure you really want to continue with us like this!" At this time Qin Nuo yelled, but fortunately, the people in the class were walking and tidying up, so they didn't hear what Qin Nuo was shouting clearly .But it doesn't mean I didn't hear clearly.

I stopped and looked at them: "I don't want to continue like 'you'." I specially emphasized the word you.

Qin Nuo was about to rush over to hit me, but was stopped by Sheng Jia. "How did the four of us become like this?"

He got the point in my tone, but it didn't mean anything.What really makes me feel painful is not this, although this is also the part that makes me feel heartache, but it is not really this, but only this can show the cards.

"In the beginning, you planned not to tell me anything, didn't you? In the beginning, I was the one who was excluded, didn't I? In the beginning, I didn't integrate into you, didn't I? It's you who want what you want now, Not me." I could finish these words calmly, and I almost admired myself.

Yu Zhi and Qin Nuo, who heard my words, seemed to have remembered something, and at the same time looked at each other with a guilty conscience, and lowered their heads again.

Seeing them like this, there is only one voice in my heart, go, this place is not suitable for you.

So, I turned around and left.