There is a love that goes without saying

I got up very early on the day of work, and seeing the beautiful scene sleeping next to me, my heart was still in a mess.Just because I was upset, I wanted to go to the company early to prepare breakfast for the good scene, so as to avoid some embarrassment. As for the embarrassment, it may only be my own.

I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for Haojing, left a note and prepared to leave, but when I was putting on my shoes at the door, Haojing actually came to me.

I looked at the beautiful scene with clear eyes, and panicked in my heart, the one who escaped was myself.

"Are you going to work?" Hao Jing's voice was a little hoarse, probably because of getting up early.

"Yeah." I looked away and continued to wear my shoes, a little afraid to look at the good scene, "I've already made breakfast for you, you can eat after you wash up."

I lowered my head, I couldn't see Haojing's expression at this time, and I didn't dare to face Haojing, just because the thought in my heart made me impatient.

"Are you coming back for dinner?" Hao Jing's question made me feel like a wife asking her husband, so cautious, but I didn't dare to think that way, I was afraid that the thoughts deep in my heart would occupy my reason.

"I might come back a bit late today. A colleague of mine seems to have something to do today and needs me to help him with some business affairs left over from last week." I smiled. It was the first time I found myself lying so smoothly, but the smoother I said , I became more upset, "You can eat by yourself first tonight, don't wait for me."

I vaguely seem to see the bleak expression of the good scene, which makes my heart ache, but I really can't face the good scene with a normal heart now.

"I see." Hao Jing said so softly that I could hardly hear him.

Enduring my uncomfortable mood, I picked up my office bag and opened the door, "I'm leaving."

Without waiting for Haojing to say anything, I quickly closed the door and left without looking back.In fact, I am afraid that the moment when I open the door, the good scene will grab my clothes corner, so maybe... maybe what will happen?I don't know, and I don't want to know.

I didn't recover until I arrived at the company, but as long as I thought of the good times, I would be terribly irritable.I was the only one in the empty office, and it was a new record for me to come to the company so early.

I sat on my seat, lying on the table with a headache, worrying about the abnormal emotional changes in my heart.

I was abnormal on Saturday because I was holding Haojing's hand, standing among so many people who came over, and my heart was beating irregularly.

I actually have a feeling of obsession with Haojing, and I want to just hold Haojing and walk on.It's not that I don't know that kind of feeling. I actually fell in love with Haojing. In just a few days, I actually fell in love with the boy who made me feel bad.

But the other party is a man with the same gender as me. I thought that I would marry a wife and have children like other men, but when I realized this, I couldn't accept it.I believe that any man, if he knows that his orientation has become abnormal, will be a little flustered and irritable like me.

So I can't figure it out, so I'm confused, so I can't face the good times.

"Damn!" I straightened up, thumped the table, and frowned.

"What's wrong with you?" Xia Qian's voice sounded in front of my desk.

I was startled, looked up at Xia Qian nervously, then smiled awkwardly, "It's all right...haha..."

Xia Qian gave me a strange look, sat back in his seat, and sorted out some documents.

I glanced at Xia Qian, hesitating back and forth, my heart was still irritated, maybe I should ask others for their opinions.

"Well, Xia Qian..." I moved my chair to Xia Qian's side, organizing the words behind me.

"Huh?" Xia Qian didn't look at me, and fiddled with the documents in his hand.

I'm still a little hesitant to ask Xia Qian that type of question, but if I don't ask, no one can help me think about it.

"you……"

"What?" Xia Qian turned his head to look at me, his expression was as calm as water, and my original words were caught in his throat.

"Why did you come so early?" I popped out these few words, which made me feel a little sad, why couldn't I say it all of a sudden.

Xia Qian looked at me a little strangely, but he probably saw that I was a little embarrassed, "That's not what you want to say, is it?"

He just could see through my little thoughts, and of course I didn't do anything to cover up.

"It's nothing serious, I just want to ask you a few questions." I looked at Xia Qian with a dry smile, and always felt that it was difficult to get out of my mouth.

"Really? Then you ask, I'll see if I can help you solve it." Xia Qian put down the document in his hand and turned to me.

In fact, I always speak straight to the point, and I don't like to beat around the bush, but I can't say that kind of thing, it's a bit hard to say.

I stared at Xia Qian without holding back a word.

Seeing that I didn't speak, Xia Qian couldn't help frowning, "Do you have something to hide?"

"Of course not!" I just said that, but then I thought of my feelings for Haojing, and I became angry, "Well, I have it."

Xia Qian smiled helplessly, "What is it that makes it so difficult for you to speak?"

I stared at Xia Qian, and said a little weakly, "If one day you suddenly found out that your sexual orientation is abnormal, what would you do?"

Xia Qian was obviously taken aback, and after a moment of silence, he said, "Accept the facts calmly, after all you can't control yourself."

When he spoke the second half of the sentence, Xia Qian's expression was a little gloomy. He didn't hide it, but I didn't see it.

"Then if you uh... like a guy, you can accept that?" I scratched my head, stared at the ground, and said a little puzzled, "Don't you think it's strange?"

Xia Qian looked at me, propped his head, and looked elsewhere, as if thinking of something, and said softly, "Why can't I accept that my sexual orientation is abnormal? There is no limit to liking someone, and there is no set range."

I looked up at Xia Qian, feeling a little weird in my heart, but I couldn't tell what was weird.

"Then if, I said if." I thought for a while, and I still wanted to understand my heart, so I continued, "I... am gay, do you think I'm disgusting?"

There was a hint of sadness in Xia Qian's eyes, but I knew that kind of feeling must not be for me, but for someone in his memory.

"If I say I'm gay, will you be disgusted?" Xia Qian asked me back, but looked at me very seriously, as if I was telling the truth.

I was stunned for a moment, then smiled and patted Xia Qian on the shoulder, "Of course not."

"Really? Then my answer is the same." Xia Qian smiled lightly, which always made me feel that there were many other emotions mixed in, which made me feel uncomfortable.

"I'm actually joking, and you don't mind." I'm actually not worried that Xia Qian will know whether my sexual orientation is normal or not, but how can this society allow homosexuals to live normally.

This reality is too cruel. It deprives many people of their ideals, love, and money... There are too many things that are hindered. What we can do and face is only a little bit, and more is the cruelty of reality. .

"I'm afraid the person who cares is you." Xia Qian glanced at me, and then went to work on his affairs.

I was made even more melancholy by Xia Qian's words, maybe Xia Qian was right, the only person who cares is myself.

From the beginning to the end, it was me who was bothering, and I was upset by myself, just by myself.

With this kind of mood, I sat on the chair all morning, even Xia Qian asked me to go to eat at noon, I didn't go, I was in such a bad mood, how could I have the idea of ​​eating.