I still don't want to go to school today

There was a light rain outside.Looking out of the window, there are slender traces of water on the concrete exterior wall of the opposite residential building, as if an invisible drowning person is climbing up the wall.

Fu Luojia leaned against the bed.Even though he was indoors, he could feel the rain on his body.

feel sleepy.

He actually recalled his lackluster life experience.

Generally speaking... "Normal" is a very important word, so he has always tried his best to grow by comparing with this word.

The opposite is "abnormal".In the beginning, no one explained to him what the difference between the two means. He could only instinctively draw an unclear cordon between the two.

"Normal" crossing the warning line is "abnormal".He later gradually learned that "abnormal" means being out of touch with reality, losing basic social functions, attracting all dishonorable things like a magnetic pole, and causing those around him to fall into the same painful vortex. Extricate yourself.

Grandpa once brought this kind of pain to Dad and Grandma.

Take it as a warning.

When he first discovered signs in himself that he hadn't seen in other people of his age, he used "differences" to prevaricate himself.For example, I have a bad memory, I have no impression of what happened a few years ago, and I still faintly resist to recall; shed endless tears at inappropriate times; Lost physical interest and so on and so on.

These things can all have many explanations, and some don't even need to be explained—as long as no one knows.

Everyone has something to hide, and the line between normal and abnormal has become blurred for a time.

But they are different after all.The morbidity is engraved in the bone marrow, it constantly eats people's control in every ordinary day, and one day completely breaks the calm appearance they have worked so hard to create, prompts a storm, and makes people who should have been buried in the deep Here and there, things that will never see the light of day break free from their shackles and grow savagely.

He supported the ground twice and finally stood up.

"Yes... who gave you these things?"

Damn it's really not in a good spirits.It took so long to say that.

"It's a doctor." He lowered his head, "...I'm sick, so I need to take medicine."

Anyway, from now on, it will be what it is and how it should be.With his mother watching, he probably didn't even think about dying.

All he could think about was how to make her astonished, flustered, and afraid... Best of all, make her suffer.

He longed for disease and emotion to continue to dominate her—because he certainly couldn't do it alone.

She is mother.Of course it is not normal to think so.

But luckily he's out of order.

——Why did I become like this?

I'm asking you.

……

The effect of the drug is mainly reflected in sleep.These days, he not only finished the sleep he slept in the past year, but also finished the dreams he had in the past three years.

His mother sometimes wakes up in the night moaning in pain.He was a light sleeper, opened his eyes after the first cry of pain, and quietly watched her toss and turn amidst grandma's snoring.Sometimes she would stretch out her hand in a certain direction and grab it, and he couldn't help shrinking back—although he slept not close to the hospital bed.

The camp bed under him creaked.His mother should have heard it, and maybe guessed that he was awake at this time.He remained motionless.The hand was slowly lowered, and the groaning weakened.But the pain seemed to continue—the silhouette wrapped in the sheets trembled slightly.

He didn't know exactly what the tubes in her body were sending into her body, but it seemed to him that her spirit was constantly being drained through them.He dared to go and touch them during the day—with a cloud of gratitude and awe.

Then he fell asleep again, dreaming that a human body had been dug up in the fallen leaves.The body opened its eyes, and people murmured miracles, celebrating it, but forgot to sniff him, so they didn't realize that he was actually dead.

There are long-lost memories in the dream.They are finely chopped and more often just a sentence or two:

"Don't be sorry for your mother."

"Gaga come here."

"Of course, this is brother."

"Why can't brother laugh?"

"Fu Yun actually took you to see that old lunatic?!"

"Hey, it won't hurt anymore, it won't hurt soon... Grandpa will take you to the hospital... Don't move around, it's still bleeding..."

"..."

The voice suddenly fell silent, and then a distant but clear voice said:

"I've been waiting for you for a long time, why did you come here?"

The eight o'clock sunlight lightly fell on his closed eyelids at this time.

——He took a chance to undo all the bandages on his hands, exposing the incision completely.He showed it to his mother without hesitation when taking and putting things away, and then picked up the knife from the fruit plate and put it in his pocket in front of her.

"What are you doing with that?" she asked after a while.

Still no answer.

"Mom..." She went to call grandma again.Grandma heard it this time, "What's the matter?"

"...Help me watch him."

"Hey, what did you say, you still need to watch him every day when you're so old? Besides, he's not running around, can't you watch it yourself?"

Maybe grandma didn't tell her something, no matter what it was, her attitude was always a little evasive.Later, he was lucky enough to hear his grandmother talking to someone with the recently bought mobile phone for the elderly while fetching water, and the familiar mobile phone number was broadcasted digit by digit.

It's dad.

Grandma's voice was naturally heard clearly.The low-quality mobile phone leaks sound, and you can hear [-] to [-]% of what is being said there.

"Don't tell her about the money..."

"The cost of the ICU plus a few days of surgery is tens of thousands. I heard from the doctor that the follow-up treatment will cost a lot, so I am also anxious. Ning Yi is also having a temper tantrum and says she wants to go back..."

"Don't panic, the place we bought before is enough for a few days of hospitalization, I'll think of a way..."

"Fortunately, there is still you, Xiaofu. Although the fate of your husband and wife is over, our family will always remember your kindness. You are a good person. Next time I go to the temple to ask for an amulet for Manman...Fu Luo Jia? Fu Luojia stays with his mother every day, but he is not in good spirits, a little listless... A child can get bored easily if he can't go out to play. Ah, you still want to come over?"

He came to the smoking room, poured the water from the vacuum flask into the sink, bent over and vomited for a while.He reached out to touch the knife, but he couldn't find the knife for a while, but he felt something soft and small.

He takes it out.

That plush pendant called Connie the Rabbit.

"Why are you in a daze, don't smoke and don't keep standing here blocking the way." Someone urged him.

He glanced at the man and stood there without moving.He looked for another in his pocket, but all he found was a knife.

He felt a sudden revulsion.

He threw the knife into the trash can with his backhand.