Continuation of "Gone with the Wind"

Chapter 110 Relationship Repair

Deason traveled much faster than usual today.Although he had prepared for a long time, he didn't expect that socializing outside of official business would be so troublesome. He even forgot to call someone to inform Lan Li that he couldn't go back to eat at noon. Although he was sure that she would not wait for him, the habit of many years suddenly disappeared. It always feels weird.I hope Lanli didn't find it strange. She should still be waiting for news from Scarlett, but it's so late... I don't know if she will wait forever, he hopes she won't, after all, she is doing it for Scarlett these days She is busy enough, and she cares more about other people's affairs than herself. Although he appreciates her helpful spirit, he feels sorry for her.Although she was not even willing to accept his kindness, his concern for her has never changed.But when he really saw the lights that were still on at home, he felt a sudden excitement, like a gust of wind coming towards him in this scorching summer.

Yesterday should be regarded as an important turning point in the relationship between the two of them.With little hope, he took the opportunity of helping Scarlett to confess his feelings for her to her. It was almost a desperate attempt. He did not expect that God really heard his heart. He originally thought that when Lanli was about to leave, he She was about to collapse, almost unable to control her urge to force her into her arms and not let her go, but she made it very clear to herself that she wouldn't go, even though she didn't tell herself how long she would stay, But this is already a great favor to him.At that time, he suddenly remembered Napoleon's famous saying "God is on the side of the strongest army" he had heard when he was in the military academy, but when it comes to love, it should be the other way around.In the past, his attitude towards Lanli has always been restrained, even reverent, and he has a reason for doing so. She was the one who supported him through his most difficult time, and she was his goddess.He always felt that he owed her, and of course it wasn't about her cousin's matter. He probably didn't think it was a big deal on his side. After all, the war between the north and the south was for their own interests. Interests don't distinguish between justice and injustice. But she didn't understand these things, he said everything in the hope that she could understand his choice, but he chose the wrong time and said it when he was transferred, what he thought at the time was because he arrived A new place where you think you can have a new beginning, so you want to make an end to all the past?He didn't want to lie to her, but the truth hit her even harder. She misunderstood him too deeply. He wanted to explain but couldn't let go of his arrogance. It was not so much the truth he told that made Lan Li decide to leave. Rather, it was the indifference and indifference in his words when he spoke. In her eyes at that time, he was undoubtedly a cold-blooded person.He hoped that she would be reasonable to him, and she hoped that he would take her feelings into consideration; she was such a person with such rich feelings, but he was not good at expressing his feelings by nature, as if they should not be together.But whether such a thing should be done or not, no one has the final say.He just met her, fell in love with her, lost her, and now, met her again.I should really thank God, oh, no, I should thank Rhett.

Dison didn't realize that what he was thinking was useless. When he realized it, he had already stepped into the living room and came directly to Lanli.Although he was a little embarrassed by the tension that could not be eliminated in his heart, the necessary etiquette was still indispensable.When he took off his hat and bowed, he looked at Lan Li. He couldn't see what she was thinking from the expression alone, but he still noticed the manuscript in her hand, and he understood it somewhat. She should have seen the back.When she left, she only left herself the gold coins that she had borrowed, not even a word, which meant that the money relationship between them was cleared up, or she thought there was only money relationship between them.She took the jewels with her, and so did the Stoke family history, the manuscript he'd had to get out of a pile of tiles when he went to Savannah after the war.But she forgot about the part of the travel notes in the north, or she left it on purpose so that she would not think about the north in the future.Looking at the empty home at that time, he had to admit that he was really angry, and it is not an exaggeration to describe it as anger, but Disson, who gradually calmed down under Kevin's persuasion, finally accepted the reality.He had tried sending someone to look for him or himself, but the result was the same, because she would not let him find her so easily.Life in San Francisco was very difficult in those years. Two women had abandoned him one after another. The first time was a trick of fate, and the second time was a spiritual barrier. Very failed.During that time, he rejected many girls from good families introduced by his uncle and aunt, and he didn't even go to the bar. He usually only read the travel notes left by Lanli's father, presumably to understand the southerners' views on the north.As for the following text, it was written by Lan Li's lingering ex-husband about self-perception during the march. He found it from him and counted it as his own trophy, and later bound it together with Lan Li's father's notes.After reading it, he made more annotations with red pen than the original text. Kevin laughed at him as a childish childish behavior, but what he wrote was his own true feelings.I really can't figure out how she would marry this kind of person in the first place. She has no masculinity at all. The marching diary is written like a love letter of a young girl Sichun. It's okay to write one or two occasionally, but he does this every time, clearly saying that he "" Painful to be away from my dear wife, every time I look at her picture, I fall into overwhelming self-blame for my powerlessness", "I want to love her, but now I can't Do it. I'm supposed to fight but I'm scared to death every time I shoot a gun. I'm an incompetent coward, but I do love her and the beautiful land of Savannah. I want to get out of this shit Go back to her side." These words made him really not regret the shot he fired at him. For a half-hearted person like him who said he loved the south and his hometown but was afraid of war, he was shot. It's a matter of time.But these diaries are not without benefits. At least he once thought that men in the south were all sissies, so he wouldn't worry that Lanli would find another authentic southern stepdad for Angela.

"sorry."

"I'm sorry." Their first conversation embarrassed Lan Li.But Dison looked at her, not so embarrassed.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting so late, I forgot today—" Disen wanted to explain, but was interrupted by Lanli.

"Ah, that's nothing." Lan Li said hastily.She didn't know what was wrong, but her excited mood just now cooled down and gradually calmed down.

"I really didn't expect that the lights are still on at home." It's really rare for Disson to look stiff, but it looks interesting to Lan Li. "I thought you and Mrs. Butler were still practicing."

"Scarlett is already asleep." Lan Li's expression gradually became normal, "I want to wait for you to come back." Seeing Disson's expression from walking on thin ice to unbelievable, she suddenly had the courage to say these words . "After all, you've been waiting for me for so long."

"So, you want to make amends to me now?" To Lanli's surprise, Disen's expression was a little weird.

"Yes." Lan Li replied cautiously, for fear that he would get angry.But she didn't know why he was angry, and what was even more strange was that she was still afraid of his expression.

"Then let me tell you the truth, I don't care." When Disen spoke, his eyes were fixed on Lan Li, "You don't owe me anything."

"How could it be?" Lan Li's surprise overshadowed her fear, and she continued, "Scarlett's words made me understand how selfish I was before. I never thought about your feelings, nor did I think about Angela— —”

"What does this have to do with Angela!" Disson's expression had become angry, "Why do you always think about other people? What does this have to do with your relationship with me?"

"Of course it has something to do with it!" Lan Li raised her voice involuntarily, "If it wasn't for Angela, without my ex-husband and your ex-wife, just the two of us, we might be together without any obstacles. But if all of these It does not exist. There is only that war that no one can change. Without it, we would never meet, but it may not be better than today's result. At least no one will die because of our existence. But what happened is Happened, there's no way to act like it didn't happen, I can't pretend I don't care what they do to me, I can't lie to myself that they have nothing to do with me, it's a debt I took on voluntarily, and I have to pay it back. And Angela, I can't watch her grow up ignorantly surrounded by your kindness to her. She must know the true face of things. No matter what she will think of me in the future, this is what I have to do. You can Said that I just live for my own conscience, said that I am selfish, cold, and hurt others under the banner of being good for others, but this is me. I don’t know when it started. Become a different person, and live with you reluctantly. Whether you want to believe it or not, I am really not what you think." Lan Li finished speaking in one breath, tears dripping down uncontrollably, she Finally, he was willing to admit how cowardly he was.She should have seen it clearly long ago, she is such a person, not only wronged herself but also wronged others for some so-called principles, she didn't have the courage to change herself, even if she just promised Scarlett, even for the sake of wanting to be better To love those who love themselves.