as yesterday

This sentence almost reached Liu Ci's heart.

At this moment, she suddenly realized that she had never thought about this question.

From the moment she realized her feelings for He Yu, she concealed it and dared not face it, but she was secretly unhappy with how close others were to He Yu, and was even jealous of He Yu's kindness to others.

Jealousy, hatred, unwillingness, longing... These emotions were intertwined and intertwined, and in the end they failed to make her brave, but made her more timid.

Does she want to?

Never thought about it.

Don't you want to?

I dare not think about it.

Sorrow in advance, judgment in advance, there are always people who are inherently pessimistic, thinking that they can't do it, that they don't deserve it, that they shouldn't.

Not being straightforward, is the most hated trait of being disconnected, and moving it into a work is an annoying trait that is scolded by readers until the end of the page and said that it does not deserve to exist.

But after all, it is difficult for bystanders to understand this entanglement.

It's not that I don't want to correct it, but it's because of my nature. There are always people who are hit one after another in the world of mortals, but it is difficult to make a little change.

Why should the stone become soft?

Then it is not a stone.

He Yu didn't hear her words clearly, it always takes a little more effort for her to be obedient in this kind of situation, so she let out an ah.

Liu Ci raised his eyes, looked at He Yu with foggy eyes, gritted his teeth and said, "I dare not think about it."

"You, you have always been very timid."

She smiled and shook her head, looking at the skewers she was holding, the smell of meat was wafting, and just smelling it could make people feel spicy.

"Liu Ci, are you afraid that I will break up with you completely?"

He Yu actually couldn't figure it out, "But didn't you mean that when you left?"

Liu Ci took a sip of the soda, the soreness of tears and the smell of the soda made her cheeks ache, making her speech a little hoarse, "I left at the beginning because I felt that you and Lian Xiaoli were inseparable, He Yu, You know my personality, I want to be unique, but since childhood, I have been a substitute."

Growing up is a process of constantly understanding that one is an ordinary person, and Liu Ci understood this truth earlier.It started from not being the only child, from running for the class committee at school, from He Yu's continuous new friends, and when she became an adult, she found substitutes that can be seen everywhere in the world. Without that uniqueness, you will be eliminated immediately.

Her works are her only confidence, and she has continued to prove her existence for so many years.

But the original intention was to vent.

"It's not mine, so I won't force it."

She looked at He Yu, her outline was more distinct than when she was a teenager, the baby fat has faded, and the changes brought about by adulthood are her temperament, which makes her look like an unhappy person.

But she is a writer, and this kind of sadness and loneliness has become her label, which makes the chasers even more fanatical.

"Besides, I guessed what my mother did at that time. It was too sad. Afterwards, I had suspicions for several years. When she said it, I didn't know whether it was pain or relief."

Liu Ci closed her eyes, "I always tell myself not to think about you, but that's too difficult, He Yu."

"Since I was young, you have been the best to me. Every time you are nice to me, I always think what to do if you are not nice to me. Don't laugh at me, I am like this, I hate myself like this, but it is I can’t change it, how should I put it, it’s just... the deep-rooted thoughts that my family planted in me, and there is no such thing as getting something for nothing.”

"Your kindness is something I get for nothing. How can I weigh it and keep you, but as soon as I think of 'I hope you will treat me well for the rest of my life', I start... I start to get scared."

"People will grow up, and the Ah Huang raised by our aunt downstairs will also die. My younger siblings will not be with me for the rest of my life. I don't know what is my own in this life."

He Yu felt pain in her heart when she heard it, she pursed her lips, turned her face away, and looked at Liu Ci again, while Liu Ci was talking, tears rolled out of her eyes, and she didn't know whether the glasses were clouded by tears or by this mandarin duck. The heat from the pot was so smoky that she couldn't see the other person's eyes clearly.

"It's been a long time since I knew I like you..." Liu Ci sniffed, her hair was very soft, not a bit hard like He Yu's. "I panicked at first, I thought I was sick, and I didn't dare to see you during that time."

He Yu snorted, "You hibernated indirectly because of this."

Liu Ci glared at her, but He Yu couldn't see it, "But you are so nervous, you can run a horse with a big heart, you can't find it at all, and I also relaxed."

He Yu let out a feed.

Liu Ci said to herself, she spoke in a hurry, her chin dripped down while drinking water, He Yu took out a piece of paper and gave it to her.

"Actually, when I was determined to leave, apart from hearing Lian Xiaoli confessing to you, it was because of Sister Sijun."

Liu Ci thought of the fire, the two people who hugged each other in the back alley, Shen Sijun's lazy expression, Liu Wensheng's handsome face, and Aunt Liu's burnt face when she was carried out on a stretcher but still kept a strange smile.

"There's no place in this world for that kind of feeling."

Liu Ci paused, "I was so scared at the time, I even felt that I was burned to death by this fire, even though it was mentioned in the news that their bodies were still hugging each other."

"Sister Sijun is so nice, but the adults in Yanxinglong Lane don't like her, saying that she is past the age to get married and still not getting married, saying that she is a monster, maybe she is the mistress of a rich man... It's too ugly It's gone." Liu Ci turned her face away, her throat was sore because of emotion, "Even though this relationship was known by many people because Aunt Liu set fire to it, many people still think that it was Sister Sijun who did something to Brother Wensheng. I kept dreaming about that day, and then I felt a little bit resentful towards Brother Wensheng. Many things in this world seem to be the fault of women, and love is also the same. Women and men are not sexual, but they... what did they do wrong? Woolen cloth?"

He Yu: "Love is right."

Of course she remembered Shen Sijun and Liu Wensheng, and she also remembered the shock she knew.

But there is nothing else but shock, those two people look so well matched, Shen Sijun is beautiful, Liu Wensheng is handsome, He Yu saw them talking more than once, he didn't pay attention to it before, but when he thought about it after knowing it, he found that he In fact, I have seen it with my own eyes.

Witnessing the way Liu Wensheng looked at Shen Sijun, she was afraid of love, but she could still feel that kind of beauty.

"But they are right, but they are still stigmatized and become the talk of others after dinner."

Liu Ci raised his eyes and looked at He Yu, "I was so scared at the time, I was afraid that I would end up liking you to such an extent that it would hurt you, so I might as well just let it go and leave. If I don't see you, I will forget it and let it go." Get over yourself."

He Yu sighed, "The only way you let yourself go is by staying up all night, rushing to draft, and turning day and night upside down?"

"Liu Ci, you're not a person who doesn't know how to take care of yourself. You're obviously wasting yourself. You say you love me, but you're in so much pain, I can't take it easy."

"I know!"

Liu Ci said loudly, her tears slid down her cheeks, "So I dare not say it, I don't want to be your burden, but I am very greedy, and I don't want you to be with others, to be a friend who has no one in my life, Would it be better?"

Her pain almost spread to her face, this great sadness hit He Yu directly, He Yu looked at Liu Ci, she didn't know why love turned into torture.

Torture others, or torture yourself.

"But it's too late, Liu Ci, I know, that's why I'm asking you that."

He Yu grabbed Liu Ci's hand, and Liu Ci's whole body trembled. Fortunately, it was too noisy here, and no one noticed their conversation.

"I don't know...I really don't know, I don't want to force you, and I don't want to..."

Liu Ci bit her lip, everyone looked ugly when she was crying, she looked at He Yu, He Yu rarely saw Liu Ci like this, Liu Ci was a person who even cried quietly.

Liu Ci with such a hoarse tone is too sad.

"Then don't think about it, I won't eat you again."

He Yu wiped away her tears, "You just like empathy too much, it's better to be selfish, it will make you happier."

The two of them didn't taste much of the meal, and when they went back, He Yu bought some popsicles and iced Liu Ci's face.

"Are you happy, the little snowman will steam your face."

Liu Ci sat silently in the co-pilot.

He Yu let out a sigh, and turned on the car music, "Let's go back first, you look like you are dying, don't be too nervous, are you afraid I will drive you out?"

She was still in a good mood.

"He Yu, stop pretending."

Liu Ci held the ice cream in his hand, covered his eyes and said.

He Yu: "At least give me some time to think about it, I suddenly feel like I'm a heartthrob."

While driving, she sighed, "What is your behavior now? I treat you as a friend and you want to sleep with me."

Liu Ci: "I didn't think..."

I thought about it, a long time ago.

Her suspicious pause made He Yu laugh, "I really thought about it, I slept with you before our relationship, and you really want to sleep like me?"

In fact, as Lian Xiaoli, He Yu would not be able to make such jokes. There is always a gap between people. She has thought carefully about how to treat Lian Xiaoli.

Lian Xiaoli was more straightforward than Liu Ci, and in the end she almost released all her desires, sex, possessiveness, and expectations for He Yu.

He Yu was able to bear it down. She rejected the other party all the time. This war had been fought for too many years. In the end, Lian Xiaoli was exhausted, and after several unsuccessful suicide attempts, his spirit collapsed.

Forcing is sometimes a kind of massacre, and they have killed each other.

Tens of thousands of times, the one who survives in the end is not the first one.

Liu Ci: "..."

The car was full of skewers, and He Yu didn't actually eat much. She went to the convenience store downstairs to buy oden for Liu Ci when she came back, and stared at him to eat. After all, Liu Ci looked too weak.

The weather started to get cold, He Yu added a blanket to the rabbit's cage when Liu Ci went to take a bath.

Holding a glass of water, she looked at the night view of the city outside the balcony.

Another winter.

The cold wind made her goosebumps all over her body, but she was extremely awake.

She knew that if she couldn't pass this test, Liu Ci might be like Lian Xiaoli.

Why me?

She thought and thought, but couldn't find the reason, the matter of fate was not clear.

The phone vibrated, and a message from Xie Yongyan was sent, and she said——

"When is the appointment? I can't stay here for a few days."

- Wait until the day before you leave.

- so cruel?

-Yeah, don't be cruel, everyone will have a hard time.

-All right.

After a while, Shen Youqian called and asked He Yu when to go outside for a barbecue.

"Look, your wife in your circle of friends is traveling with their children?"

Shen Youqian: "Yeah, I'm on vacation, and you won't take me with you."

"Is Boss Shen free? Let's have a drink?"

Shen Youqian felt that He Yu had something to do, so he agreed.

Liu Ci came out after blowing her hair and found that He Yu was about to go out, she didn't ask, and just stood there watching.

He Yu: "Old Shen asked me to drink."

Liu Ci snorted, "Are you back?"

He Yu: "Otherwise, there is still class tomorrow."

Afraid that Liu Ci would be worried, He Yu added: "Don't worry, I won't run away without a word."

The author has something to say: There is another update tomorrow morning, and I will change it again.

Oh, I’m so sleepy, everyone can watch it together tomorrow, thank you to the little angels who voted for me to overlord or irrigate the nutrient solution~

Thanks to the little angel who cast [shallow water bomb]: Jiang Lansheng 1;

Thanks to the little angel who threw the [grenade]: 1 jacetsai;

Thanks to the little angels who voted [Landmine]: Yueban, Blue Sky Remnant Xueshu, Qingqian, Mustard 1;

Thanks to the little angel who irrigated [nutrient solution]:

酪梨鲜奶330、園田絵里33瓶；凌亦林30瓶；吃草的小狮子27瓶；江蓝生20瓶；1160891119瓶；蝈蝈还没醒、傅之、ARK_Z10瓶；小林家的猫、小豆芽5瓶；钦4瓶；我家有只大chen3瓶；星野忆2瓶；

Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!