living guilt

17.

When Shu Can took Shi Chen away, the director had just arrived. Shu Can smiled and congratulated each other on the New Year with them, and said that they were going to walk home, so the director specially asked someone to come and see them off.

Shi Chen's one hand was handcuffed to the stainless steel railing all day long, and the hand that was easy to work with was swollen again. He held it with the other hand and felt it was very hot.

The place Shu Can took him was his own house, oh, He Shi Yun's house.Shi Chen has been here several times, but there is no change from what he remembers.Shu Can thought he was dirty, so without saying a word, he dragged him into a bathroom on the first floor. That should not be Shu Can's bathroom, and the room was not Shu Can's room, because soon after, Shi Chen not only heard Shu Can's voice going upstairs , also heard him come downstairs to open the bathroom.

He threw in a bathrobe, and, an enema.

"You know how to do it, don't do it wrong, after all, you have already done one thing wrong."

"......"

Shu Can was smoking again, thin shreds of tobacco came in, like cold water, completely freezing Shi Chen.

"Your fault is that you didn't run far enough, not far enough to catch you."

"You did it on purpose, right? That's what you want."

18.

Shi Chen sat on the toilet, he looked in the mirror, sat for half an hour, looked at it for half an hour.He couldn't pull out anything, only water, yellow, red, and his stomach hurt for a while, and it was connected to that tendon somewhere on the right side of his lower abdomen.

He's a little sick.

Shu Can didn't have much patience with Shi Chen, a few minutes later he opened the door and saw Shi Chen standing stiffly in front of the mirror after taking a shower, so he dragged him out and threw him on the bed.

When Shi Chen was dazzled, Shu Can found a pure black tie from nowhere.When he wanted to tie Shi Chen's eyes, Shi Chen waved his hand away. "I didn't have a bowel cleanse."

This was the first sentence he said after three months, half of the sentence was cold and half of it was hoarse.Shu Can stopped his movements, sat cross-legged beside him, and tilted her head in doubt, "Is that so?"

When Shi Chen closed his eyes, he didn't know what he would suffer, or he knew, but he didn't have the strength to resist.

"I'll help you."

He didn't think about whether to believe Shi Chen's words at all, he didn't even bother to find an enema device, he was a doctor, anyway, there were many bottles and shower gels at home.

He effortlessly lifted Shi Chen to the bathroom again, and half pressed his head down on the bathtub.

After the body wash was expanded, it was easy to pour it in, but he didn't want to expand it too much, so he mixed it with water and poured it into his intestines.

During the pouring, Shu Can saw Shi Chen's bones, the one on the back, it was a whole section of beautiful spine that couldn't be more beautiful, every doctor knew this kind of bone, but it was rare to be able to see it so clearly outside the body Yes, every section is clear and protruding.

Shi Chen was pulled up and placed on the toilet, he was breathing very hard, his eyes were bloodshot.He stared at Shu Can, and Shu Can suddenly kissed him on the lips.

"Good boy." He kissed Shi Chen, whispering like this, while pressing his stomach with his hands.

After taking a shower, a layer of sweat quickly broke out all over his body.Shi Chen suddenly started hiccupping, and every time he hiccupped uncontrollably, his twitching body was accompanied by nerve pain.

Tears are physical, and so are trembling.When Shi Chen pressed the flush button, Shu Can's hand was still on his stomach, a little smile appeared on the corner of his mouth, and he asked, "Have you cleaned it?"

Shi Chen forgot his actions and words, he opened his mouth, and Shu Can kissed him again. "Good baby."

He didn't allow Shi Chen to move, nor allowed him to make a sound, and covered his eyes with the black tie, every movement, every kiss, Shu Can called him "Shi Yun."

19

When Shi Chen woke up, the sheets were a different color, and there was no trace of anyone sleeping beside him. His swollen wrist had been treated and was tied with white gauze. His body was clean, and there was even a glass of water beside the bed. .

This is the softest bed he has slept in in three months, and the best place he has ever lived. Outside his window is no longer the gray winter sea and all kinds of worn underwear hanging in blue illegal buildings, but It's a rose garden.

They are still green rhizomes, green leaves, and next year, they will have green flowers.

Shi Chen sat on the bed with his knees in his arms. After a long time, he rubbed the right side of his head against the knee joint, trying to relieve the headache a little.

The phone at Shu Can's house rang, but he didn't answer it.

He didn't move when the doorbell rang.He stayed in this room very quietly, thinking that the last memory point when he left Heqiao was his book that was opened by the wind blowing in.

20.

Shu Can fed Shichen medicine before going out, but no one answered when he called back, and no one answered when he asked someone to knock on the door, and Shichen was still asleep when he came back after asking for leave at noon.Shu Can tried his forehead with her hand, feeling that the fever was still low.

When he opened Shi Chen's eyelids, there was blood under the skin, and then he opened his eyes by himself.

"How not to answer the phone?"

Shi Chen's eyeballs were larger than the whites of ordinary people, dark amber in color, he reacted very slowly and looked at Shu Can for a while, Shu Can saw him curling his fingers on the white quilt.

"Ok?"

"I didn't hear it."

"Your nails are too long, get up, cut your nails and eat."

Shi Chen lost a lot of weight, and he didn't notice it at night. The moment he stood up, his entire abdomen was sunken, and he could even see the edge of the pelvis under the skin. Shu Can had a feeling that he could see the skin The illusion of the color of the bones in his heart made him startled for a while.

He found the nail clippers for Shi Chen, and went to the restaurant.

Shu Can didn't pack food in the cafeteria, but bought bread and milk in the bakery, and after reheating the milk, Shi Chen hadn't trimmed her nails yet.

Shu Can went to take a look, Shi Chen almost lowered his head to his nails, the nail of the index finger of his left hand was cut too deep by him, and there was some blood.He forgot that Shi Chen's wrist could not move, and he couldn't cut the nails of his left hand.

"Leave it alone, let me do it."

He cut off all the nails with black mud in the crevices, and checked his right wrist. He saw in the morning that there were many wounds of different sizes on the palm and back of Shichen, but he didn't ask. , but raised his wrist "How did this happen."

"Are you concerned about me?"

Shu Can was taken aback for a moment, raised her head and touched his pale face, and said with a gentle smile, "Baby, you deserve it too?"

21.

After Shi Chen ate two slices of bread, he felt impatient with drinking milk while eating bread. He didn't drink the milk at all, but ate the bread instead. Shu Can found him a bowl, soaked the bread in the milk, and gave it to him. a spoon.

Shi Chen didn't resist, he ate obediently with his eyes lowered, like a dog that was abandoned and then picked up by others.

His long eyelashes blinked very slowly, he neither asked questions nor answered Shu Can's questions.

Shu Can asked him to wash the dishes and asked him to clean up, and was responsible for the cleaning work at home, and lived in the house he was living in now.

"Salary?"

"Salary, you use the salary I give you to go to school."

"How much?"

"2000 a month."

"It's a little less, shouldn't it be more when you go to bed?"

Shu Can smiled at him, laughing at his innocent face, "You didn't sleep with me, it was Shi Yun who slept with me."

Shi Chen pursed his lips, as if he had automatically skipped the sentence, and then retorted, "I don't want to go to school for now, you don't have the right to ask me to go to school."

"Okay, then you can work as a part-time worker here, I can afford it."

Shi Chen raised his eyes, and asked again, "Then how long will I be your part-time worker?"

Shu Can was a little impatient, he rubbed the wrapping paper of the bread bag and threw it into the trash can, and said casually, "When you don't need it, just be sensible."

22.

Shi Chen has always been like a person who is naturally lacking in emotion, and most of the time he speaks with purpose.Shu Can was annoyed by his calm and indifferent appearance, but also wanted to poke him and humiliate him from time to time.

After dinner, Shu Can wanted to take him to the hospital to have someone look at the wrist. It didn't look like a fracture, but probably a severe sprain.

But in the middle of the walk, Chen asked him a question very unreasonably.

He asked, "When you have sex with Shi Yun, will you also ask him for an enema?"

Shu Can slammed on the brakes. He felt that Shi Chen needed to look after his hands because he felt sick in his head. When Shi Yun died, there might not be many places in his body that were good. He took it to the doctor?

He threw Shi Chen on the road, told him to walk back, and told him, "If I don't see you in the house after get off work, and you don't escape far enough before get off work, then if you are caught..." Shu Can raised her eyebrows, "I promise to save half your life."

23.

While walking back, Shi Chen realized that Shi Yun didn't need it.

Shi Yun is really a fairy-like person, Shi Chen actually didn't believe that the car accident happened on his way to school to find him, everything that happened was too strange.

It is true that he hates Shi Yun, it is true that Shi Yun is gentle like a cloud, and that he and Shi Yun are brothers, that is also true.

But they were not born to the same mother. Ethically, they are not considered to be the same mother.

Shi Yun was born in October of her mother's pregnancy, while Shi Chen was only born by a surrogate woman.When Shi Chen would call his mother, his biological mother was already in her 40s.Shi Yun is seven years older than him. When he was in junior high school, Shi Chen was always bitten on the arm by him, but his mother told him "That's because brother likes you, that's kissing"

Shi Chen doesn't know if his surrogate mother likes fish, but seeing Shi Chen who doesn't like fish, his mother is always unhappy.

In a family, the three of them always want to be closer.

Shi Chen remembered that when Shu Tingan brought Shu Can to the house as a guest, Shu Can stood in the courtyard and said to Shi Yun, "Your brother looks exactly like you did when you were young."

At that time, Shu Tingan and Shi Zhennian were still good friends, as were Shu Can and Shi Yun.Shi Chen was standing behind the door at that time, and when he thought of Shi Yun's appearance when he grew up, he couldn't help but be disappointed. He preferred to look like Shu Can.

Shu Can, who was in high school, was like his name, with a very bright and flamboyant face. His double eyelids were very thin, and he was gentle only when he looked down at his short self. Later, when Shi Chen grew up and went to his bed, When I saw him again, I realized that those eyes were mean.

He is tall, with a tall and straight back, looking like the trunk of a metasequoia tree from a distance.

Shi Chen didn't know if Shi Yun ever cared about his mind and scheming.Shi Yun told him that when he was in love with brother Shu Can, Shi Chen threw a Transformer on his face, and Shi Yun had bloodstains on the top of Shi Yun's eyes. Shi Yun didn't say anything, but almost hit him. The matter about his eyes caused Shi Chen to be beaten up by his mother, and the next day Shi Yun continued to take him to the park with Shu Can, and he was taught a lesson by Shu Can again, and Shu Can seriously slapped him many times His ass, solemnly warned him "don't bully Shi Yun"

At that time, Shi Yun just shaved Shi Chen's face and smiled happily beside him.

Many years later, when Shi Chen got into Shu Can's bed, Shu Can pinched his nose to prevent him from breathing, and casually warned him again "Don't bully Shi Yun", he also smiled happily.

When Shi Yun and Shu Can go on weekly dates, they always love to take him with them. Shi Chen looks at the shadows of them kissing secretly behind him, and listens to what they say that he doesn't understand.

When Shi Yun was admitted to the University of Political Science and Law, they had a serious quarrel. Shu Can stood downstairs and waited for Shi Yun for a long time. When Shi Chen walked up to him, Shu Can stroked his hair and bent over to support him. He gave him a helpless smile on his shoulder, and he said, "You two look alike, don't learn from your brother, okay?"

Shi Chen agreed in his heart, and went to find Shi Yun with the small cake that Shu Can asked him to bring to Shi Yun, but Shi Yun threw it into the trash can in front of him.

It was a Santa Claus made of strawberries and cream sitting on a snowdrift and laughing.

It was Christmas day.

Shi Chen sat at the window to look at Shu Can downstairs who was frozen to death, and squatted next to the trash can to look at the strawberry snowman.For the first time in junior high school, he felt that it would be great if he was Shi Yun.

24.

When Shu Can opened the car door after get off work, she suddenly remembered that Shi Chen probably didn't have the key to get in.He looked at the gloomy and snowy day, thinking that he would catch a cold and give him antipyretics at the worst, while subconsciously stepping on the gas pedal one foot after another.

Shi Chen didn't stand at the door, which made Shu Can feel at ease, but at the same time wanted to be angry. Fortunately, Bai Qingyuan's car was parked on the other side of the door on the downhill road.

It was Bai Qingyuan who opened the door.

When Shu Can saw Bai Qingyuan, she couldn't get angry. Bai Qingyuan was pure and enthusiastic, and followed Shi Chen around with enthusiasm. Shi Chen sat there motionless and watched the cartoons on TV. Bai Qingyuan laughed at himself saying one sentence after another. To cheer him up, he was still peeling apples, he was really afraid that Bai Qingyuan would give it to Shi Chen, but Shi Chen would not accept it.

Shu Can threw the car keys heavily into the glass basin in the entrance, the two of them turned their heads to look over at the same time, Bai Qingyuan called brother, Shi Chen turned back quietly and continued to watch TV.

"Brother, why did you shut Shi Chen out? When did you find Shi Chen? Why didn't you tell me, brother?"

"To shut up"

"elder brother!"

Shu Can took the peeled apple in Bai Qingyuan's hand, his cousin is also a young master, he can't do anything at home, Shi Chen has nothing, why can't Bai Qingyuan take care of him.

Just as he was about to finish his mouth, Bai Qingyuan snatched it away, "You have to cut it yourself, I'll give it to Shi Chen."

"Shichen, you eat."

Unexpectedly, Shi Chen actually took the apple, he took a big bite, Shu Can looked at Bai Qingyuan's silly smile, took a breath, looked at Shi Chen, and said in a deep voice, "Don't eat it."

He picked up an apple and mocked Bai Qingyuan, "Are you his servant? Is he worthy?"

Bai Qingyuan frowned in surprise, "Brother, what are you talking about?"

Shi Chen wiped his mouth, and put down the big apple. The apple was very sweet, and the place where he bit it was a little oxidized. He took a very greedy bite. To be honest, although Shi Chen didn't like apples, he hadn't eaten them for a long, long time. fruit.

"Know what you should do?"

Shu Can threw the apple on Shi Chen's body, Shi Chen caught it, he chewed the apple in his mouth, the piece of fruit made a thin bulge on his cheek, he swallowed it whole, picked up the knife to peel the apple .

Bai Qingyuan quickly picked it up, "Don't, don't, don't cut it. Brother, what are you doing!"

"Get out for me!!"