Can I love you?

Fortunately, it is not far from the school to the place where you can take a taxi, and it takes only 10 minutes.She took me by the hand to get off the bus, then stopped a taxi, let me go in, and then went in by herself.As always, she helped me cover the roof of the car when I got in, so I didn't bump my head.The natural movement made me feel so familiar, like going back to the short but beautiful two days before.

She reported a place, which is a shopping mall I often go to, and there are a lot of food in it.She asked me what I would like to eat, in the usual gentle voice. "Whatever." I looked sideways out the window, with my back turned to her, and said without turning my head.Compared to her tenderness, I am cold and unfeeling/disinterested.

"How about going to eat Korean food?" She didn't give up communicating with me because of my casual sentence, and still asked for my opinion.Why are you being so gentle to me?Why do you tolerate me so much?What can I do, why should you?

"Yeah." I still didn't look back, I don't know what her expression is behind me, I just know that I want to stay away from her, from this woman who is more addictive than drugs, although I have never taken drugs, but I also know the dangers of her drug, and what will happen if I become addicted to this drug.

After that, it was very quiet in the carriage until the destination. She didn't say anything or ask me anything, and I didn't say anything, just immersed in my own world.After getting out of the car, she came to hold my hand naturally, but I avoided it and put my hand in my pocket.She took a deep look at me with doubts in her eyes. I didn't give her any chance to speak. I turned around and walked towards the Korean restaurant first. I knew she would follow.Here is a Korean restaurant, I have eaten there two or three times, I know how to get there, and I don't need her to bring it.

As a place by the window, I like the place by the window very much, and she likes it too, so every time we choose a place by the window.

As soon as I sat down, I turned my head and looked out the window without looking at her, but I focused all my attention on her, aiming at her out of the corner of my eyes and listening to her.She accepted the menu and tableware from the waiter and thanked her.

She flipped through the menu and asked me what I wanted to eat, but I answered casually without even looking at her.Finally, she put down the menu, looked at me worriedly, and asked, "Linlin, what's wrong with you? Are you uncomfortable?"

"No." I said perfunctorily, feeling uncomfortable?I am so indifferent, why is she still so worried about me, shouldn't she be angry and ignore me?Isn't that good for everyone?

"Really?" She asked eagerly.

"No." Sorry, sorry, please don't ask yourself, I can't control my tears.

"Then why have you been so indifferent since the beginning? Did I say or do something wrong? Did I say that we are like boyfriend and girlfriend and you are angry?" Feeling her uneasiness, I kept denying in my heart, My dear, you are not wrong, it is me who is wrong, it is me.

"No." The third "no", she didn't say anything, just kept looking at me, as if she wanted to see through me, and I kept looking out the window, not daring to meet her eyes.

"Then what's wrong with you?" After a long time, she took a deep breath and let it out before asking.

"I said, I didn't." I was a little impatient, and growled back at her.I don't know how many sorry I said in my heart, the pain in my heart seems to be felt only by myself, so hurting her is not self-harm?She is the one I love, the one I want to love and take good care of, but I am the one who hurts her.My dear, don't ask any more, I'm really going to collapse, I want to love but can't love the pain, my dear, do you understand?Honey, get angry, go away, honey, stay away from me, please.

It was the first time we fell into such an extremely embarrassing situation. She didn't speak, and I didn't speak either. I turned my head and looked out the window again.She didn't say anything, and didn't ask for my opinion anymore. She just looked at the menu quietly, then ordered, and helped me wash the dishes as skillfully as before.

We didn't speak a word until the end of the meal. I looked out the window, and she was always facing me. I don't know if she was looking at me or something else.I'm sorry, dear, it's obviously my fault, but I selfishly let you bear the consequences, I'm sorry.

When eating, she would pick up vegetables for me from time to time. She didn't have to feed me like last time, but just put them in my bowl.I silently accepted her careful care, while my heart ached, the better she treated me, the more my heart ached, the more I indulged in her tenderness, the more reluctant I was, the more I couldn't let her go.Honey, what should I do with you?

A piece of piano music slowly came out from the speaker of the mobile phone, is it him?That "boyfriend".Probably asked me if I would eat or not.I motioned to her and left my seat to answer the phone, instinctively, I didn't want her to hear anything about "boyfriend".

"Hey."

"Linlin, where are you? Have you eaten yet?"

"I'm outside, ready to eat."

"With your sister?"

"Ah."

"Well, do you want me to pick you up later?"

"No, I'll go back by myself."

"Okay, then come back and tell me."

"What's wrong?"

"No, I'm worried about you." I didn't know how to answer.

"Anyway, if you want me to pick you up, just call me. If you come back by yourself, you will be there and tell me."

"it is good."

"Then eat well, bye."

"Goodbye." I hung up the phone, thinking about how to break up with him, the better he is, the more guilty I am.The more he dragged on, the deeper he would sink. It would be better to say earlier that it was a mistake to agree to him at the beginning.

I went back to my seat, and the bowl was full, all of which I like to eat.No, she called almost everything I like to eat.I glanced at her, and she smiled at me, as if she was saying to finish eating.I didn't say anything, and continued to eat obediently.

After dinner, we walked out of the restaurant together, she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, I shook my head and refused, I wanted to leave, I wanted to run away from her.I can no longer stay alone in a space with her, and now being alone makes me feel very painful, a pain that cannot be loved.I miss her very much, I really miss her, and I also really want to see her, take a good look at her seriously, but I can't, I can't.I was afraid that if I looked at her one more time, I would not be able to bear the love in my heart, so I rushed up and hugged her tightly, and told her the desire in my heart.I can't do that, it will ruin our current relationship, if I do that, she will look at me coldly like in her dream, tell me that we are just sisters, and then walk away without looking back , Losing all her tenderness from then on.I don't want that, I'll go crazy that way, I don't want to be disgusted by her, I don't want to be hated by her, I don't want to.So I would rather we keep some distance, just like before, it doesn't matter even if we don't contact each other for several years, as long as we meet once in a while and think of me naturally occasionally, that's enough.At least I'm still good in her heart, at least she won't disgust me and hate me, we are still good sisters.

"Then... are you going back to school?" Her voice was a little unnatural.

"Yeah." I lowered my head, not daring to look at her, and replied simply.

"Then I'll take you back."

"No, I'll just go back by myself." I refused.

... We fell into silence again. I know that silence will always exist between us in the future. Silence may be the way we get along in the future. Thinking of this, my heart feels like being torn apart. It is clear that the last time we met They were still joking and fighting with each other, now?It was me who changed, it was my greed and selfishness that caused us to become like this, hehe, it really deserves it, who made me think about my own cousin, it was all my fault, it was me deserve it.

She flagged a taxi for me, stuffed me into it, and then got in herself. "What are you doing?" I turned to her.

"I came all the way to find you, and you just have a meal with me?" She looked at me and said.When I touched her gaze, I turned my head away. Eyes also betray a person's heart. I can't let her notice my greedy and admiring eyes.

"Hi, go to XX Hotel." She was probably used to my silence, seeing that I ignored her, she directly told the driver the destination.

"Why are you going to the hotel? Don't you go back to school?" I looked at her in surprise, I thought she would take me to other places or send me back to school, but she actually said to go to the hotel, what are you doing in the hotel? ?

"What do you think I want?" She looked at me and asked back.

The author has something to say:

What do you think she wants? [evil laugh]