PS. 1437

Seven

Perhaps it was because of the teacher's honesty to me that day that I gradually lost the sense of distance when I saw her later.

I also slowly learned to relax in front of her, and let go of the trembling arms. It seemed that we really escaped the frame of teachers and students, and began to be like friends.

And I also decided to go abroad to fulfill the dream I told my mother before.

My life became simpler, only home and school remained.

Although it is an English class once a week, I report to the teacher's research room from time to time for my TOEFL and GRE.

The teacher is worthy of being a talented student who graduated from a prestigious school. Every time I discuss a problem with her, there will be many unexpected gains.The teacher is unsmiling when it comes to teaching. Her serious expression always catches my attention by accident.

"You're not going to improve if you keep staring at me," she would say every time she caught me looking at her.

"Oh..." I quickly turned my attention to the topic on the table.

"Hurry up and see what's wrong with you, and go to eat after you correct it." The teacher's eyes never left the homework being corrected.

"Dinner again?" I said.Our relationship is still inseparable from eating.

"That's right, why not? It's time to eat when the time is up." She took it for granted.

"Oh..." I started to correct the wrong topic seriously.

"Also, your essay is here, why is it still grammatically wrong?" She raised her head and looked at me with a frown.

"I'm going to forget..." I complained, my grammar has always been my door.

"Okay, finish correcting the multiple-choice questions first, and then come to the essay." The teacher gave an instruction, then turned his attention to the computer screen, and started to get busy again.

I tried my best to look at the questions I got wrong. Although there were not many questions, the teacher always asked me to tell her where the previous answers were wrong after correcting them, so it took a long time to correct each time.

When I was about to lift my head, I found the teacher was leaning on the back of the chair, as if he had fallen asleep.

I was dumbfounded again.

Fortunately, this time I didn't wait for the teacher to wake up and be found. I took out my mobile phone and quietly took a picture of the teacher's sleeping face.

I picked up the coat she put on the sofa and gently covered her.

Then go back to the sofa and continue to read my English and memorize words.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" The teacher's voice suddenly appeared beside him.

I looked up in fright and found that she had sat down next to me at some point.

"You're really attentive. I've been sitting here for about 3 minutes, but you didn't notice." The teacher said with a smile, holding my essay in his hand.

"Oh, yeah, if I really pay attention, I'll lose awareness of what's going on around me, hehe," I said.

"Well, that's good." The teacher said as he put my essay on the table.

This seems to be the first time I have been so close to the teacher, of course, except for the first embarrassing cry.

She began to carefully explain my mistakes, which were all grammatical.

"Oh, your grammar will really drag you down." She said looking at the test paper filled with colorful notes.

"I have worked very hard." I complained in a low voice.

"What did you say?" The teacher moved closer again.

"No, no..." I quickly shook my head.

"I heard it..." The teacher moved a little closer, and I had to step back.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Okay, dear, I know you've worked hard. In fact, your level is already very good. You can take the TOEFL and GRE exams. It's just that I want you to be better, so I will continue to ask you." The teacher touched patted my head.

"Hmm..." I nodded.

"You know? It's really fun to tease you." She messed up my hair "by the way", then looked at me and smiled with satisfaction.

"I'm already 23 years old." I protested dissatisfied, trying to straighten my messed up hair.

"I know, it's only three years older than my son." She meant that I could be your mother now.

"Oh yes, Mommy." I joked.

"Please don't call me mommy, I don't want to be your mommy." When the teacher said this, there was a smile on his face, but he could hear the seriousness in it.

"I'm sorry." The atmosphere instantly became awkward.

"Why do you say I'm sorry again? I mean, being a mother is too sacred. I'd better be a teacher and a friend." Perhaps the teacher wanted to ease the awkward atmosphere, so he said so.

"Well, I know, I'm joking." I said with a smile.

"I was joking too, who knew that you suddenly said sorry." Teacher Chang complained.

"Oh, um." "I'm sorry" almost blurted out again.

"Okay, let's go eat." The teacher stood up and went back to the desk to collect things.

In fact, I really want to ask her, besides teachers and friends, is there any other possibility between us?

"Why are you staring at me again? What do you want to ask me?" I was discovered by the teacher again.

"No." I quickly pretended to be stupid.

"Come on, you are very good at lying and pretending to be stupid, you know that?" The teacher raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, why is the teacher so nice to me?" I asked the question again.

"Didn't I answer this question many times? Because you are a very special student to me." The teacher repeated the consistent answer.

"Oh..." I nodded, turned around and started to collect things.

Only I know, I still haven't said a word, "You are so kind to me, you will make me want to rely on you."

The more familiar I got with the teacher, the more conflicted I felt.

I like the ease of being with the teacher, and I also enjoy the feeling of being taken care of by the teacher, but I am afraid of relying too much on her kindness to me.

I know that we can't go on like this forever. After I graduate and go abroad, I will eventually return to my life alone.

Being too used to warmth will make loneliness more desolate.

But I couldn't resist, falling into her love for me.

The more you get along with her, the more mysterious she becomes.Especially after hearing about her past.

"What are you thinking again?" The teacher's hand suddenly waved in front of my eyes.

"Oh, no," I said, quickly turning my attention back to my book.

"Tell me, what are you thinking." The teacher closed my book with his hand and looked at me.

"It's nothing, I just think the teacher is really a mysterious woman." I honestly said the thoughts in my head.

"Hahaha! Mysterious woman, why do you say that?" She laughed.

"Because ordinary people would not work hard to teach here if they had a situation like yours... I mean..." I hesitated and couldn't say the word "alimony".

"Alimony, right? Haha! This makes me a mysterious woman?" The teacher answered the question himself.

"Oh, no, there are... and many more." For a moment, I didn't know where to start.

"There's a lot more? Let's tell them all." She went to the coffee machine and poured a cup of coffee.

"I don't understand why you could swallow your anger and say nothing when you found out that your ex-husband was having an affair, and even finally broke up peacefully and said nothing, even the alimony was their initiative; I also don't understand that you can live a very leisurely life I still have to work hard to teach here; and, you have such good conditions, there must be many people chasing you, why do you still choose one person; oh yes, and there is also, your car, The whole thing is very ostentatious..." I said a lot in one breath.

"Wow, you have so many questions! No wonder you don't know where to start." The teacher said with a smile while drinking coffee.

"That's right, so you haven't contacted your son yet?" I nodded and asked another question by the way.

"Okay, let me solve your doubts, kid." The teacher said as he put the coffee on the table.

I looked at the teacher intently, waiting for her to continue.

"I think my relationship with my ex-husband is more like a family member than a lover. It seems to be like this from the beginning of the relationship. He always gives me a very reliable and reassuring feeling, but that kind of love is missing. I feel like I’m in the midst of blessings and don’t know how to be blessed, but I really think so. We are very close relatives, but not passionate lovers. Maybe I know this, so I can accept his dissatisfaction. Zhong, I can also calmly tell him that we want to separate, because I really treat him like a family member. Family members can tolerate all of you, but lovers are not necessarily. When I knew he was having an affair, I was surprisingly calm. At that time I really saw clearly that my dependence and love for him have always been family members. Since I am a family member, I don’t want to fight for anything, so I don’t want anything. But maybe, in my heart, from the past to the present, There is always someone who occupies the lover's position, so..." the teacher said, looking at the ceiling with misty eyes.

"Is that your first love?" I asked.

She nodded, I wanted to ask something, but was stopped by her gesture.

"Don't ask me about my first love, okay? I think, I'm still trying to get out of that shadow. Being busy teaching is a way to escape, and it's also a way to miss him, he I once dreamed of being an English teacher, which is very cool, and we also once said that we would be teachers together, in the same school, we could go to and from work together..." The teacher's face was full of melancholy.

I can only look at her quietly.

"In this way, it should also explain why I am still alone? Even though he has been gone for more than 20 years, I still can't stop missing him, probably because things that I never really had, after being lost and missed, seem to be Be more beautiful." The teacher's voice was full of loneliness.

Looking at her like this, I suddenly want to hug her, maybe I can't do anything, but at least...

"And that ostentatious car is also his dream. He likes cars very much. More than 20 years ago, he said that he would definitely buy a Porsche in the future. Heh! I seem to be fulfilling his dream for him." The teacher smiled helplessly. I saw a tear come from the corner of her eye.

Watching her tears and listening to what she said made my heart ache.

"As for my son, he is studying in the U.S., we talk on the phone and write e-mails from time to time, and he occasionally visits me in Taiwan. It's just that he has become busier and less frequent since he started college. Yes." The teacher said this and answered all my questions.

I always looked at the teacher without saying a word.

"This should answer your doubts, right? Are there any other questions?" The teacher looked at me, as if the emotions just now had never existed.

"Yes." I nodded.

The teacher looked at me suspiciously.

"Teacher, can I give you a hug?" I don't know where I got the courage to say this.

This time, I didn't escape the teacher's gaze, even though I was nervous.

The two of us looked at each other for a while, and then the teacher stood up.I walked up to her, didn't ask her any more questions, and hugged her, which was probably the most daring thing I've ever done in my life.

The teacher didn't resist, just stood straight, I felt awkward for a moment, and didn't know what to do next.It was the only way to maintain the position where I was holding her.

After a while, she suddenly relaxed, leaning her head gently on my shoulder, I could smell the faint fragrance of her hair.I subconsciously tightened my hand, not because I wanted to take the opportunity to hug it tighter, but simply because I felt distressed and reluctant, which is a hard-to-explain feeling.

The teacher still didn't resist, just leaned against me quietly.

After a while, I suddenly heard the teacher sobbing softly.

I tried to imagine the mood of the teacher, with the longing for the first love, alone, in the first ten years, trying to forget with another relationship, after all in vain, at the beginning of the second decade, back to only In her own world, it took the second decade to realize their dreams.How brave and strong does it take?

They were very much in love back then.

Although I was very curious about her and her first love, but thinking that if I asked, she would have to recall that period of the past again, which made me unable to ask.

I remembered what my mother once said to me after my father passed away: "A woman's heart will always live in the first person she loved with all her heart, no matter what kind of person he is, good or bad, once he loses If she dies, there will always be a void in her heart until she can find a second person who is enough to shake her heart. But this chance is very slim. Just like first love, there is only one forever.”

So is the teacher.

I have tried hard to forget and fill it with another person, but in vain.

I was suddenly so jealous of the person who lived in her heart.

"You know? I miss him so much." After a long time, the teacher said with a strong nasal voice.

I nodded.

"How can he be like this, even if he is gone, he still lives in my heart." The teacher's tone was slightly excited.

I hold her tighter.

"It's been 20 years, and I actually don't want to be like this at all, but I can't forget him no matter what." The teacher said while crying.

"Then don't forget, always remember his goodness, and live hard, strong, and happy for him. I think he should also want to see you find your own happiness." I said.

This is what Mom used to tell me about how she got through the days when Dad just died.

The teacher suddenly looked up at me.

"My mother said that when her father just passed away, she was in so much pain, especially when she saw me and Xiaojie, she would think that we were a sign of their love, and when she saw us, she would ruthlessly remind her that her father was no longer there. But later, when she sorted out her father's belongings, she found that he had carefully kept the letters, cards, and diaries they had written during their relationship. From there, she remembered that her father once told her , if one day his mother leaves before him, he will definitely bring his mother's love for him and his mother's love for us, and live happily alone, because he knows that he has the most love from his mother, and he will also live happily. He had the most precious happiness he ever had. In the end, he also said that if he could choose, he would let his mother go first, because he could not bear the sadness of his mother after he left. Mom said that after reading these, she suddenly understood that as long as she is happy, No matter where Dad is, Dad will be equally happy." I said what my mother once told me, which shocked me so much.

After the teacher finished listening, he leaned his head on my shoulder again.

"Thank you." After a long time, the teacher said.

"Huh?" I became confused.

"Maybe I need time, but I think I know what to do," she said with a teary smile.

"Oh, that's good." I nodded.

"You are such an extraordinary fellow!" She left my arms and returned to the teacher's place.

"Hehe!" I didn't know how to respond.

"Don't tell anyone what happened just now! It's our secret." The teacher took a tissue from the table and wiped away the tears and snot all at once.

I nodded, I like to have a secret with the teacher, a secret that only belongs to us.

It feels like there is a part of her that only belongs to me.

But I have to admit, I want more.Even beyond my control, I wanted to take the place in her heart that originally belonged to him.

is it possible?Alas, I am only a student.