howl brilliant

Is it because we are at the gate of the police station, five empty cars passed by in front of us, I didn’t stop for another step, I had no choice but to drag Li Xiao forward, until I reached the intersection, and then turned a corner After finally getting a taxi, the master glanced at Li Xiao who was drunk, and said disgustedly: "Don't spit in my car, what are you drinking in broad daylight, really?"

I'm almost tired, so I don't care about it at this time, I can only say hello to him nicely, "No, thank you, master"

After finally returning to Li Xiao’s residence, when I opened the door, everything in front of me nearly collapsed. There was no place to sit in the living room, wine bottles and garbage were everywhere, and the bedroom was even more messy. Two empty bowls, and God knows what was left of the oil stains in the bowls, I just felt my temples twitching, sighed, first lifted the whole sheet to the ground, helped the drunk man to bed, opened the closet, and took out the Cover him with a blanket first, then roll up your sleeves, and prepare to clean the place first.

"Don't go!" I just stood up when Li Xiao, who had his eyes closed, suddenly opened them and took my hand. It was really indescribably pitiful.

"I didn't leave, your place is too messy, I'll clean it up for you"

"No, it's just a mess"

I've never seen such a naive and vexatious Li Xiao, and I couldn't laugh or cry for a while: "Okay, sleep with you, I'll come back with you, I won't run away, I'll clean up and cook something for you"

"I don't want to eat it, it's useless to eat it" He muttered and even buried his head in the bed sheet, I couldn't help laughing at his behavior, take your time, I thought, I patted him shoulders, stand up and start doing coolies.

After cleaning up the house, I threw two big bags of garbage downstairs. I looked at my watch and it was past five o'clock. I took out my mobile phone and pulled it out for my mother before entering the door.

"Are you home soon?" My mother answered the phone and asked the first sentence.

"No, Mom." I thought about it for a while, and decided to tell the truth: "Mom, Li Xiao is back, and I'm at his house now. He seems to be sick. It may be bowel cancer, but it hasn't been diagnosed yet. He's depressed now. So I will accompany him, and I will not go home today, and I should accompany him to the hospital for another examination tomorrow."

"Oh...then...well then, be careful yourself, if you need help, just call me" My mother hesitated to speak on the other end of the phone, but she finally hung up without saying anything The phone call, I thought for a moment that she should know about my relationship with Li Xiao, but this is all my guess after all, and to be honest with the current situation, I can’t take that much into consideration for the time being, so I can only take one step at a time Bar.

After I called my mother, I called our manager and asked for three days off. The reason is that a relative in my family is sick and needs to be taken care of in the hospital. It is the middle of the month and the bill is not too much. She agreed. It's also refreshing.

When I got back to the room, Li Xiao was still asleep, and I could hear a low snoring sound. It seemed that he hadn't slept well for several days. I walked to him, sat down on the chair, and looked at his face covering his eyebrows. Fragmented hair and shadows under the corners of the eyes made it hard to wake him up.

This night, Li Xiao didn't wake up, and even missed dinner. I found some things at his house to pad my stomach, and fell asleep alive.

In the middle of the night, I seemed to hear a voice in a daze. I opened my eyes and looked around in a daze. Li Xiao was not there. I sat up from the bed and saw a light in the toilet. I was a little worried about Li Xiao. Put on your slippers and go to the toilet.

The door of the toilet was ajar, and there was the sound of running water inside. I gently opened the door, and Li Xiao was sitting on the floor with his hand on the toilet, crying.

"What's the matter?" I walked in, looked around, and finally found a little blood in the toilet, and there was a smell that hadn't dissipated around. I guess it was not long after Li Xiao went to the toilet, and he found blood in his stool Okay, although I don't know much about bowel cancer, I still have some basic common sense. I've heard that patients with stomach bleeding will have blood in the stool, so it shouldn't be surprising that the stool is bloody if the intestines are sick.

When Li Xiao saw me coming in, he was obviously extremely embarrassed. He said, "It's okay, let's go out." His tone was a bit stiff because of his current state.

But I knew he didn't do this because he was angry, so I squatted down in front of him and asked him, "Can you stand up?" I stretched out my hand and pulled him, "Let's talk after we get out."

"Get out!" He was suddenly very angry and yelled at me, but then he softened: "You go out first, I'm fine"

"Get up if you have nothing to do, isn't it cold to sit here?"

When I reached out to help him again, he didn't get angry again, he stood up with my strength, staggered and walked out, I helped him to the sofa, poured him a cup of hot water in the kitchen, and asked him: "Hungry?" Well, I still have some noodles at home, would you like to order some for me?”

"No" He sat on the sofa, I could see that he was very depressed, and he was not willing to communicate with me, he didn't even look at me.

"You go," he said after a while.

I sat down on the sofa next to him and asked him, "Where are we going? Do you want me to sleep on the street in the middle of the night?"

"You know what I mean" he said.

"I don't know" I said, "Why did you call me?"

"I'm drunk, I'm sorry, I won't be anymore"

"But I have been influenced by you, what do you think, can I go home now as if nothing happened?"

"What's wrong, we have been separated for several years"

"Well, you are right, then why do you still come to me, full of food?"

"Yeah, I'm full, just don't bother me." He got angry again, stood up and walked to the bedroom.

I didn't follow in right away, but continued to sit in the living room. I was thinking about why we had a quarrel while we were talking. How can we have a good talk with Li Xiao again? How did we do it when we quarreled before? ?

I recalled the past, and suddenly found that apart from the few quarrels that caused us to disagree, he was the one who bowed his head to coax me first, overbearing, gentle, and rogue, thinking about it, the corners of my mouth were unconscious raised up.

I stood in and walked into the bedroom. Li Xiao was sitting on the edge of the bed and looking out the window. His hair was messed up by him again. I walked over and held his hand in it. He wanted to break free, but I didn't let him succeed. .

"Your medical certificate, how many hospitals were diagnosed?"

He ignored me, and I continued: "Generally, this kind of serious disease can only be counted if it is diagnosed by three hospitals, and the cure rate of intestinal cancer is not as high as that of lung cancer and lymphoma. I have a relative who has this disease. I see him I am living well now, and I haven’t reached the worst situation yet, so why are you reacting so much?”

He turned his head to look at me, and I said, "I thought you wouldn't come back, after all, even if you did that, a normal marriage, a life of power and money is always very attractive to ordinary people Yes, so I came back at that time, this is a way for me to protect myself, it can be obvious that the Li Xiao I know is not an ordinary person." I sat down and hugged him: "You are an ordinary person, and you are really I came back, so your will is more than ordinary people, so why give up so easily, go to the hospital again, listen to what the doctor says, even if everything is really bad, it is not really irreparable , that’s really not sure, isn’t it?”

We looked at each other and could see the pain in each other's eyes. . .

After a long time, Li Xiao finally stopped being excited. He nodded, and I heard his choked voice rang in my ears, and he said, "Okay...ok...listen to you"

The next day, I accompanied Li Xiao to two tertiary hospitals for examinations, both of which were specialist outpatient clinics. Li Xiao did not appear overly agitated since that day, and he accepted various examinations calmly. We were told that Get the report in three days.

We spent two days in the two hospitals. To be honest, I was really tired to see a doctor. There were huge crowds of people waiting in line. What we saw was a specialist clinic, and there was almost no number. Everyone feels exhausted, let alone Li Xiao. After finishing everything the next day, when I got home, I was too tired to move, but I couldn’t do without food. Even if I didn’t eat, Li Xiao still had to eat. I opened the On the mobile phone, I ordered a few Hong Kong-style side dishes and fish porridge. He can't eat too much oil now, and light side dishes and porridge should be good choices.

I asked him, "Is there anything else you would like to eat in particular?"

He shook his head: "Look at it, I have no appetite"

After I placed the order, I sat next to him and found that he had a low fever: "You have a fever, why didn't you tell me?"

He still shook his head: "I caught a cold two days ago, it doesn't matter, my stomach is not feeling well, I always want to defecate, but I probably can't do anything"

"Why don't you try it, maybe there is"

"No, I tried it." The physical reaction made Li Xiao's mood very depressed. Although the report did not come out, I think he should know it in his heart.

In fact, I also know it in my heart. The previous medical certificate is very clear. Even if different hospitals may give different results, it is basically based on the severity of the disease and the treatment method. The conclusion of cancer should not be too big. access.

"Eat more when the food comes, you have to eat so that your body will have strength"

He turned to look at me, smiled tiredly, and said, "I know"

After losing weight, Li Xiao only ate half of it: "I'm going to lie down for a while, I'll put this down for now, and I'll eat when I get up."

"Okay" I gave him a tissue, stood up and poured the porridge from the plastic box into a bowl, covered it and put it in the kitchen. When I came out of the kitchen, I found that Li Xiao had already lay on the bed.

I took out my mobile phone and searched for information about bowel cancer, and found that Li Xiao’s current condition was indeed similar to symptoms of advanced bowel cancer, such as blood in the stool, abdominal pain, inability to eat, etc. I couldn’t tell what I was feeling right now. He was so miserable, and there was little I could do to help him.

Turn off the phone, I collected all the garbage on the table, went into the room and sat next to Li Xiao, he seemed to be asleep, but he didn't sleep very peacefully, his brows kept frowning, I put my hand on his belly, Rub it up and down for him regularly, he opened his eyes and looked at me in a daze, and I said, "I'm asleep, I'll rub it for you for a while"

He closed his eyes again, and I could feel his body gradually relaxing. He really had been suffering from abdominal pain. I pursed my lips, stopped thinking about it, and concentrated on rubbing his stomach.

After seven o'clock in the evening, I put the hot porridge on the table and went in to wake Li Xiao up: "Get up and have something to eat. How about we go for a walk after eating?"

He nodded, rubbed his eyes and sat down at the dining table to drink porridge one bite at a time. He ate very slowly, and it was obvious that he had no appetite, but he was still eating. I sat next to him and took some appetizers. Pickled cucumbers to him: "Is your stomach still uncomfortable?"

"Fortunately, sleep better," he said.

I asked for two more days off, this time the manager's tone was not very good, but I don't have time to talk to her now, tomorrow is Li Xiao's report day, all I care about right now is that, the one who doesn't do anything Manager, I've done her a very good job by not scolding her.

The next morning, because we both had something on our minds, we both woke up very early. After washing up, we went downstairs to have breakfast. Li Xiao can’t eat greasy things now, so I bought two knife-cut steamed buns and Two cups of soy milk sat in the car to eat.

"You can eat this anyway, you can eat other things" he said looking at the two steamed buns in my hand.

"I haven't eaten it for a long time, it tastes good and very fragrant," I took a bite and replied.

The car drove away not long after. Li Xiao looked out of the window while eating steamed buns. I think he must be worried about the report today. In fact, I am also the same, feeling very uneasy.

When we arrived at the hospital, the registration hadn’t started yet. We first took our medical insurance cards to print out the report form. The pathological section report of the colonoscopy had to be picked up at the nurse’s desk. Li Xiao and I split up. He was waiting at the nurse’s desk, and I queued up for registration. Even in normal times, there are many people seeing a doctor, and there are already people queuing up at the registration window.

It was already half an hour after we got the report, registered and waited in line at the door of the consulting room: "Are you tired?" I asked Li Xiao.

He shook his head and sat outside with me waiting for our number to be called.

After thinking about it, I decided to communicate with him first: "Have you read the report?"

"No." He smiled and said softly, "It's different whether you look at it or not."

I want to tell you not to be so pessimistic. I haven't spoken yet, but Li Xiao continues to say, "I really want to live, but if I have to live without dignity, I'd rather die."

The annunciator has already called Li Xiao's name.

The middle-aged doctor in that specialty was quite responsible, pointing to the pathology report and the color ultrasound analysis in the computer and told us: "His condition is not too bad, at least the tumor has no signs of spreading, but it is not optimistic, you see , now the tumor is almost blocking the normal operation of the intestinal tract, and the surrounding intestinal wall has been necrotic. For this situation, the best treatment is to immediately perform surgery to remove the tumor and the surrounding necrotic intestinal tract. Before that, he had to undergo chemotherapy first, and the operation could only be performed when all indicators were controlled within the normal range.”

I was relieved when I heard it. This is undoubtedly the best ending. I just wanted to say that I should be hospitalized, but I heard Li Xiao ask the doctor: "Does the operation only need to remove the necrotic intestinal wall and tumor?"

The doctor looked at it and shook his head: "No, the location of your tumor is not very good, it is very close to the vagina, if you want to ensure the completion of the operation without sequelae, the safest way is to remove the tumor together, otherwise it will be easy to get rid of it. If the necrotic tissue is not completely removed after surgery and spreads, the possibility of death is very high.”

"What?" I was a little dazed, and asked stupidly, "Then why... Excretion?"

"Artificial diarrhoea, in the abdomen, connected to the rectum, external diarrhoea, replaced regularly"

That's what Li Xiao said just now. The diagnosis result of his last hospital must be the same. That's why he was so depressed, thinking that he had no way out.

"Go back and think about it first. If you want to be hospitalized and start treatment, come to me. I will issue a hospitalization order for you. I suggest you hurry up. All cancers will develop faster in the middle and late stages, and don't delay until they are incurable."

Li Xiao and I were sitting in the hospital lobby where people were coming and going. He was holding medical records and reports in his hands. I wanted to say something to comfort him, but what to say, I thought it was false, but I didn’t say anything. It's even more strange. Keeping silent is not the answer. "There is another hospital report, can I get it?"

"No, it's all the same." He stood up, frowning slightly: "Going home, tossing all morning, tired"

We took a taxi home, but Li Xiao didn't say a word. When we got home, I asked him, "What do you want for lunch?"

He threw his coat on the sofa, ignored me, and entered the room. He refused to communicate with me again.

I followed him into the room. When Li Xiao heard the sound, his body that was lying flat turned his back to me. I couldn't force him too much in this state, so I had to sit down on the other side of the bed: "I will I want to go home and get some clothes for a change of clothes, and I have to tell my mother."

Li Xiao lay on the bed and did not speak, I continued: "Then I will go to the company to deal with some matters, and I will resign by the way. I will order takeaway for you later for lunch, and I will cook something for you when I come back tonight. Do you have any special cravings?" something?"

"You go home, don't come here, don't resign"

"I ordered takeaway and am about to leave the house, call me if you have something to do"

He stopped talking again, I waited for a while, sighed and left the room, and closed the door for him by the way.

I went out after the food was delivered. One or two o'clock in the afternoon is when the sun is the warmest. It is very comfortable for people, but my mood can only be filled with sorrow. My parents don't know how they will react. Even if I resign, it should be a month earlier. I haven't handed it over yet, but under the current situation, I can't afford to delay it for a month. I promised Li Xiao to go back to have dinner, but in fact, it is very important for me to get one thing done this afternoon. very good already.

I still decided to go home first, hoping that my dad would not be at home. To be honest, I was really afraid that he would kick me out if he got mad, and I always felt guilty about the matter with Li Xiao, partly because I was afraid that he would not understand me. sexual orientation, but more because I ran away with Li Xiao in the past, and I have no reason to talk about this matter.

I came home with a nervous mood, and as soon as I opened the door, I saw my dad reading the newspaper on the sofa. Today is Friday, and my dad is off on Friday and Saturday. I can only complain in my heart, God is going to kill me, hey. . .

When my dad saw me coming back, he took off his reading glasses, put down the newspaper, and said, "You don't look well, do you want your mom to cook something for you?"

"No, no need" I haven't eaten lunch yet, but I don't have any appetite now: "Actually... I have something to tell you." Now I have to bite the bullet and make a quick decision.

I called my mother out of the room, she was playing games, she was still in high spirits, I said I have something to say, she stared at the screen and replied: "Wait until I finish this game son"

I made a cup of tea for my parents, and then sat down opposite them, thinking about how to tell them, whether I should also tell them about my resignation, although the promise I swore before is the key Always put the wishes of my parents first, but the fact is that even if they can't understand and agree with my behavior now, I can't ignore Li Xiao. I feel uncomfortable and entangled with my thoughts, but I still can't Never disappoint them again.

When my mother came out, she saw scented tea on the coffee table, and said jokingly, "Son, what are you doing? What happened? Mom, I am old, but I can't stand it."

"Mom, sit down quickly." I can't stand her teasing now. If it wasn't for Li Xiao still waiting for me, I guess I would have to wait for a while.

"I..." I held my hand, felt the palms sweat slightly, and gave myself a sigh of relief in my heart. I looked up at my parents: "Li Xiao was diagnosed with stage III rectal cancer, and the doctor said Needs chemotherapy, eventually surgery should save his life, he has no relatives around him, so I want to move there to take care of him, maybe...maybe I will quit my job during this time, I know I do...not good, but now I I'm an adult now, and I'm sure I can take responsibility for my own actions, you are my parents, I value you and I love you, so no matter what you think of me after knowing this, I I don't want to hide from you, I don't want to leave like before, I'm really sorry, I... I'm sorry for you"

I tried to look directly at them, even though I was very flustered, I had to face it, I told myself, my dad stood up slowly, my heart rose to my throat, I was afraid that he would die in the next second He would rush up and whip me, then throw me out by the collar like before.

But no, he just stood up slowly, didn't say anything, turned around and walked towards the balcony, after a while, I heard the sound of a lighter, I was very sad, if he could be as angry as before, maybe I would be better off point, but now he doesn't say anything to me, because he is so speechless about my behavior that he doesn't even want to look at me.

I really want to disappear here immediately, but I can't, I looked at my mother and told her: "I'll go in and pack some clothes." I couldn't help touching my heart, Fang Can, you heartless bastard!

I found a backpack, took a few sets of laundry pants, stuffed them all in the bag and it took less than 13 minutes to make up, but I don't want to just go, my parents, although I still want to make them sad, but I didn't want to just leave, I sat down on a chair and thought about what else I could say to them.

There was a knock on the door outside, and then my mother came in, and I stood up immediately, feeling flattered.

"Is everything packed?" she asked.

"Yes... yes" I grabbed my backpack and wanted to smile, but I couldn't control my facial expressions. After I finished my decision, my mother's attitude was still so calm. I don't know what she thinks Yes, I want to say sorry to her, I always do wrong things, but a few simple words are not enough to express my apology to them.

Mom went to the table and sat down on another chair: "Come on, son, do you have time to talk to mom before you go?"

"Of course" I sat down beside her.

"Is Li Xiao's condition very serious?"

"Yes"

I briefly explained Li Xiao's condition, including his attitude of refusing to receive treatment. After hearing this, my mother sighed softly and did not speak.

"But sooner or later an operation will be needed, if that's the only way for him to save his life." I lowered my head, trying not to let my mother discover some negative emotions in my heart.

Mom smiled: "Then you have to show your patience, but my son has always been kind and considerate of others, and Li Xiao can feel it when he thinks about it, I believe he will make the right choice for you, Can you send me your address later?"

I looked up at her, and she looked at me tenderly and continued: "Mom recently learned several recipes for health-preserving porridge. I originally wanted to make it for your father. Although his work is not very tiring, we are all old. Now, I need to take good care of my body. Now I can cook a little more and send it to you. To be honest, my mother can’t praise your cooking skills.”

"Mom" I don't know what to say, did I not explain my relationship with Li Xiao clearly, I can't believe she doesn't mind at all.

"Mom... Li Xiao and I, I mean, he and I are..." I tried to find a suitable word.

"Mom knows, you are a couple." She looked at me and said it very calmly.

I was surprised and guilty: "I'm sorry," I said.

"Why do you have to apologize, son, mom knows, it's not your fault, you didn't mean to do this," she said.

Seeing my mother say these words sincerely, I was really moved and warm indescribably: "Mom" I leaned over to hug her, held her tightly in my arms, and was so excited that I almost shed tears.

"Do you still remember the time you came back? On the morning you left, Li Xiao came to see me. He told me many things, including the relationship between you. To be honest, I couldn't accept it at first. When I thought about my only It is impossible for my son to have a normal marriage and children of his own in the future, and my mother feels unspeakable pain in her heart, but these pains are nothing compared to losing you forever. You have never been rebellious since you were a child, so that Running away once made my mother panic. Later, when I found out about you and Li Xiao, thinking about it carefully, you must have endured a lot of pressure and dared not speak out, so you chose to leave the book and run away. After that, mother has always been Paying attention to this aspect, I gradually began to understand your helplessness and bewilderment at that time, and I also realized that the relationship between you and Li Xiao has nothing to do with right or wrong, and it is not a psychological reason. Concept, sincerely accept you”

My mother and I looked at each other, her eyes were full of tears, and she lovingly stroked my cheek: "You have come back this time, the changes are really great, and my mother is very... happy, you have become so mature, so mature Filial piety, so patient, and so considerate of my family, I thought at the time, it doesn’t matter, my son is already perfect, so perfect that even if you can’t get married for the rest of your life, and you can’t have your own next generation, I don’t think it’s okay. Mom doesn’t want to Forcing you to do anything you don't want to do, can you understand me, son, mother is very grateful now, because my son is so good"

"I'm not as good as you said" I said, my mother's words made me ashamed, not because I was really so good, but because my mother embraced me unconditionally: "I love you, mother" I choked up softly said.

"I love you too, son"

My heart calmed down again. Even though the road ahead would not be easy, I was not so anxious anymore. I asked her, "Does Dad know too?"

"You should know, although we haven't talked about this issue, but he is not stupid." My mother shrugged: "Don't worry, if he doesn't say anything, it means he accepts it. You know, your dad is a boring gourd."

I smiled: "Indeed"

My mother stood up: "Let's go, do you have something else to do? Or are you going to Li Xiao's place directly?"

"I have to go back to the company first and hand in the resignation report," I said.

"Okay, you go, remember to send me the address"

"Okay" my mother sent me out the door: "Mom, thank you"

"You're welcome, my son" my mother replied with a smile.

"I'm leaving"

"Okay oh yeah son" I turned around and my mom said "I'll call you before I come"

"Okay, if it's convenient, can I let you know after appeasing Li Xiao first? In fact, Li Xiao's mood has been unstable recently. I'm afraid he... think too much"

"Okay Cancan, if you have any difficulties, call mom"

"Okay" I nodded, turned and left the house.

I didn't look back until I was sure that I had walked a long way. Under the sun, my house stood there quietly. Although the balcony of my house could not be seen, the scene of my mother and father living at home seemed Right in front of my eyes, my heart was full of emotions for a moment, and tears flowed down silently.

Wipe away my tears quickly, I have to go to the company later, my eyes are swollen from crying, it’s really ugly, I took out a tissue and wiped away my tears.When I arrived at the company, Manager Lu was not there. Liu Qingqing said that she was going to report to the boss. She and the cashier were the only ones in the office, and the other one was out. There were no outsiders. She closed the door of the financial room and said, "Please For several days, she complained in the office, you'd better coax her, or be careful that she will play with you at the end of the year."

I rolled my eyes: "I'm about to resign, I don't bother to talk to her"

"Why?" Liu Qingqing and Xiao Zhu were very surprised.

I deliberated and decided to tell the truth. I briefly talked about Li Xiao and I's affairs, and also briefly talked about Li Xiao's condition. Xiao Zhu was very surprised, but Liu Qingqing remained silent.

"No wonder you are not married until now. I introduced you to Tai Chi. We are still discussing why in private," Xiao Zhu said.

I smiled and didn't say anything.

"Is your boyfriend in a bad situation now?" Liu Qingqing asked.

"No, it shouldn't be the worst yet, but he doesn't have confidence and his mood is relatively low now, I want to be with him"

"En" Liu Qingqing nodded, and then said: "I may be able to help. My husband has a friend whose father is a doctor. I remember that he is in the oncology department. I don't know what to look for, but I think I can help you. , you can try it, our relationship is still relatively close, he should be able to tell you the truth."

"Thank you, Liu Qingqing" Although I don't know if Li Xiao is willing to watch it, I am grateful in my heart. It's just a colleague relationship, and Liu Qingqing is very helpful.

Liu Qingqing shook her head and said regretfully, "You're welcome. I don't know if I can help you. You have done a lot of overtime for me. I haven't thanked you very much. I thought I would be a colleague for a long time, but you see , who knows, you're leaving"

"Let's go out to eat all the time in the future," Xiao Zhu said.

"Okay, when our family gets better, I'll treat you to dinner," I said.

Liu Qingqing wanted to continue talking, but when Manager Lu came in, she was also surprised to see me: "Hey, why are you here, don't you have to invite me for two more days?"

"Manager Lu, I have something to ask you, can I go to your office to talk?"