Point

He Tianxi returned to her house after more than two months.

When I left, I didn’t expect that I would not come back for so long, because Xing Congjing usually doesn’t like her aunt coming to clean the house. For more than two months, no one came to the house, and all the furniture was covered with a thin layer of dust.

There was also a thin layer of dust on the floor, and the moment the door was opened, it gave off a feeling of almost suffocating loneliness.He Tianxi stood at the door of this small three-bedroom apartment, rubbing his hands repeatedly on the doorknob. In the evening, the room was empty and dark. When he looked from the direction of the door, the whole picture was gray, as if Somewhere in the corner there is a giant beast ready to devour people.

This sense of coercion, almost of fear, made it impossible for He Tianxi's feet to move forward an inch.He held the doorknob of the door with his hand, hung his head, and didn't move for a long time.

The sound of the elevator door opening came from the corridor, and the sudden sound pulled He Tianxi's fall. He withdrew his hand on the doorknob, and managed to regain his breathing.

He Jialin complained to him in a low voice at the elevator: "I asked you to wait for me to stop, why didn't you wait for me?"

He Tianxi didn't speak.

He Jialin came over, she pushed open the door with only a gap, and stepped in first, she reached out and pressed the headlight in the living room.

The light made He Tianxi close his eyes and take a step back.

He Jialin frowned after turning on the light: "Isn't auntie cleaning it? It's so dirty?"

He Tianxi closed his eyes and replied in a hoarse voice: "He doesn't like housekeepers coming when no one is at home."

He Jialin was silent for a moment, she turned around, pretending to be relaxed and said: "Your place is too dirty, you can't set foot there, or you can stay at my place tonight, and I'll get two housekeepers to come and clean it tomorrow, and you can come back sleep?"

He Tianxi opened his eyes, he rubbed his messy hair which he hadn't done for a long time, and made a very relaxed expression: "Forget it, don't bother me, I'll just sleep for one night and take care of packing something, We will move back home in a few days, and it happens to be my mother’s birthday next month, so she must invite a lot of people.”

He Jialin raised her hand to wipe off the dust accumulated on the table, and she raised her dusty fingers to He Tianxi: "I am here to accompany you at night?"

He Tianxi shook his head, and even made a joke: "Lonely men and widows live in the same room, how can I find a partner in the future?"

He Jialin looked at him suspiciously, and suddenly couldn't tell whether this person really cried out and felt better, or he was just pretending to be relaxed here, He Jialin still wanted to talk, He Tianxi took a deep breath, and finally stepped into the room. A house I haven't been back for a long time.

He turned his head and looked around at the layout of his house, he clearly hadn't been back for two months, but it was as strange as someone else's home, it was anyone's home in this world, anyway, it wasn't the house He Tianxi was familiar with.

He Tianxi wiped her forehead with her hand, and said with a smile: "Otherwise, sister, you can clean the toilet for me before leaving."

He Jialin replied in a conditioned reflex: "I am your nanny?"

He Tianxi smiled, his complexion was not very good-looking, his lips were also pale, and his smile was a little sick.

He Jialin rolled up her sleeves, took the vacuum cleaner at home and really cleaned him up.

He Tianxi didn't stop him either. He walked to the single sofa, stepped on the sofa with his shoes on, and curled up in the sofa.

The buzzing sound of the vacuum cleaner kept ringing in his ears. He curled up on the sofa and bit his nails. He vaguely heard the voice of He Jialin talking to him. Biting his nails harder and harder until his fingers felt fine and dense pain.

He seemed to hear someone asking him.

——"Does it hurt?"

--pain.

"Say what?" He Jialin walked to him with the buzzing sound of the vacuum cleaner and asked him when he heard his muttering.

He Tianxi retracted her fingers into her palm, turned her head to look at He Jialin, and forced a smile: "I said that you are too slow to clean the house, and you are not quick."

He Jialin rolled his eyes at him, and saw him stepping on the sofa with his shoes on. For a moment, he didn't know whether to blame him for the dust on the sofa or the dirty soles of his shoes. After hesitating for a long time, he asked him to get up and help clean up.

He Tianxi shook his head.

He Jialin didn't come up in one breath: "...I'm used to it." She originally uttered a sentence in one breath, but swallowed the previous name back on the edge of her mouth.Before, this name was always used when she complained about He Tianxi, and it almost caused her a conditioned reflex.And it's really easy to use, but whenever He Tianxi does something or doesn't want to do something, she always likes to joke that "Xing Congjing is used to it", He Tianxi will get up angrily and do the thing, he is like He is a rebellious child who will never grow up. As long as someone in this world criticizes Xing Congjing, he will definitely refute.

She used to tease him a lot.Calling him out for supper at night, He Tianxi stayed at home and was reluctant to come out, so He Jialin laughed at him—"What's the matter, your old Xing grounded you?"

He Tianxi cursed "Fart", and without saying a word, he was there immediately.

Just after twelve o'clock in the morning, He Jialin yelled that it was meaningless to go home, and He Jialin teased him—"Why, Lao Xing told you to go home before twelve o'clock, are you Cinderella?"

He just cursed and threatened that anyone who left before eight o'clock in the morning was a dog.

He Tianxi has been a very easy-to-understand person in He Jialin's eyes for a long time. He is awkward and irritable, and it is very easy to understand what he is thinking.He Jialin felt that Xing Congjing must be able to understand He Tianxi very easily. She felt that the relationship between Xing Congjing and He Tianxi was the same as that between their friends. Xing Congjing liked He Tianxi and also liked to tease He Tianxi.

They would secretly send a message to Xing Congjing while eating supper, saying - "Tianxi said that we won't drink until [-] o'clock tomorrow morning, so don't you care?" The address is attached below.

Sometimes Xing Congjing would say back—"Just drink it, I don't feel at ease drinking with you, can you still pour him down?"

Sometimes reply with a simple "um".He Jialin turned on fire and showed the message to He Tianxi: "It's over, Xizi, your old Xing replied with the word 'um', are you angry?"

He Tianxi stared wide-eyed: "You are fucking sick, why send him a message?"

Then for a long time, he will deliberately pretend that he doesn't care at all, but the actions of his subordinates always light up the screen of his mobile phone frequently.He Jialin would always be amused by his appearance, and sometimes she would secretly poke Yang Eryu and Sun Ji together to appreciate his disagreement, which led He Tianxi to say that breaking up with Xing Congjing was not something she had done. A little credibility.

He Jialin felt that he cared too much about Xing Congjing, and every time he quarreled, he would jump his feet and find various places to hide, either in the hotel where he usually stayed, or at one of them's house for a few days.Xing Congjing was always able to find him very easily, and when he came to him every few days, he didn't even need to say anything. After a few people sat and ate a meal, they chatted so much that there was nothing wrong with the two of them quarreling. In any case, after eating, Xing Congjing would bring He Tianxi home like a primary school student waiting for his parents to pick him up from school.

He Jialin can understand He Tianxi. As a bystander, she can see that He Tianxi cares about Xing Congjing. Of course, she also feels that it is impossible for Xing Congjing not to like He Tianxi.

She has known He Tianxi for 28 years, and Xing Congjing for more than ten years.He Tianxi is easy to understand, he is awkward but he can understand at a glance; and Xing Congjing is indeed a smart person, he is not the smart one.At least these few friends are very comfortable with him and feel that others are also calm. He Jialin really can't find any reason to think that a smart person like him would stay with another person for so long because he hates one person.

If He Jialin has to think about the way Xing Congjing hates someone, it must be him who is so chic and unrestrained to remove your enemy from his life list.I don't know why, anyway, He Jialin thinks that Xing Congjing is such a person, and hating someone like him is meaningless, he will not waste his own life just because he hates someone.

He Jialin knew that He Tianxi and Xing Congjing had been together for five or six years, and she was really surprised at the beginning, but she was able to accept it later.She didn't know all the undercurrents between the two of them in private, she didn't understand those things, she could only judge the relationship between the two of them from her own eyes, she didn't understand why He Tianxi said that Xing Congjing hated him, He Jialin couldn't think of anything A kind of hatred is worth a person like Xing Congjing wasting so many years of his life.

The person who has entered the barrier must not be the smarter of the two.

He Jialin's vacuum cleaner went back and forth near He Tianxi's sofa. She thought for a long time before tentatively opening up the topic: "Tianxi, can I ask you some questions?"

The sound of the vacuum cleaner was very ear-piercing in the room, He Tianxi's index finger nails were pitted by him, and the crevice between the fingers was filled with a layer of blood that was still bubbling out, He Tianxi lowered his eyes and continued to pick at his pitted finger: "What? "

"You always felt that Xing Congjing forced you when he was with you?" He Jialin tried to keep her voice steady, as if she was talking about what to eat tonight.

He Tianxi began to tear off the barbs in the crevices of his fingers. He pulled one down. The pain made the back of his head numb, and blood flowed out from the crevices of his fingers. He said: "I called him sick at the time, let him Fuck off. He told me he was a piece of shit, that he bothered me and that I should make it up to him."

"..." He Jialin was silent for a long moment, "Although it has been a long time now, have you ever thought that the reason why you have been with him for so long and that you like him is because of what he has done? made you sick?"

He Tianxi stretched out his hand and pressed his fingertips, causing blood to swell out from the seams of his fingers. He whispered, "I don't like him..." He added after a while, "I dare not like him."

He Jialin said: "I read a book before. In the book, the coerced person will force himself to like that person in order to make himself feel better after being coerced."

He Tianxi tilted his head. He looked in He Jialin's direction. The vacuum cleaner in her hand was still working, making harsh noises. He Tianxi reached out and touched her ears, complaining, "It's so noisy."

He Jialin turned off the vacuum cleaner.

He Tianxi let out a long breath: "It's so annoying." He was weak, his whole body seemed to lose strength, he shrank on the sofa, and felt that he was about to flow down the sofa to the floor like water.

He Jialin turned around and put the vacuum cleaner back in place.

He Tianxi's voice sounded right behind her——

"Xing Congjing came to my house when he was a teenager. The room prepared for him was on the third floor. I lived on the second floor at that time. Because my mother said that there would be a little brother who was about my age to accompany me, and my aunt cleaned the room. At that time, I took some of my favorite toys to his room. On the day he came, I was a little nervous and shy. I stood on the stairs and asked who he was. I was angry for several days, and felt that he didn’t know what was good. Then for several days in a row, he helped my aunt downstairs to prepare breakfast, pack things, and pour milk for me during breakfast, so I didn’t get angry with him so much. Later he took me to play and taught me to catch birds in the yard at home. I caught several birds at that time. After my parents arranged his school, he always brought me small gifts when he came back from school, something Both. When I was young, I thought that Xing Congjing was so damn good. Why is he so good? He knows everything and knows everything, so I like to cling to him. I always sneak into his room to sleep with him at night. Xing Congjing Do you know that Jing often had nightmares when he slept at night, he was always awakened by nightmares at night, he couldn't sleep well, and there were always two dark circles under his eyes. At that time, I didn't dare to ask him, I secretly asked my brother I just found out that his family has passed away, so I don’t know what to do. I chat with him, play with him, and play Lego with him when he can’t sleep. I don’t like playing with those things, but Xing Congjing plays with them When I was relatively calm, I was making trouble next to him, and he didn't talk about me. He was very kind to me when he was a child.

"He was good to me when I was young, you know? When I fell, he turned around in a hurry and walked a long way with my back. My mother wouldn't let me do that, so he took me there secretly, I want to climb a tree to see a bird's nest, and he took pictures of me after climbing the tree for me to see...

"He's really nice. I don't know why he didn't care about me after he went to college. I asked him to go home to see me, but he perfunctorily said he was busy. I went to see him on weekends and thought he had lost weight. I don’t know what happened. I was an idiot when I was a teenager. I treated him to dinner and bought him a lot of clothes, but he didn’t even smile at me. I think he’s out of his mind. He I also think he is mentally ill if he ignores me. I had such a good relationship with him before, but he just ignores me and ignores me. I really don’t understand.

"I called him a few days before my birthday and asked him to come to celebrate my birthday. He couldn't say it. I was very angry. I was too angry, so I scolded him. Then he came every few days, and I was quite happy. , I’m also very happy that he didn’t prepare a gift for me, I haven’t seen him for a long time, I miss him a lot.”

After He Tianxi spoke for a long time, he was silent for a long time, and then began to unconsciously gnaw on his middle fingernail. He bit his own nail for a long time.

He Jialin called him, and his consciousness came back a little bit. He said "Oh" slowly, wiped his bloody fingers on his trouser legs, and then stretched out his hand to pull the hair on his forehead. His eyes were a little blank. He also complained: "Sister Jialin, you are so gossip."

He Jialin didn't speak.

He Tianxi continued: "But I'm an idiot. Anyway, I've always been a fucking idiot, and you all make jokes about me all day. I'm actually quite happy that he came, but I deliberately satirized him..."

He Tianxi seemed to need a lot of strength to say a word. He was quiet for a long time before he could say a word, and then asked a little blankly: "Do you think he is angry and hates me just because of this?" He has never recalled the things he has done, never carefully recalled the life he has experienced, and never reflected on himself.

He asked himself in a daze: "He didn't like our family in the first place. He felt that he was dependent on others, and I always looked high above him. That's why he told me he hates me when I'm here, he hates me."

He Jialin felt that He Tianxi had fallen into a strange circle of logic. From her understanding of Xing Congjing, this was not something worth remembering for a long time. If Xing Congjing wanted to, he could completely follow him in his future life. He Tianxi didn't meet any more, He Jialin tried to appease He Tianxi: "You think wrong."

He Tianxi paused, rubbing his fingers against the seam of his trouser legs: "He told me that his whole family passed away due to a construction accident. I didn't know the reason at the time, and I didn't know how to continue this topic. I went I never dared to bring up this topic with him, sometimes he would cry when he wakes up from nightmares at night, I dare not ask him, and I can’t find a way to comfort him.”

He Jialin paused.

He Tianxi buried his head in his knees, and it took him a long time before he said in a muffled voice: "He told me that the developer of the house is my parents' company, and that he has lived in my house for so many years. Just living in a nightmare."

He Jialin hesitated for a moment, suddenly didn't know what to say.

He Tianxi hoarse voice: "But, I really don't understand. I had such a good relationship with him before, and I had such a good relationship with him. Why did he suddenly hate me when he said he hated me? He hated me because I belonged to my parents. My son hates me, he hates me because I bleed our family's blood, that's unreasonable, right, sister Jialin, just as long as I'm not my parents' son..."

It's true that He Tianxi has passed more than ten years and still doesn't understand.This is a kind of joint responsibility. For Xing Congjing, this is the original sin of his name He Tianxi, even if he didn't know anything before, even if he felt that he had a good relationship with Xing Congjing when he was in his teens. Sleeping on the same bed with hugs can't make up for the original sin of his parents' blood.

He Tianxi had no choice. He couldn't face Xing Congjing after he became an adult, and he was really depressed for a long time because of this kind of bewilderment. He left home and Xing Congjing's side, but Xing Congjing wanted to come again. Come to despise and ridicule his attitude towards life, feel that his pain is not worth mentioning, and let him continue to suffer.

——Xing Congjing's heart is too cruel, so he can't help but think that this person really hates himself.After a few years, I still have to find myself to let myself repay the bad consequences caused by my parents' company.

He Jialin said that she likes Xing Congjing, and He Tianxi wonders how cheap a person is to like such a person.

It was absolutely impossible for He Tianxi to admit such a thing when Xing Congjing was alive, but after Xing Congjing died, everything seemed meaningless, and all the things that happened before were no longer meaningful.

He Tianxi went from being shocked and unbelievable when he knew that this person hated him to being sad and decadent because of the change in the relationship between the two when he was in his early twenties, and even now at the age of 29, all his self-righteous resistance in seven or eight years has disappeared any meaning.

Even if all the possible results between the two of them in his mind are that he and Xing Congjing hated each other and lived until they died together, he might have to barely react until the second before he died. Tell Xing Congjing the truth, and he still laughs at Xing Congjing—"You're an idiot, you think you took revenge on me for the rest of my life, and this is how I've been with you all my life, do you accept it now?"

In his imagination, he would only ask this person sincerely one second before the white cloth was covered—"Xing Congjing, you live in this world, do you even have a happy day after the accident at home? "

Up to now, it has come to an end that no one can ask.