PS. 1437

Eighteen

This illness made me recuperate for more than a week before I felt that I could return to the usual life full of research, cases, and papers.

Alisha was right, Philip was really a cockroach that couldn't be killed, and those few days, instead of hiding, he was busy with other things.

what?

I didn't know until I recovered from my illness and returned to the laboratory.

This guy, while I was recuperating at home, somehow bribed almost all the students in the lab, allowing him to come in and out of my lab "fairly".

When I walked to my desk, I realized that the desk, which was originally full of research materials and papers, had become tidy.

Although my desk is usually not too messy, it's just that he puts all related things in the same folder.When I want to see it, I can find it immediately.

"How long did it take you to make this?" I asked looking at him standing next to me with a smug smile on his face.

"It's been a long time. After all, I really don't know anything about what you're reading. It took me some time to pester your classmates and ask questions, and I gradually got a clue how to sort it out. However, you really read a lot of materials, I'm so glad I admire you." His smile seemed like nothing had happened, very sunny.

"Thank you," I said.

"After thinking about it, it seems that this has the most substantial effect. You should be shot at sending flowers and chocolates." He scratched his head.

"Thank you." I looked at him and smiled too.

"Don't thank me first, there is one more thing I want to show you, I believe that thing can save you a lot of time." He said while pressing the switch of the desktop computer.

"What?" I looked at him suspiciously.

He just smiled mysteriously, waiting for the computer to start up.

Then I saw an unfamiliar icon on the desktop.

"Here, click down..." he said while moving.

I was dumbfounded.

What appeared on the screen were the names of all my materials and papers.He classified them one by one, and each of the different categories was arranged in order from A to Z.

"How long did it take you to do this?" I asked, looking at him in surprise.

"It's very quick to do this. Just write the program and enter the names one by one. The classification takes more time." He said with a smile.

"Thanks for your hard work." I also smiled.

"And let me tell you, click here, enter the keyword you want to find, it will tell you which folder I put it in, and then if you want to put new things in, you can ask it to help you classify , or classify by yourself, or you can choose to continue to use rows A to Z, or just put it at the end.” He skillfully explained to me the program he wrote himself.

"This is amazing! It will save me a lot of trouble in the future! You are amazing!" I said excitedly.

"Heh... It's okay, writing this program is not too difficult, the most important thing is to help you." He said a little embarrassed.

"Thank you so much... I don't know what to say..." I looked at him honestly.

"Then... can you give me a chance to take care of you? I don't want you to return me anything, but at least, don't refuse what I want to do to you." He looked at me and said.

"...I'll give it a try." After thinking for a while, I nodded slightly.

"YES!" He hugged me and jumped up.

I gently pushed him away, I'm not used to such a close distance.

"Sorry, I was so excited," he said apologetically.

I smiled and said it was okay.

From that day on, I realized his "meticulous" care.

At first I was not used to it, but finally, under the enlightenment of him and Alisha, I gradually accepted it.

And those "passers-by" took us for granted as a pair.

Faced with such a situation, I don't want to explain anything. It should be said that I am in a state of half-giving up. I am tired of these.

If it makes him feel better, so be it, I always think so.

But in the dead of night, I think of the teacher more and more.

I knew I was terrible at what I was doing, and I became the kind of person I used to despise the most—the kind of person who exploited other people's emotions.

In fact, I was in a lot of pain, but I couldn't tell anyone about it, because after talking about it, the enlightenment and explanations I received made me tired of coping.

Things just kept going like this.

And I also found that I began to feel dependent on him.

Sometimes it feels weird not to have him around, or wants him to show up to help when it's too busy, but I still stick to that line and I never reach out to him.

I know that Philip is testing me bit by bit, testing where I can accept him.

When he took my hand for the first time, I froze for a moment, and found that I couldn't withdraw my hand resolutely like before; when he called me "baby" for the first time, I looked at him stupidly, but couldn't say Saying the words "Don't call me that"... I don't understand the feeling.

It felt as if these were all natural things, and I had no resistance.

"You're not starting to have feelings for him, are you?" Alisha asked me when I was talking to him.

"If there is, there is only dependence." I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked, looking at me.

"Well, do you believe it? Up to now, I haven't taken the initiative to call him. If I really like him, it shouldn't be like this?" I said the conclusion I had thought for a long time.

"Really? You've known him for four years, and you haven't called him yet?" Her voice was full of disbelief.

"No. If you don't believe me, ask him." I said.

"Maybe, you really only feel like a relative to him." She said.

"That's right, when I was being held by him, I felt very similar to the way my brother used to hold me; he called me baby, and it sounded to me like my brother calling me sister when he was acting like a baby..." I thought while talking.

Maybe I began to understand a little bit, the feeling of "relatives" that the teacher said before.

"If he kissed you one day, how would you react." She popped the question out of nowhere.

"I don't know." I answered honestly.

But soon, I knew the answer.

That was one day when he was driving me home.

We went shopping together, and he helped me carry the big and small bags home.

When sending him out, I accidentally kicked the threshold, and I was about to fall to the ground.

He turned around and caught me heroically.

I was hugged by him like this, and our eyes met.

I knew what was going to happen, his lips were on mine.

But soon left.

A moment of embarrassment followed.

"Sorry." He started.

"It's okay, drive carefully." After I finished speaking, I turned and entered the house.

I sat on the couch thinking about what just happened.

It's also a kiss, but Philip's kiss, I don't feel anything, it's just a simple, lips touching.

It is completely different from the shock of being shocked by the electric shock when being kissed by the teacher for the first time in the play.

Sure enough, I don't have any lover's love for him.

"Sorry, I really don't have feelings for you..." This was the first time in four years that I sent him a text message.

After the transmission, I didn't wait for his response, I turned off my phone, took a shower and went to bed.

"When will I be able to kiss your lips again and feel the indescribably strong relationship with you?" Before going to sleep, I muttered to myself again.

"I accepted him as everyone hoped, but the result is still the same. Can I stop? When will you show up to save me?" My complaints are always to myself.

After that, our relationship was still the same as before, and no one mentioned the unexpected kiss that day again.

He still takes good care of me as before.

Finally, after struggling for four and a half years, I got my PhD.

I promised my boss that I would stay for half a year to finish the rest of the project.

"What are your plans in half a year?" Philip asked me when I told him about it.

"Go back to Taiwan." I said firmly.

"Because of him?" He looked at me and asked, with sadness that couldn't be hidden in his eyes.

I nodded.

"Alright, you've never been really happy these past few years, have you?" He asked while shaking my hand.

I bowed my head and remained silent.

"Thank you, I am very happy to have you these years." I said, sincerely.

"But this kind of happiness is not what you want, is it?" He asked again.

"You let me feel the warmth of family in this place that is not home." I said while shaking his hand.

"Thank you, although I have never been able to get into your heart, but at least I have tried." His smile made me feel bitter.

"I'm sorry, but I've never been able to reciprocate your feelings," I said.

"Are you coming back?" He looked at me.

"I don't know, let's wait until the end of the six months, I haven't thought that far yet." I answered him.

"Okay, give me a capricious request?" He asked suddenly.

"As long as I can do it, I can do it, I am willing." I thought, this is the only thing I can do.

"I want to go back with you so that you can meet my mommy." His words stunned me.

"This...isn't that good." I didn't know how to react.

"I don't mean anything, I just want her to see you," he said.

"For what?" I asked.

"You are the first girl I want to chase, but I can't, but I don't want to give up." He looked into my eyes and said.

"What capacity should I use to meet her? Girlfriend?" I was in a dilemma.

"I would say, you are the lover of my dreams that I want to protect for the rest of my life, but I have no chance." He answered me after thinking for a while.

"This...can you let me think about it again? This request is difficult for me." I seem to have no way to refuse his insistence.

"This is the only thing I want you to do. I will tell her clearly that our relationship is not a lover, but a very close family. And if you really decide to stay in Taiwan, at least, I can know from her Your news. Please, okay?" His eyes and face were full of sincerity.

I was silent and didn't speak.

He didn't force me either, just quietly waiting for my response.

"I'm sorry, this is too difficult for me." After a long time, I said to the way he looked at me.

In an instant, his eyes were filled with hurt emotions.

"Why? It's just a meal with her. I want you two, people who are very important to me, to get to know each other." He said without giving up.

"I'm sorry, I can't do it. Going to see your mother should be what you do with the girl who will be with you for the rest of your life, not me. I'm just a short but slightly profound passer-by in your life." I Say this calmly.

"You are not passing by, absolutely not." He said firmly.

"That's because I'm still in the United States, a place that is not home to me and will never be a stranger to me, but have you ever thought about what you will do after I return to Taiwan and find that person? My heart There has always been only one person, and it is impossible for me to give you any more attention. When such a situation happens, have you thought about what you should do? Forgive me for being so direct, but it is really like you said, these years I I’m really not happy. I’m not sure what will happen when I return to Taiwan. All I know is that I can’t let myself accept your kindness anymore, and that’s really heavy for me.” I know this The weight of words, but I still said it.I don't want him to continue to do these foolish things that he thinks are good for me.

"So you mean, when you return to Taiwan, we will become strangers?" He asked in a panicked tone like a frightened little boy.

"That's not what you mean. You remember that when you confessed to me for the first time, I rejected you, saying that I only regarded you as a younger brother, and it is the same now. Maybe I have given you too much expectation in the past three years, but I still want to Said, I treat you as a younger brother, this will not change. It's just that now you really have to learn how to be a good younger brother." I said in a soothing tone.

"So... I can still go to you when I go back to Taiwan?" He asked me in an uncertain tone.

"It's ok, but, from now on, you can't call me baby, and you can't hold my hand anymore." I told him very clearly.

"Then I can ask you, why have you allowed me to do this for the past three years?" He seemed to have accepted my decision.

"Because I didn't have the time and energy to spend with you at that time, so it was a bad state. I know that if you refused at that time, not only you, but also Alisha and others would swarm to teach you. For me, it is better than a meeting with the boss. Still tired, I don't want to spend any more time dealing with those emotions, so I just let you go. But now, I don't have the pressure of the thesis, as long as I finish the research project for the remaining half a year, it will be easier and I have extra energy Let’s deal with this. Before returning to Taiwan, I will settle the matter with you, which is what I must do.” I answered him categorically.

He is silent.

I can sympathize with his feelings. It seems that it is not an exaggeration to say that he "exchanged his sincerity for unfeeling".

But in fact, in many cases, people's self in their relationship is too big to imagine, and they will drive themselves to follow the most primitive ideas. When such a belief is formed, the power is so powerful that it is impossible to allow anyone or anything to block it. in front of myself.

For the past three years, I have suffered his emotional self in silence, and now, it is time for me to break the silence.

"I see, maybe I still need a little time to accept, but, thank you, at least you didn't push me out of your world cruelly." His voice interrupted my thoughts, I don't know how long we were quiet.

"I'm sorry, I know these words hurt you badly, but this is the single most important thing I have to deal with in America," I said.

"Well, I think I'll figure it out," he said, telling me he had to go first.

I didn't think that he wanted to escape, or that something really happened. Maybe now, leaving him to tidy up by himself is what I should and must do.

After he left, I went to Alisha.Of course, I told Philip everything I told him.

"My God, I want you to meet his mother! This feels a lot like a daughter-in-law meeting her mother-in-law." Alisha's first reaction after hearing this.

"Yeah, so even though it was his only request all these years, I still said no," I said.

"Oh! Should I say you are unfeeling? He is really a poor little boy." Alisha shook her head and said.

"Then do you think it would be better to procrastinate?" I asked her back.

"No, it's just..." Before she finished speaking, her cell phone rang, and she smiled wickedly, her smile had already revealed the identity of the caller—Philip.

I didn't pay much attention to what she said, I was just thinking, if I deal with it from the professional perspective of a "counselor", what would I suggest for my case?well!In fact, counseling is just a profession that "idealizes" people too much.Even if the problem is [-]% the same as the case, when it happens to me, I will truly experience the helplessness and hesitation of the case.

"Hey, what are you in a daze for?" Alisha's hand waved in front of my eyes.

"It's okay, what's the matter, what did he tell you?" I asked directly.

"Complain, or not? He wants me to help him persuade you to see his mother." Alisha said helplessly.

"So what do you say?" I asked.

"Do you think I will agree? Even though I usually play with everyone, I still know the truth of the matter, okay?" She taught me.

"Yes, thank you so much!" I didn't know how to respond.

"But I think he's really sad this time. It feels more frustrating than being rejected by you at the beginning... He has spent so much effort on you in the past few years. Maybe, accompanying him to see his mother, It's nothing." My face gradually sank following her words.

After listening to what she said, I didn't answer, just looked out of the window quietly.

Regarding the matter of "he is nice to me", I don't want to say anything more to anyone.I can't stand that kind of pressure.

"You're upset, aren't you?" she asked cautiously.

Not talking, expressionless, quietly looking into the distance, is the most obvious behavior when I don't want to talk, or when I am unhappy.I think not only Alisha, but James and the others also know about it.

"Ape, I'm not talking for him, but I think you should thank him for taking care of you so much." Alisha paused and said.

"Yeah, but during this time, have any of you thought about how I feel?" I asked in a near-zero tone.

I have wanted to ask this question for a long time.

Alisha raised her head and looked at me blankly.

"Forget it, let's not talk about this, it's tiring to talk about it." I made a decision, and this topic ended.

"Oh, all right." She was clearly still out of my question.

"You're right, I should thank him well. I believe that without him, my body would still be sick several times. It's just that I will thank him in my way, not the way he wants me to thank him. "I told her.

Alisha still looked puzzled.

"Hey! What the hell did I do to meet you guys when I came to America." I smiled and drank the drink in the glass in one gulp.

"What are these guys? Let me tell you, without us, I don't believe you would be so alive." Alisha regained consciousness instantly when she heard my complaint.

"That's right..." I remembered the first time I fell ill.

At that time, the doctor said that my physical condition must have been struggling for a long time, and in the end I couldn't hold it anymore, and it would collapse as soon as it collapsed.Since that serious illness, my health has not been very good. The doctor also said that my body was broken by stress, and I think so.

I also know that besides the pressure, it is more about the wound in my heart that has never healed.

I can't deny that Philip's meticulous care and Alisha's mother-in-law nagging are important contributors to my gradual improvement and not to collapse.

"So, you'd better think of a way to repay the two of us, hahahahaha!" She is really the kind of person who gets complacent just by giving some sweetness.

That's what's so cute about her.

"Hey, what is it about me that makes him like it so much? Can you tell me?" The relaxed atmosphere was replaced by my complaint.

"God knows, you should ask him. I think he also wants to know what is the charm of Fran that can make you still only have her in your heart after four and a half years." Her inference completely blocked my mouth.

"Love is such a thing, no one can tell its laws and principles, otherwise how can it be called love?" She expressed her high opinion.

"Do you think I can find her when I go back?" I asked suddenly.

"How do I know, your question is too blind. If I were with the credit agency today, I would have told you that I could find it, but Miss, I am like you now, and I am in the United States. Who do you want me to ask?" Ask the magic mirror? Magic mirror, magic mirror..." Her reaction made me laugh out loud.

"Oh, can't you give me some confidence or something?" I complained.

"Yes! I believe you will be able to find her!" She said with a serious face, but it made me laugh even bigger.

"You're really funny." I pushed her.

"No way, it's not the first day you know me." She took it for granted.

Being with Alisha is really a natural way to relax.

"Ape, if you really find her, you must catch her well and don't let her run away." She said suddenly and seriously.

"I will definitely, and I have to ask carefully, what is she thinking." I said firmly.

"I know you will, ah, if you fail again unfortunately, come back quickly, we will continue to provoke the responsibility of taking care of you, and I believe Willy will be very happy to help you with the visa." Willy is my boss, he has been Wish I could continue to stay.

"Don't be crow's mouth over there." I glared at her.

"Okay, just spend the last six months well." She patted me on the shoulder.

"I will. I will not retaliate for your pastimes and cheap talk in the past six months. Let you say enough." I said with a big laugh.

"That's what you said, I'm going to post this news." After she finished speaking, she actually took out her phone from her pocket and started texting.

I smiled and shook my head, suddenly a little reluctant to leave this place where I have lived for almost seven years.

In the next six months, I really learned how powerful those people are at entertaining and deceiving others, but I really didn't reply anything.

In a blink of an eye, half a year passed like this.

The day before boarding the plane, Alisha played the "Champagne Tower" again five years ago, and also found Kevin who left here to study in Florida, and even Joan who went to the West Coast.This time, though, Philip was pushed out to pour champagne with me.

I still haven't explained much about our relationship.