Silent Universe GL

When the medical certificate was put in front of my eyes, the doctor told me the important things to pay attention to about bipolar disorder with a blank face.

I couldn't hear a word.

Seeing his lips opening and closing in front of me, I suddenly had the urge to grab his white coat and snarl at him: Do you understand me?do you know meHow can I be judged to be sick by these broken tests?Why do you think I can control my mind after taking medicine?

absurd.

But I just stared blankly at the doctor.

After a while, I spit out a word: good.

Maybe I'm the most ridiculous one.

How else would I make a doctor's appointment by myself, walk to the hospital, and calmly do those tests and watch them put electrodes on my scalp?

I was really tortured by myself, I couldn't help it, I wanted to be a deserter.

The most painful thing is when my own emotional roller coaster rides and becomes more and more uncontrollable, and the people around me don't see it, don't care, just think it's me throwing a temper tantrum.

When I got sick, my body was shaking like a sieve, and there was a sudden quarrel, tears flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably, and when I woke up, I suddenly realized, and stood in the same place in a daze, and then Kang Ming heard the voice rushing from the bedroom to help me Wiping my tears, I nervously asked me what's wrong, if I've been under too much pressure recently, I was wrong, I was wrong.

Seeing Kang Ming's expression, I really want to tell him that I'm not a child, I'm not being awkward, and it's not your problem.

It's me, it's all me.

Kang Ming is really nice, but he can't see it, why am I so sad.

I still vaguely remember the first time I saw him.

That was when I was in college. At that time, many of us gathered in the box of the karaoke hall, some we knew and some we didn’t know. The smell of cigarettes, the smell of wine mixed with the noise gave me a headache.

Originally shy, I sat on the side seat, thinking of finding an opportunity to sneak away, but the roommate next to me insisted on dragging me to sit inside and play truth or dare together.

He sat next to me.

We were not a professional at first, but we met a few times. We only remember him always playing basketball on the basketball court, smiling silly.He was also at this party, I don’t know why I just wanted to laugh when I saw his stupid look, and I thought in my heart that such a boy should be liked by many girls.

That's exactly what I saw, he was surrounded by a lot of girls.

But I really didn't have any interest, so I just played a few rounds. Fortunately, I was lucky with the dice, and I didn't lose. Naturally, truth or dare was not my turn.

During the period, other people lost a few games and were asked to tell the truth or take a risk. It may be because everyone is not familiar with each other, and they all chose to take a risk.

Until it was his turn to lose, he chose the truth without hesitation.

His question at the time was: If you were to choose someone of the same sex to fall in love with, who would you most likely choose?

I leaned on my arm and looked at his expression, he pointed at me almost without hesitation.

Hey?

The people present were also dumbfounded, but they immediately started laughing and asked him if he knew me, if he was a good friend, why hadn't he seen it before?

He just smiled and yelled about the next game and the next game, and he can only ask why if he loses.

He hasn't lost since then.

I wanted to hear the answer, so I waited until the end, but I didn't hear it, so I had to leave with regret.

The fact that I like men has always been a secret I keep in my heart. I never dare to tell others. I also liked a few straight men in high school and tentatively asked them what they said.

man?It's disgusting to me, absolutely not.

Haha, if a woman fucks me, I can accept it, but a man won't.

I get goosebumps when I touch it!

In the end, it was just a result of laughter, and I, the person who asked the question, could only laugh along with it, but I was very sad in my heart. After that, I didn’t ask these questions anymore. Looking at it from a distance, and then putting it in my heart, I even thought sadly whether I would be like this all my life.

But that night, everything was a little different.

It was as if someone had opened a door in front of me and told me that love was coming.

After that, I started to pay attention to him, and would go around to the playground to see if he was there on days that were not in gym class.

In private, I would secretly inquire about his class schedule, find out the time to finish class together, and follow him to the cafeteria.

Because we sang together that day, he would greet me happily when he saw me.

But he didn't know that all the encounters he thought he had were deliberately arranged by me.

Finally, such quantitative changes accumulated into qualitative changes. One night, after he finished playing basketball, we exchanged WeChat with each other.

I was very happy, thinking that even if I don't meet again in the future, as long as I have WeChat, I will know where he is and what he is doing.

I searched through all his circles of friends that night, and then carefully typed "Hi".

Hi.he replied.

All conversations with him must be cautious and cautious. Every time I type a sentence, I must make sure that the conversation will not reach a dead end, that the topic will not end, and that the time must be controlled. He sensed my thoughts and aroused his disgust.

Thinking about it now, probably all the people in this world who have a heart of love are so cute and timid.

Seeing him reply: I'm going to class.My roommates are all asleep, and I'm going to sleep too.I'm going to take a shower.I still have something to do, let's go out for a while.So I said goodbye to him happily, but I felt a little lost in my heart, staring at his head portrait, not knowing when I would talk like this again next time.

See him back: I'm back.I am happy again, like picking up a baby.

The relationship is getting closer day by day, I feel that I can't hide my liking for him more and more, but I deliberately distance myself from him on the surface.

Because I know that every time I get to this point, the next plot will come to an abrupt end. Since the more I love, the more painful it is, it’s better to go away earlier and leave me alone.

Gradually, my contact with him became farther away. I ignored the news he told me, and I went to the basketball court less. Although I really wanted to chat with him, I couldn't.

He must also be wondering why I suddenly ignored him, heh, if I let him know that the brother he thought likes him, he will definitely feel betrayed, and he will also show that disgusted expression.

Then I'll go far away, don't hurt him, and hurt this relationship too.

Until one day, he rushed into my dormitory in a daze, holding two tickets in his hand, and dragged me to watch a movie without asking me for an answer.At that time, I couldn't see him for half a month. His behavior made me very puzzled. I wanted to ask why, but seeing his serious face, I couldn't ask any questions.

I was the one who betrayed him first, so what qualifications do I have?

The movie was playing, but there was no one in the theater, and I was not in the mood to watch a movie, just watching the images flash by.

I don't know how long it took, but he asked me, "Why have you ignored me recently?"

I looked at him sideways, but he didn't look at me, just stared at the screen.

I can't say a word.

"coward."

"Ok?"

"Just say it if you like it."

I was stunned.

"How do you know that I like you too?"

At this moment, it was as if I was tidying up my clothes at home, looking through my trouser pockets, and suddenly found that there was money in it, and when I took it out, it was still a bright 100 yuan.

We kissed quietly in the movie theater that day.

The life after that can be said to be very happy. After confirming the relationship, we moved out. The family life that I thought was extremely boring, because of him, the daily necessities became lovely.

Afterwards, we formed a band, got to know Xiao Xiao, and found Lin Qiao, a kid.

Silent Universe, Xiao Xiao told us, this is the name of the band.

If only life could be as smooth as love.

In the third year after we were together, we were discovered by our family members, and we were so nervous that we were about to sever ties with the family. My mother cried until she passed out, hugged my thigh and asked me why I became like this.The almost sudden storm caught us off guard.

The room leaked and rained all night, just as the future of the band was in the fog, making ends meet, making people unable to see the hope of life, I almost wanted to give up everything, it was him who gritted his teeth and pulled me all the way down.

Come to think of it, this disease was buried from then on.

Although things got better after that, my relationship with my parents was also extremely cold. Since I came out of the closet, I have no home to return to.

My career kept rising, but I became more and more worried about gains and losses. I wanted to have only one family member by my side, and I felt extremely panicked, afraid of losing him.

He didn't know that whenever he went out to eat with friends, or socialized with people for the band, I stayed at home alone and stared at the scissors at hand for a long time.He looked at me alone and wanted to make arrangements for me to accompany him, but I was afraid of life and didn't want to talk to strangers, so I could only watch his regretful expression go away.

Every time he told me funny things that happened around him, I felt so anxious that he left me alone.

My circle became smaller and smaller, and when I looked up suddenly, I realized that the only people I could talk to were the three of them.

But the change I dared to tell the most was the three of them.

Sometimes I am blindly optimistic, and inspiration comes, and I keep writing on paper like a lunatic, thinking that I am not sick, it is all my wild imagination, how beautiful the world is, and I will become The best drummer in all of China, put my achievements in front of my parents so they can forgive me.

terminally ill.

I started to fuss over little things more and more, got angry, didn't talk, and didn't make noise. Seeing him apologize to me in a hurry, but I was very upset, he didn't understand me at all.

I even started to hate him, hated that he was so good to me and cared about me, but I was useless at all.

All my thoughts are buried under my expressionless face. My heart is like a volcano erupting and a river flowing backwards. Many times it is my own bitter drama.

How can they see it, how can they perceive it.

I started hiding myself, like I used to like boys.

But I also want to send out a distress signal to the outside, hoping that one day he will notice and tell me that he has always understood my pain and that he has always been by my side.

In the end, no one could notice and only I could save myself.

This feeling is really too painful.

The author has something to say:

Can you believe it, I will finish a novel in chapter thirty <(￣3￣)>