living guilt

33

There was a moment of silence.

Shi Chen huddled sideways beside the sofa and didn't move. Just as Shu Can was about to walk over, he heard Shi Chen cough softly. The cough didn't end, and it stopped halfway through. Shu Can was irritated for no reason. His eyes were fixed on the man who was curled up on the ground, his five fingers were gathered into a fist, and when he gradually felt the pain in the kicking man's foot, Shi Chen suddenly sat up, supported the sofa and stood up.

He couldn't walk in a straight line, so he stretched out his hand to grab the sofa and let it go. After walking a few steps, his open hand hovered over the sofa, following his walking posture, as if he wanted to help him at any time.

"hour.."

Shi Chen lowered his body and coughed like a cat caught in a fishbone, and with his half-turned face, he could see the tragedy that was about to end.

The corners of his eyes were all swollen, and half of his face was flushed, which made Shu Can feel unspeakably uncomfortable.

Shi Chen finished walking the sofa, put his hands down by his sides, and said in a hoarse voice, "It's okay, don't feel guilty for me too. I should... deserve it."

He wanted to go to the room, Shu Can had the urge to help him in his mind, but he just stood there, feeling his aching toes, watched Shi Chen enter the room, and then gently closed the door. the door.

34

Shi Chen walked back to the bedroom and stood in front of the mirror.

He can't see very clearly, half of it is short-sighted, and half of it is because he was beaten.He knew that no matter how much pain he had now, or how badly he was beaten, it should not compare to what he felt at the moment of Shi Yun's car accident. Shi Yun died in an accident, and Shi Chen should die in Ling Chi.

After Shi Yun died, Shi Chen would often stand in front of the mirror.He never admits that he will miss Shi Yun, Shu Can misses enough, Shi Yun doesn't need him.

He stretched his hand to the front of the mirror, it was a face with no sense of beauty, Shi Chen couldn't shed tears, so when he looked at the eyes in the mirror that looked like they had grown up for many years and could shed tears, he felt warmth, he murmured

"Shi Yun, Shi Yun, did I pay you back some?"

35.

Shu Can picked up the small hairpin that Shi Chen didn't finish in time, and two photos.He wiped off any dust on it, and slowly realized that it was his eyes that were blurry.

He was so surprised, how could he want to cry.

When Shu Can opened the refrigerator, she found that the refrigerator had been tidied up very clean.There was a row of freshly dated bread, probably because he said that Shi Chen was too edible, so Shi Chen only ate one or two slices that were very inconspicuous.

Neat milk was untouched and the fridge was really clean.

It was like a balloon with insufficient air pressure was placed in the chest cavity, and there was a heavy object pressing down from top to bottom. Every time Shu Can pressed, she felt her heartbeat was heavy and stuffy.

He washed the rice, added some yellow millet and glutinous rice, and put it in the rice cooker to cook porridge.Because the inner pot of the rice cooker is not cleaned, there is always a rattling noise inside.

He was strongly disturbed by the sound.

When he finished cooking the porridge, it was already dark, Shu Can thought that she didn't need to apologize to Shi Chen, and at the same time felt that she should ask him to come out for dinner.

He didn't allow Shi Chen to lock any doors without permission, Shi Chen didn't turn on the lights, when the house was designed, it was originally set as a nanny's room, and whenever there was a movement, the night lights would automatically turn on, Shi Chen's face was facing the direction of the door Lying on his side, he had no intention of waking up when Shu Can entered. He said that Shi Chen lacked human emotion, and being too calm was indifference, but this did not affect his picturesque brows with his eyes closed.

The night light went on and off, and on and off.

Shu Can called him twice, but Shi Chen didn't wake up, he stretched out his hand under the quilt, and peeled off the quilt, revealing Shi Chen with one arm on his shoulder and the other around himself.Shu Can wanted to see his kicked stomach, and when she moved his wrist away, Shi Chen whined softly.What Shu Can was holding was Shi Chen's imperfect wrist, which was still crooked.

He endured the unknown emotion, and opened his T-shirt, revealing his thin belly.

Just looking at it like this, Shu Can's heart sank, he rubbed his thumb carefully on the bruised and slightly swollen place, Shi Chen shrank his body, and said something vaguely.

Shu Can lightly pressed down there with her palm, called him twice again, and Shi Chen opened her eyes.

"Does it hurt? Sit up."

Shu Can held his hand to let him borrow strength, and observed his expression. When Shi Chen sat up, his expression paused, and then his Adam's apple rolled continuously. Shu Can frowned tightly, and pinched his cheeks.While saying "don't swallow", he quickly put Shi Chen on his body and dressed him.

36

Shi Chen wanted to speak, but there was nothing left to say.

Shu Can grabbed him to get off the bed, but as soon as he stood up straight, blood started to flow from his nose, and at the same time, Shi Chen also felt that what he choked was also blood.

Shu Can had never hugged him before, and since Shi Chen grew up, he never remembered Shu Can's gentle appearance with shallow double eyelids. Before, so violated.

When Shi Chen was half-embraced, his eyes could be opened, he could move, his consciousness was clear, and he could even walk, but his mouth and nose would bleed, and the frequency of eye blinking was slowing down.

Shu Can's ability to keep calm at this time is a conditioned reflex of being a doctor, but when he was holding Shi Chen, his mouth was trembling. "Don't...don't move...I called and I'm taking you to the hospital now."

"It will hurt a little bit, just bear with it."

Shi Chen tensed his whole body between his arms, his legs wanted to curl up towards the center of his body, but Shu Can didn't dare to move him, and didn't dare to let him sit in the back seat.

"I..."

"It's okay, don't talk, nothing will happen, don't worry."

Shi Chen's eyes were red, and his pale face was full of sweat. He wanted to cover his stomach, but Shu Can pressed his hand behind him. Shu Can asked him to lie flat and keep him concave, and fastened his seat belt. But when Shi Chen moved a little, the seat belt was stained red.

Shi Chen didn't dare to take a deep breath, frowned and kept trying to open his eyes. Shu Can knew that he was approaching shock, but kept struggling.Just when he successfully started the car, he heard Shi Chen say a whole but complete sentence.

Shi Chen was saying that he would not go to the affiliated hospital.

"Don't go..."

"Do not.."

Shu Can's upper and lower rows of teeth clenched together tightly for a moment, and her whole body was tense until he said "OK" in response.

It was only when Shi Chen calmed down that Shu Can squeezed his hand tightly and then gradually loosened it. The balloon squeezed by gravity in his chest finally exploded the moment he entered shock. Shu Can's nasal cavity sensed Not getting any air, he opened his mouth slightly and breathed continuously. He was stuck on the steering wheel, trying to catch the oncoming ambulance as soon as possible.

37.

"Where is the blood, is the blood ready?"

"Ready."

"The tenderness is obvious, the abdominal muscles are highly tense, and the internal bleeding is overflowing. There is no need for abdominal puncture. It is highly suspected that the rupture of the liver and spleen does not rule out the accompanying damage to other organs. The blood test does not wait for the results. Immediately enter the operating room. The department is not complete now. I will go to the operating room greet."

"But..."

"Is the operating room arranged? Who is in the emergency room today? Is the director here?"

"The director is not here, Dr. Shu..."

"Tell Dr. Chen to come on, you...you go in and watch too."

"Shu..." Shu Can pressed his still clean left hand heavily on Wu Min's shoulder, his eyes lost focus, only those silhouettes were left staring at Wu Min, he gritted his teeth and said, "Try... try as much as possible." Don't cut it all.."

Wu Min nodded, he frowned, and asked again, "Doctor Shu, aren't you going in?"

"No"

Shu Can didn't call 122, but at the same time she called the hospital's ambulance, she also called Wu Min to have her blood checked and prepared at the hospital.

Wu Min waited at the door for Shu Can, who was also half covered in blood. He took it for granted that Shu Can would be the surgeon, but Shu Can refused.

The nurse poured a cup of hot water for Dr. Shu, who was slumped on the chair, and Shu Can subconsciously took it and put it on his lips. What he drank was bloody.

He put the water aside, and the nurse he was familiar with sent him wet wipes to wipe the blood on his hands. Shu Can sat at the door of the operating room, repeatedly placed the stack of wet wipes on his lap, and folded them again and again. The rectangle was smoothed out little by little, repeated many times, and he looked at the operating room again.

He couldn't get on the operating table.

His hands were shaking.

If it wasn't for cooking a bowl of porridge, if it wasn't for that bowl of porridge, Shi Chen would have died in that room, and when he opened his door tomorrow morning, Shi Chen would never have opened his eyes again.

Will it be too late, yes, it will never appear again like Shi Yun, or like Shi Chen said, maybe even this face will never be seen again.

He hated Shichen, hated Shichen like he hated himself.

Shi Chen is too similar to him, their greed for each other, their betrayal of morality.

So what Shi Chen said was right, Shi Chen was right and naked, Shu Can was in pain and it was inevitable.

He hated Shi Chen's frankness so much, he wanted to humiliate him and torture him, but he didn't want to...

Even though he knew that his spleen had ruptured, he dealt with it in a timely manner, and he also knew that as long as he was in time, his life would not be endangered, but it happened right before his eyes, and it happened to Shi Chen. Shu Can felt uncomfortable with the feeling of killing with his own hands.

It was also impossible for him to agree to Shichen to let him go to the central courtyard, subconsciously he didn't want to, couldn't, disagreed.

He didn't want to hand Shi Chen over to that place, not at all.

38

Half an hour later, Wu Min sent a nurse out to explain the situation, and Shu Can had already relaxed.

Before the end, he changed his body and went in to watch them finish.

A colleague made a [-]-centimeter incision on the familiar skin, and the routine couldn't be more routine.Shu Can herself has stretched her hands through this kind of incision countless times to scoop up the patient's internal organs and six lungs, but as soon as she thinks that it is Shi Chen under the cloth, the knives and scissors will toss his internal organs through this incision, Shu Can still has difficulty. Explanation was suffocating and short of breath.

"The problem is not serious. The spleen is ruptured, and the liver is in good condition. The blood pressure is recovering. The patient may be thin. The spleen is not deep. The reason for the excessive bleeding is also related to the damage of nearby veins. Dr. Shu does not need it." Too worried."

Dr. Chen is already finishing the work. It should be Wu Min's stitches to close the abdominal cavity. Wu Min also did this work with Shu Can, but this time Shu Can came over and said, "Let me do it."

Wu Min knew that he probably wanted to check the situation, so he immediately stepped aside and subconsciously glanced at Dr. Chen. Dr. Chen smiled and didn't mind, and even joked with Xiao Wu

"It seems that Dr. Shu is an important person, then you should quickly arrange an intensive care unit and observe the active bleeding. I guess he needs to be supplemented with heparin later."

Wu Min nodded repeatedly.

The level and speed of Shu Can's sutures are not comparable to Wu Min's level. He is silent and serious, and none of the relaxed nurses around dare to speak.

39.

Shi Chen's two hands were neatly placed on both sides of his body, and his wrists were still a little crooked. He was far beyond Shu Can's estimated time to wake up. Leaving the hospital, went directly to the office to change clothes and go to work.

But no matter how much he diverted his attention, he found it difficult to settle down to work.

He postponed the surgery in the afternoon, and Wu Min was opening the door to deliver the report at this time. He turned around and looked at the computer, but he didn't notice Wu Min's hesitation.

"Doctor Shu, this Shi Chen..."

"He's awake?"

Wu Min shook his head, he had just been to the hematology department, and he also remembered the familiar patient Shu Can told him.

He wondered, "Doctor Shu, Shi Chen's blood test report...is not very good."

Shu Can didn't hear the difference at first, thinking it was mostly anemia, he took out the report form from Wu Min's hand, just the blood test form, there was a whole vertical row of inverted triangles, no need to be a doctor, everyone felt abnormal .

Shu Can lowered her head and continued to flip, Wu Min said softly, "I just went to the hematology department, and the old king of blood is here. He read the report and asked you to call him when you have time..."

"I see, you go out first."

40.

Shi Chen never woke up. After 14 hours of anesthesia, the director of the oncology department also came and told Shu Can that it was basically certain that Shi Chen was indeed lethargic, close to a coma, or a type of disturbance of consciousness.

"Even if he wakes up now, he will fall asleep soon."

Shu Can had to take a step back and leaned against the wall.

The oncology department has become commonplace. People who work in the hospital are considered insiders. For this situation, words of comfort to each other are too polite and false, and it doesn't even make sense to lie to each other.

Shi Chen just fell asleep, was hooked up to water, connected to oxygen, sent to MRI, injected with enhancer, and had brain CT scan. He just closed his eyes and asked for whatever he wanted.

Shu Can felt that his soul was not in his body, maybe in a corner, not far away, looking at him indifferently and calmly.

The incision on his body from the ruptured spleen was still fresh, and another imaging report on a highly suspected intracranial lymphoma had been sent to him.

On this day, Shu Can sat on the low parapet wall of the hospital building and smoked.

Shu Can blew out the smoke rings from his mouth, watching them jump down the stairs, he wanted to jump down too.