Can I love you?

The weather in Shenzhen is a bit cold in December.After he sent me to the dormitory downstairs, I let him go. He offered to have dinner together later. I refused. He asked me if I was still angry. I said no, I was just tired and wanted to sleep. have eaten.Actually, I just want to be alone.He has always been obedient to me, he just said to have a good rest, bring me something to eat later, and left.He was really nice to me, so nice that it made me feel guilty.

Back in the dormitory, none of the roommates were there. Today is Saturday. Those who wanted to go home went home, and those who didn’t went out to play or go to the library. I don’t know where they went.I changed my pajamas by myself, lay on the bed, put my mobile phone next to the pillow, and stared at the wall in a daze.Where do thoughts go?Float to that person in that distant place.

It's been a long, long time since I thought about that person this way. It's been more than a month. Since I had a "boyfriend", I haven't thought about her like this, and I don't have time to think about her.I find a lot of things to do for myself, to learn a lot of things, there is always a so-called "boyfriend" sticking to me when I am resting, only when I am alone at night, when I see the pendant on my neck in the mirror, I will Thinking of her, remembering that she gave it to me, and she personally helped me bring it up.She said that it could not be taken off, and she also said that when she saw the pendant, she would think of her.I took it off once, I took it off when I decided to forget about her, but, a week later, I put it on again, without that pendant, I can't sleep, I can't sleep, just touch the pendant every day I can sleep peacefully.One thing I did, I literally think of her every time I see this pendant, every night, every time I look in the mirror and see that pendant around my neck, I think of her.Really, even if I watch it ten times a day, I will think of her ten times.But this kind of longing will not last for a long time. I will fall asleep soon after clutching it at night. When I see it in the mirror, I will deliberately do other things and divert my attention from thinking about it.

The right hand is naturally clutching the pendant on the chest, can you be presumptuous once today, don't suppress yourself, don't deliberately miss her.I don't know why every time I think about her, every time I think about her violently, my stomach feels uncomfortable. Is this caused by too much pain in my heart?Slowly curl up your body, so that the body is more comfortable.I don't know how long I thought about it, I only know that my consciousness is getting more and more blurred, and then she appeared in my dream. In the dream, she looked at me with a smile, and called my name gently, slowly, the dream It changed, she became indifferent, looked at me with cold eyes and questioned me, how could she have dirty thoughts about her, coldly warned me that we were just sisters, then turned and left, her back was so decisive.I wanted to catch up and tell her not to go, not to go, but my legs seemed to be bound by something, and I couldn't move.I want to stop her and tell her that I don't have one, I don't love her, I don't like her, I just regard her as my sister, but my neck is like being strangled, I can't say a word, I can only be silent Weeping, sitting on the ground weeping, watching her leave.

Crying and crying, I cried aloud, I heard myself sobbing, and felt tears streaming from the corners of my eyes.I woke up, woke up crying, the pillow was wet, the body was still curled up, holding the pendant in both hands.I stopped suppressing myself and cried loudly, I found out that I was wrong, I was really wrong, I shouldn't let myself think about her, I shouldn't.Cold, it is still cold under the quilt, the body is cold, and the heart is also cold.It's getting dark outside, and the place where the line of sight touches is black, just like my world, it's all black.

The phone rang, it was him, I didn't want to answer his call, I couldn't control my emotions yet, I didn't want anyone to know that I cried, my self-esteem didn't allow me to do that.The phone rang a few times and then hung up. He probably thought I was still asleep.

I don't know why I'm so out of control today. When I was in the cafe, my emotions were not right. I don't know what stimulated me.Is it because being kissed by my "boyfriend" reminds me that she kissed me too; or is it because he randomly took my mobile phone and sent that Moments, I don't want her to see that I am so intimate with others; or something else, I have no idea.

I didn't know, so I just didn't want to think about it. I got out of bed, washed up, and sorted out my emotions. It was past seven o'clock, and I had slept for almost three hours.I called him and asked him what was the matter.My culture told me to restore other people's phone numbers and messages, so I called him and asked, even though I really don't want to communicate with anyone right now, and I don't want to see anyone.

He asked me if he woke me up, if I was hungry, and if he wanted to buy me something to eat.I denied it, he didn't wake me up, he wasn't hungry, and he didn't want to eat.He asked me if I was still angry and I said no.He didn't ask, which made me feel more relaxed. I didn't want to rack my brains to make up some reason to persuade him.

After hanging up the phone, I started to do my own thing. I participated in a PPT speech contest, and the final will be at the end of the month. I have almost prepared, but I still want to see where I need to improve.A few days ago, I just took the CET-[-] and Putonghua exams. After finishing the speech contest, there was a creative website contest. After that, there was basically nothing to do. I wanted to go to the library to borrow books about Photoshop and study by myself. I didn’t like Photoshop before. I thought it was too fake, but later I saw all kinds of really beautiful photos approved by others, so I really wanted to learn it. This is a good technology, and it will be more convenient to design leaflets by myself in the future.

Looking carefully at the PPT and speeches for the finals, halfway through, the door rang, and someone knocked on the door.

"Who?"

"It's me, open the door." It's him, why is he here again?

I opened the door to let him in, "I won't go in," he said, "These are for food, you take them."

"Why did you buy so much?" I don't know how to face him, guilt, a lot of guilt, he is really good to me, and I am worried, very worried, worried that he is really emotional, I just look at him Huaxin agreed to him. If he was really moved, then what should I do and what should he do.

"Leave it alone, spare." He said with a smile.I nodded to show I knew. "Then...then I'll go back first, you have to remember to eat." He stroked the back of his head, watching me nod before leaving.

"XXX," I called him, he turned around and asked me what was wrong, I said: "Thank you." And gave him a smile, I think, that smile should be very bitter, very ugly, but no matter what, I just want to express my gratitude, he has no obligation to be nice to me.

There are milk, orange juice, biscuits, small bread, jelly, chocolate, and a box of fruit platter.He was really good to me, so good that I was scared, maybe I shouldn't be scared, but that's the way it is.His friends told me that when he was in a relationship, he would not post on Moments all day to show his affection. I interpreted this as he loved his ex very much, so he deliberately posted so many Moments to stimulate him. predecessor.His friend told me that he was not so clingy to his girlfriend before, and I interpreted this as he was clinging to me on purpose, hoping that I would occupy all his free time and forget about his ex... His friends told me that although he was kind to his girlfriend before, he would not be as good as he is now. I interpret this as he has matured and grown up.

I know how unreasonable and groundless these interpretations are, but I deceive myself, I am really selfish.Suddenly I really wanted to break up with him, I didn't want to hurt the innocent, I thought he was so playful, I should just have fun, and I would get tired of it soon.But all his behaviors silently explained to me that he was playing for real this time.I don't want him to sink again, let's break up and find a suitable opportunity.

I only ate the fruit and nothing else. After eating the fruit, I continued to revise my PPT and speech. I didn't take a shower until eleven o'clock, and then I went to bed.Before going to bed, I looked at my phone, and he sent me a good night message. Since we dated him, he would say good night to me every night, but I often didn’t reply. I think my “girlfriend” is really Incompetent, this time is no exception, close it after reading it, and sleep.

It was already 08:30 when I woke up the next day, I ate something casually, and then I sat in front of the computer and busy with my various tasks. The website has not been completed yet, I can only get a little bit, and I plan to finish it within a week, and then I will start preparing for the final exam at the end of January. If the average score of this semester is above 20, my scholarship will not be awarded. problem.

I don't know how long I've been busy, and I'm so tired that when I twist my neck, my bones will crack. I stood up, walked to the balcony, played with the flowers planted on the balcony, looked at the scenery, and relaxed.

There are red roses and sunflowers in pots.I like flowers very much, my favorites are roses and sunflowers.The rose has many thorns, but it is the most beautiful of all flowers.It conveys a truth to us that what we get corresponds to what we give, and if we want to appreciate its beauty, we must accept its thorns.Sunflower is very sunny and warm. The reason why I like it is that I hope that I can be like it and embrace the world warmly.

The roses have all withered in September, and sunflowers can grow all year round in Shenzhen, so there are only sunflowers in the flower pots.I watered the sunflower and fiddled with its petals, and I was in a good mood.Sometimes I wonder naively, will I become a flower fairy after I die, so that I can stay with these beautiful flowers forever.

The phone rang, probably it was him again, should we really break up?

The author has something to say:

In fact, the "boyfriend" is really nice to Linlin, but I still like Zoe, what do you think?