15 diary

After Lu Jue finished eating, he ordered another glass of water.After Lu Jue drank a glass of water, Xie Yiran got up, ready to open the door to leave.

"You can live here until I recover." Lu Jue said, his tone was almost persuasive.

Xie Yiran turned back and said, "No, it's not convenient." After speaking, he went to open the door.

"Still." Lu Jue stopped him: "Then what if I plan to eat later?"

Xie Yiran stopped.

Lu Jue said: "After all, I saved you, so you won't be irresponsible?"

He clearly knew that Lu Jue did it on purpose, but Xie still couldn't do anything about it. He was right, he had to be responsible, and he couldn't just watch him with his wounds unhealed, alone at home without being taken care of.

Seeing that Xie was still hesitant, Lu Jue glanced at the only bed in the room again, and said with a smile: "Why don't you sleep on the bed, and I'll sleep on the sofa."

Xie Yiran turned around and shook his head, "No need, I'm sleeping on the sofa, you are a patient." He walked to the sofa and sat down.

Lu Jue smiled.I deeply feel that my plan is very good. Although the trick is shameful, it works for kind people.Still him, too kind.

Xie was still sleeping on the sofa in the living room, and Lu Jue was sleeping in the bedroom, but even though the door was closed, the light in the bedroom door could still be seen overflowing through a crack on the floor.

It seems that Lu Jue still can't face the darkness in the room after the lights are turned off.

The room was very quiet. The room I had lived in for a long time became familiar and strange.Xie was still lying on the sofa, thinking a lot, and then slowly fell asleep unconsciously.

In his sleep, he dreamed of Lu Heng, who called himself "Still", and then smiled at himself.

It's just that the smile was sunny and deep, like Lu Heng's smile, but not like it.The person in the dream is like Lu Heng, and also like another person, he hugged himself sadly, reluctantly, finally, he let go, and the figure is getting further and further away...

Xie Yiran felt very sad, and wanted to say something to keep him, but as soon as he opened his mouth, tears fell first, and the figure was completely blurred and disappeared.

Sitting in the darkness of the living room, Lu Jue took advantage of the light coming in from the balcony, watching Xie Yiran curled up on the sofa, watching him cry in his restless sleep, his heart tightened, but he could only watch quietly he.

Still, it's going to be okay, give me some more time and it will pass and everything will heal.You still have me.

After that, apart from reading and studying, Xie Yiran would also deliver meals to Lu Jue during mealtimes, and would often stay and sleep on the sofa at night.

But Lu Jue never woke up Xie Yiran at night to get something to eat, or to warm a cup of milk. He just suffered from insomnia every night, and then quietly sat beside Xie Yiran and looked at him.

That's almost a month.

Xie woke up overnight without warning, and saw Lu Jue sitting next to him lost in thought.

A figure sitting in the dark in front of him startled Xie Yiran. After experiencing Zhang Zhiyang's incident, Xie Yiran was very defensive, and he was about to pick up the pillow and throw it at him.Only when he saw clearly that it was Lu Jue did he control it.

"Lu Jue?" Xie Yiran sat up and looked at him strangely.

"I just got up to pour a glass of water. Seeing that your quilt has fallen off, come over and cover it for you." Lu Jue concealed, then got up to turn on the light and pour water.

Xie Yiran watched him go into the kitchen to get a cup, and didn't say anything, just sat on the sofa and didn't feel sleepy.

Seeing that the sky outside the window was turning pale, it was almost 05:30, Xie Yiran folded the quilt on the sofa and put it in the cabinet, not going to sleep anymore.

Lu Jue seemed to have received a phone call, speaking in English, it should be from Sean.It's just that the tone this time is different from the previous ones, it's no longer as blunt and indifferent as before.

Xie Yiran went into the bathroom to wash up.

He had always wanted to ask Lu Heng why he didn't like his grandfather?And now it seems that the relationship between Lu Jue and Sean is also very distant.

After coming out, Xie Yiran only saw Lu Jue holding a water glass in his hand, and his slender figure standing in front of the window, staring at the gradually brightening sky outside the window.

The hot air in the water glass slowly drifted upward from the mouth of the glass. He turned his face to himself, and the emotion in his voice was a little vague: "Grandpa is getting old, and many things can be seen gradually. His health is getting worse and worse now. .”

This is the first time Xie Yiran has heard Lu Jue call Sean "grandpa".

Regarding Sean, Xie Yiran didn't know how to discuss it with him, so he sat down beside him and listened quietly.

He knew that although Lu Jue often showed indifference to Sean, if possible, he didn't actually want to be far away from him.Because Lu Jue, like Lu Heng, is not an indifferent person.

Lu Jue looked at the sky outside and the window lights that were lit up one after another.Slowly said: "My brother and I never met him when we were young. The first time we met was the day before our parents divorced, and they divorced the next day. We still don't know whether their divorce has anything to do with Sean. But we know that he doesn't like his father, he doesn't like me and my brother, so even though we are relatives, we have never met.

Later, when I came to live in the United States, everything was arranged, from schoolwork, work and rest to making friends, getting a girlfriend, and even a marriage visa was like signing a contract.I hate being arranged and keep ostracizing.But my mother has a bad heart and a very bad mental condition. She doesn't want me to quarrel with Sean. She hopes that I will follow the arrangement and take over Venus.The fight with Sean was about refusing to be engaged to Hannah, she had a heart attack, she couldn't get it back, and her wish was for me to marry that woman.

When she was young, she was also a woman who advocated the pursuit of love, but at the end of her life, she gradually became steadfast. Her girlfriend left her, and she was distorted in despair. In her world, love can be stifled, and she only wants to believe in family affection .And she thinks that the way to strengthen the relationship between my grandfather and me is to obey.Ask me to obey the arrangement. "

This is why Lu Jue compromised and married Hannah.

Facing Lu Jue's back, Xie still couldn't see his expression clearly, but he could see that he had helpless and compromised love for his sick mother, but he also had undisguised resentment.

At that time, Lu Jue was also suffering from the torment of his heart. No one could empathize with that sense of insecurity, the sense of hesitation that would go away more than him. He understood his mother's selfishness and blamed her for it.But after all, that was his biological mother.Although she didn't understand herself anymore, after all, she had given herself the most love and care as a mother before that.

"So you are alienated from your grandfather because of your mother?" Xie Yiran asked.

"I just hate him for using her to control me. I hate being controlled. He knows I can't do anything with my mother, so he always asks her to negotiate with me." Lu Jue put down the cup in his hand and sat down on the sofa.

"Maybe your grandfather just expressed his feelings in the wrong way... After all, he is your grandfather, and he hopes you are well." Xie still didn't know what to say, so he could only comfort him: "Inheriting the family business and so on, I also hope that you will be like him." Just as powerful."

Lu Jue just smiled: "I used to raise a cat."

"Cat?" Xie still couldn't figure out that with Lu Jue's temperament, he would think about raising a cat.

"Every time my brother comes to America to visit me, he always mentions you and how jealous he is of your cat."

Lu Jue laughed when he said that, at that time he couldn't understand what kind of love could make people jealous like this?But after returning to China, seeing Yiran again, he understood.This kind of love is the kind that you can't control when you get close, and the kind that you can't lose even if you exchange the whole world.

Lu Jue said: "I remember the way he talked about steamed buns, and I raised one accordingly."

Xie was still very surprised. He never thought that Lu Jue would raise a cat because of himself.Could it be that since then he has begun to notice himself?

In fact, Xie still didn't know that Lu Jue's attention to him was earlier than then, not later than Lu Heng.

Lu Jue leaned his back on the sofa, and continued: "But that cat was drowned, and the white fluffy ball was floating in the swimming pool. All the servants stood by the pool and watched, but no one dared to go there without authorization. To fish it up, I jumped down to fish it up, to bury it."

When Lu Jue said this, he let out a breath between his teeth, like a sigh, and there seemed to be a trace of compassion in his eyes.

That's why, when he saw Mantou for the first time, he would not be hostile to Mantou like Lu Heng before. He could take care of it patiently, as if treating something he had lost.

He remembered the day before the cat's death, because he decided to take it to the animal hospital himself, and refused to go on a "blind date" with a woman he couldn't remember.

That time he ignored Sean's arrangements and lost the cat.

Although he was very angry and wanted to continue to behave confrontationally, he never had a cat again.

Because he is still rational, he knows that sometimes, revenge and resistance are easy, but it is also possible to implicate and hurt the things he cares about again.

He could have ten more cats, but they could all die again.

He also had to bury his secret love, because he knew that Sean was against Lu Heng and Xie Yiran, and his own love would aggravate Sean's hostility towards Yiran.

So Lu Jue knew that only when he was enough out of control, could he protect everything he cared about.So he started working hard, getting strong enough to get away from Sean.

"Maybe I pay too much attention to it every day. He knows what I care about, and depriving others of what they care about is the most painful punishment for disobedient people." Lu Jue sneered with some sarcasm: "His The method? It’s not about giving and how to express it, but directly using “deprivation” as a warning and punishment, and it’s only the delivery of business and interests, and other people’s likes and dislikes and feelings are not important at all.”

Looking at Lu Jue's lonely eyes, Xie still feels a little sad for him. He is not as lucky as Lu Heng. He has never had a healthy heart since he was a child. He grew up living with his grandfather who has no family.

Everyone wants to be cheerful and warm, but he never seems to have the chance.

Xie Yiran felt a little moved, went to sit down beside Lu Jue, and said softly: "Your grandfather will understand in the future, after all, he only has you as a family member now. Maybe you can try to communicate with him in a different way. I didn't see you when you were young, maybe it's just that the way you express between you is always wrong."

"I can't communicate with him. Unless it's a contract." Lu Jue was expressionless.

"Lu Jue... No matter what the relationship is, I can't wait to delay it. A misunderstanding proves that there is still a chance. When there is no chance, nothing will be there." Xie Yiran's eyes were a little sad, as if thinking of the past. Many things.

"When I was young, my parents and I went to the countryside to visit my grandparents. I pestered my grandma to knock the biggest peach on the treetop for me to eat. My grandma gave me the knock. I was very happy holding the peach, but my grandma fell She fell, she was old, and suddenly couldn't get up after a fall, and really, the doctor couldn't save him.

That was the first time my dad hit me, he hit me hard, and it was my grandpa who protected me.Later, I couldn't forgive myself. If I didn't want to eat the peaches on the tree, grandma wouldn't fall off the bench.Grandpa just told me that grandma was very satisfied because I ate peaches.

I was young at the time and couldn't understand the meaning of my grandfather's words. Later, I gradually understood that he wanted to say that my grandma had no regrets when she left.She knows that she loves me and that I am happy because of her love. When she closed her eyes, she saw the joy when I was holding a peach.

Although we couldn't go further, but at the end of our life, we never quarreled, complained, regretted, even if we had quarrels and misunderstandings, but because it is impossible to cut off the real connection of blood thicker than water, we can resolve it after all. , is to forgive after all.

This is the meaning of relatives, to see some smog clearly while each other still has a chance, don't wait for the fog to clear, and the people will also disperse. "

Maybe it's the quiet sky that makes people feel sad, maybe it's the hidden past in each other's hearts that has been quietly raised. Since knowing Lu Jue's identity, this is the first time that Xie Yiran and Lu Jue can talk so much calmly.

Lu Jue looked at him with a smile: "Thank you, Yiran." He held Xie Yiran tightly in his arms.