The abyss is insurmountable

That place is 12 kilometers away from the French island of Corsica in the north and 200 kilometers away from the coast of Africa in the south.

It's winter, but it's sunny and warm here.

When the plane landed, it was already dusk, and the slanting sunset lowered from the side of the sea, leaving only the bright golden light as the ending.

This whole night, I sat on a bench in the park, quietly waiting for the sunset, and then quietly waiting for the dawn.

I look at this romantic and artistic country, even the weather is such a comfortable temperature.If the white clouds do not come, the quiet, blue sky is the mirror image of the sea; if the white clouds come over, it will be a changing watercolor, dotted with free birds, and become a warm December sky.

The sea breeze at night blows the people who are leisurely returning late on the land, bringing salty and sweet breath and humidity.

The girl with blond hair and red lips, and the lover with brown eyes, whispering softly, hugging and kissing each other when the love is strong, as if there is no one around.

If I hadn't been so domineering, would I have been like him, happiness beyond the eyes of others?

Looking at the backs of the lovers going away, I smiled and shook my head.

Perhaps only that bench knows how many things I thought about that night, lamenting over and over again that ten years are just a flick of a finger, but it is a pity that the years cannot be emptied and restarted.Yu Yuan's face seems to be within my reach, but I still don't know what posture to use to start our prologue.

The moonlight all night, as gentle as water, envelops me, attracts me, and drives away all my tiredness.In a trance, the moonlight is slanting, silver waves layer upon layer, and the stars are shifting, and it is already dawn.

When the warm golden sun sprinkled on my face again, I was in a daze for a while.

Is it because of being with him that even the heartbeat has become extraordinarily distant?

At about ten o'clock in the morning, I took Xiaoyuan's photo and knocked on the door of that family.

"Bonjour, Monsieur. Peut-on-parler dequelque chosesurle?"

Hannibal was a French man a little older than me.The black-brown hair was combed back casually, on both sides of the tall nose bridge, those deep eyes looked at me, with an inexplicable sense of oppression.

Out of good upbringing, he let me sit in his yard grandiosely, and even drank coffee.And because of my son's nature, I also accepted it unceremoniously, and once the story between Yu Yuan and I was told, it would be endless.

Hannibal has always maintained a calm posture and listened patiently to my speech.

My story started when I first met him ten years ago, and if I accidentally told it all, it was a long and heavy ten years.

Hannibal would occasionally ask some strange questions, and I would get unimaginable answers.He even laughed for my laugh and cried for my cry.

Oh god, that's a stupid middle-aged man, isn't he?

If I were him, I would pretend that I didn't know who Yu Yuan was. Anyway, if I broke into a private house, he could arrest me and send me back.

But Hannibal didn't.

He took me and opened the mottled door, with a dull breath, together with the guilt deeply buried in my heart, he rushed to me and kidnapped me, making me unable to rest my mind.

I couldn't help but want to go forward, to take a good look at his appearance, and kiss the traces of the years - none of us had a good life in these years.

But Hannibal held me back and didn't allow me to make a sound. I didn't hold back my anger until I was dragged to his courtyard, and I shook off his restraint.

He raised his hands, apologetic between his brows, and said in a hoarse voice: "Sir, I didn't mean to block you, but... Mr. Yu Yuan really can't accept excessive stimulation."

"Including me?" I smiled instead of anger.

"Yes, including you."

I'm really vulgar.And he was a born artist.

He could be alone and alone for the rest of his life that he wanted, but I couldn't control my cheap desire for him.

I can't face him across the sea and be at peace with each other.I want crude physical contact, I want to hold him in my arms, melt into my blood.

He gave me a distant look, then closed the window.

I stood there for four hours, and he never opened the window again, nor did he come downstairs to look at me.

Just now, we lit two cigarettes and were relatively silent.

Hannibal hesitated to speak for a long time, but finally he seemed to accept his fate and told me a lot.

On that Christmas Eve, Yu Yuan was penniless, wandering for a long time, and finally stood in front of him.Hannibal originally thought he was a tramp, he looked young and fair, so Hannibal somehow took him home by some strange circumstance and spent Christmas.

He said that at that time, he felt that Yu Yuan was shy and not good at speaking, and he would only respond when he had to talk to him several times.I am not afraid of pain, and I don't move very much. It looks... like I have a mental retardation.Hannibal was disappointed by this, and didn't know how to drive him away.

Until—he slipped into Hannibal's studio and picked up his paintbrush.From that moment on, Hannibal felt that perhaps this studio was originally intended to meet him.What he has done in half his life is the foil of his romanticism.That's all.

Seeing such a shocking work, Hannibal realized that it was not that the god of fate was too mean to him, but that he was too attached to him, which made his talent incompatible with all the people in this world.No one understands him, so he has no choice but to live on his own lonely planet, and it will be difficult to return.

... That is to say, when he saw Yu Yuan, he was already autistic.

At this moment, in the small courtyard where I am standing, under the damp winter wind, I think of the words I said to him, the words that hurt him so much.At that moment, I completely realized that he has been enduring too much malice from this world, and he is a sensitive boy himself.

This is how the world is to me, whether it is dirty or sinister, at least I can deal with it with ease.But he couldn't stand it, he couldn't imagine why other people would treat him like this, the world was too complicated for him, and he would never know how to survive.

He once entrusted me with the hope of pulling him out of the abyss, but I chose to make him my accessory.

He once took out his heart full of scars and offered it, but it was still crushed and thrown away by the world.

Maybe he will continue to be gentle and loving again, but this time, it is his turn to keep all these to himself, so he chooses to stay in his own world, not to be disturbed by malice and pain anymore.

—Even when I had made up my mind to meet him, even when I was already on the plane to Italy, even when I was standing in front of the front yard of this villa, I was not aware of it so clearly.

He was so cautious, groping and groping to survive, like walking a tightrope on a cliff, no matter how tired he was, he had to go on bravely. Even so, there were still people who teased him as a clown, regardless of whether he was under the body or not. Rope net pocket bottom.

I even said such cruel words to him - then don't see you again.Never see you again.

But until now, no amount of compensation can make up for it.I don't even have the confidence that he can accept me again, but I know clearly that his today is almost all thanks to me.

If I had given him enough kindness, he would not be so clumsy and self-closing, which made my heart ache.

My beating heart told me to want different results.

As kind and pure as he is, he must get better and wait with his heart until the world owes him his kindness and tenderness.If he never gets better in his life, I am willing to repay the debt owed by the world and me, no matter what, keep him safe and happy, and have no worries in his life.

Now that I have seen Yu Yuan again, I will not say goodbye to him easily.