15 diary

Xie still locked himself in the room alone.Looking at the scald on his hand, he burst into tears, never crying so brokenly.Lu Heng is dead, Lu Heng is dead, he, dead...

The scar on his hand was the imprint of his first relationship with Lu Heng. It was originally beautiful, but now there is only pain left.

He remembered that Lu Heng said at the time: "Yiran, if you want to take the D University exam, I will go too, okay?"

He said, "Up to you."

"If I don't pass the exam, you will wait for me in University D for a year, okay?"

"You can't pass the exam."

"Won't you just wait for me for another year?"

"You only have four years, and I will graduate."

"Then can you wait?"

"..."

"Four years?...Can you wait?"

"..."

"Are you waiting for me?"

"……it is good."

"Really!!" Lu Heng excitedly stood up from the stool and rushed over, hugging him from behind. He remembered that when he was pouring water, the hot boiling water was knocked down on the back of his hand.

Lu Heng felt regretful and distressed when he saw it. If he hadn't stopped him, he would have poured water on his hands as a punishment childishly.He still remembered that he said at the time: "Yan, at this time next year, let's go to get the certificate."

Xie is still leaning against the corner, thinking about the past, he can't go back, it won't come true, his tears are more and more collapsing, next year, the year after, forever, never will be possible, he is dead...

Now I realized why he was so reluctant to part with me when he hugged me, and why he kept saying that he didn’t want to leave when he hurt himself in the bar. At that time, he already knew his illness, he was mad, he was afraid, and he didn’t want to leave Himself... But he just didn't tell himself anything in the end...

It's just that I blame him for all these years...

Ji Bei was looking for Xie Yiran everywhere, and he called Lu Jue: "Lu Heng, are you home yet? Did Yiran go back?"

"I'm Lu Jue." Lu Jue's voice was a little hoarse, and he looked at the community behind him in a daze.

When Ji Bei heard that he admitted that he was Lu Jue, he was a little surprised, but he also faintly felt what happened.His tone also became equally heavy: "Lu Jue...how is he?"

Ji Bei knocked on Xie Yiran's door, but he didn't open the door. He knocked a few more times: "Yiran, I know you're inside...you can open the door for me, okay?"

There was still no response from inside, Ji Bei was a little worried, he took the key that Xie Yiran had provided before and opened the door.

Open the door and come in. There is no one in the living room. When I entered the bedroom, I saw Xie Yiran sitting on the ground beside the bed. There was no trace of life in his red and swollen eye sockets, his eyes were out of focus, and tears were streaming down unconsciously. He was so powerless. Leaning there, when Ji Bei came in, he didn't respond at all.

That way, it makes people feel sour when they see it.

Ji Bei went over and sat down beside him, seeing him like this, he couldn't help but feel the pain in his heart.He wiped his tears for him, and said softly: "Still...I'm sorry..."

Xie still looked at him, and laughed ironically: "Why do you all say sorry to me? In fact, no one owes me..."

"Yiran, I just hope you are well, don't do this." Ji Bei looked at him worriedly.

"Okay... okay?" Xie Yiran closed his eyes, and a tear flowed down the corner of his eyes again, his voice was deadly quiet: "...It's not going to work, Ji Bei...I can't help it..."

Ji Bei looked distressed at his helpless appearance. He knew that he really had no choice but to help him. He could only hug Xie Yiran and his thin shoulders. His voice followed his sadness, but he didn't know what to do. How to comfort him.I have always hoped to take good care of him, but now, it is so useless.

The lie is finally broken, and no one can hide it forever.Lu Jue is Lu Jue after all, and Lu Heng is Lu Heng after all.Their personalities are very different, and it is because their love is too deep that they can't see clearly the flaws again and again.

When Mingchen arrived with an umbrella, he saw Ji Bei walking on the road with a dazed expression on his face. Seeing him soaked in the rain, he hurried over to help him keep out the rain.

"Squad leader, what are you doing! It's so cold..." Mingchen was in a hurry, but when he saw Ji Bei's eyes filled with suppressed tears, he was so frightened that he immediately shut up.

Ji Bei looked at Ming Chen, tears finally came out of his eyes, Ming Chen was frightened, he had never seen Ji Bei who was always cheerful and smiling like this, seeing him like this, he couldn't help but want to cry with him : "Squad leader..."

"I can't see him like this..." Ji Bei choked up, "I can't see him still like this..."

Mingchen also cried out: "I can't see you like this either! Don't be like this, monitor..." Mingchen cried and held an umbrella with Ji Bei.

Ji Bei opened his umbrella and held on to the fence weakly. He shook his head with a sad expression: "I thought I could make him recover, but I can't, except for that person to come back, no one can... But what should I do?! Lu Heng is dead!" At this point, Ji Bei cried out in a mixture of grief and anger: "Lu Heng, bastard, the biggest mistake in his life was to hurt Yiran! How can he die! He can't die... Yiran What should I do? What should I do anyway..." Ji Bei clenched his fists and smashed hard against the hard fence. He hated himself, hated his uselessness.

When I found out from Hannah that Lu Heng had been dead for three years, I really didn't know what to do?How should I tell Xie Yiran this reality?I don't have the courage to tell him, and I still can't bear this reality... Thinking of the text message Lu Heng sent me three years ago, I know that I can't tell Yiran.

"Squad leader, don't do this!" Ming Chen saw his hands hitting the fence continuously, the blood on his hands was diluted by the rain, dripping down, and hurriedly threw the umbrella to stop him.

Ji Bei pushed him away, Ming Chen still wanted to stop him from hurting himself, he hugged him: "Squad leader, don't do this! Why do you hurt yourself like this..."

"Because I love him!" Ji Bei shouted, "I love him! Do you know that I love him?"

"I know! Of course I know!" Mingchen also cried and shouted: "But... I like you too, you know! Squad leader, you will be loved by people who look like you, do you know..."

Ji Bei hangs down his hands tiredly, the cold rainwater keeps hitting his hair and dripping down his bangs.He looked at Ming Chen who was crying in front of him: "I know... I'm sorry..."

"I know, I know... We all know, but what can we do if we know..." Ming Chen cried even harder: "I love you, you love teacher, teacher loves others, what should we do? What should we do... The people I like...do not like myself..."

"I'm sorry...Mingchen..." Ji Bei looked at his drenched body guiltily, and felt even more sad when he saw him crying because of himself. Ji Bei frowned: "Don't cry, a man……"

"You cry too, and you still have the face to accuse me?!"

When the rain was about to stop, Ji Bei was still worried that Xie was still at home alone, so he returned to the community.As a result, there was no answer when he knocked on the door.

He opened the door again with the key, and found that the steamed bun was still in the nest with its head hanging low. When he entered the door, he saw a key and a ring on the table.

But in the bedroom, Xie Yiran was gone.

He didn't know where Xie Yiran would go at this time?Called countless times but no one answered, Ji Bei immediately became worried, searched the neighborhood with Ming Chen but couldn't find it, and finally decided to call Lu Jue.

Finally got in touch with Lin Fei again, and everyone started looking for it separately.