living guilt

9.

Shu Can's irritability became more and more serious. Bai Qingyuan felt that he was in a bad mood these days, so he went to the hospital every now and then, pestering him to treat guests to dinner. How could Shu Can have time to take care of him? Others are on the night shift.

He still goes home very late every day, and sometimes drives the car in the opposite direction for no reason, probably because every time Bai Qingyuan comes to bother him, he always mentions Shichen to him intentionally or unintentionally.

In the middle of the night, Shu Can and his colleagues received a car accident report. The back of his head hit the ground, and the ground was red and white. He squatted down and pressed the man's collapsed chest. His mouth and nose were still breathing, but the man must be useless. Red and green lights flashed in front of him, and he was wearing a mask on the road, so no one could see how his hands were shaking.

The crying and noisy family members become paralyzed when they see too much. Colleagues are habitually pretending to play with equipment on the patient. It seems that they have done some emergency treatment. That is a psychological comfort. Most patients have lost their Without self-consciousness, there will be no chance to return to the light.

Shu Can supported her forehead in the emergency operating room, tacitly agreed with her colleagues on what to do, waiting for the patient to finally stop breathing.The place where he was standing was next to the patient's arm. That kind of person's slight discoloration after death is very obvious but inconspicuous. Shu Can is sensitive to the bluish-gray color that loses blood red, and imagining it.

Because he didn't see Shi Yun for the last time.

He was also rescuing a patient with heart and lung failure that day, and when he came out seven hours later, everything changed, the patient was alive, and time was gone.He was tricked into going home and locked up in an emergency. No one rescued Shi Yun, and he might not even need to do any consoling gestures. Shu Can could not forgive anyone, anyone, including Shi Chen, including herself, when Shi Yun left. When he was young, no one was by his side, and no one let him see the world for the last time.

He hated Shi Chen, just like hating himself.

The first thing he did after he was able to go out was to find Shi Chen and beat him up. Shi Chen didn't say a word, and Shi Chen who didn't speak seemed to acquiesce to the crime that he couldn't justify.Shu Can remembers that she calmly and seriously told him to fuck off.

"The farther you want to roll, the better. Roll as far as you can, and roll as far as you can."

Shi Chen really got out.However, Shu Can had to realize belatedly that when Shi Chen rolled, no one could rescue him from the crazy and inexhaustible pain and heartache when he thought of Shi Yun.

He regretted it, and he wanted to arrest Shi Chen and make him, like himself, repent, suffer the pain of repentance, and suffer the sin of repentance.

Sinners are not entitled to escape.

10.

Life is not a TV series, life is just life, it is difficult for Shu Can to catch Shi Chen as smoothly as in the TV series.

More than two months, approaching the end of the new year, Xiao Wu, an intern in Corey, gave him a copy of the night shift during the festival, and Shu Can almost used up all the night shift for a year in this quarter. Dr. Shu was in a bad mood. The matter gradually became used to in the eyes of everyone in the courtyard, and it became down to the fact that this person was cynical, indifferent, and not easy to get close to.

In the affiliated courtyard, it is basically unscientific for Shu Can to be a director at this age, and more or less some people with great powers know his background, so he is a deputy director, like a charity.But the deputy director has some casual jobs for the deputy director. The director has one class a week at the Soochow University next door, and deputy director Shu has three classes.Xiao Wu is the student that the director has loved all the way, and he is usually left in the attached courtyard to help Shu Can.

Shu Can is very busy, and recently he is even more reticent. He is holding the hemostat on the operating table, staring at Wu Min's sutures. He moved his arms slightly or stood up. He was more stressful than the director. When he got off the table, his arms and shoulders were stiff. Shu Can didn't criticize him or give him pointers. Complicated operations would be done by the side. Show Wu Min a point of view, most of the time it is impatient.The director coaxed Wu Min to say that Shu Can was a very talented doctor, and he could learn a lot from him, and Wu Min accepted it. He was not dissatisfied, but when he thought that Shu Can was only 28 or [-] years old, he was six years older than himself. At the age of seven, he was very depressed.

While Shu Can was having dinner, Wu Min picked up a strange patient for him.The one who was injured came in with some skin damage on the forehead, eyebrows and feet. The problem is not serious. The main reason is that the movement of the shoulders is limited, and the wrist seems to be broken. Wu Min stood up. Long, covering the ears, it is hard to find a big bump near his temple without looking carefully.

Wu Min reached out to grab his hair, but the young man with his head down raised his eyebrows and avoided his hand, "It doesn't hurt here."

The young man looks very weird, he is not very old, his face is clean, his eyes are beautiful, he looks like a very handsome idol face, but his body smells like fish, he is wearing an old-fashioned cotton jacket that does not match his face, and the shoes are fashionable nowadays But the untimely OW and N brand joint shoes.

"Better take a picture, your hands look serious."

"I'm not here to see you, can you prescribe some painkillers for me?"

Wu Min frowned, "No, this is meal time, you can wait for my teacher to come over and take a look at it for you."

"trouble."

"Hi!" Wu Min called to stop the person who stood up, "Aren't you going to wait any longer?"

The young man staggered when he stood up, he stretched out his hand to support the corner of the table, lowered his eyes and said "forget it" in a low voice, and walked out quickly.

11

Hong Bao was waiting outside the clinic. When he saw Shi Chen coming out, he immediately grabbed his coat and walked up and asked anxiously, "How should I say it? Is it important?"

Shi Chen shook his head, the cantilever of the hanging net broke when he was fishing and crabbing in the afternoon, and a few people were hit by the fish in the net, but he was unlucky, he stood on the board and was scraped by the cantilever.The attached courtyard was a third-class college, and Hong Er was afraid of accidents, so he asked Hong Bao to borrow the third-year card of Tuoyu to send him over to have a look.

"You give me the money, you go back first, I will see a doctor by myself, and I will come back tomorrow."

Hong Bao scratched his messy hair, he was not as experienced as Hong Er, and he really thought, "Where are you going, do you have acquaintances here?"

"No, I have something at a friend's house and I need to get it."

"That's fine, but my dad gave me 1000 yuan..."

"I want five hundred."

Five hundred is not a loss. Although Shi Chen himself had no common sense standing under the boom, the hit was quite heavy. Hong Bao was there too. He lay on the ground for a long time before getting up. Give.

"Okay... okay...then you...what's going to happen to you...it has nothing to do with me..."

"will not."

Shi Chen took the money and stuffed it into his trouser pocket. "you go"

Hong Bao drove the rumbling three-card to the exit, Shi Chen could see Hong Bao's greasy hand reaching out to pay the parking fee at the charging place, he looked up at the big red light of the affiliated hospital, he didn't stand there for too long, Turn around and leave.

He came here by pinch, he could see that Shu Can had left the emergency room before going in, and he also knew that Shu Can was in the hospital before going to his house.

He was also able to find the key from under the potted plant, and successfully entered the house he thought he would never come to again.

People, if they weren't poor, they really wouldn't have come to this point.

He opened the second drawer of the bedside table, and there was a watch inside.He bought it for Shu Can's birthday last year.

Shi Chen gave this watch to Shu Can on this bed, Shu Can smiled and said it was pretty, then threw it into the drawer casually.Making love with Shu Can is actually not interesting at all, Shi Chen wonders if Shi Yun also needs an enema when he sleeps with Shu Can, at least he does, and every time.

Even if he has eaten a piece of cake, he needs to brush his teeth before he can kiss, and if he sleeps with Shu Can, he has to empty himself so that even his ass smells good.This is different from when you want to eat, but know that you will poop after eating. You have to understand before eating that you have to spit it out. You don’t spit it out with your mouth, you have to use your intestines.Over the years, Shi Chen's intestines have long since failed, and those who have eaten oil will pull out automatically, and even the belly button will not work when the wind blows.

It's not to disgust anyone, it's just that when he thinks about it, Shi Chen doesn't even dare to sit on his bed, he always feels pain in his butt.

This watch was not expensive at the time, a little more than 3, but it was a sky-high price for Shi Chen now. When he left, he felt that since he gave it away, it was already Shu Can's thing, but when he was poor, he felt that if it was a gift If Shu Can doesn't want it when she goes out, it's still her own.

There is no way, it is almost the Chinese New Year.The hotel is closed, he has to rent a house, the fishing season is almost over, and he needs some money to get through the days without work and salary before he can find another job.

Shi Chen was hit by a cantilever when he was carrying a fish basket. His shoulder was fine, but his wrist was a bit swollen. After he decided to sell the watch, he would stay overnight in the urban area and go to another hospital tomorrow to see it. If it goes well, this watch can sell for a little money.

12

Compared with the affiliated hospital, which has more than a dozen large arowanas in the reception hall, the central hospital is much more serious. Shu Can found a place to stand on the second floor in a hurry. He was waiting for his classmates. Chen Zhiping underwent surgery.

Shi Chen is short-sighted, but Shu Can is not.

There is a blood collection room on the left side of the entrance of the central hospital hall. There are rows of seats at the entrance, arranged in an L-shape at the corner. Shi Chen sat on the chair opposite to the outside 50 meters away on the first floor. He looked up and looked around, and then seriously ate bread. .

Shu Can thinks that his life is pretty good for that kind of toast-like slices of bread.

He stood quietly on the second floor and finished smoking a cigarette. Watching Shi Chen eating the whole bag of bread, he grabbed and ate it with one hand at first, and then with both hands. His cheeks bulged and he couldn't see his eyes.

Shu Can completely forgot about Chen Zhiping, he paced down with his hands in his pockets, 50 meters, 40 meters, as if he was going to catch a mouse.

The sensitivity of the mouse should not be underestimated. Shi Chen ate half of the last two slices of bread, and Shu Can could see the crumbs stuck to his face. He squinted his eyes and looked over.

Shi Chen's eyes seemed to be full of live bacteria, and he quickly woke up. Shu Can saw him standing up abruptly, looking around, and before swallowing the thing in his mouth, he moved towards him at a speed sufficient to make Shu Can look sideways. Exit and run.

Shu Can frowned, and when he approached a little faster, he was able to catch up with the silhouette of Shichen running away like crazy outside the glass.Shu Can wanted to chase after him, so she also ran for a while, watching Shi Chen recklessly passing through the traffic with the yellow light still on.

His heart beat fast and he didn't chase after him.

13.

Shi Chen's wrist became more and more swollen day by day, and the bulge on the wrist directly covered the raised bone. Sister Qi found a big ice cube of frozen fish in the refrigerator when she saw it, and told him fiercely to go back and wrap it up. .

He didn't have medical insurance, and he had to pay for the X-rays and all the blood tests, but he ran away before he even had time to see the X-rays and reports.

Shi Chen sighed, put ice cubes and hands in the washbasin while sleeping, and put a bench beside the bed, it didn't hurt even if it was numb from the cold, and miraculously the next day it wasn't so swollen.

He also rented a room, and when he took the key to open the door, sister Qi's son gave him half a box of instant noodles.

It's New Year's Eve, and Sister Qi is going to take her son across half of China and take the train back to her mother's family in Shaanxi.The remaining instant noodles are a New Year's gift for Shi Chen.

Shi Chen didn't have a lot of luggage, and all his relatives in N City automatically cut off contact because of family ties, and Shi Chen didn't even think about looking for them, his university was a normal school, and those who were blood related to his family were engaged in politics Unlike other people, he is obsessively interested in mathematics, and his mathematics, physics and chemistry are so biased that even if he does not take the Chinese test, he will not be worse than No.1.

Until the day when Shi Chen sold his mobile phone, the only person who called and texted him was his mentor.

His tutor said that he could apply for a leave of absence from school for him, and asked him to meet with him, but Shi Chen sold his phone.

On the day he sold the watch in N City, he went to the Internet cafe to sleep all night, and the study materials and specification books he bought online after midnight were one-third of the original price.The address he filled in was Sister Qi’s fast food restaurant. After Sister Qi left, there were basically no people on the pier, but the ferry was still running four times a day. The weather was getting colder and fewer people came to the port. Chen will wait there every day.

The pain in Shi Chen's lower abdomen has not improved. It hurts in the middle of the night, but it is not as serious as a headache. Even if the sea breeze blows outside, he still feels pain, but Fenbid is too expensive, and the effect of the medicine can only be maintained at most. For four hours, Shi Chen didn't take it very often, but he bought it more often, and the people in the pharmacy looked at him very strangely.

On New Year's Eve, Shi Chen heard someone knock on the door for the first time.

It's Hong Bao.

"You're not going home!"

Hong Er doesn't like skinny people, Hong Bao is very fat, and wearing a thick down jacket on his upper body can still show a circle of flesh.Shi Chen shook his head, and said in a calm voice, "I don't have a home." He was sitting on the only stool beside the bed, Hong Bao smiled shyly, and saw that he was reading a book, so he went to look at it.

"Mathematical logic and set theory? What's that??"

"Story of Suspense"

Hong Bao curled his lips, probably unable to continue the conversation with him, he asked Shi Chen again, "You are alone here, my family has many workers, why don't you go to my house to eat wontons at night?"

"It's very lively at night, and you have to make fruit tea if you want to watch the night."

"No. I've eaten."

"What do you want to eat?" Hong Bao looked at the noodles on the table, stretched out a finger and asked, "Just this? Half a bowl?"

Shi Chen didn't want to talk, his frowning brows showed impatience, but Hong Bao didn't care, he clicked his tongue a few times and persuaded, "You have been here for a few months, come to my house today for dinner I will take good care of you afterward.”

"Need not"

"what?"

Shi Chen was quarreled and closed the book, and said sternly, "I won't stay here for a long time, I don't need to know you, or be very close to you."

Seeing Hong Bao stunned for a while, his fat face flushed for a while, and then he walked away cursing, Shi Chen heaved a sigh of relief, a layer of sweat broke out on his forehead, he closed the door, put his head behind the door and knocked softly several times.

14

Shi Chen didn't expect that the excitement that Hong Bao was talking about was not the excitement that he could have imagined.

Before twelve o'clock, Shi Chen managed to fall asleep. The sound of roaring firecrackers resounded through the sky in this small town, with chickens crowing and dogs barking continuously, almost causing Shi Chen to die on the spot.

Behind this flimsy door, his New Year's Eve was unprecedentedly tragic and he stayed up all night.

On the morning of the first day of the new year, he couldn't eat instant noodles, so he took out the noodles, drank some hot soup, and lay down on the bed.There was a second knock on the door. He thought it was Hong Bao again, so he didn't want to open the door, but the knock became louder and louder. Shi Chen just stood up with a heavy head on his head, when the door was kicked open with a "bang", and he was shocked. He stays put.

Three people in police uniforms broke into the door, Shi Chen couldn't see their appearance clearly against the thin light outside the door.

"Your name is Shi Chen?"

"Yes.."

After asking his name, one of them stepped forward and handcuffed his hands, and the other read his crimes as he walked.

"You are suspected of stealing other people's property. Detain it first, and then you will be sentenced after checking the amount of property."

Feng flipped through the books he spread on the table, surrounded by people wearing new clothes and living the new year, just like what he said to Hong Bao, those people who don't need to know or be familiar with.

He was dragged, stuffed into a police car, and just like that, left the bridge abruptly in a very robber way.

15.

Shu Can spent the New Year at Bai Qingyuan's house almost every year.He played mahjong with his aunt in the middle of the night, and his eyes were so red that he didn't wake up until the police station called him at noon. Shu Can said that he was out of town because of something, and he had to go there later, and the people at the police station repeatedly said yes.

His business was to go to Bai Qingyuan's house, watch his aunt force her cat to wear red pet clothes, and watch Bai Qingyuan play a few brutal games.

Until late at night, he thought it was pretty good, it saved time for Chen to run around, and it was so comfortable to be stuck in the trap.

"elder brother?"

Bai Qingyuan waved his hand in front of him, but was slapped away by Shu Can, his uncle laughed, and took the initiative to lean on the wine glass that was held in mid-air. "Shu Can, it's not that I want to persuade the doctor to drink alcohol, but you're not the only doctor in the emergency department for the New Year's Eve today. It's not too much to drink with uncle, right?"

My aunt picked a piece of sweet and sour pork ribs and put it in Shu Can's bowl, and said slowly, "It's okay to drink, but I can only drink a little bit, not too much."

"Qingyuan is not allowed to drink, you have to send brother home."

Except for the hospital, Shu Can never stayed outside.He came back to his senses and listened to what his aunt and uncle said, stood up and offered a toast, and drank it all in one gulp.

It's been so lonely this year.

When the fireworks were set off, no one called again, there was no place to send red envelopes, and there was no place to say how much I missed.

Shu Can only stayed for a short while after eating, and her aunt asked Bai Qingyuan to see him off, but Shu Can refused, so she found a substitute driver and drove all the way to the police station in the west of the city.

16.

Shu Ting'an is from N City, even if he is not politically sensitive, if he wants to be a smart leader in N City, he will be more or less careful about Shu's surname.What's more, the west area of ​​the city is very close to where Shu Can lives, and the law and order are quite good.

If it wasn't for Shu Can's own words and representation, the police station wouldn't have rushed to Heqiao early in the morning of the first day of the new year to arrest him.

The temporary detention place was like a one-sided cage, and the person on duty led Shu Can there, and Shu Can could only confirm Shi Chen by distinguishing.

The hotness brought by the alcohol rose the moment Shi Chen raised his head, Shu Can squatted down with red eyes, and stretched out his hand to drag his face over through the stainless steel fence.Shu Can's deep eyes were full of unbearable hatred, and after confirming that it was Shi Chen's face, Shu Can threw away the pointed jaw, but even if those fingers were removed, the white traces left by the fingerprints were still there. It takes a long time to slowly return to normal skin color.

He met Shang Shichen's amber pupils, and he smiled on the surface, and his voice was gentle.

"Happy New Year, Shichen."