as yesterday

After she finished speaking, she was the first to walk out of the ward, Liu Ci remained indifferent.

And Xie Yongyan was a little at a loss, she glanced at Liu Ci, then at Lian Xiaoli who seemed to be smiling on the hospital bed, and suddenly rejoiced that she knew the choice back then.

The two in the ward were even more gloomy, but she finally went out.

He Yu went to find out about Lian Xiaoli's situation, and Xie Yongyan was standing in the corridor.

The environment of the nursing home was good, but it was too quiet, which made people feel panicked. She stood outside, watching He Yu talking to the doctor inside.

He Yu is tall, but not particularly thin. He looks very well-proportioned. In addition, he likes sports very much, and he is full of sunshine.

She doesn't wear a lot in winter, so she just wears a hooded sweater in this kind of weather, just add some fleece and it's done.

Her style of dressing is as lazy as her person, and her father's hatred of her gender when she was a teenager made her always have a kind of rejection of women's clothing.

But this does not affect her character.

When many people saw He Yu for the first time, they would only think that she was a cool girl.

At this age, I still think she is cool. This is the reason why Xie Yongyan likes He Yu the most. Cool senior sister, it makes sense to reject others.

People with a soft heart will always be restrained, and He Yu was caught by that little bit of kindness, but instead fell into a long nightmare.

When did Lian Xiaoli become such a radical person?

He Yu thought about it many times.

She once blamed it on the fire, but later thought that maybe she had thought too shallowly, maybe Lian Xiaoli was such a person herself?

All kinds of things catalyzed her paranoia. Until now, if she doesn't hit the south wall and doesn't look back, she must die to be relieved.

Suicide failed many times, and she was finally sent here. Even if she became this occasional sober look, she was still the same.

Never look back, and never repent.

When she looked at He Yu, there was still fire in her eyes.

It is longing, it is prayer, and there is despair.

"She's in a bad shape."

The doctor said, "The desire to survive is too bad."

He Yu nodded, "I can only watch more closely."

There is no way around this kind of thing. Others will not help her die, and she can't get out by herself. For so many years, she has been so stalemate.

When He Yu came out, Xie Yongyan went up to greet her, saying that Liu Ci had left early and was waiting for her at the parking lot.

He Yu let out a cry.

Xie Yongyan turned her head to look at He Yu, and He Yu pursed her lips tightly. Her appearance was originally more heroic than ordinary girls, and her bones were upright, but her eyebrows and eyes were very similar to He Fengjun's. She was naturally gloomy, and she exuded a kind of vitality when she was not smiling. The breath that people should not enter is quite different from usual.

Back then, Xie Yongyan loved her contrast, her handsomeness when she was silent, and the sunshine when she spoke.

After so many years, He Yu still hasn't changed, but she found her key, and He Yu is still a lonely lock.

"Sister, I didn't expect her to become like this."

Xie Yongyan sighed, they sat and passed by the ward, Lian Xiaoli was being hung up by the nurse, she looked very cooperative, like a normal person.

He Yu watched, "I didn't expect that either."

Her brows were frowned, as if too much melancholy that shouldn't belong to He Yu was mixed in it, making her look aggressive which was contrary to usual.

"It would be nice if I didn't know her back then."

Xie Yongyan opened her eyes wide in surprise.

He Yu is a natural optimist. She is one of the few people surrounded by bereavement and anxiety groups who look forward. Some troubles will not bother her for too long, and she can half-jokingly say that she is reviewing the night before the exam. It's fine if you fail.

The big deal is to retake the exam to comfort Xie Yongyan.

Everyone knows that credits are difficult to earn.

She will not be too nervous even if she fails a subject. She does everything lightly, always calm, and grinning when she is happy, infecting the people around her.

I won't regret it, and I won't say "if so so so so so so".

She seems to be completely disappointed now.

"But no one is wrong."

He Yu smiled self-deprecatingly. Lian Xiaoli's life was still full of gray in comparison. The female teacher who reached out to her in adolescence and ripened her thought that everything would be better when she started again, and a fire burned her down. gave her everything.

The mother died anyway, and the father remarried and ignored her.

He Yu understood her attachment to herself, like a driftwood caught by a person who fell into the sea.

But after all, she is not driftwood, she is just a gust of wind passing through this sea, and after all, she is going to a distant place.

"Your friend, that Miss Liu..." Xie Yongyan was a little hesitant, she put her hands in the pockets of her coat, and made a fist arc.

"Why are you hesitating."

He Yu said.

"She seems to like you."

Xie Yongyan was not polite either, she had let go of her feelings for He Yu long ago, but now it seems that not everyone can be as free and easy as her.

Not everyone can have such an optimistic attitude towards relationships.

For her, He Yu was an experience in her life. She didn't regret it, but others didn't seem to be.

He Yu hummed, "I know now."

She took a deep breath and exhaled it again, a haze appeared on the glass window. He Yu stared at this haze, feeling that everything was absurd like a dream.

What can I do?

She never thought of this possibility.

She and Liu Ci are too close, closeness can erase all ambiguity.

In a sense, she and Liu Ci watched each other grow up, from birth to that year.

She is not sensitive in this aspect by nature, the sensitivity of her youth was all on the collapsed relationship of her parents, she just wanted to protect Hong Lanwen.

But she can't do anything.

The experience of her parents made her hate the family, and even loathe the rigid marriage relationship, but she denied it in front of Hong Lanwen.

She doesn't comment on other people's families, and she herself has no expectations for marriage. She always thinks of her biological father and He Fengjun's vicious criticism.

Just be a boy.

She couldn't do it, and she hated the discrimination.

But after all, she was influenced by the curse-like expectation of this sentence. She likes skirts, but just look at them. She also likes girls' things, but she will put them down after seeing them.

She was tamed, demanding herself as a boy in this discriminatory atmosphere.

But on the one hand, she clearly knows that she is female.

These two different cognitions see each other, and He Yu occasionally feels that they are two people, and she can't even find her real self.

She likes to take care of girls, she will send her close school girls home, she will take care of the juniors after the party, and chat with the new members in the company's team building, she has always demanded herself as a protector.

It was all instilled by He Fengjun since he was a child——

"All men are like this, why aren't you a handlebar?"

Fighting seems to be the privilege of boys, and skirts are the privilege of girls. Everything in the world has a label, and people will naturally recognize it if the price is not clearly marked.

And Liu Ci is her grafting to the girl. She hopes Liu Ci is good, and she must have all Liu Ci that she has.

She was laughed at for being tall, and was criticized for being too boyish in her adolescence. The more she was like this, the better she was for Liu Ci.

Liu Ci is literary and sensible, and she is a good daughter of other people's family in the eyes of adults.

Such Liu Ci, they grew up together, she risked being scolded to wear the dress Hong Lanwen bought for Liu Ci, and she took Liu Ci's hand to buy beautiful little leather shoes.

At that time, He Yu's feet were already very big, and she felt that the clothes were twisted, so she looked at Liu Cichuan.Liu Ci is the other girl, He Yu, whom she expected and praised by everyone.

But Liu Ci was not her after all, her sensibility turned into a responsibility, turned into getting up at five o'clock to cook, turned into taking care of children during holidays, and turned into tutoring Liu Yu with homework.

They are all trapped in the sensible halo given by their parents, like women with bound feet in ancient times, and it is very difficult for them to run.

He Yu thought that he and Liu Ci knew each other best, and their common growth trajectory destined them to be close.

He Yu even arranged Liu Ci into the rest of his life long ago. He had made many assumptions, but he never thought about this possibility.

Liu Ci likes her.

How about Liu Ci, yes, I like her.

This kind of feeling is the most unreliable existence in the world. Once it deviates from love, it will eventually deteriorate.

He Yu was afraid of this kind of thing.

Lian Xiaoli's love is like flowing fire, and the relationship between parents is like a glacier.

Love is ever-changing, but in the end it is a butcher's knife, and the perpetrator and the perpetrator will eventually be dripping with blood.

Just like Xie Yongyan, she just likes He Yu, and she withdraws before reaching love.

Very wise.

"Sister..."

Xie Yongyan kept looking at He Yu, He Yu's body was so ugly, she seemed to pale for a moment, and she understood what made her despair.

He Yu shook his head, "Let's go."

"I made you laugh."

Xie Yongyan: "Don't be too polite."

He Yu sighed, "Otherwise you'll say I'm rude."

Xie Yongyan: "You are very vengeful."

He Yu: "It's okay, I'm stupid and my reaction is very slow."

Xie Yongyan understood what she meant, she shook her head, "Actually, I used to think that you seemed to be afraid of others approaching you."

He Yu: "Is there? I'm the most hands-on person in the courtyard."

Xie Yongyan shook her head, "It's not physical, how should I put it, it's just...you are afraid that others will come in."

Probably because she was not used to speaking so abstractly, Xie Yongyan sighed, she looked at He Yu, "You are a coward."

"It was then, and it is now."

Xie Yongyan could feel He Yu's hesitation back then, she was soft-hearted, if she was held back, Xie Yongyan's unrequited love might have turned positive.

That feeling of falling in love is also unrequited love, and it takes many years to be influenced.

But she is not this kind of giving personality, it is too long and too difficult, not all love is an exchange of equal value, most of them need a long-term contribution from one party, and then move a little bit.

But He Yu also rejected her, she said she didn't love her.

He Yu snorted, "I'm not only a coward, but also a daredevil."

The relationship between Liu Ci and Lian Xiaoli was tense from the very beginning, but she didn't care about it, thinking it was a magnetic field.

After all, she liked to play very much that year, and the twists and turns of ordinary girls did not affect her.

Thinking about it carefully, Liu Ci had already said that she didn't like Lian Xiaoli, she was very concerned, but she didn't say the reason.

It's hard to speak.

He Yu thought, this is too difficult, and at this moment, she understands Liu Ci's scruples very well.

I understand the late night on the street that night, the late night with the taste of skewers, the phrase I hate that she took you away.

Actually, that's what it means.

What I hadn't figured out for so many years, I understood in an instant.

Liu Ci's personality is like this, she will not force, nor will she take the initiative, she is a heavy flower, she will not move when she stays in one place.

If she wants to leave, it is probably because this land is not suitable for her to bloom.

He Yu took a deep breath, she and Xie Yongyan were walking on the trail, it was already completely dark.

Liu Ci was standing beside the car under the street lamp, she was not tall, she was small, leaning against the car, the things in her hands were smoking.

When he got closer, He Yu realized that she was smoking.

Seeing the two of them, Liu Ci nonchalantly threw away the cigarette butt, rolled it over with the sole of his shoe, and pretended to calmly say something.

Only God knows how nervous she is now, the sound of her heartbeat is about to shatter her eardrum, just like the moment when she secretly kissed He Yu that night.